Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Salt Licker Softly Weeps


This week’s HCwDB of the Week loser (winner), The Salt Lick, is not taking his loss (win) very well.

In protest over the vote, The ‘Lick went out and got the Gaelic symbol for “semi-employed” tattoed on his belly button. And now he’s macking on Tiny Lori with only semi-efforted douchosity.

Because The Licker’s blue.

He wanted scrotal appreciation. And we gave him only disinterest. Which is like spiritual death to a ‘bag.

# posted by douchebag1
3:15 pm November, 19 saulgoode42 said...

"I'm sad because I will never have babies. This tattoo shows where my ovum would be. Two of them. Maybe this chick will donate hers."

3:21 pm November, 19 YodaDouche said...

The tattoo is Germanic, not Celtic. It means, "Toes Go In First" and usually is applied just above the rectal sphincter.

He met her at a wet t-shirt contest, where she lost to him.

3:22 pm November, 19 Troy Tempest said...

We're in for another tough weekly my friends, and the tide hasn't even washed up the Friday poo stains.

We've got Scribbles, Pootiny, and Jenny's Superdouche all in this week. This is not a good situation. And if a few more creepy fucks from the greasy side of life show up tomorrow – we will have a veritable bounty of shite to choose from. Buckle your seatbelts. Next week's weekly could be a tough one.

3:24 pm November, 19 Anonymous said...

I'll be damned. I thought that was the hieroglyphic symbol for: "I go both ways."

AV

3:27 pm November, 19 Anonymous said...

I think it says "I'm with stupid," but it's pointing up…?

3:35 pm November, 19 Hector Tamer of Douches said...

Salt Lick is washed up in the manner of a Dana Octopus Squid

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taningia_danae

the blinding flashes of his sweet highlights disorientating Emmy Rossum hott into performing his deep-sea mating ritual consisting of fingering his ass while he sucks his grandfather's piece.

3:41 pm November, 19 Anonymous said...

RUN LORI, RUUUUUNNN!!!

3:45 pm November, 19 Reader Mike said...

Hey, if The Salt Lick didn't win it's his own damn fault. He's got to step up his game a little. There's a lot of competition out there.

Unfortunately most of said competition goes to the gym I belong to, hovering 'round the equipment in groups of three or four, hats jauntily turned sideways.

3:53 pm November, 19 Captain Bringdown said...

Salt lick isn't aiming high enough. You can't go half-assed on the Hott side of the equation, SL. Stop trolling for partners at the Waffle House Career Expo and take a weekend drive over the local college town during greek rush season. Sure, it takes more than some meth and cigarettes to bag a coed, but the returns to your douche resume can't be overstated.

3:58 pm November, 19 Reader Mike said...

@ Captain Bringdown

Right. He's gotta move out of his comfort zone.

4:08 pm November, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Salt Lick sure likes 'em young. His "comfort zone" is limited to girls who say things like "That is sooo cool", "My mom would be so mad at me for this", and "I wish I was old enough to do that for myself".

4:08 pm November, 19 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

@ Captain & Reader

HAHAHA

Well played sirs, excellent mocking. I would say great way to start my day, but when I saw Salt Lick I pooped a little in my pants.

And the office sort of frowns on that sort of thing.

Fucking Salt Lick. Here's your homework for your adult ed class, go home, uncap mom's bleach in the laundry room, and drink until it's gone.

4:15 pm November, 19 El Caganer said...

She is European for sure. Oh, and she is 17.

4:17 pm November, 19 El Caganer said...

I like the way Salt licker rolls.

4:23 pm November, 19 massengill said...

She's hot.

4:25 pm November, 19 ImageWrangler said...

Lick is quite the specimen, kinda like my recent stool sample.

4:28 pm November, 19 Mike said...

He must be trolling the playgrounds of private schools now.

4:32 pm November, 19 Troy Tempest said...

She has only had 36 menstruations.

4:34 pm November, 19 Justin said...

Maybe it's because December is on it's way, but doesn't the Lickster kind of remind you of

Scott Farkus?

Maybe it's just me…

4:34 pm November, 19 UFO Destroyers said...

Right about now, he should be getting escorted out of the girl's dorm at Westchester State, having a campus police mug shot taken, and on the business end of a good tasering from the cattle prods the Ag school is working to improve. We should also be hearing "Don't tase me, Bro" over and over again as he loses control of his bowels in the basement of the campus security building.

At least that's how I envision this meeting ending. And that helps me sleep at night.

4:43 pm November, 19 Crucial Head said...

Lookth like thumeone likth getting fucked in the belly buttonnnnn.

5:01 pm November, 19 Bob said...

