Thursday, November 19, 2009

Nipsy Hussle


I chalk this up as a variant of the game young children play.

The “I’ll show you yours, then you show me mine, then I’ll shoot 20 CCs of Andro into my eyeballs and beat up a couch.”

That’s what they call it in the schoolyards now, right?

# posted by douchebag1
11:59 pm November, 19 anotha muthafukcka said...

FIRST!!!

12:04 am November, 20 Horace Dangleballs said...

Big ugly hats.

Wristdannas.

Large breasts.

Incestual fraternal twins?

12:06 am November, 20 eltango said...

thats cookies and toast.

12:09 am November, 20 Mr. White said...

I'd beat up her couch.

I mean, I wouldn't want to take her anyplace nicer than, say, Dunkin' Donuts, but if we're just talking couch fights…

12:14 am November, 20 EdHardy Boy said...

Red Tony!!!!!

12:19 am November, 20 Steve L. said...

is it too late to add another entry to the roster of douchiest maneuvers in the Douchies?

yes. yes it is. it has to be.

12:26 am November, 20 Anonymous said...

Was thinking it was Red Tony as well

Lurker C

12:29 am November, 20 Wedgie said...

Dude's moobs are almost as large as her boobies. Red Tony gets around. Must be a few days later, after the peeling stopped. Where is that other wristband?

What a tool. Or like they say in Texas, what a tool.

12:29 am November, 20 Anonymous said...

Woody Harrelson?

12:29 am November, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Woody Harrelson's been working out.

12:31 am November, 20 End the Haberdouchery said...

Looks more like Tighty Armani, probably not though. You need to broaden your douche horizons newbies.

I like the backwards sunglasses perch by dude in the back.

12:36 am November, 20 Bob said...

Keee-rist, lookit them boobs! Is it possible to both loathe him for being an unevolved scrote-stain for doing that, yet equally as grateful he did that and thereby giving us an even better view of the Globes Of Wonderfulness?

12:39 am November, 20 Dicy said...

Lolwut?

12:46 am November, 20 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Reason #43 why I don't live in Texas.

12:54 am November, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Ahem.

With apologies to the perennial People's Choice winner for Best Country Duo or Group, Brooks and Dunn, I present to you

"Throat Scrotin' Boogie"

Gargled to the tune of "Boot Scootin' Boogie", off the aptly title album "Brand New Man"

Out in New Jersey past the city limits sign
Well there's a stripper club near the welfare line
The joint starts jumpin everynight when the dudes go down
They got Grey Goose, Axe Spray, Tattoos & Bleeth
It's where all the Guidos go to do the throat scrotin’ boogie

Yeah, bend low, grab my toes come on buddy let's go throat scrotin’
Oh, gobble my ball sack, baby take me in the ass we're gonna boogie
Oh get down, turn around go to town throat scrotin’ boogie

The bartender asks me says son what'll it be
I want a shot at that Groin Shave yonder lookin' at me
The abb reveal’s happ’nen & I’m hopin’ for a shot in the eye
I see Fishslap, Donky douche, Smoot & Cheez, all down on their knees
Doin' the throat scrotin’ boogie

Oh, fast, slow, I’m gonna blow come on buddy let's go throat scrotin’
Pee in my butt crack, I’ll fill your mouth up with my ‘jack we're gonna boogie
Yeah, get down, turn around go to town throat scrotin’ boogie

1:00 am November, 20 pv1 said...

What the fuck is up with the boobie poke? If i were to try that i would get slapped multiple times…

Yeah, I'm jealous. Bite me.

1:03 am November, 20 pv1 said...

Is that a medal hanging around his neck? What did he win? Best Rack at the State Fair?

1:37 am November, 20 Vin Douchal said...

@ Mr S Head 4:54

* wipes tear *

That was beyootiful.

1:40 am November, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Red Tony's just getting ready for Thanksgiving.

Last time he poked the little plastic indicator to see if the turkey was done. This time he's seeing if the breasts are browning up nicely.

1:44 am November, 20 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

She looks smart.

So does he.

Quite the intellectual pair I'm sure.

1:53 am November, 20 scrotum pole said...

Those breasts did brown up quite nicely.

I'd like to stuff her giblets with my turkey baster.

1:53 am November, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@SSS^

Given the size of her frontal lobes I'd say she's right up there with Edison.

Not quite Einstein, but then what set of juggs would be?

2:14 am November, 20 Anonymous said...

this guy's from calgary, most likely during the stampede, gives an excuse for wrist-mandanas and cowboy hats that produce some serious scrote

2:41 am November, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Oh my god. EdHardy Boy, Lurker C, and Vin Douchal are right. It is Red Tony. I note identical markings on the upper left deltoid. Not many people go to every day of a county fair. Props to you you cowboy loving douche.

With that in mind, apologies to the greatest country singer of the past fifty years and permanent Nottadouche, Willie Nelson, I give you

My Heroes have always been Douchebags

I grew up a-dreamin' of bein' a douchebag,
Lovin' the douchebag ways.
Pursuin' the life of my unemployed heroes,
I followed their Brokeback ways.
I learned all the rules from E-blo and Poopa,
Don't you hold on to paychecks too long.
Just take what you need from the bleeths, then leave them,
With crabs, and a warm jelly dong.
My heroes have always been douchebags.
And they still are, today.
Tatted, and sun tanned, in Ed Hardy t-shirts,
With nuts, that have withered away.

Douchebags are porch meat with their own brand of VD,
From teabagging bros too long.
You could die from the shock of a meth induced nightmare,
Knowin' well your job prospects are gone.
Pickin' up trannies instead of hot chicks
I let my dick do the talking each day.
An Old worn-out asshole, an 'old worn-out mammaries,
But seriously, don’t call me gay.

