Saturday, November 21, 2009

HCwDB on Second Life


This is a real image from “Second Life,” in which douches can now create tatted up, uber-pumped online alter-egos.

With bling. And Douchebaguette on arm. And underwear poke. And six pound watch.

I suppose when the human body emulates the hyper-spectacle of the brand-name billboard, it’s only a matter of time before the avatars follow.

A virtual echo of a corporeal echo of a virtual spectacle.

# posted by douchebag1
11:51 pm November, 21 Douche Unto Others said...

…and suddenly cyberterrorism makes COMPLETE sense.

11:52 pm November, 21 skid said...

First!!!

11:55 pm November, 21 skid said...

I mean second.
Drats. Foiled again.

11:55 pm November, 21 Mahatma Gandouche said...

When douche invades not only a scrotes first life but his "Second Life" all is lost.
Xenu weeps……..

11:57 pm November, 21 skid said...

Second life. When your real life has no meaning.

12:24 am November, 22 El Caganer said...

This game helps them practice new douche innovations in the safety of their own trailer.

12:28 am November, 22 El Caganer said...

I think I will buy it and go on a virtual douche rampage.

12:28 am November, 22 Wheezer said...

I'd 1080p in her butt.

12:30 am November, 22 creature said...

do their avatars have roid shriveled balls too?

12:32 am November, 22 Wheezer said...

I await new douchey rebuttals:

"SEE? U H8RZ GOT NOOOOO LIFES N I GOT 2 NOW HAHAHA LOL OMG MAYBE U SHULD GET OUTA DA BASEMENT AN GET JACKED LIKE BOTH ME'S LOLOL"

12:35 am November, 22 Wheezer said...

Sorry, that should read:

"C U H8RZ….."

Stupid punctuation and full words.

12:36 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

It looks really cool. I can't wait to play it.

12:40 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

Does anyone have the cheat codes yet?

12:48 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

There are several books on Amazon.

12:52 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

Second Life for Dummies helped me the most. I enjoy the game now more than ever.

12:53 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

C NERDZ DIS PROOF U IN UR MOMS BASEMENT TRYIN B LIKE US IN VIRTUAL REALITY

1:07 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

All of my online friends enjoy this game.

1:08 am November, 22 pv1 said...

Skank in the middle is a professional carpet-chewer…

1:09 am November, 22 pv1 said...

Avatar is going to be a lame, lame movie…

1:11 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

The left douches bling looks like its a virtual iphone

1:14 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

Avatar is going to be so cool. James Cameron is directing it. All of his movies a cool, like Titanic.

1:21 am November, 22 Bob said...

Although the horror of this kind of spectacle appearing in Second Life is painful to behold, it does lend furtherance to a dream of mine.

A First Person Shooter video game, that I'm sure you'd all play.

"Douchebag Hunter".

Think about it.

1:21 am November, 22 Wedgie said...

Let me see if I understand this. You pay real money to create a virtual you so you can then go to the virtual club and pay for a virtual drink. And then pretend to get laid by a virtual babe who is really the avatar of a middle aged fat guy from Indiana?

Is that it?

1:26 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

My Mom says she needs the computer now. So I have to go. Chatting about second life is almost as fun as playing it. Try it guys.

1:54 am November, 22 Hector, Tamer of Douches said...

@Wheezer

I do believe I ruptured my spleen laughing.

2:55 am November, 22 DarkSock said...

"1080P in her butt" FTW…

Are there horses in Second Life?

Just askin…

3:05 am November, 22 Mr. White said...

Sadly, douches don't realize that two times zero is still zero.

3:32 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

To: Bob
Re: Douchebag Hunter
I like it.

4:07 am November, 22 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

This may not be illegal, but it is toally BOGUS. 🙁

4:23 am November, 22 Troy Tempest said...

MR White wrote:

Sadly, douches don't realize that two times zero is still zero.

but if douches are less than nothing (an actual suck and drain on the universe), then that makes them a negative, and a negative times a positive is a negative, so a negative times zero makes it negative zero, which is less than nothing.

I think.

4:28 am November, 22 Curt said...

so are tattoos trendy now?

4:30 am November, 22 Captain Bringdown said...

Someone please tell me that this is a leaked still from Manhunt 3. 'Cause I've got a plastic bag and I ain't afraid to use it.

5:20 am November, 22 Douche Bagelo said...

Cyber-douche…..a sign of the apocalypse!!

6:40 am November, 22 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Fantastic. Now if they'd live out their lives only in that environment we'd all be happy.

7:04 am November, 22 Anonymous said...

I've always wondered when Second Life would get a mention on here.

'Baggery is practically the default "look" in SL, and I don't think it's necessarily RL (real-life) douchebags who are creating these abominations.

I've got two avatars on Second Life, one male and one female, and it is VERY difficult to find clothes that don't make them look like a thug or a slut, respectively. Part of the problem is a technical one — most of the clothes are quite literally "painted on." But most of it is just plain old bad taste on the designers' part.

7:16 am November, 22 Anonne Huntress said...

The overly tatted douchebag/uette look is the style on Second Life. Clothing makers would make normal clothes if there was demand for it, but it seems that most people want to be virtual sluts and douchebags. "Ugly is the new pretty," indeed.

