Monday, November 23, 2009

Reader Mail: Unearned Dog-Tags


—-
hi there DB1,

I am a soldier in the army deploying over to afghanistan very soon, and I will not be able to have internet access very soon. so i would like to take a minute to thank you for making me laugh and always amusing me (nothing makes me laugh harder than douchbags with fake dog tags).

in my opinion your website has always separated the men (us) from the boys (dbags) by keeping the faith among us normal guys who live awesome lives and are most likely 10 fold more hardcore than our douchebag counterparts. one again thank you and keep up the good work.

-Military ‘Bag Hunter
—-

Amen, MBH. Glad and humbled to entertain you. The unearned dog-tag wearing “tough guy” poser type (pictured here) wish they had what you have.

Stay safe over there, and get your ass back here as soon as you can. The hotts need saving from the poseur douchewanks as soon as your tour is over. I expect you to serve this mission as soon as you’re back.

# posted by douchebag1
10:15 pm November, 23 Douche Bagelo said...

Without the Jack Daniel's she might have seen him clearly….

10:15 pm November, 23 End the Haberdouchery said...

Word.

Keep your head down and your porch beef covered, soldier.

10:15 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

Seth Green? Is that you?

10:15 pm November, 23 Douche Bagelo said...

Without the Jack Daniel's she might have seen him clearly….

10:19 pm November, 23 The Desert Douchehunter said...

Amen, MBH. A not-a-douche salute to you, sir. Be safe and return home soon.

10:22 pm November, 23 numbskull72 said...

Not only is it extremely bag-like to wear unearned dog-tags, it's downright disrespectful and deserving of a full-on Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket soap-in-socks treatment by actual military members!
Godspeed Military Bag Hunter!

10:23 pm November, 23 Wheezer said...

With the Jack Daniels she has a wondrous blunt object with which to open a gaping head wound that his mandanna won't fully cover.

"Good with the bad," yada yada yada…..

@Military 'Bag Hunter: Kudos to you, sir, and stay safe!

10:23 pm November, 23 Batou said...

Glad to know the guys who earn those dog tags have pretty much the same view on the jackasses who would use them as fashion accessories. Keep your head down and your rifle clean, amigo.

10:25 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

Dear Military Bag Hunter,

Print this photo out and cut it down the middle with scissors:

Keep the left half tucked away in your helmet as a reminder of all that amazing beauty back here in the heartland that you will soon return to. (And for the ever-necessary wank when the need strikes.)

Keep the right half near your weapon, as a reminder to shoot without prejudice whenever you see the whites of his eyes.

-Bagnonymous

10:32 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

How do you know he isn't military?

10:38 pm November, 23 Rufus T. Suiniakus said...

Good luck soldier. Jack Daniels awaits you.

10:39 pm November, 23 Douche Bagelo said...

…The pearl necklace tracing it's delicate way down toward the cleavite!!!

And I've always bee a sucker for the nonchalant grace of the pencil/chopstick hairpin…Librarian glasses versatility – the bleeth version of Jennifer Biel has got it going on!!!

Douchejuice there looks downright poised for the latest date-rape scenario in a long line…he's serious…he's ready…he's been here before…all he has to do is a little final maneuvering…he's just pissed that the picture is somewhat evidential in the in the upcoming inquiry….He had better get used to orange 'cause his jumpsuit is probably that hue.

10:41 pm November, 23 The Donger said...

MBH,

If I see a douchebag here in the states, I can tag him with my iPhone camera from about 10 feet away.

If you see a douchebag in Afghanistan, you can tag him with a Barrett M107 .50 cal sniper rifle from a mile away.

Your tools of the trade are better than mine.

Stay safe and come back.

10:42 pm November, 23 El Caganer said...

At least she isn't drinking goose.

10:43 pm November, 23 Douche Bagelo said...

@MBH …from one vet to another, watch your six over there.

10:50 pm November, 23 boatbutter said...

She's fucking spectacular.

10:56 pm November, 23 Bob said...

This guy might be military, in which case them tags are bona fide. But yeah, for 'bags that wear them what didn't earn them, returning soldiers what DID earn them should be allowed to smack them until they give them up and apologize.

And she is so many kinds of awesome, I hesitate to name them all. Here's a start: wholesome attractive face, nice hair, pencil as a hair accoutrement, glasses, great teeth, and great big cleavages you'd kill your own grandmother to have as your own to play with.

That'll do for now.

10:57 pm November, 23 bourbon bill said...

This could be my dream date, a hott that comes with her own bottle of bourbon. Tennessee whiskey straight from the bottle makes her my kind of gal. He probably ordered an appletini.

God Bless our military they deserve our prayers this Thanksgiving.

11:02 pm November, 23 11 fold more hardcore said...

You better step it up, motherfucker!

