Monday, November 23, 2009

Random Joe Voted


Random Joe and His Boy Friday took time off from hitting on the Swedish Au Pairs, Inga and Svenga, to vote in the HCwDB of the Week.

Have you voted yet?

# posted by douchebag1
6:52 pm November, 23 End the Haberdouchery said...

Is it just the outfits or do those two look 15? Or am I just getting old?

6:52 pm November, 23 Baganon said...

Isn't the pattern on top of Choad#1's skull Swahili for "vacant"?

Svenga looks like she just lifted Choad#2's wallet.

6:59 pm November, 23 The Desert Douchehunter said...

(retch)

Pardon me.

7:02 pm November, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Bagnon^

Svenga couldn't go after his wallet…he sports a checkerboard murse. And a rage inducing smirk.

One can only hope Random Joe is prepping a major Oversized Watch Backhand to His Boy Friday for trying to out-poo him.

7:03 pm November, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

Holy crap. Yeah, these chicks look like major jailbait. But it's not illegal if it's a woman molesting a girl, right?

Especially you, masked naughty petticoat Pinkie on the far left, I see you over there. I'll show you some Eyes Wide Shut masked mayhem that'll keep your eyes wide open for weeks and knock the acrylic right off your fingernails.

I'd pay good money to see the overalls checker ensemble by Coreydouche on the right, and a clear shot of the stomach tattoos on baldy shavelocks on the left. And by clear shot I mean with a sniper rifle.

7:06 pm November, 23 Wedgie said...

Inga, Svenga, stinky finga.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Love, Wedgie.

Remember, kids: You can't stay drunk all day unless you start early.

7:19 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

Petticoat Pinkie on the left puffs at her cigarette, thinking, "Meh! I could show those barely-legal twins twice as much pleasure in bed than their closet-homo boyfriends."

(Oh great… now I have an IOB… thanks for that, Pinkie!)

-Bagnonymous

7:19 pm November, 23 scrotum pole said...

There is a very small, but persistant Angel on my right shoulder who kicks me in the teeth every time I start to salivate over the little sailor girl in blue.

I shall now think about baseball for the next twenty minutes.

baseball…baseball..baseball…..

7:24 pm November, 23 Filthy McBaggin' said...

It's called a FUCKING SHIRT ASSHOLE! Try mixing one in on occasion.

Some mornings, I just take it….

7:26 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

And by Swedish, DB-1 means Starksville, Mississipi.

7:29 pm November, 23 bourbon bill said...

Those little Swede hotts can stroganoff my beef any day.

7:31 pm November, 23 bourbon bill said...

I would let them climb my matterhorn and by let them I mean beg them.

7:38 pm November, 23 El Caganer said...

I'd spread swiss miss pudding on their alps.

7:44 pm November, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Where can I get my own bottle-flashlight combo?

7:46 pm November, 23 El Caganer said...

I'd plow her snow for a cup of cocoa and a cake roll.

7:50 pm November, 23 Mr. White said...

@medusa

"Fidelio…"

7:53 pm November, 23 bourbon bill said...

I would let the Little Debbie sisters share my jelly roll.

7:56 pm November, 23 DarkSock said...

Red Shirts behind them are hopefully cooking up a 3 quart batch of gas-face for the Bunghole Brothers here.

7:59 pm November, 23 The Observation Specialist said...

There aren't any hot chicks in this picture.

There haven't been many really great chicks lately.

Those two things combined make me sad.

8:03 pm November, 23 boatbutter said...

I want in on that Eyes Wide Shut action with Medusa and "Where-did-I-go-wrong-and-why-am-I-here-0and-why-did-I-marry-that-putz Masked Hott"

8:07 pm November, 23 bourbon bill said...

@observation

I can find something beautiful about most chicks. I haven't seen too many on this site I would kick out of bed. It aint really like Playboy magazine in the real world.

8:09 pm November, 23 bourbon bill said...

The more you drink the better they look.

8:33 pm November, 23 Casey D. said...

Nobody in this photo is over the age of 17. Which means Inga and Svenga have at least one more year of being denied their father's affections before they become roomies and begin attending one of the top 3 party community colleges in the state, where they'll start making the really bad decisions. Ultimately, their BFFship will be destroy and hair will be pulled on account of one douchebag in particular. With any justice in the seemingly random cosmos, that douchebag would be be.

8:35 pm November, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

One day in Mr. Thompson's Civics Class Bert and Ernie decide it would be cool to have a masquerade theme for their sweet sixteen party. They had always dreamed of fluffy pink party dresses, a disco ball hanging from the ceiling, and lots of glitter. So they got themselves a party planner and told her "Make it as dope as possible. Here's $50, now get to work biatch!"

A few weeks had passed before they got the call from Party Planner Patty. She told them that she had procured everything they had asked for and she had even sent out the invitations. Bert and Ernie were pleased with themselves and started counting down the days until the party.

Bert and Ernie awoke on the big day brimming with excitement. After doing each other's hair and picking out their best watches and jeans they made their way to the waiting limo to take them to the party. During the ride, they complimented each other copiously and they even had enough time to slap each other's porch beef before arriving at the front doors.

When they entered they couldn't believe their eyes. Party Planner Patty had made their dreams into a reality. Everything was pink as far as the eye could see. The spotlight on the disco ball cast beautiful shimmering patterns on the walls. They squealed and squealed with delight.

