Sunday, November 15, 2009

Smoot Says "Grroooo"


HCwDB of the Year candidate and scoliosis sufferer, Smoot (without Crystal, on the right), has picked up the gauntlet thrown down by E-Blo on Friday by bringing in Hall of Scrote legend King Douchuous the IV to validate his chances.

As well as two Hoochie Blondes, a secondary douche, and Brothabag Vern. Who just wants to go home.

Yup. The Yearly is going to be a smackdown of epic proportions.

Just to get you ready, here are your HCwDB of the Year finalists who will be competing at the 2009 Douchies:

1. The Ghoulbag and Tri-Hotts
2. Crimson Ted and The Legs Girls
3. Crosshair McJohnson and Leia
4. Anchor Chin and Racquel
5. E-Blo and Brittney
6. Bucky and Kathy Hott
7. Smoot and Crystal
8. Mack the Nozzle and Francine
9. The Poopaloompa and Jane
10. Sir Sucks-a-Lot and Assorted Hotts (wildcard)
11. TBD

One round of three HCwDB of the Year semifinals (3 per), and then each winner in the finals.

Hmm. Eleven makes my job confusing, as I’m not sure how to break down into three groupings of preliminary voting to determine our final three couplings. May need to drop the bottom two from contention.

In the meantime, get ready. The 2009 Douchies are almost here.

# posted by douchebag1
5:38 pm November, 15 Anonymous said...

Isn't that King Douchuous in the middle there?

5:58 pm November, 15 portlandouche said...

Wow, what a slate of contenders; an epic Yearly is coming.

But I don't know how you can "drop the bottom two" without any voting. Maybe pick another wildcard and do three rounds of four, or four rounds of three.

6:15 pm November, 15 Wedgie said...

Douchebag overload; too much thinking yesterday.

Time for a burrito.

6:39 pm November, 15 eltango said...

ghoulbag and anchor chin don't match up. drop those two to get to 9.

6:45 pm November, 15 Justin said...

Is that an open herp sore on Smoot's lower lip? Methinks yes.

6:49 pm November, 15 eltango said...

OR…add schmuckhead and crabs

6:50 pm November, 15 Justin said...

The clear powerhouses in this year's Douchies are Smoot, E-Blo, Bucky, and Crosshair. This is going to be a close one, kids. Bring on the battle!

6:51 pm November, 15 eltango said...

or shiny head sheldon

6:54 pm November, 15 eltango said...

or the WHOOOAAA guy

6:59 pm November, 15 Filthy McBaggin' said...

King Douchous AND Smoot? There should be a law….

7:01 pm November, 15 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Justin @ 10:50 is correct. Those are seeds as far as I'm concerned, with Mac, Poopa, and Crimson Ted the dangerous floaters….Yes, pun intended.

7:07 pm November, 15 Bourbon Bill said...

It has to be Bucky. I close my eyes after going through the list of pics and all I can see is Kathy.

7:39 pm November, 15 Ted said...

"For your consideration:" SMOOOOOT!!!

7:49 pm November, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Can anyone smite Smoot? Get me the jawbone of an ass and I'd give it a try.

Francine, how I love thee……..

It's a leave your wife/cash out the Ameritrade account/pack up the things and Gibson Flat Top/buy a convertible/relocate us to Nashville kind of love with you, baby.

I'd have you dripping in diamonds and give you a pearl necklace every morning, after a giant wizz and when the Cialas kicks in , baby.

I'd serenade you with love songs from a dimly lit stage in a shady Tennessee honky tonk with chicken wire protecting the stage.

I'd bang you whether you showered or not, up to but not limited to 5 days or so.

Only condition is that you don't let self-loving douchbags get their tongue anywhere near you

Hey, that'd make a good country song right there….

7:50 pm November, 15 baleen said...

Where the fuck is Kettlehead? And yes, browsing through the contenders was like squirming face down through a battlefield of poo. E-Blo versus Crimson Ted. You decide.

7:51 pm November, 15 El Caganer said...

Add or subtract contestants, it won't stop the stench coming from Smoot and Bucky. "Groooo" is all Smoot is capable of uttering.
Bucky is a mad douche genius. He defies gravity. He also has sweet, sweet Kathy Hott.
Let's sling some poo and see who wins.

7:54 pm November, 15 The Donger said...

Just add two wildcards (yes I agree Kettlehead should get one) and have 4 groups of 3. Then let the DCS (Douche Championship Series)begin.

8:10 pm November, 15 El Caganer said...

Wild card should come from the two contestants with the most votes that were eliminated in a previous round.

Or

Wild card has a hott showing the most boobies.

8:12 pm November, 15 massengill said...