11:12 pm November, 23 massengill said...

That dude is dressed as an inmate for Halloween. I mean, he is probably a douche the other 364 days of the year but he is most definitely at a Costume Party.

11:13 pm November, 23 massengill said...

Halloween was on a Monday in 2005, so it makes sense that it was celebrated on the Friday before as is customary.

11:14 pm November, 23 massengill said...

That chick's fingers are as thick as Cuban cigars. Not sayin', just sayin'.

11:18 pm November, 23 The Desert Douchehunter said...

FYI, for those asking if this guy really is military, I can only speak to the Army (10 years, 1st Battalion, 75th Rangers) but the only way those tags are legit is he either cut the rubberized silencers off of them or he served in the Korean War. All standard issue Army tags have rubber silencers molded on them so they don't clank around.

11:19 pm November, 23 Vin Douchal said...

I'd like to see this gal with the glasses down and that pencil pulled out of her hair…..

… and also with a brand new jelly dong that smells like , uh, brand new jelly dong, ..

.. oh, and naked…

.. without this douche..

@ MBH

Kick ass and thank you for your service to this great land.

@Mass
You're overthinking it

11:19 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

As an active duty member of the military I can tell you that no one wears their dog tags as decoration here in the states. It would be akin to dressing up as a soldier for Halloween. There are plenty of douches in the military though. Military service does not earn you a notta.

11:27 pm November, 23 The Desert Douchehunter said...

Anon @ 3:19

Very true. I would have to hunt around just to remember where mine are now.

11:28 pm November, 23 Douche Bagelo said...

There would be two if they were real, as all military personnel know, one for the top half and one for the bottom…should ever the two part.

11:33 pm November, 23 Douche Bagelo said...

Oh and as for Navy, as of ten years ago, you could buy the rubber molds for combat but they were issued just tin…just sayin'

11:39 pm November, 23 End the Haberdouchery said...

Boatbutter, did you give her that pearl necklace since I loaded the page last?

11:42 pm November, 23 Captain Bringdown said...

Still have to wear the jumper while on work release, eh douche?

11:58 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

Not only is it extremely bag-like to wear unearned dog-tags, it's downright disrespectful and deserving of a full-on Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket soap-in-socks treatment by actual military members!
Godspeed Military Bag Hunter!

-Amen brotha

12:05 am November, 24 El Caganer said...

They sell dog tags at a walmart vending machine that you can also make pet tags.

12:31 am November, 24 Steve L. said...

whoa Desert Douchehunter you were a Ranger? is it true that they starve you to half death in Ranger School?

12:39 am November, 24 Reader Mike said...

@ Military 'Bag Hunter

I salute you, sir.

12:40 am November, 24 End the Haberdouchery said...

My dog's tags have rubber silencers on them. He's like a cocker spaniel ninja.

12:49 am November, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

I salute you as well, sir. Please accept my gratitude, my support and some grade-A Military Ass Pear dance.

12:54 am November, 24 Anonymous said...

In the Marines we do not issue the rubber silencers for dog tags but I highly doubt this guy is a Marine. The pathetic attempt to grow pubelike side burns is a dead give away. I will also agree with Anonymous @ 3:19 PM. Those who have earned their dog tags do not wear them off duty. Unless you are some boot PFC. Your NCO's sort that out quickly anyways. So unless this guy is what appears to be a 28 year old private first class with second rate facial pubes, I am going bet the farm on fake dog tags for a fake tough guy.

MBH thank you! Come home safe.

1:24 am November, 24 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

No worries, the giant tarantula in the background is about to eat this pud and free his pearl necklaced honey from his dubious grasp.

1:41 am November, 24 scrotum pole said...

The hottie pictured will have an awful headache tommorow morning with that #2 pencil lodged in the back of her skull.

2:15 am November, 24 Steve L. said...

oh fuck how can i forget: God Speed, Military Bag Hunter. be safe, and persistently harass your superiors for internet access.

2:22 am November, 24 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Be safe and come home soon MBH.

2:45 am November, 24 C.G. said...

*yawn*

how much longer are we going to flog HALLOWEEN pics?

2:45 am November, 24 C.G. said...

…from 2005?!?!

3:05 am November, 24 General Norman Schwartzkopf said...

Fucking pussy poser

4:16 am November, 24 pv1 said...

She's pretty hot.

He's a turd.

4:17 am November, 24 Anonymous said...

I too was in Ranger Battalion and I can tell you that it doesn't matter if he is in the military or not, a soldier that wears his dog tags while off duty is definitly a dbag. A real soldier doesn't need attention everywhere he goes. I would almost hope that he wasn't in the military so he can at least plead ignorance. The bag-dana doesn't help his case either way.

4:51 am November, 24 Anonymous said...