My heroes have always been douchebags.
And they still are, it’s true.
Axe Spray, and steroids, bleach blondes with fake tits,
So why do you all think I’m poo?

2:44 am November, 20 Mr. White said...

@Mr. S. Head

You had me at "gobble my ball sack."

3:01 am November, 20 Anonymous said...

Haha That's Will Pope. Seriously. He's been in 4 in the past 2 days

3:06 am November, 20 Anonymous said...

Jennifer Tilly?

3:16 am November, 20 Anonymous said...

red tony sure makes his way around the country. his devil pointing tatties and double deuce arm bands are getting all the ladies attention.
what a douche bag lobster

4:03 am November, 20 ehcuodouche said...

this douche has a pumpy-esque quality.

i miss pumpy.

this guy is a total douche.

boobies!

4:10 am November, 20 DarkSock said...

Scrotato Head:

You had me at "…crabs and a warm jelly dong"

5:07 am November, 20 El Caganer said...

boobies and boob

5:33 am November, 20 Captain Obvious said...

Shitkickerbags…

6:00 am November, 20 El Caganer said...

Save a horse, ride a douchebag?

6:02 am November, 20 El Caganer said...

I'd do the electric slide with her.

6:06 am November, 20 DarkSock said...

I had a secretary once, big Sasquatch 6' lady, that divorced her husband because he came home piss drunk (from the same bar they filmed the arrest scene of "A Time To Kill" at) and for reasons known unto only him he proceeded to wrestle and smash the shit out of their washer and dryer. That's 2 on 1 odds, but he still won. Tossed the dryer out of the trailer's back door into the yard and ripped the washer hookups out of the wall, flooding the floors.

But he KNEW better than to fuck with the couch. The ottoman has the couch's back. You don't fuck with Lämp, either.

Fridge? Big pussy.

6:35 am November, 20 Vin Douchal said...

I can has sunburn ?

7:15 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

I love Lämp.

7:18 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

@DB1:

Do you haf to have so many damn categories for The Douchies? I mean damn brother!

It's 11:15pm here in smoggy LA, and I'm only haf way der. Good thing I'm allthe way thur on that thur bottle o' mescalll. Hope I gets the rest done befur the highkue tomorrow morning.

Lämp.

7:21 am November, 20 massengill said...

Lämp is going in the books as "Rookie of the Year 2009" in the Douchies.

8:56 am November, 20 Marmadouche said...

Nipsy Hussle likes playing wit his latest squeaky toy, the Li'l Bitch.

9:18 am November, 20 DarkSock said...

I'm amazed that Baron Von Goolo spared the time to drop by and comment; after all, midnight today was the premeire of the "Twighlight" sequel "New Moon".*

* as well as the porn parody premeire of "New Poon", sequel to "Thighlick"

9:21 am November, 20 DarkSock said...

And the scat porn premeire of "Poo Moon", sequel to Thigh-Shite".

9:35 am November, 20 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Not to mention "Anal Platoon," sequal to "Tight Slit."

9:36 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

And, Interview with a Pap Smear.

9:37 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

Yes, I am still awake.

9:38 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

Do not forget: No Farts Fer U: Phantom der Nut.

9:39 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

Broom Stroker's Dracula

9:40 am November, 20 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

And "Dragula: House of Humping"

A classic.

9:40 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

Fellate: Ten titty

9:42 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

Bold Hand, Mound of Dracula

9:42 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

Love at First Shite

9:43 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

The Monster Squat

9:44 am November, 20 Crucial Head said...

Van Smell Sheeit

1:23 pm November, 20 Anonymous said...

Lobster Lou dominated the night life at the 'Under Sea' Bar and Grill. With reckless abandon he clawed at Brunette Hott.
Clutching what dignity she had left, Lezley felt for her leg holstered mase spray as only the strongest deterent would quench the uber choad sexual advances of crabs infested Lobster Lou.

Regards,
Douche Pitt

4:02 pm November, 20 Rumple4Skin said...

R.T. says "Smell my finger, sis"!

4:03 pm November, 20 Anonymous said...

Something about trucker-hat-wearing bleeths just makes a brother wanna slap a broad…

-Bagnonymous

4:06 pm November, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Douche, if you're trying to show us her nips, UR DOIN IT WRONG.

EPIC FAIL.

4:07 pm November, 20 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Shades of Mooby Dick….

I hope these two are really in an actual honky-tonk (thinking it would be fun to go slumming) and bought the hats to wear as part of the experience.

If so, there may be justice in the world as I'm sure his ass was kicked properly before the end of the night.

5:12 pm November, 20 massengill said...

@ Darksock 1:18 & 1:21

An associative thought: There is some website that rates nude scenes in movies (Mr. Skins?) and, in its review of the nude scene in An American Werewolf in London, states that he "howled at the poon."

5:30 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

Don't we all, Massy. Don't we all.

Even Woodie Harrelson here, pictured in mid-howl at Lucinda William's shriveled porch beef.

5:32 pm November, 20 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

"Jasper, The Friendly Male Nurse" for the kids of course.

5:35 pm November, 20 Tony Ventresca said...

ehcuodouche at 8:03…

I miss Pumpy too, party because he was simply the largest human being on the planet.

5:47 pm November, 20 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Cookiemonster out for a night on the town.

COOOOKEEEEEE!

6:21 pm November, 20 Bensonhurst Bleeth said...

That bleeth is making me vomit with the side-hat waxed-eyebrow. I can't get past it.

8:28 pm November, 20 bourbon bill said...

Her boobies are much better douchebag.

1:02 am November, 21 Douche Bagelo said...

Looks like he's swilling her breast milk.
………or a load of protein shake.

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