That is a ringing (and regal) endorsement for Smoot.

8:31 pm November, 15 boatbutter said...

Is that Fishslap on the right?

8:41 pm November, 15 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

How the hell do all these douchebags know each other?

9:08 pm November, 15 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Just nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

9:28 pm November, 15 Patrick said...

What a strong (weak) summer this was with the tribunal of douche, E-Blo, Bucky and Smoot all in a row. Ill be very surprised if those aren't the finalists for HCwDBotY.

9:40 pm November, 15 Just Sayin' said...

raquel should go straight to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Hall of Fame. Her body says "do me" – her eyes say "run very, very fast."

9:51 pm November, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Aawwwwww sheeeee-iiiittt! The rest of the field better watch out, cuz Smoot is goin' to be bringing his A-game this year's battle royale. He's dropped Crystal for some frostly lipped, womandana wearing, Las Vegas blonde. He's training with King Douchuous the IV. I bet he's getting himself pumped listening to Freddie Blassie Pencil Neck Geek at the Gold's Gym while drowning himself with protein suppliments and crying about his steroid shriveled testicles.

Sure there are plenty of good contenders to face off with Smoot in the squared circle, but unless we have a come-from-behind suprise, Smoot shall destroy them. Mack will have his tongue ripped out and sent sobbing back to VH1. The Poompaloompa will be scared white. Anchor Chin will end up at the bottom of the Bougainville trench, and Smoot will grab Rachael's boobies with such rage that they pop like Yaquti grapes. Even the muscled up E-Blo and Crosshair are risking permanent injuries to their inflated egos.

Oh, you dare doubt the power of Smoot? Need I remind you? Smoot shall conquer all, then him and King Douchuous the IV will kick back poolside with their Heinekens and frosty lipped, silicon queens. And they will laugh mightily, making opprobrious comments to every boorish passerby.

Oh how they will laugh.

9:56 pm November, 15 Anonymous said...

E-BLO E-BLO E-BLO! This being of far from perfection is the quintessential douchebag with a hot. His practice of the douche is like the equivalent of scoring a perfect on one's S.A.T. test. E-Blo has it ALL that should make up this website. EVERYTHING about him is sooo douche-tastic, if I ever saw him out in public I would be star-struck by the douchebaggery. Ladies and Gents, E-Blo for Douche 2009, the poster child.

10:04 pm November, 15 Anonymous said...

Regarding your eleven problem – bring back a runner up. You pick, or let us pick.

10:05 pm November, 15 Anonymous said...

Good god man! E-Blo and his stare….whew, Derek Zoolander would be creaming his pants if he saw E-Blo's rendition of the legendary "Magnum". That stare is so lethally douche that it is like the death star was to the poor planets that got in its way during the Star Wars saga. The Devil himself has been rumored to be practicing E-Blo's stare….stuff of d-bag legend

10:51 pm November, 15 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Can't wait…I'm stoked!

11:31 pm November, 15 CeeGee said...

Goodness.

I already see some heavy competition between my final four of Smoot/Crystal, Mack/Francine, Crosshair/Leia and Poopaloompa/Jane. Any of those could win it all this year in the ultimate mock.

11:49 pm November, 15 Sad Party Karaoke Robot said...

E-Blo
Smoot
Mack

Those are my three

11:51 pm November, 15 Anonymous said...

I have a feeling this is going to be an epic battle of douche between E-Blo and Smoot, based on the quantity and quality of their material.

12:36 am November, 16 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

I've got Crosshair, Smoot, EBlo, and Bucky heading straight to the final four, with Crosshair and Smoot scoring a prime time clash of the turdans in the finals.

As much as I want to recognize the awesome hottness of McJohnson's Latina Hott, this will be the year of Smoot. I can smell it.

And by it, I mean poo and learning disablities.

12:57 am November, 16 creature said...

fuck fishslap!

1:17 am November, 16 Anonymous said...

e-blowjob for sure. his focus in his stare is almost as great as the legend "The Gator" himself.

1:19 am November, 16 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

DB1, how about before we pick up the November douche, we have a Doucheout between two shoulda-woulda-couldas for a #12 Bonus Slot? And by slot I mean scrote. That gives you even brackets going in.

–VS

1:32 am November, 16 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

I say we give Schmuckhead a wild card shot. I simply want to see his trifecta of ample bottomed slutty Latina hotts all over again.

And by see, I mean fwop.

2:40 am November, 16 Justin said...

I think Smoot, E-Blo, Bucky, and Crosshair should form a boy band called "The Insane Douche-Clown Posse" and tour the world.

3:02 am November, 16 pv1 said...

You could do 3 groups of 3.6666667.

3:02 am November, 16 pv1 said...

