Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Pootiny on the Bounty


I’m convinced that, in many of the rural regions of this country, owning a small boat on a lake is like owning a Lamborghini in Miami.

It is vehicular douchosity.

Then again, so are lame Chinese body tatts that order “Beef with Broccoli” in Mandarin while making the “Rocker Horns,” all while the secretarial pool from Initech take the weekend off.

And yes, that’s an Ed Hardy bikini on Shawna on the left.

Or, as I like to think of it, the modern equivalent of Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

# posted by douchebag1
9:29 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Sheesh…

I'm speechless.

9:29 pm November, 17 Wheezer said...

All of them have empty hands.

9:30 pm November, 17 Sad Party Karaoke Robot said...

What's this a fucking cottage cheese convention?

9:32 pm November, 17 End the Haberdouchery said...

I need a ten foot length of rope. One end will be tied to his tongue. The other end will be tied to a cinder block to be tossed over the side.

I'm not going to hate on the girl with cellulite, I can't get rid of mine either. I, however, don't wear bikini bottoms (in public).

9:33 pm November, 17 The Donger said...

I think we have discovered a new variety of scrote – I shall call it the "Gut Bag". When you have the biggest tits in the picture, no amount of tats are going to cover that up, buddy.

9:38 pm November, 17 Wheezer said...

"Or, as I like to think of it, the modern equivalent of 'Abandon hope, all ye who enter here'."

Which explains why her crotch kills…..

9:38 pm November, 17 E-blos last thought said...

I bet all three of them have the distinct scent of motor oil and cottage cheese.

9:38 pm November, 17 boatbutter said...

Left Hott has some creative pube trimming going on there.

9:39 pm November, 17 Bag A said...

THUNDER!

9:43 pm November, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Is the chum ready for our shark hunt?

Aiy, Captain, they are posing for their last photo ever now…

9:44 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Bleeth out southern hotts. And yeah, bleeth on right has some cottage cheese, but I'd hit it. And you know you would to you lying bastards.

9:47 pm November, 17 Horace Dangleballs said...

Nice jammie pants, you friggin' doofus.

DB1, I would suggest that anyone entering Shawna's toxic waste dump of a vadge has already abandoned all hope. She looks like she's been ridden more times than Disney World's "Pirates of the Caribbean."

9:48 pm November, 17 End the Haberdouchery said...

Randy was out to celebrate after his sentencing was carried out and his debt to society was paid.

He doesn't mind the chemical castration so much, it just kills him that he can't come within 500 feet of a school, church, public park, or alpaca ranch.

9:49 pm November, 17 Merle Baggard said...

I think they are cute and would be happy to let them simultaneously hold hands and my schlong. And by happy, I mean enjoying or showing or marked by joy or pleasure

9:51 pm November, 17 Scooby Douche said...

Nottadouche. Gangsta wannabe.

Two ugly ass skanks. Wouldn't even watch them doin' each other.

There is no socially redeemable value in this photo. I believe that is the United States Supreme Court definition of obsenity, which be regulated and even outlawed.

And so where is Congress when we need them?

9:51 pm November, 17 Wedgie said...

Who says America is not still the leader of the free world? I have great hopes for our future.

9:54 pm November, 17 Sad Party Karaoke Robot said...

He reminds me of a rural Droopy McScrote.

9:56 pm November, 17 Steve L. said...

a few months later, Sarah and Fiona would get fired from their secretarial positions over an email exchange over who has more Ed Hardy bikinis in their closets.

and when that happens, they will track down Brian and open up a can of porch beef on him.

whoa. now that i'm reminded of the fact that porch beef can come in cans, i think that both Sarah and Fiona's boobs are made of porch beef implants. disgusting.

9:58 pm November, 17 scrotum pole said...

I'd have some genuine concerns performing cunnilingus on anything labled "ill".

10:10 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

These "hotts" are unfit to sniff the lens cleaner wipe at the bottom of boobie librarian hott's bathroom trash can.

