Friday, November 20, 2009

Red Tony Prepares for the Weekly


Red Tony thinks he’s going to be up for HCwDB of the Week on Monday.

He’s so excited, he’s serving up Vodka and Red Bulls to get Michaela drunk while he prepares to compete.

Sadly, Red Tony hasn’t heard that he’s not making the cut.

Sorry, R.T. Pumped up Jerzguidery without faux and kissylips just isn’t enough.

# posted by douchebag1
7:20 pm November, 20 the long and winding choad said...

Cum stains on the BACK of the shirt? Gaybag?

7:26 pm November, 20 "Lesbian Thermos" Ernie Tubesock said...

No one knew that Tony was a flaming homosexual until Sheila finally convinced them that this is what he meant when he said he had to go pump iron.

7:31 pm November, 20 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Did he jizz on his shirt?

7:32 pm November, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Michaela is clearly aroused from touching spoiled porch beef. With another glass of Boone's Farm and a roofie or two, she she be ROFB.

7:32 pm November, 20 Anonymous said...

Sheila just loves drinking pee while Tony attempts to hide the cum stains in between sips of pee (by TV).

7:33 pm November, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Fuck! not "she, she" But "she should" HoneyDouche needs another pot of coffee.

7:35 pm November, 20 Anonymous said...

(I'm seriously diggin' Red Tony's taste in girls, though.)

Okay, who's gonna say it? …Nobody? Okay, here goes:

I'd pee in her wine glass.

-Bagnonymous

7:38 pm November, 20 Sad Party Karaoke Robot said...

So the question is, why would anyone want a picture, presumably on their own camera, of someone ironing? Lay off the juice man, it makes your dick fall off.

7:40 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

It was better late than never, but Tony finally figured out that he was supposed to take the shirt off before ironing it.

7:41 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

Tina helped Tony steady his right arm as he moved the ironing board back and forth under the iron.

7:41 pm November, 20 Anonymous said...

What's up with her leg? some kind of nylon issue, photoshop, alien abduction?

7:42 pm November, 20 Mr. White said...

"It's O.K., sweetie," Michaela said, trying to comfort R.T. "I'm sure lots of people don't know you're supposed to turn the iron on first."

7:42 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

Why would you iron a shirt that you're gonna leave in the fuccen car in the club's parking lot?

7:42 pm November, 20 Anonymous said...

@ Darksock 11:40 AM

Perhaps THAT'S why he's Red Tony?

7:43 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

"Sweetie, would you iron the cellulite on the back of my legs when you're done?"

7:44 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

And with a furious hiss the iron rolled over his flaccid cockk…

7:44 pm November, 20 Vin Douchal said...

RT ironing reminds me of

THIS

classic photo

7:44 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

"Dammit, the Batman patch is on upside-down…FUCK!"

7:46 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

"…sniff…sniff……Darlene…Did you….pee in my steam iron?"

7:50 pm November, 20 Captain Bringdown said...

In every dream home a douche bag
And every hott I slag
takes me further from Heaven.

Is there a Heaven?
Not for this scrotewank.

Standards of women
They're sinking daily
douche cries "no homo"
It's only a saying

From grey goose to red cup
In gaudy McMansion
The bleeth's looking chunky
The main tool a trainwreck.

Steroid perfection
But what goers on
Why is claire there?
Better pray there

No shirt douche living
unpainted house walls
All of his money
Spent on cheap vodka

I bought you mail order
my huge jug of protein
I chug shakes with egg yolk
And chase it with steroids
You fill up by pantry
No room there for real food
Cheap processed protein
My role is to serve you

Disposable hosebag
can't throw you away now
You looked good at my side
My scabies inside you
We'll go clubbing daily
And party till debt flies

Inflatable bleeth
big plastic boobies
I blew up you chest…
And then blew my wad

Oh those douchebags
Dreamhome douchebags

7:53 pm November, 20 EdHardy Boy said...

Red Tony for Life!!

7:55 pm November, 20 Douche Wayne said...

Why bother? He's just going to take it off at the club.

7:57 pm November, 20 Red Tony said...

Me no want to look like raggamuffin when I blow bouncer to get in club. Then me take off shirt.

7:58 pm November, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Would it be wrong to want to apply that iron to his chest? to make sure it's smooth as a baby's bottom, of course.

8:08 pm November, 20 Mr. White said...

The skin on Michaela's thigh went pale first–seconds later would it turn the bright, blistering red of a 2nd degree burn.

"Do it to my other leg, Tony," Michaela purred. "The sweet, sweet pain makes me sooooo wet."

