Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Smoot Laughs at Robopud


HCwDB of the Year contestant, Smoot, laughs at Robopud’s pathetic attempts to become uberdouche in presence of hott.

Smoot does not need Groin Shave Reveal in the presence of the ladies to announce his scrotal powers.

Nor does Smoot need kissy lips, hand gesture or facial hair.

For Smoot is douche. It is Zen Douchosity. And as such, it must be observed.

And by observed, I mean plaid shorts.

# posted by douchebag1
5:15 pm November, 18 Justin said...

What a sea-hag of a bleeth!

5:20 pm November, 18 End the Haberdouchery said...

Way to pull in that lagoon creature Smoot! Those hair extensions look like dead ferrets clinging to the yellow twine that may be actual human hair.

5:22 pm November, 18 Justin said...

sea-hag

5:33 pm November, 18 Crucial Head said...

The midnight pool run was suddenly cut short by a piercing flash of light from the heavens above, as fire and brimstone poured down upon Gomorrah with a vengeance.

5:34 pm November, 18 E-blos last thought said...

Dear Bleeth:

They can do "work" on hands now. There is no reason to reveal you're actually 73.

5:39 pm November, 18 The Doutche Oven said...

Belt with huge buckle, leather wristband and bowler hat AT THE POOL. Why bother even go through the process of The Yearly??

5:39 pm November, 18 Crucial Head said...

Smoot surveyed the scene of his bleeth’s supposed offspring as they milled about the pool – before turning to face the camera, just as she whispered in his ear, “no, those aren’t my 'babies.' I said I have a shitload of ‘scabies’.”

5:40 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

All Shall bow to the might that is Smoot.

Hell, even Smoot is bowing to his own awesome douchosity, just look at that head tilt!

5:41 pm November, 18 jonezy said...

Smoot recently replaced the F on his belt buckle with a 5.

Leila recently replaced her hair extensions with a muskrat tail

5:41 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

smalll pantsss… …

sorry, sorry, RIGHT; total sea-hag.

5:43 pm November, 18 Pömmelhorse Pümmelfister said...

Ever since having his driver’s license suspended for his fourth GUI, Smoot found the best way to get around his hometown was by driving an Auto Immune Disease.

Shit.

That sounded funnier in my head.

Sorry about that.

5:43 pm November, 18 scrotum pole said...

After a night of Vegas binge-drinking, Smoot was so hungover he forgot to affix his prosthetic left leg.
Shortly after this photo was taken, Smoot attempted to swim across the pool, but managed only to swim in circles, nearly drowning.

5:44 pm November, 18 Pömmelhorse Pümmelfister said...

GUI = Groovin' Under the Influence.

5:53 pm November, 18 Scooby Douche said...

Way pudgy chick from the waist down.

Robopud is all-natural douche. It just happens with him. No effort, no thought, no brain. Just pure douchal instinct.

Oh, and Librarian hott and her incredible fun bags for Hott of the Year!

5:54 pm November, 18 The Donger said...

Smoot smirks at his HCwDB yearly competition as he knows in his heart he is the 5-star "G" of douches.

Or at least his $19.99 clearance special belt buckle from TJ MAXX makes it so.

5:56 pm November, 18 End the Haberdouchery said...

Don't you mock the amazing selection and incredible bargains to be found at TJ Maxx.

5:57 pm November, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Megalomaniacs
Gone
Moronic

6:00 pm November, 18 Doochie Blaylock said...

Yeah, she got those hair extensions at TJ Maxx.

6:01 pm November, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@SSS ^9:40

Even Obama will bow to Smoot.

Though his handlers will later say it was more of a "Yo. W'sup?" sort of head tilt shoulder roll.

6:01 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Mongloid
Group
Mating

6:03 pm November, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Mendacious
Gooey
Monkeys

6:03 pm November, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

And Crystal Gayle she ain't. More like Crystal Fail.

Though judging by the hands and haggard look she could be just as old.

Careful Smoot. Quality of hott is still a factor.