10:13 pm November, 17 Crucial Head said...

Bud Gaugh saw a proportional decrease in the caliber of hotts he scored as the years dogpiled upon Bradely Nowell's untimely death.

10:13 pm November, 17 Scooby Douche said...

Can we all get back to staring at Librarian Hott's tits?

And who is going to start the petition to officially change the website to "Incredibly Hott Librarians Tits with Douchbags"?

10:23 pm November, 17 Wheezer said...

R.I.P. to the pic of Lord Twatlickious the Turd

See the end comments for possible details, though you will need earplugs.

10:31 pm November, 17 Sad Party Karaoke Robot said...

@Wheezer
The very last comment is my favorite.

10:31 pm November, 17 Leif Springer said...

@Wheezer,

I done gots toe-up in dat thread down yonderboi.

10:38 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm going to have to agree and say the so called "Hotts" here are BARF! I'm going to revert my attention to the big tittied aqua shirt librarian or the three HOT douche-scouts from Jennifer's Superdouche Tag below.

10:47 pm November, 17 Troy Tempest said...

His belly button does all the talking, because his pancreas does all the thinking.

His belly button says stuff like

"FUCKIN EH!"

and

Get in MY BELLY

and then it hobnobs with Sarah Palin's handlers.

Yes, it is a cruel world – talking bellies, vomit lunches, singing butts.

Time to go kick a dog.

10:54 pm November, 17 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Well now, Robert Gibbs did shave his head.

10:57 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

Wheezer @ 1:38

Are you sure that isn't Crotch "SKILLS"??

Because I'm thinking this girl has quite a few.

11:05 pm November, 17 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Hott on the left looks just like a girl I used to date.

Which makes me even more depressed.

Oh Melissa, how far you have fallen.

**tear**

11:08 pm November, 17 Torque MuleBrow said...

As Melissa Etheridge suffered through her final chemo treatment, Shelia and Doris helped hold her jelly dong in place.

too soon?

11:10 pm November, 17 DarkSock said...

Any time other craft approached too closely Joan and Cindy would violently slap Jim's "warning buzzer", resulting in a blood-curdling warning alarm.

11:15 pm November, 17 The Weekend Bagger said...

I can attest to this DB1…I live in Upstate NY near disgusting, cold, polluted Lake Ontario. I dont own a boat but know many people who do. And every guy Ive seen, met or know who owns one has a very easy time getting girls to go "boating" that normally wouldnt even talk to them. Girls here seem to think it really is a big deal if you own some crap boat and set it loose on the crap lakes out here….I wish I could say it better but you said it best with your lamborghini analogy

11:19 pm November, 17 Wheezer said...

The only thing to make this photo worse might be a Russell Brand appearance.

Not for the weak of stomach…..

11:19 pm November, 17 joeEdo said...

cellulite on left. ed hardy bikini on right. BOTH GRABBING DB's CROTCH?!

WTF!

Their parents should be tarred, feathered, and flogged.

I honestly have to say Chinese tatt at center is simply taking advantage of the situation. I would go so far as to say he deserves a hand shake, although I don't recommend shaking his hand.

And, for the med students out there. Take note of his use of extensor indicis and extensor digiti minimi muscles.

11:26 pm November, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

Girl on the left: Thank you for the warning.

Girl on the left: You should be wearing the same warning on your ass.

The bad news is, she can't possibly be over 25. It's all downhill, ain't it, Carlene?

11:46 pm November, 17 Librarian Hottie Below said...

These chicks can't hold my sack.

12:18 am November, 18 And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Douche said...

your dante reference made my fucking day.

12:26 am November, 18 Sarah Palin's Handlers said...

Shut up and make us some more whiskey, Troy. And maybe we won't throw you in the fireplace. Stupid puppet.

12:40 am November, 18 bigphatnotadouche said...

