Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Cure For Constipation


1. Put on your cheapest Ed Hardy

2. Lean over a well endowed lady friend’s boobs (for inspiration)

3. Flex intensely

4. Make “The Kissy Lips”

5. Squeeze

# posted by douchebag1
11:40 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

and wear tight white jeans.

11:43 pm November, 17 Wheezer said...

It's fitting that he's making fart sounds with his palms since he is poo. Then I wonder what he considers "polishing a turd"?

Probably the same thing I'm doing when I think of her boobs muffled by today's teal-topped librarian hott.

11:43 pm November, 17 Anonymous said...

wtf. Did he get back from a fencing tournament? Why the douche is he wearing tight white pants? And that chick looks like a Stevie Wonder-like blind jack-o-lantern with an early 90s perm. AND… that guy has outrageously small hands relative to his head.

11:44 pm November, 17 Southern Scrotic said...

He's just that tighty whitey kinda guy.

11:49 pm November, 17 Wedgie said...

No wonder he smells like poo. Jeez, even my kids don't push 'em out that hard.

11:53 pm November, 17 orangabag said...

The quality of the last few posted broads is questionable at best, the smell of douche is not.

11:58 pm November, 17 Wedgie said...

^^Missed librarian hottie.

12:06 am November, 18 From the Law Officies of Roni Douche said...

What a fucking asshat. I have a feeling that chesty's grin will become even wider after asshat's brains become one with the shitty door behind them. Your welcome, chesty. Can you imagine the plasma fountain spewing forth from the Ed Hardy hole where asshat's head once was? *racks shotgun*

12:17 am November, 18 Anonymous said...

Librarian Hott = The CosmoBag

12:22 am November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

This scrote scab does not have, yea he IS a bowel impaction.

12:28 am November, 18 End the Haberdouchery said...

If Christian Audigier had a teratoma removed from his abdomen, it would look like this guy.

12:34 am November, 18 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I'm thinkin' he had one too many porch beef burritos.

12:36 am November, 18 Captain Bringdown said...

Publicity still from "For whom the chin tolls".

12:37 am November, 18 Captain Bringdown said...

That guys chin is discolored from years of use as a ball ottoman.

12:50 am November, 18 Vin Douchal said...

This guy is textbook. Bravo. Bravissimo.

You , sir, are it. In your own mind you are the conquering hero of fine pussy, macho silhouette of manhood , desired by woman of all ages and a paladin to small kittens stuck in trees.

And by all that I mean, what an asshole …….

1:36 am November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Now that's the type of choad that you enjoy mocking from a relatively close distance. Normally I would preach caution in regards to these roid raged bags. But this douche is different.

The tight shirt and muscle pose say, "hey guy, I'm super tough, don't mess with me."

But the tight white pants say, "I want Shelly to hook me up with her hott older brother."

And the pants neve lie.

2:08 am November, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Wait. Who has the constipation?

2:27 am November, 18 pv1 said...

Hold on a minute! What do I have to squeeze?

2:29 am November, 18 pv1 said...

Greg prepares for Dancing with the Stars: Douche Edition

2:29 am November, 18 pv1 said...

I wouldn't mind waltzing all over her Paso Doble…

2:52 am November, 18 creature said...

by the look on Charlene's face & her posture, I'd say she's squeezing out a foot of knotted rope… Jimbo is leaning in for a whiff

3:25 am November, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

I like the very 3-D quality of the mark of the douche on his forehead, and the equally 3-D assets on her upper torso: they make for great studio art drawing of the human figure.

Besides, anyone holding those poses for any more than five minute would get that look on their faces too. Restroom's down the hallway, folks.

3:45 am November, 18 Anonymous said...

Is she going potty in a trailer home, while he tries to hold it in?

4:02 am November, 18 Rumpelscroteskin said...

White jeans are so passe, and show skid-marks.

4:12 am November, 18 DarkSock said...

Captain Bringdown @4:37 FTW w/ "ball ottoman".

4:13 am November, 18 J.W. said...

I must say that although the douche is certainly deserving of that appellation, his female companion has a most joyous and sincere smile. Which makes the scene all the more disturbing.

4:14 am November, 18 DarkSock said...

Doug used Kathy's long grinding Sybian ride as an opportunity to slip into her white Capri pants and ejaculate like a mayonnaise machine gun.

4:26 am November, 18 Torque MuleBrow said...

Jerry squeezed each fetus tightly as they popped out, one by one.

What?

4:57 am November, 18 Doo Schnozzle said...

Quote: "The Cure For Constipation"

More like Cause and Effect.

Ugh.

5:46 am November, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@DarkSock^

"Mayonnaise Machine Gun"

Gawd. That is visionary. And must be invented. Secure the patent today.

5:51 am November, 18 boatbutter said...

I would revise the steps to the cure as such:

1. Circumcise self with carrot peeler

2. Put on your cheapest Ed Hardy

3. Lean over a well endowed lady friend's boobs (for inspiration)

4. Flex intensely

5. Make "The Kissy Lips"

6. Squeeze

7. Suck-off hobo

7:13 am November, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

I will take solace knowing that Jeffrey suffered a severe stroke only moments after this photo was taken.

Or maybe it was an aneurysm?

Or maybe it was irritable bowl syndrome? No, wait, that's me after looking at this putz.

7:22 am November, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Or a fecal impaction? No wait, this guy IS a fecal impaction. My bad.

7:26 am November, 18 Chinga Dera La Douche said...

6. Lather

7. Rinse

8. Repeat

7:27 am November, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

"Andrew Dice Clay, this is YOUR life!"

He had no idea who the chick was when they brought her out.

9:05 am November, 18 Steve L. said...

i will poop in her boobies.

that's what separates me from constipation boy.

1:23 pm November, 18 scrotum pole said...

As Chef Hugo shapes another Porch Beef patty, Angie happily squirts the remnants of his last one on the kitchen floor.

4:26 pm November, 18 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Mona lived a lonely existence at the Home for Blind Bleeths until Drew came into her life. He would regale her with tales of going hunting for porch beef with his buddy Ed Hardy. He told her that he looked like "a young Sly Stallone in Rambo" and that clinking she heard was his dogtags from "being over there." Mona loved the companionship even if she could tell he seemed "a little off". After their latest visit was capped off with a photo Mona would never see, Drew's handler came to retrieve him and take him back to The Great Ape exhibit.

5:12 pm November, 18 Ojo Rojo said...

You forgot: 6. Put on tight white pants.

6:50 pm November, 18 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Metamucil works for me. Still, I'd leave in the step requiring a lean over those boobies.

8:33 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

instructions for creating a proper meat wallet:

clench tightly

prepare pucker

insert bruce

-douche bagel

9:30 pm November, 18 Anonymous said...

You've got to love pumpies when they flex for no apparent reason.

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