How about either Kettlehead or Bagpoleon as a wild card?

3:06 am November, 16 pv1 said...

Damn. Crimson Ted, E-Blo, Crosshair, and Smoot. Enough douchebaggery to suffocate a small elepahnt…

3:21 am November, 16 DarkSock said...

Avoid the rush…starting abusing alcohol now.

Punishing yearly ahead…goodbye sober month.

3:27 am November, 16 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Sock, I actually started abusing alcohol several years ago in anticipation of this epic battle.

3:51 am November, 16 Summer's Eve said...

Man, do I have some catching up to do.
Being a latecomer (only a few months under my belt here), I have a helluva lot of homework, reviewing lots of pictures of horrors from the recent past so that I can make an informed decision with my vote – a vote that has lasting implications for all Mankind.

And when I say homework, I mean torture.

There are a LOT of vaginal cleansing products I have set before me, paired with women who *should* know better.
But obviously don't.

Good thing I have my Grey Goose, Red Bull 6-pack and bag of ice for my my red cup.
Gonna be a loooong night….

3:56 am November, 16 Anonymous said...

While Smoot and E-Blo are sublime specimens on the standard douche, Crimson Ted redefined what it means to be a douchebag. He is truly genre-defying.

4:05 am November, 16 Torque MuleBrow said...

9 douches, 1 cup

4:11 am November, 16 Remote Wedgie said...

Smoot, E-Blo & Crosshair are essentially the same guy. Inflatable Erecto, with genitals.

Bucky distinguishes himself from that august company by virtue of his slovenly appearance, so much different than guys who obviously spend more time than my wife does getting ready to go out.

4:12 am November, 16 Anonymous said...

Smoot rolling out King Douchuous 1V this close to finals time is akin to General Colin Powell's endorsement of Obama a few weeks out from the '09 election.

What's next – a pic of Cro 'Bagnon shielding E-Blo from assorted Hotts at a bar?

Yep, this is the post-season folks!

4:32 am November, 16 Ł£ÅMmmÆhh*>€ said...

T)-(E HÜMÄN £Ęågue RËFØRMÈD??!!??

4:53 am November, 16 Mr. White said...

Oh, Racquel, how I missed you. You boobs and piercing eyes compel me.

All…must…vote…for…Anchor…Chin…and…Racquel…

ALL HAIL HER HYPNOBOOBS!

4:55 am November, 16 Flyteeth said...

I"VE STARED INT RACQUESL FUCEN CRAXY SLAPWHOAR EYES AND MOMENTOUS FUCWEN CLEAVEAGW AND GFOUND TRUE TARMAL! VOTE FOR TAMRAL WHILE I BWAT MY FUCEN MEAT!~

4:59 am November, 16 Anonymous said...

i think this is the first time two HOSers (let's face it smoot is destined) have ever been caught in the same picture. and if that wasn't enough, they brought two other huge douches and two total bleeths. should this get a special place in the hall?

5:27 am November, 16 creature said...

if you cover up smoot's neck, head & bicep, you can see the adolescent pegboy ass pear he is smuggling on his upper back…. he was very popular on cell block D

6:36 am November, 16 Ubiquitous Anonymous Lurker said...

Gotta have Mack in there. Any douche willing to mark his face with tats to guarantee a life of mediocrity and failed hopes and dreams deserves to make the finals.

7:24 am November, 16 Crucial Head said...

Let's be honest. This all boils down to Smoot vs. E-Blow.

I hope I'm around here for the finale.

7:47 am November, 16 Filthy ' said...

Bagpolean has to be included in any wildcard discussion.

7:47 am November, 16 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Bagpolean has to be included in any wildcard discussion.

9:32 am November, 16 Anonne Huntress said...

Why aren't the Douchies in January, to allow us to close out the calendar year? The Biggest. Douche. Ever. could show up in December and get left out, and fall outside the 2010 Douchies.

1:42 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

Man this is epic. My first yearly, I'm so excited. My final four would be E-Blo, Crosshair, Smoot and Bucky. My god I forgot how HOTT Crosshair's hott Leia was. It's going to really depend on how Db1 brackets things. These giant scrotes could meet in an early round.

That said, I have to mention Mack and Poopa. Francine is bleethy enough to put Mack over the top and she is in contention for the MEFDH award and Bleethiest Bleeth award. And Poopa is galactic scrote like Xenu. He is a force of nature even without the hottest hott. This is going to be one hell of a show.

1:50 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

Can we go ahead and put Smoot and E-Blo in the HOS already. Will that skew the votes? I mean Poompa is in the Closet of Poo.