The next picture shows the result of an atomic wedgie.

I need to get a gun to rid the world of this type of menace.

12:43 am November, 18 Douche Springsteen said...

"Or, as I like to think of it, the modern equivalent of Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

well played, old man. well played.

12:43 am November, 18 Douche Springsteen said...

"Or, as I like to think of it, the modern equivalent of Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

well played, old man. well played.

2:37 am November, 18 pv1 said...

Are we sure that's an ass and not a picture of the Sea of Tranquility?

2:38 am November, 18 creature said...

these people should get Bio Hazard tatts

2:50 am November, 18 creature said...

I could make red tress gushy butt hott all jiggly… just need my wiffle ball bat & some thorazine

2:56 am November, 18 ImageWrangler said...

The one on the left could be cute. Could be. But now someone will have to cut off her left hand as it's tainted. The girl in the middle is pretty ugly, tats and PJs and all. The girl on the right puts the cheese in cottage cheese.

Back to the girl on the left, I bet she knows a thing or two in bed, in the car, in the bleachers, under the bleachers, or just about anywhere. She could hurt you and put a smile on your face, the sad part is now I'm sure the hurt would be followed along with another hurt requiring penicillin.

3:52 am November, 18 Patrick said...

Double Groin Grab?

Maybe a contender for Douchiest Hand Gesture.

3:59 am November, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

It's been a long time since a trio of such douchery induced me to triage myself before attempting visceral recovery.

Well, at least since Twatliciousl 3 , who DB1 just Pic Deleted, but then, with winter approaching the days do get long.

There is a logical reason for the countering powers of The Three Graces after all.

4:05 am November, 18 Rumpelscroteskin said...

Like the rest of us boys here, I'll be looking forward to Friday Ass Pear. Lady on the right doesn't cut it, but if she was in a dark room with me, I wouldn't know the difference.

4:14 am November, 18 John Douche Passos said...

Despite the cretin factor being off the charts for the douche, these subpar hotts take the day. Both suffer from too much ass in the chair. Note that left hot has zero muscle tone on her peg legs.

4:37 am November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Thunder,

Thunder,

Thunder thighs!

Hooooooooooo!!!!

4:40 am November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I was shakin' at the knees!
Could I come again please?
Yeah the ladies were too kind.
You've been – thunderstruck!

4:41 am November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Thunder, Thunder…
Thunder, Thunder, Thunder…
Thunder…
Thunder…
Horse

4:42 am November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

5 bucks sez the girl on the right eats lightning.

4:46 am November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I wonder what kind of car these trailer trash girls drive. Could it be…

…a Thunderbird?

5:23 am November, 18 Anonymous said...

owning a medium sized boat on a rural lake is like owning the playboy mansion!! and yes, those do look like empty hands

7:04 am November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Lady on the left is bleeth. No two ways about it, but I would positively enjoy a round or three of slappin' da base on her porch beef. It would be fun, it would be risky, but god damn it, the experience would be wild. She has toned leggage, firm buttox, and pleasant jugs.

Lady on the right is also formidable. She may be lacking firmness in the rump and legs. Hey, it happens. Our duty here is not to assualt the hotts people. She more than likely would drive you to your dentist appointment, pick up your dry cleaning, and give you a rim job as soon as you came through the door after work. Her kind is to be cherished.

Now Alex in the middle? Complete pud. His IQ is equivalent to a nine year old child with downs syndrome. And even that might be giving him too much credit. Fear not baghunters, homeboy will likey die in a freak vat accident at the local glue factory.

Eye on the prize baghunters. Mock the bags. Praise the hotts, first and third rate alike.

Ps. Porch beef.

7:23 am November, 18 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Xenu has a new BFF. I have a new image to try and get out of my mind this week.

7:25 am November, 18 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Oh, and do not hate on the ass on the right. I would love to watch it ripple back and forth. Repeatedly. And so would the rest of you.