They danced and danced with each other for what seemed like forever until the D. J. put on a slow song. They decide it was a good time to get some drinks and sit down. Foreign exchange students Inga and Svenga came over and sat on they boy's laps but they were quickly sent packing. As soon as the boys heard Vanilla Ice's version of "Play that Funky Music" they were up on the dance floor again.

The boys wanted this night to last forever. Unfortunately the cake had to be cut and the gifts opened. The boys were surprised by all the lovely Streem Masters and Shake Weights they received but they got one gift from an unknown princess who never took her mask off.

As the party wound down and people started to leave they approached the girl in the mask. After some idle chit-chat they asked her to reveal her identity. At first she was reluctant but eventually she gave in. Upon removing her mask they didn't know who she was. After asking some more questions they still couldn't place her. She told them she would reveal her true identity if they would kiss each other just once.

Already in love with each other the boys readily complied. Satisfied, the girl started running her hands up her neck to her face. With a quick flourish, the girl ripped off her face to reveal …

fill in the last part of the story for Bert and Ernie. Enter early and often.

8:38 pm November, 23 Wheezer said...

Damn it, does Etch-a-Head have a twin broheim?

The stupid head carvings look different – perhaps that's for the benefit of their relatives, huh?

"Damn, is Jagoff the one with the star up front, or is that Jackoff?"

"I don't know Bill – gimme another beer."

8:48 pm November, 23 Steve L. said...

Spanky's second rate hott can learn a thing or two from pink dress Svenga there. just saying.

9:15 pm November, 23 Douchanator said...

I have the sudden urge to drink myself to the point of projectile vomiting. Eek.

9:28 pm November, 23 Bob said...

I would have to remind myself that the Swedish hotts are quite likely underage (meaning under 18). And I would keep reminding myself of it. Over and over. Because another part of my brain would be constantly envisioning my doing unspeakable things to them. The combination guilt+attraction would be very uncomfortable for me, and I'd take it out on the shirtless taint-stains pictured here. And then I'd feel better.

In short, thanks for the cathartic release you provided, Sweden!

10:48 pm November, 23 Domo said...

Domo arigato Mister Sad Party Roboto.

11:18 pm November, 23 Wheezer said...

"Already in love with each other the boys readily complied. Satisfied, the girl started running her hands up her neck to her face. With a quick flourish, the girl ripped off her face to reveal …"

(Fuck) Fish Slap holding a somewhat…..ummmmm….."used" jelly dong…..?

11:43 pm November, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cute, but the Sailor Moon cosplay thing is waaaaaaay hotter on an asian chick.

(Hummana-hummana!)

6:04 am November, 24 Anonymous said...

is that chad muska on the right?

6:15 am November, 24 Rumpelscroteskin said...

Rammed 'em Joe and His FriBoy don't look like the kind who'd be hitting on females.

Is the gal in pink the femme and the one in blue the dyke? Just wondering.'

7:19 pm November, 24 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

"Already in love with each other the boys readily complied. Satisfied, the girl started running her hands up her neck to her face. With a quick flourish, the girl ripped off her face to reveal …"

Adam Lambert

11:44 pm November, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

picking up where the story last left off…

none other than the Metaphysical Hooligan. "Follow me", he commanded to Bert and Ernie, "I will point you in the proper direction to douche superstardome. Heed my words and believe." Bert and Ernie were overcome and wept with joy at being MH's chosen ones.

After weeks of grueling training in Bling management, Agent Orange tanning, and complicated douche maneuvers, Metaphysical Hooligan was pleased with his work. He gathered Bert and Ernie and told them, "Go forth and spread the Greico virus far and wide for now you are ready. Remember to avoid
the most evil of websites and you will be fine." Bert and Ernie became confused. "Master, how can something as simple as one website destroy us?" they asked. The Metaphysical Hooligan sat them down for their final lesson.

"Choadlings", he started, "I was once like you. I had no direction with my douchebaggery until I met the late, great Pumpy. He saw my potential for possibly winning a Douchie award when I was but a mere 'bagling myself. He gave me the proper training and unleashed me upon the club scene. It was in Vegas where I met Carly and well, the rest is history as they say. To honor Pumpy I chose to share my skills with you two in the hopes that you will pass these lessons on to the next generation of 'bags." Bert and Ernie reflected on these words and knew they were now ready. But MH continued, "Everything was going fine until one of my Bro's sent my picture in to that evil website run by my arch nemesis DB1. Suddenly I was mocked mercilessly by Crucial Head, Mr. White, Darksock, and a host of others. It wouldn't end! Everywhere I went people would ask me 'Aren't you the winner of the 2008 douchebag of the year?'" I was devastated. It was only by going to your sweet sixteen party that I found the courage to try again. Be careful, stay away from HCwDB.com. If you wind up on the site then I know that I have failed."

Bert and Ernie were in awe. Never had they heard such a tale of maudlin Pyrrhic victory. It was at that moment when they locked tongues and vowed to never appear on HCwDB again.

They are now out roaming the club scene maybe in a town near you. Be forewarned, for they are building in strength, recruiting others to their cause. We must be vigilant and strong hunters and huntresses for they will continue to multiply like vermin. For we have the intellect, mastery of the English language, and ability to mock them until they ask for their picture to be take down like little bitches. But the tale does not end here. I'm sure we will be seeing them again at next year's Douchies. Until then, mock on good people!

The End.

8:00 am November, 27 Staga said...

I feel for these 2 drugged up ladies. These douchbags are twice their age and have half the amount of drugs streaming through their systems. Oh ladies….back to Earth Sciences 10 for you and boys………. lay off the steroids and get back to your baby's mamas.

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