Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving Dinner Etiquette


Some excellent advice on proper dinner etiquette this holiday season, from “Rental Decorating:”

—-
5. Once seated, stay awake!

Look to your hostess to lead. At this meal even the most unsuspecting people will say a grace, for instance. The hostess will indicate when to start passing things, and when she starts to eat, you may eat. Facilitate the meal for others – start passing the shared items, the salt and pepper (both), the butter, the cranberry sauce, and the gravy.

6. The passing of things.

If your plates are served, then when someone asks for the salt, pick up both the salt and pepper and place them down beside the person next to you. They are not passed hand-to-hand, and only the requesting party may use them. Inefficient? Manners are not about efficiency.

7. Make conversation.

It’s an active thing! At a smaller seating, there may be one general conversation; in a larger group, talk with the people across from you and on either side of you. If you’re conversation-challenged, work with your coach and come up with a list of conversation-starters, i.e., Did you see that great special on PBS last night? What are your plans for Christmas this year? How was the traffic at the airport? What football team are you rooting for? Start training your children young. Help them come up with a list of things to talk about. They’ll love it and feel included.

8. Mocking douchebags

Should any ‘bags be seated at your table this Thanksgiving, be sure to mock and ridicule their absurd choices of clothing and preening narcissism. Your host will appreciate it! Then steal the gibblets from their plate when they’re busy talking to the person on the other side of the table about the benefits of Creatine and Muscle Milk. Then hit on their girlfriend.

Be sure to follow these easy etiquette guidelines this Thanksgiving, and yours will be a festive and happy occasion!

And remember. Ubiquitous Red Cup is watching. Always watching.
—-

# posted by douchebag1
9:04 pm November, 25 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Looks like blonde hott in the middle just shit her pants and is desperately trying to figure out a way to get the rest of the drunken sorority hotts off of her as soon as possible without exposing her humiliating faux pas.

Good luck honey, as a person who has shit their pants more than once, you're in for a real fight against the clock.

9:06 pm November, 25 Wheezer said...

I don't know, Sarge – she could be touching the choad's greasy head and asking the photographer to go to the bathroom "down the hall" for a clean towel.

9:10 pm November, 25 TurkeyStuffer said...

The thunder down under.

9:17 pm November, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Looks like blondie in the middle feels some kind of hate crime comin' on. "But officer you should have seen it. The horror… the horror…"

9:20 pm November, 25 UFO Destroyers said...

Here's hoping that right bumper hott has planted her stiletto heel into the db's brain stem and that is why she is missing one shoe. Medusa could probably explain how it could happen–in her basement of course.

It would seem that middle hott has realized that she hasn't sharted, but our DB has lost control of his bowels.

9:21 pm November, 25 Anonymous said...

THAT MAN IS NOT A DOUCHE.

Hell, he can't help it that he's been attacked by six hots in a primary frenzy of lust.

I mean, the man is almost unconscious after battling those furies.

My brothers, you must NOT cast the aspersions of 'douche' upon this wounded and helpless man.

Please, in the spirit of this Thanksgiving holiday consider pardoning him for whatever douchey trespass he might commit at a later date.

9:25 pm November, 25 chixdiggit said...

half of me wants to make fun of this picture, while the other half would
repeatedly punch a baby seal in the face just to be in that guy's position.

9:29 pm November, 25 Vin Douchal said...

BleethDucken.

12 legs of suckle thigh and one passed out Nickelback fan with his brain oozing out of his ear from the never ending screeching.

9:30 pm November, 25 Bagnonymous said...

If you photoshop out Chocolate Pud Scrote, this looks exactly like the "finale" to the wet dream I had last night. Middle Blondie-Hott even had that same look on her face, thinking, "Oh my god, so gross! I need a towel or something."

9:37 pm November, 25 Bagnonymous said...

After countless failed interventions by his friends to turn Chocolate Pud straight, their last-ditch effort involved tossing him into a raging hormone pile of woo-hottie suckle thigh. When he promptly fell asleep of boredom, they knew that their mission was hopeless.

9:38 pm November, 25 Bagnonymous said...

^ …er, but definitely not "herpless."

9:39 pm November, 25 scrotum pole said...

I give this guy a notta' pass as well. The only thing I can criticize is his apparent lack of boner erupting from his polyester "slacks."

9:45 pm November, 25 Bagnonymous said...

Higher resolution pic, please, DB1! Need to get a closer view of cheetah-cowboy-hat-Jenna-Bush-hott's nether region. For purely scientific reasons, of course.

PS. Trying to match the faces with the legs in this pic is like staring at one of those M.C. Escher drawings…

9:49 pm November, 25 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Try all you like, but Adam Lambert is always going to pick hot dog over taco.

@UFO Destroyers^
Speaking of Medusa, I'm guessing she's the one holding the camera. This looks to be an "experiment" she would orchestrate in the basement. Somewhere inside that hide-a-bed DarkSock is biding his time, waiting for a stray butt to wander into pee range.