8:08 pm November, 20 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Those. Are. Ed. Hardy. Underwear.

Fuck. There is no hope.

8:08 pm November, 20 scrotum pole said...

Red Tony's grandma is turning over in her grave.
That antique dresser she left him is a precious family heirloom, and Red uses it as a stand for a cheap Wal-Mart flatscreen.

8:11 pm November, 20 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Did anybody else notice that he has no nipples in this picture?

What'd he do, iron them into his ribcage or something?

She's not that hot, but I'd still stick my red hot poker in her tinder box and stoke the coals of that fire.

8:12 pm November, 20 Troy Tempest said...

Capt Bringdown FTW.

Roxy Music – songs dedicated to douchebaggery. Dude – you could have printed the ACTUAL lyrics, and it would still apply to these fuckwits. And that song? Especially Gator.

I've made this point before – Bryan Ferry developed a stage persona that was the 70s equivalent of a douchebag, and ran with it, and made a huge pile of green.

And in the process, made some of the finest rock music ever recorded, ever.

8:13 pm November, 20 Red Tony's Iron said...

**click**

where's my ass pear

**click**

8:13 pm November, 20 The Desert Douchehunter said...

He better take care of that shirt. It's hard to find good shirts in a 42-Roid. Hard to get those Dianabol-stains out too.

8:15 pm November, 20 El Caganer said...

It figures that he would take longer to get ready.

8:15 pm November, 20 The Desert Douchehunter said...

I'm not sure he's smart enough to work the buttons on the shirt, though.

8:17 pm November, 20 Wedgie said...

^"Avalon". Many fond memories.

R.T. must have one fuccen heavy iron. Those lats are workin' overtime. I wonder how hard he flexes brushing his teeth?

8:19 pm November, 20 The Desert Douchehunter said...

BTW, his 'dogtags' are fake as hell, too. Nothing worse than a military poser.

8:21 pm November, 20 bourbon bill said...

It looks like they are at a hotel. So are they sharing a room with someone(photographer), or are they shooting gay porn and she is his manager?

8:30 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

Janet Reno had the exact same body when she was 23.

His, I mean.

8:32 pm November, 20 Lamprey said...

How does Lamp KNOW when to *click* on, the millisecond Ass Pear appears? HOW? Is DB1 Lamp?

8:36 pm November, 20 Captain Bringdown said...

@Troy Tempest

Amen. I think of that song every time DB1 posts a pic of douches in a big empty unfurnished house.

8:39 pm November, 20 scrotum pole said...

^ Lamp has a direct hotline from DB1 (kind of like the commander in chief has to NORRAD) and prepares all week for his shining moment of "enlightenment."

8:43 pm November, 20 creature said...

lookit them thighs on Svetlana… I wanna crack em open with my "johnson bar"

8:48 pm November, 20 creature said...

a crisply ironed shirt makes a pleasant snap as the loads fall in the bukake mosh pit

9:01 pm November, 20 Wheezer said...

I wonder if he irons his arm bands…..?

9:31 pm November, 20 SpineChowder said...

when they fuck i bet it sounds like someone tenderizing a 2 dollar steak

*sorry, did i just type that out loud?*

10:25 pm November, 20 Anonymous said...

All the ironing in the world won't get those prejac jizz stains out Red Tony

10:36 pm November, 20 Wheezer said...

Instead of jizz, those stains may be from Prep H. Just an idea – they do look greasy.

Then again, one would have to wonder why he doesn't let his natural vinegar take care of that little problem…..

11:08 pm November, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hold on here. Why are we all jumping to the conclusion that Red Tony made those stains? Micheala, in addition to being potentially turned on by this walking mattress stain, maybe the culprit here. Her mouth may not be the only thing that squirts.

12:39 am November, 21 skid said...

He only needs one shirt. It won't wear out since he never wears it.

1:06 am November, 21 Roofalin Floories said...

Hotel room in Vegas: $179
Iron rental:$2
Fake tan: $90

The moment she loses conscientiousness PRICELESS

2:09 am November, 21 Douche Bagelo said...

Is that an Ab-hickey???…And do the shaved underarms highlight the spider-man underweb look?…Who flexes that much to iron a shirt???
Michaela sips antifreeze b/c Red Tony gets her engine soooo hot!!

2:26 am November, 21 Rumpelscroteskin said...

This is the kind of husband the wife talks and talks about, in her dreams. Yeah.

10:04 am November, 21 Steve L. said...

if Red Tony is a true douche, his $300 shirt would be ironed by a butler, like Vanilla Putz.

7:25 pm November, 24 hijodeodin said...

ha ha joto training…

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