6:04 pm November, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Masticating
Gonad
Munchers

6:05 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Men
Groping
Mudhorns

6:05 pm November, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Muggins
Giving
Mugs

6:06 pm November, 18 scrotum pole said...

Later that afternoon, Smoot jumped into the pool, causing an Exxon Valdiz-like oil slick. The MGM Grande staff had to help the other patrons ashore, where the were dabbed with paper towels for several hours, like so many helpless, chin-strap penguins.

6:08 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Measled
Gina
Muskrats

6:09 pm November, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Many
Gay
Meatheads

6:11 pm November, 18 End the Haberdouchery said...

Male
Group
Masturbation

Man
Goo
Mecca

6:12 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

@ Mr. Scrotato 10:03

This bleeth's hand whithered like a old hag only moments after she tugged on Smoot's pee-pee. Such is the awesome corrosive powers of Smoot. He lures the bleeth in with the scent of axe, vodka, and pheromones; ony to corrupt them like drinking out of the wrong chalice in "Indian Jones: The Holy Grail."

Smoot's powers grow everyday. We should all be afraid. Very afraid.

6:15 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

"Man Goo Mecca" – WIN!

6:15 pm November, 18 bourbon bill said...

Smoots powers are strong but his standards have dropped. If she borrowed Saltlicks gloves and it was dark she might be hot.

6:16 pm November, 18 DarkSock said...

His head tilt is the cranial answer to the Peaches Point.

Bastard must have a concrete block for a pillow. Maybe he's a professional Street Louge guy. Or Elevator pit inspector. Or he's a male prostitute that likes his pecs to be a fellatio saddle. Something's causing that muscle memory to always push his skull forward onto The Phantom Cockk.

Oh, and

Man
Gravy
Masticator.

6:16 pm November, 18 SpineChowder said...

I'd still fangerbang'er

6:17 pm November, 18 DarkSock said...

Since his state of dress didn't allow him to slip into the pool, Smoot peed into the empty cups at poolside instead.

6:18 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

What the hell is that on her head?

6:19 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

She'll look 80 by the time she's 40.

6:20 pm November, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Heh heh, "cockk".

To further prove how HCwDB has changed the lexicon of everyday life, the other night while making love with the old lady the time for dirty talk approached.

I breathily whispered in her ear, "You like that cockk? Huh? That C-O-C-K-K?"

6:22 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

Smoot can't hold E-BLO's sack

6:22 pm November, 18 El Caganer said...

The caption is wrong on this pic. Smoot is incapable of laughing. I, however, am laughing at him and his choice of pool attire.

6:34 pm November, 18 Crucial Head said...

To Vin Douchal's point about the HCwDB lexicon.

I find it nigh impossible to type the 'F' word without using two C's, and there is absolutely no way I can say the word 'tears' without the terms "salty fuccen" in front of them.

And don't get me started on the various and sundry "porch meat" specimens I run across whilst shopping the Meat / Seafood sections at the grocery store.

6:36 pm November, 18 Justin said...

Money
Gone
Missing

6:38 pm November, 18 End the Haberdouchery said...

Smoot was smitten with her foolproof Vegas pickup line:

"Menopause means you don't need a condom."

6:41 pm November, 18 E-blos last thought said...

@ End^^^

Laugh my arse off

Smoot doesn't use them anyways. His goal is to spread his seed.

6:42 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

The hat. Heh.

The very first thing that came to mind when seeing this 'baggery was the immortal word of Rodney Dangerfield:

"Looks good on you, though!"

6:45 pm November, 18 Justin said...

Malodorous
Genitalia
Motel

6:47 pm November, 18 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Smoot needs to give Jason Mrazz that gay hat back.

6:49 pm November, 18 Sad Party Karaoke Robot said...

Monogoloid
Guido
Maneuver

6:50 pm November, 18 Ümläüt Smäck Döwn said...

Mëändërïng
Gröttö
Mërkïn

7:42 pm November, 18 Filthy McBaggin' said...

The mere presence of these two still on earth is evidence that Darwin's theories still require a little tweaking.