If it weren't for the man hand I'd nominate for Hall of Hott. Hell, I'll nominate anyway…something about the pencil in the hair…

-Douchetros Douchetros Ghali

5:02 am November, 24 DarkSock said...

Godspeed Military Bag Hunter. Shame on the shameless that invoke your earned dog tags so they can score łêgg. And shame on the łêgg that parts for such poseurs; you're no better than the gum snapping twats that fired volleys of dear johns across the oceans in WWII because you were scratching your yeasty itches with the pasty 4H rejects that found excuses to stay behind and brush up on their German.

December should be Massive Ball-Kick month to bearers of unearned dogtags.

Sorry to get all Toby Keith about it but UUDT's just piss me off because they devalue the ultimate sacrifices our best and brightest have made; it would be less offensive to me to see someone wear a flag as an adult diaper. Especially if it was on Medusa (Xmas gift hint…).

Give the Talibags hell and keep your porch beef unharmed, Sir.

5:16 am November, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I'm going to give the dude a belated Halloween nottadouche. In fact, to me it looks to be an ode to Douche, and I'm all for odes. In fact I'd love to pen my ode all over librarian hott's public stacks.

@Military 'Bag Hunter

God bless for doing what you do. Keep your 'bag hunting tags safe and come home in one piece. Do us a favor while you're over there and sneak on the interwebs every once and again for some well deserved HCwDB and a quick update for the rest of us.

6:24 am November, 24 Whoop-di-douche said...

Dear Military 'Bag Hunter,

On your Hero's Journey, may you find strength, wisdom, and enough wits about you to survive any and all perils.

And by wits I mean humorous heads and quick, life-saving minds.

Bless you and your family,
Whoop-di-douche

6:50 am November, 24 Jessica said...

No you guys I figured it out. Homie just out of the brig.

8:09 am November, 24 Anonne Huntress said...

Anon 8:17 is correct. There are plenty of douches in the military. And there are plenty of fine, upstanding guys that would make anyone proud.

This pud doesn't appear to be one of them.

10:57 am November, 24 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

@ MBH

I feel your pain, I served and was proud to do it.

That's right, I served Plinky's mom a giant plate of Tube Steak, smothered in underwear.

LOL

Keep you head down my brother from another mother.

ASvB

12:28 pm November, 24 Douche shower and shave said...

Those who have earned them….
(tags)
Donot use them as some lame ass fashion statement.

1:50 pm November, 24 Anonymous said...

he is not in the military because he is wearing the tags all wrong.

there should be two tags!!!!!!!!!!!!

what a fucking douche!!!

I bet he sucks dicks

1:51 pm November, 24 Douche Wayne said...

@ Military Bag Hunter

Good luck and stay safe, soldier.

1:52 pm November, 24 Anonymous said...

Fucking pussy poser
Fucking pussy poser
Fucking pussy poser
Fucking pussy poser
Fucking pussy poser

2:34 pm November, 24 Anonymous said...

As with all tradgedies, this scroat wank with fake 'tags' will continue to walk this earth wishing for something that will never be…to be a true warrior, fighting for justice and honour.
He hides under a mandanna to cover his disappearing hair, talks of conquests in far off lands to 'hook hotts' and wears dog tags to give his douche stained exsistance some sort of skewed authenticity.
This is about as low as a bag can sink, disrespecting our nations finest with a feeble attempt at being true to his portrayed persona.
I say muskets at dawn for all uber twats for such a blatant disregard for millitary procedure.

God speed dear Military Bag Hunter and on your return I will have this bag scewered like a Bagdad Kebab.

Regards,
Douche Pitt

3:09 pm November, 24 DarkSock said...

As Kimberly's dead eyes glazed over, a shriek pierced the air: The Pencil Rain had begun.

3:13 pm November, 24 DarkSock said...

It's amazing, the things those county penitentiary highway workers find in the ditch…

4:19 pm November, 24 End the Haberdouchery said...

I think those may be legit tags. He had two, but he couldn't wait to get fragged before sticking the second in his pooper.

7:16 pm November, 24 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Yup, he's a poser. He just looks like one. I'm guessing he bought his pair at the equivalent of Spencer's Gifts.

I was Navy back in the 80s. My tags did not have a rubber bumper ring around them. Still, the only time I wore them was when I was on duty. Carried my ID everywhere, but never wore the tags on liberty.

7:28 pm November, 24 That premature ejaculatin' mothafucka said...

62, bitches!

12:50 am November, 25 Horace Dangleballs said...

G-d protect and defend you from the heathens who would destroy our way of life, Military Bag Hunter. Stay safe and come back to aid us in our endless quest to crush the douche infestation.

4:54 pm October, 14 hermit said...

I predict one day you’ll be employed as a bouncer on the Springer Show.
.
Just a hunch.

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