7:29 am November, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

"Poison snatch to the left of me, cheese ass to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle, a douche."

7:37 am November, 18 Chinga Dera La Douche said...

Chick on the right has a serious moon effect going on…all white and crater filled.

Nice face, shame about the ass!

7:37 am November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

You're giving 9-year-old kids with Down syndrome a bad name there SSS. Now unless you want Meredith Viera to tear your tongue out through your urethra for your insensitivity, you better take back that unfair comparison.

I personally love kids with Down syndrome. They've got those cute cabbage patch doll faces, and they give great blow jobs. Think about it. They have impaired cognitive abilities, making them more open to suggestion; macroglossia; plus they drool a lot, providing plenty of natural lube.

I'm personally very insulted by your callous regard towards the mentally challenged. Shocked, I tell you. Shocked.

8:00 am November, 18 Chinga Dera La Douche said...

Douche reminds me of a Yakuza Mr. Clean.

8:42 am November, 18 Anonymous said...

Filthy @ 11:25

You cut to the heart of me.

Shamefully, I would.

Repeatedly.

8:59 am November, 18 Anonymous said...

hahahahha that brit bitch showed up on my buds boat wearing underwear with holes in the ass that said hustler. theres a classy broad for ya

12:36 pm November, 18 Steve L. said...

whoa, for once, DB1 actually invokes the real name of a hott / bleeth!

wait. WHICH one is Shawna, Anon 12:57 & 12:59 AM? personally, i think curly haired bleeth on the right looks a bit more British than the rest of the pic.

2:09 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

The one on the left is going to regret those groin tatts before she hits forty.

2:45 pm November, 18 Troy Tempest said...

Sgt SS:

Fear not baghunters, homeboy will likey die in a freak vat accident at the local glue factory.

Reminds from a story from the early days on the Darwin List.

Glue Sniffing fool thinks he's hit pay dirt: THE GLUE FACTORY. After hours he sneaks in, and sticks two long straws into his nose. He opens up a vat and starts huffing. Minutes later, he passes out from the fumes, but in the process, knocks over a can of glue which spills all over him and the floor, essentially gluing him to the floor with enough fumes to keep him knocked out.

The first shift comes in and finds him glued down, so they call the EMTs and the fire dpt, and they pull out a Saws-All and cut the wood floor out from around him and haul his ass out of the factory.

Propped up in the back of the EMT van on his way to the hospital, the straws glued into his nose, the stupid fat fuck comes too. The police officer escorting him chats him up, interviews him. The cop finally says-

Cop "You know what you look like right now?"

huffer "Dno. Wud I look like?"

Cop "You look like a Walrus."

Huffer "Walrus? Ha. Hahaha. HAhAHaAHHAAHaAa EEEeeGHGHGGHGHuauaaaugghghgaughhhhh."

And with that laugh, the huffer expired on the spot from a massive aneurysm, caused by the solvents in the glue weakening the blood vessels in his brain all night.

And Uncle Chuck claimed another one.

We can only hope that these hopeless collect of Bleeth and Douche meet a similarly amusing end.

4:25 pm November, 18 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Where's the Navy when you need them? air strike, surface-to-surface missile strike, gun fire, ramming, whatever, just sink that boat!

5:03 pm November, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Troy ^

Is that a true story? I swear, that sounds like it came right out of News Of The Weird. I'm sure if I ask around enough down here, I'll find somebody whose cousin died that way….

5:12 pm November, 18 ehcuodouche said...

Dear Pootiny,

I have enclosed $10.

Please buy yourself a neck.

ehcuodouche

6:43 pm November, 18 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Mmmmm, gluteal cellulite!

2:55 pm November, 19 Troy Tempest said...

@Medusa-
Yes it is a true story. That was part of the deal with the Darwin list. It had to be an actual example of Uncle Chuck culling the herd.

2:57 pm November, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Uncle Chuck being "Charles Darwin".

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