And King D. continues to spread the virus. People were going easy on him because of his friendly behavior but that guy is worse than Fish Slap. He is constantly patroling the scene with the bleethiest hotts. And now he's roaming with Smoot, I guess at the douchebag convention.

2:04 pm November, 16 massengill said...

King D holds court at the Tiki Bar in Hell. Who knew?

3:05 pm November, 16 Johnny Apple Sack said...

Jesus Christ, the pitch is full of viable contenders. Pack a lunch ladies and gentlemen!

3:54 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

Crimson Ted already has my vote. Why was he always so angry?

3:59 pm November, 16 Anonymous said...

Why aren't there 11 already? It's November and I thought each monthly winner was entered into the yearly automatically. Have 12 contenders and you have 3 in four brackets. It's not that hard.

4:19 pm November, 16 Justin said...

@ Crucial 11:24

If you are around for the finale? What's going on? Are you having dark thoughts? Has this years list been too much for you to handle? Do we need to stage an intervention, buddy? Don't go to the light! It will all be over soon!

5:11 pm November, 16 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

The latest sign of the Apocalypse. King Douchuous IV and Smoot sharing a beach.

Only one word comes to mind:

Poo

5:13 pm November, 16 CARL said...

HCwDB acronym for – "hot chick with douche bag" see custom essay…the phenomenon of young, nubile hotties interacting with smug, tribal-tatted, smootchy-lipped, greasy forehead-havin', hair-jelled, pop-collared, 10-degree slant hat-wearin', bling-infested, TAG stankin', chest-waxin', soul-patch sportin', oversized aviator shade wearin', bandana-clad, manscaped club-monkey poseurs…

5:34 pm November, 16 jonezy said...

holy shit. wow.

I am very excited for the Douchies now.

Will E-blo's blank stares top the gesturing Smoot?

Can Crosshair McJohnson's Hott supersede the Hat Tilty douchiness of Bucky?

Is an American Standard 1.6 gallon toilet tank big enough to flush a Poopaloompa?

Welcome to the Douchocolypse

6:20 pm November, 16 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Summer's Eve 7:51pm

I share your newcomer challenge. May have to quit my job and go on welfare in order to have enough time to review the early months, get in the requisite "catch-up" fwapping, and find some time to sleep. Oh, and of course step out of the "office" to say hello to Mrs. Scrotato Head and the tots.

But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

I was confused by part of what you posted though. When you said:

There are a LOT of vaginal cleansing products I have set before me, paired with women who *should* know better.
But obviously don't.

You were talking about vaginal cleansing products and ditzy lesbians, right? :p

'Cuz if you are, then I'm going to need a bag of ice for my Red Bull, too.

Oh, and E-blo, Buckey, Smoot, and Crimson Tedd in the Frightful-Four with Smoot taking it all in a scroto-finish.

8:21 pm November, 16 DarkSock said...

Wait.

What about Kettle Head?

12:32 am November, 17 Cinde said...

do we even have to vote? it is smoot in a landslide. what does it take to get into the hall of scrote 'cause that dude should be immediately inducted.

1:17 am November, 17 Wheezer said...

The Sarge (5:32 p.m.) is on to something by suggesting Schmuckhead as a wild-card. Perhaps Bagpoleon can be the other sacrificial lame –errrrr, LAMB (sorry) — creating 3 rounds of 4, or 4 rounds of 3, providing yet another chance for Alex Limburger…..ummmmm, Limpwrist…..Alex to be smashed.

Especially since Smoot seems to have brought out the big guns. Unless Bucky drags Peaches out of his closet, or Crosshair hooks up with Bra!! or Gator, Smoot has this one locked up.

2:10 am November, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

An overdose of douche-Bleeth photo like this demands a remedy.

Please post a sextet of Ass Pear, and do it fast.

6:19 am November, 17 Crabs McGee said...

Poopaloompa FTW.

Fuck the rest of them.

6:34 am November, 17 PSIDDY said...

POOP sees all these douchebags and raises. Seriously, mothafuckas, how the hell can you hope to contend with ALIEN BAGGAGE. POOP FTW

7:54 am November, 17 Anonymous said...

@Crabs McGee and PSIDDY,

He's in the Closet of Poo. No other member of the closet of poo has won the Yearly. I repeat, "none."

Before you say, "yea, but Poopa transcends the Closet of Poo;" I answer with: Have you seen the rest of the Closet of Poo?

They aren't douchebags anymore. They are poop. No joke. Just poop. And we aren't voting for the Hottest Chick with the biggest Poop.

2:09 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

But Anon 11:54pm, there have only been two yearly winners so far. That's not exactly enough to determine a trend.

4:31 am November, 18 Anonymous said...

E-Blow, Smoot and Crimson Ted should get a direct pass into the finals.

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