7:55 pm November, 18 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Medusa
Gets
Mad

Just wait until she sees this one! Run Smoot run!

Not enough chlorine for the gene pool behind them. And you might notice that its shallow just like these two.

8:03 pm November, 18 miss leigh said...

fail. that "hott" is as bleethy as both robopud's skanks COMBINED

8:11 pm November, 18 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Miniscule
Gonad
Man

8:15 pm November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Smoot is power. His mere presence causes herpes outbreaks and hair weaves to turn black with evil.

8:23 pm November, 18 Justin said...

Makes
Gonorrhea
Multiply

8:27 pm November, 18 Dicy said...

She looks like she killed a skunk then decided to make it into her hair do.. still doesn't smell as bad as this douche.

Also, what is the purpose of wearing so many flashy accessories at at pool? These are the questions that haunt me at night, and by haunt I mean laugh at bleeths and scrotes.

8:42 pm November, 18 Teddy Tendergass said...

Mastectomy
Gone
Miserable

8:42 pm November, 18 G. Gorgeous Clitty said...

Mourns
Goiter
Migration

8:44 pm November, 18 Wedgie said...

Smoot is definitely the tin standard for the 2009 Douchies.

But he does try very hard.

And he borrowed Baggie's hat for this picture. How do all these assholes know each other? Is there some kind of a-hole registry out there?

8:55 pm November, 18 Deputy Douche said...

Smoot. What can you say?

Apart from 'fuck off, Smoot' of course.

He is what it's all about.

8:57 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

Why even go to a pool if you're going to dress like that? And she's wearing that big ass chain. Hopefully it takes her down like an anchor.

9:03 pm November, 18 Horace Dangleballs said...

My God… Mercy.

9:05 pm November, 18 Horace Dangleballs said...

More
Genetic
Mutants

9:06 pm November, 18 Wheezer said...

M olests
G argantuan
M elons

Oh sorry, I'm still thinking about the Teal Tatines from yesterday.

As you were.

9:10 pm November, 18 Wheezer said...

You know, back in the 80's when I was entering my full-on horny little teenage fucknut years, I always loved when hotts wore frosty lipstick. All I could think about was having their lips shimmying up and down my pole…..as I was busy slapping it, of course.

But with this bleeth, I'm not sure if the "frosty" is really just her deep pumpkin skin relative to her natural lip color.

Nice plaids, Smoot, you 5-Star Gonad.

9:14 pm November, 18 Horace Dangleballs said...

Bermuda may declare war upon the US if anyone in their government sees Smoot bringing shame to their shorts like this.

9:15 pm November, 18 Horace Dangleballs said...

Must
Go
Murder

9:17 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Molests
Greek
Muppets

9:18 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Munches
Gravied
Mung

9:24 pm November, 18 Wheezer said...

M eatheads
G o
M anscaping

And they're doin' it REAL GRAND(e).

9:34 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Mescaline
Guzzling
Morons

9:36 pm November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Mutated
Genetics
Multiplying

9:40 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

Smoot deserves Douchebag of the Year!

Vote early and vote often!

9:43 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

the white rhinestone belt is practical, though. I always wear one whenever I'm ready for a dip.

10:09 pm November, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Meat
Growing
Melanoma

@DarkSock 10:16

"…professional Street Louge guy. Or Elevator pit inspector."

Oh my god. I am dieing here.

11:02 pm November, 18 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

In honor of Smoot

(Sing to the tune Rooster by Alice in Chains)

Ain't found a way to kill me yet
Eyes burn with prisoner sweat
Seems every path leads me to buggery
Must stay away from household pets
My white belt was no safe bet
Cell block D screams to me from somewhere

Here they come to stuff the Smootster, aww yeah, hey yeah
Yeah here come the Smootster, yeah
You know I ain't gonna cry
No, no, no, ya know I ain't gonna cry (x2)

Shufflin' low my ass hurts bad
They spit on me for lubrication
Warden sent me pictures my cell mate
Got my pills 'gainst syphillis
My asshole's puckered tight enough
Oh god please won't you help me make it through

Here they come to stuff the Smootster, aww yeah
Yeah here come the Smootster, yeah
You know I ain't gonna cry
No, no, no ya know I ain't gonna cry

11:38 pm November, 18 Wedgie said...