He went from wearing white gloves and pinching his douche-mate's nipple in glorious homo-erotic douche-splendor, to a weak-ass hand sign, meaningless belly tatt, only the beginnings of GSR, and simple shirtlessness. His loss (win) has definitely taken a lot of douche-wind (read: poo smell) out of his sails.

As to her, though, I would secretly watch her walking by my house with whatever school accoutrement she had, groaning at the force of increasing turgidity of my loins in my pants, and feeling mighty guilty about it afterwards.

Well, a *little* guilty, anyway.

5:06 pm November, 19 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Salt Lick is not going to lick these pictures at his Statutory Rape trial….

Jesus, dude needs to find a mid-30's to mid-40's. And no, I didn't say 'Cougar' or 'MILF'. I have taken it upon myself to officially retire those two now profusely over-used words out of the pop-culture lexicon once and for all.

5:08 pm November, 19 End the Haberdouchery said...

As he paged through the books at the tattoo parlor he thought, "What can I get indelibly marked on my person that exclaims my love for cock and balls splooging in my navel?"

When the Lick hit page 57, he knew he had his answer. The rest is history ladies and gentlemen…

5:08 pm November, 19 Anonymous said...

Of course he didn't win in the weekly–how could anybody take him seriously when his nipples point in different directions?

(Dammit, what's with all my comments being about nipples lately…?)

-Bagnonymous

5:16 pm November, 19 Dr. DB said...

@Justin

Brilliant observation. I knew he had enraged me at some point in my life. But The Great Bag Hunter "Ralphie" beat the crap out of him after the snow ball incident.

I bow to you oh great Ralphie.

Dr DB

5:20 pm November, 19 Publius Choadius Naso said...

No kidding: that is the alchemical symbol for–get this–sulfur. let the stink-related jokes begin.

5:57 pm November, 19 Doo Schnozzle said...

Oh how the mighty(?) have fallen.

LOL

6:47 pm November, 19 Anonymous said...

I would love for Tiny Lori to sprinkle pixie dust on my balls.

6:53 pm November, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Publius

That's not the alchemical symbol for sulfur it is the symbol for Choadium. If you read DB1's book you would see that this affliction (pun intended) has plagued mankind many for centuries. You can tell by the second horizontal arrow.

Is he holding two fingers up for

a) the number of beating he's going to get beat by the campus police.

b) number of times his cell mate likes to "make love" in the evenings.

c) number of working brain cells in this picture

or

d) the number of testosterone injections he needs to remain in the male form.

8:03 pm November, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

When I got up this morning, my throat sore, head pounding, and mouth foamy dry, I thought to myself, "Hey, I would really like to see The Salt Lick's nipples." So I dragged my self out of bed, drained my bladder, put the coffee on and made up a mug of Western Family instant oatmeal, and popped open my wife's laptop.

And what do I see? Oh joy of joys! My wish has come true! Yes, that's right Salt Lick. You have two nipples, thank you for sharing.

This man is dangerous, and needs to be kept away from all Jr. high schools. Our children are not safe!

8:28 pm November, 19 Anonymous said...

She is a minor

9:08 pm November, 19 Southern Scrotic said...

So is he.

9:10 pm November, 19 DarkSock said...

Lori smells like baby oil and court summons.

Salt Lick smells like Peen Juice.

9:20 pm November, 19 Anonne Huntress said...

Yep, douche of epic proportions. Not only does he like to drug 'em while they're young, he too has a shaved chest and likely a shaved groin. He figured out that we hated GSR and decided to show us, along with his uber-gay stomach tatt.

Have we ever had a repeat contender for the weekly? This choad deserves a win.

11:58 pm November, 19 Steve L. said...

much as it pains me to say it, Salt Lick might actually be an ironworker. i'm not going to comment on how many ironworkers i've met who have been fucking dangerously young chicks behind their wives' backs.

1:28 am November, 20 Publius Choadius Naso said...

@Bunsen

Choadium. Heh heh heh.

Sulfur marks the step of Fermentation–again, heh heh heh–in the alchemical process. What can Choadium mark, I wonder?

8:09 am November, 20 Whoop-di-douche said...

Salt Lick likes imitating Lori's hair with hand signals.

One could play pinball on his torso with all those grooves.

2:13 pm November, 20 Arnold Scrotezeneggar said...

That's Michael Dudikoff from American Ninja right??

2:41 am November, 21 Douche Bagelo said...

Looks like The Licker's got a cold sore…he should be way more circumspect of who's salt he's licking.

11:35 pm November, 22 Anonymous said...

And, lo, the Lord decreed unto Moses "cast out all the unbelievers and douchebags from your midst."

4:23 pm November, 23 Yeah, I got nothin' said...

This is the Abominable Dr. Saltbag and his assistant Vulnavia.

Leave a Reply

What is 7 + 9 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)