9:49 pm November, 25 Anonymous said...

This website should just be called "Douchebags." Even if some of the girls are good looking, they all look like pretty big d-bags to me!

9:50 pm November, 25 scrotum pole said...

@ SSS 1:04

Bwaaah aaah!

I think it's too late for blondie. She just has to get to a shower ASAP and hope she has a change of clothes handy.

9:57 pm November, 25 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Cynthia began vomitting uncontrollably as Vhonda took in yet another deep breath of Plinky's mom's dead tapeworms. Though she could feel her breasts turning to puss and dribbling out of sight, she knew the stench of 'worm was worth it.

9:59 pm November, 25 Anonymous said...

The blond chick with the blue eyes is a manequin.

I would wear my hair in a fauxhawk, sport the latest Ed Hardy jeans and T shirts, flash continuous gang signs, pile into a VW with 4 Guidos, and listen to nothing but Nickelback just to spend an hour with the two lipstick lesbians on the right side of the photo.

French fo Shower.

10:01 pm November, 25 scrotum pole said...

This dude is apparently asleep.
Only possible explanation:
He must have had the turkey with extra tryptophan.

No way in hell, I'm sleeping through that.

10:06 pm November, 25 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@SSS ^1:04

You'd look that way too if you were trapped next to 1985 John Taylor and had to listen to him complain about how Duran Duran is as relevant today as they were "back in the day".

10:11 pm November, 25 Horace Dangleballs said...

Polyester Paul to his buddies…

"Bro, it was so wild! I had like these six hotties all over me on the couch!"

Meanwhile, the prozzies had discovered that if they roofied their client they got paid AND didn't have to screw him. If a complaint arose, they provided the displayed proof that he had "enjoyed" a great night. Brilliant, really…

10:12 pm November, 25 Anonymous said...

Righty tongue hott has clearly been to this kinda party before, and she doesn't care who knows it.

10:19 pm November, 25 Scroteophobic said...

He is wearing sunglasses indoors.
He looks like he is rocking a 'hawk.
There is a URC nearby.
He is in that position and has not done anything that has got him arrested or maced yet. I mean, seriously? Face UP? Idiot!

Where's the notta?

10:30 pm November, 25 End the Haberdouchery said...

peopleofwalmart.com just blinded me at the bottom of their page.

This guy is going to show the ladies how to put in the stuffing, pass from me.

10:30 pm November, 25 Troy Tempest said...

The girl in the middle looks miserable, and I can't blame her. All she needs to do is let loose a nice loud rip from the chimichanga she had at lunch. These losers would flee instantly.

Or, perhaps that's the source of her sadness – she DIDN'T order the chimichanga – she had a steak and half a baked potato covered in cheese sauce. She'll be blocked up for two days. She couldn't fart right now for love or money. Poor girl.

Come on baby – you can do it – even an SBD would do – just queef out a little CH4 and make them go away… you can do it!

10:43 pm November, 25 DarkSock said...

We've seen this bunch before; except Bernie was upright. Roofie girl is the same though.

Wheezer?

10:59 pm November, 25 Anonymous said...

He's obviously a fudge packer. I mean come on how could you not have at least semi-wood in that position?

11:41 pm November, 25 Anonymous said...

I'm having fun looking at the jumbled cross-section of fine legs and f-me shoes/boots, trying to sort out which sets go with which girl.

Douche (Notadouche?) has sort of a Morrissey vibe going on. Her Arsenal, indeed.

– Oucheday Agbay

11:47 pm November, 25 El Caganer said...

I am just plain jealous. Now I am thinking about becoming a douche bag. It sure paid off for this dude.

11:47 pm November, 25 El Caganer said...

I am just plain jealous. Now I am thinking about becoming a douche bag. It sure paid off for this dude.

1:55 am November, 26 Whoop-di-douche said...

Turducken was always served at The Cabaret, and re-enacted on the stage later during the show with the layers of fowl meat stacked one inside the other.

6:06 am November, 26 DarkSock said...

Wheezer must be off-doody so I'll crack out me laptop tomorrow and find this previously submitted bunch, because the 2 images juxtaposed illustrate that the dude is either passed out and gettin' rolled by hookers, or is dead and about to be devoured by necronymphs who will anally penetrate each other with his wet dislodged femur while using his skull and an unbalanced bone saw as a makeshift Sybian.

What?

11:42 am November, 26 Steve L. said...

i was just reading the Onion today and some poor dude apparently will come "face-to-face with an endless string of pricks from his past, each of whom he will have to engage in awkward conversation, and generally pretend to be happy about seeing again."

clearly, he is not aware of Rule #8. that might be why he's also billed as an asshole by other people. if it's any consolation to him though, he doesn't look like an asshole in the photograph.

3:36 pm November, 26 Bob said...

Were I in the d'bag's position, I tell ya, I'd last about 10 seconds before erupting in my pants. Good lord, that's a lot of hott to be draped upon.

5:27 am November, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

Wilkommen, bien-venue, welcome!"

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