In most cases, if a guy doesn't look like a thug, he's so metro that you have to question his sexual orientation. It is sad, but some of the nicest guys I know in there wear skins with guyliner.

Guess there's a little douche in all of us.

8:49 am November, 22 Steve L. said...

those of us from the 4chan online subculture saw this coming 10 light years away when the IMVU browser ads started popping up.

and back then, Kill Bill motifs were popular in IMVU ads. just for daring to use the Kill Bill movies in such despicable ways, the owner(s) and staff of IMVU should spend an eternity bathing in molten tungsten.

12:41 pm November, 22 scrotum pole said...

My second life personality is "Tina," a fourteen year old schoolgirl who likes Miley Cyrus, Unicorns and texting constantly to my BFF Amber.

Or, is that my first life?

1:40 pm November, 22 Hermanos Rodriguez said...

Clearly a work of Satan. If you take a look at the douchebag on the far left, there is clearly an upside down cross on his chest. Hermanos Rodriguez do not approve of Satan.

3:57 pm November, 22 General Yiyuan said...

As a user of this game, I can tell you these puds are rampant, crawling over the land like so many spider crabs.

I and my comrades have made it our personal duty to destroy them, emotionally and physically, whenever they approach us.

5:03 pm November, 22 SpineChowder said...

Wait…..this isn't another photo of the Canted Angle post below?

I'm going into the other room to set my cockk on fyre after I'm done slamming it shut 52 tymes in my laptop jagr; jewf jFE J FADS JFSDAPF AKJFSE IOJ[ JOADSFJO ADSFS LKM;A JIOA[ OIA[O AG[ GAO[ OMASF[ OMGF[MO ADSG FSDA[M [GD[ FSDMAP ;

6:05 pm November, 22 DarkSock said...

I would buy a copy of Second Life if there were the option to roam the world as Halo's Master Chief with a fully loaded battle rifle.

THAT'S entertainment…

8:14 pm November, 22 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Wheezer 4:35–BWAAAHAHAHAAAAAAA

@ Capt BD 8:30–You read my mind.

Although the one on the far left is a little hairy for a DB, eh? Maybe he's an agent. Either way, I'm amazed that we're all told to "get a life" by people who play these sorts of games. Hm. Apparently game programming geeks have been infected as well, as this is the only choice of appearance for your character? No Star Trek uniforms? Feh. I want no part of it.

9:29 pm November, 22 Scroteophobic said...

@Darksock
You mean the option of flashmobbing someone as the leader of a group of flying penises doesn't do it for you?
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/20/sadville_flyers/

You know I think that being attacked by an excitable swarm of jelly dongs might almost be as effective as that battle rifle for dealing with your average 'bag. And if not then we just need to wait until they get those full body sensation suits on the market. "Oh god it is in my ear!"

12:10 am November, 23 Baron Von Goolo said...

I'm not familiar with Second Life. Is it anything like Grand Theft Autoerotic Asphyxiation?

12:11 am November, 23 Baron Von Goolo said...

or is it more like Call of Doody?

12:26 am November, 23 Wheezer said...

"Fail-o"

12:55 am November, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So lemme guess from L to R:

47 year old Burger King Manager with 3 kids, a Yugo, and an upside down mortgage.

38 year old mother of 4, works at Staples fucking up the printing department, drives an '83 Chevy Caprice Classic, weighs 305 lbs.

14 year old boy who is questioning his sexual identity, prefers to be called Kayla around the house, has Pocket Rocket under "his" pillow.

Chris Hansen

Smoot (wants to know how to get douchier)

I don't need real money to figure out how to make a denial of service attack against the server.

1:15 am November, 23 Captain Bringdown said...

@medusa

No trek uniforms in second life, but I'm sure all of us would chip in to buy you one of these.

Provided you send pics, natch.

3:39 am November, 23 DarkSock said...

@ Scroteophobic

I'm in

1:07 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

In the techno world of Simms the 'Douchebag-Hott' comingaling is alive and well but with a startling devolopement. It would appear that the nauseating taint of 'Douche Tatt' is crossing the gender divide.
Two choad wanks of scrotal proportions balze the way in cyber-douche, the stench of Axe and the ooze of gel seep from my humble note book.
Three 'Semi Hotts' miss the boat completely with their assortment of tatts and toolbag beltbuckels..attaining the dubious accolade of Cyber Douche Ho's. An unfortunate tag but nessessary if we are to prevent such train wrecks from making it to our reality.

Regards,
Douche Pitt

2:50 pm November, 23 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Overheard at a local coffee vendor, "I'm not a douchebag. I just play one on Second Life!"

3:13 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

Anybody find it funny that dbs shave there whole bodies in real life but have very hairy chest in second life??? weird…

6:59 pm November, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Capt BD 5:15

BRING IT.

1:28 am November, 24 Chimpy said...

Hate to break it to everyone, but you could also Create-A-Douche(tm) in Saints Row 2, accessorize said douche with bling and whatnot, and throw a gang sign for good measure. Although, considering that your character is supposed to be an actual gang member, and not a suburban choadwank w/ tattoos, that might create a NotADouche vote by default…….

5:39 am November, 24 Whoop-di-douche said...

Reminds me of an old LP I had back in college, Second Wind for Organ (pipe organ).

Therein lies your cheat sheet.

Leave a Reply

What is 8 + 15 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)