Smoot does not need the GSR. But that is not the same as not GS'ing, which he does. He just omits the R.

Until later, when he has them trapped in the room, all roofied up, while he puts on a famous Marvin Gaye tune and does a little Smootie dance.

11:59 pm November, 18 Deputy Douche said...

Everyone exit the pool for 30 minutes. There has been a 'fouling'.

1:23 am November, 19 bipolarbear said...

^ @Wedgie
"Until later, when he has them trapped in the room, all roofied up, while he puts on a famous Marvin Gaye tune and does a little Smootie dance."

Does that include jazz hands?

2:14 am November, 19 Whoop-di-douche said...

If the plaid seams match on the shorts, Smoot gets extra douche points for spending more bucks.

Bleeth gets extra points for cutting off a dark horse's taily-po-ass-hair and using it as extensions to her bleached blonde shag.

3:13 am November, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Smoot.

Mention of the word loosens my bowels like a cup of black coffee and a bowl of Grape-Nuts.

Many
Gay
Men

Yeah, too simple, but WTF, I just shit out my liver after seeing Smoot again. With a fine specimen of Sea Hag.

And by "hang him" she meant "cum in my left nostril".

3:13 am November, 19 Anonne Huntress said...

Wow, she's quite bleeth with a strong twist of skank. I think E-Blo has just taken the trophy. That was weak, Smoot. Weak.

3:16 am November, 19 Steve L. said...

Samurai Scrote called and wants his zen douchery back. he also challenges Smoot to a shredding contest. which i'm not gonna watch.

3:19 am November, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

"No Sea Hags" is the new "No Fat Chicks".

3:24 am November, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

"I saw a Sea Hag hanging on Smoot at MGM….Her hair was perfect."

And so was the hair on her effigy.

3:46 am November, 19 El Queso said...

I just wanted it stated for the record that The Colgate Wisp, and their immoral commercials encourage sea-hags to suck off multiple guys in the same stinky dance club far too much.

And not in the good way.

3:47 am November, 19 Steve L. said...

Mermaids
Gore
Moobs

(that would be so sexy)

5:35 am November, 19 One for the Choad said...

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to like Smoot. He is a megapud of the highest order standing with one of the bleethiest girls I've ever seen, but hot damn, look at that pose. He's the shit, and he knows it. He's Andy and Randy from "Sex Drive" rolled into one. You have to admire that just a little bit.

Or not, I guess. All I know is that I hope he remains a staple on this site for years to come.

8:47 am November, 19 Anonymous said...

@One for the Chode

You are one sick piece of shit.

3:03 pm November, 19 YodaDouche said...

Guess where I'm not going in Vegas?

I note that she is approximately four years past her prime.

5:25 pm November, 19 Tony Ventresca said...

Gee, not much love for the bleethonaut. I really like her thick thighs and would be happy to slick them up for her.

5:53 pm November, 19 Howard said...

Smoot is not Zen Douche. Not even close. Samurai Scrote has him beat worse than Chris Brown whooped on Rhianna.

7:59 pm November, 19 Flayvaaaa Flaaaaav said...

Mo' cushion for da pushin'!

Yeaaaaaaaaa boyyyyyyyeeeeee

9:47 pm November, 19 Blair said...

DB1, you should go ahead and declare Smoot as DB of the year, then create "DB of the year who is not Smoot" category.

My
Gonads are
Manscaped

10:49 pm November, 19 Anonymous said...

I just shit myself

9:10 pm November, 21 'BagPatrol said...

I delight in the fact that her nickname for him is actually "Poo." Sometimes it's just too easy…

11:39 pm November, 22 Anonymous said...

I can only imagine the dread of having to sit next to them in a restaurant. Their douchery would extend at least 15 feet in every direction to the point where even nearby plants cringe.

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