Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A Sherpa Named Tim


Once, when I was busking for trade in the lower mountains of Peakware near outer Uruguay, I met one of the holy Sherpas from the nearby village.

His name was Tim.

“Ted? Can I ask you something?” I asked.

“My name is Tim,” he replied softly, rubbing his wrinkled hands with fish oils gathered from sardines in nearby Lake Recawcawca.

“You should know my name is Tim.” He continued. “For you just typed it earlier in your post.”

“Ted,” I continued. “Tell me why Aqua Teen Boobie Force has shirt stains? Why does the Jerz Guid mug the Aqua Teen Boobie Force?”

“To know the Jerz Guid is to know the self.” Tim replied softly, taking a bite from his trail mix of dried whale cake and plantain.

“Mock. And all will be revealed.”

So I paid Tim off with Conquistador coin. He headed back down the trail. I settled in to enjoy some tasty HoHos and watch the sunset. And realized the Jerz Guid was poo. And must be mocked on the internet accordingly.

# posted by douchebag1
7:23 pm December, 1 jonezy said...

beneath all that aqua is the Treasure of Sierra Madre, known by the contemporary name of "look at those Booobies!"

7:24 pm December, 1 jonezy said...

I wonder if her belt matches her vagina?

you know, after you peel all the scabs away

7:27 pm December, 1 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

That fucking guido bastard soaked that hott's shoulder in donkey jizz. You ass cancer fuck, she looks heavenly, like after a warm bath of the finest scented salts we could spend the next forty-seven seconds in utter bliss, and you ruined it.

I want to kill myself immediately, there is no hope.

And by "myself", I meant, "that head banded, smarm-lipped retard."

7:30 pm December, 1 The Desert Douchehunter said...

Damn, Ted. She pays for dinner…

again…

and you repay that by blowing your beak all over her shirt. How Jerzy of you.

BTW, they have these places called Laundromats now. Take your shirt there already. I can freaking smell it through the screen…

…and it smells like poo

…it smells like you.

7:30 pm December, 1 Teddy Tendergass said...

I love it when DB1 spins yarns about his excursions into the remote places of this earth with sherpas.

7:33 pm December, 1 Bagnonymous said...

Actually DB1, that stain is from when she visited me in the oval office.

(rimshot) Hey-O!

Crimony, ATBF is delicious! Oh how I love her soft suppleness. I would let a blind barber with Parkinson's use a rusty straight razor to shave the hairs from my bunghole, just for the chance to snort dried-and-powdered alpaca semen off her upper chest.

7:34 pm December, 1 Mr. White said...

I'd Master her Shake.

I'd Fry her Lock.

I'd Meat her Wad.

I'd explore her Mooninites.

I'd…verb her noun…I don't remember what the other ATHF aliens are called.

7:35 pm December, 1 Mr. White said...

Right now, I'm imagining her pink finger gloves working my naughty parts. In a secondary fantasy, I'm imagining my fingers crushing his larynx.

Neither of these fantasies include the jizz stains or the stroke that's making her eye do that, though.

7:38 pm December, 1 Crucial Head said...

Upon laying her eyes on the No Smoking sign, Griselda’s nicotine patch spontaneously began secreting donkey jizz in short, passionate pulses.

7:39 pm December, 1 Crucial Head said...

I just imagined Mr. White's naughty parts while wiping some spare chapstick from my lips.

Are we gay?

7:53 pm December, 1 scrotum pole said...

Thanks to DB1 I now have a new favorite superhero.

More powerful than a Hoover Vacuum.
Able to leap tall batstools with a single bound
"Look, up in the sky,
It's a bird!
It's a plane!"
It's Aqua Teen Boobie Force!

8:06 pm December, 1 saulgoode42 said...

Clearly she can't read, because she is all kinds of smokin'.

8:08 pm December, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

Someone should tell ATBF that fingerless gloves don't offer full protection from GV-1.

Oh. I guess I just did.

I'll be sure to educate her in the proper disinfection techniques. And by disinfection I mean hot bath and cunnilingus.

8:20 pm December, 1 ehcuodouche said...

She is CUTE!!!

But now she is both figuratively and literally polluted by douche.

I'm going to go get an IPA out of the fridge and cry.

8:25 pm December, 1 Mr. White said...

@crucial

Naughty parts, or the imagination thereof, go where they may. That's why they're naughty. I think that transcends the question of straight vs. gay.

In other words…definitely gay.

8:26 pm December, 1 Douche Wayne said...

@ Mr. White

I would Emory her Oglethorpe.

8:27 pm December, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Mmmmmm… AQBF is supple and comely. She's so delectable, it's one of those situations where you skip the full body tongue bath and go straight to the tittie fucking, blowing your stick juice all over her chin in less than 15 seconds.

Maybe all the other men in the room will agree with me on this one.

Maybe the Jerz Guid already knows this.

Maybe that's what the stain on her shirt is.

8:52 pm December, 1 The Desert Douchehunter said...

@ Medusa

"And by disinfection I mean hot bath and cunnilingus."

With this chode, better a flame thrower, an unmarked grave and a bottle of 151 to forget all about it.

…just sayin'

8:59 pm December, 1 jonezy said...

Anyone see the Doggybagging polo yet?

9:08 pm December, 1 Crucial Head said...

In contrast to Rudolfo’s steafast stoicism, Lupe betrayed a slight grimace as their legs were churned into ribbons of tenderized flesh by the oversized paper shredder below.

(Uhhhh nurse! Yeah, it’s me Crucial… yep, another round of Xanax please)

9:10 pm December, 1 End the Haberdouchery said...

ATBF caught some errant donkey jizz while Tim earned his pay satisfying each and every animal in the petting zoo so they wouldn't hump the visitors.

9:20 pm December, 1 Walrus Whisker said...

When will these stoopid contractor's learn? Americans with Disabilities Act requires that the truncated domes be installed on a horizontal surface, not on a wall.

9:31 pm December, 1 The Blessed Scrotini said...

That there is some Grade A USDB approved quality hott. Unfortunately, it seems the USDB couldn't do the same for that DB and only gave him a C minus.

9:35 pm December, 1 Captain Bringdown said...

ATBF needs to put that dress into storage in case Tim decides to go into politics.

9:36 pm December, 1 skid said...

I'd stain her shirt and by her some Snuggle, because I'm a gentelman.

9:51 pm December, 1 Anthony LaBaglia said...

White/Crucial:

I'm not gay.

9:53 pm December, 1 Mr. White said...

@skid

I'd let a feral Snuggle the Bear violate me just for the chance to sniff her shirt stain.

10:17 pm December, 1 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Despite the sign, she's SMOKING!

Sorry, she's not that great, but how could I resist such a stupid joke?

10:22 pm December, 1 Anonymous said...

She's a bit of a porker but I'd grease her up like a honey baked ham and stuff her like a Thanksgiving turkey and baste her butt meat with my special sauce. Dinners served.

10:34 pm December, 1 Wheezer said...

Oh my, Aqua Teen Boobie Force is so very cute! Awwwww…..

10:35 pm December, 1 Wheezer said...

===== Guess the choad's shirt =====

Manure's
for
Douchebags

10:36 pm December, 1 Wheezer said...

Here's
a prize for
CONVICTS

11:03 pm December, 1 Anonymous said...

After the last fight he lost, Matt Serra took a dump that looks exactly like this guy.

Supposedly it will be filling in for Matt against Georges St.Pierre for Serra/GSP III.

11:23 pm December, 1 Miss Anon said...

Is anyone in here still talking about raping bears?

3:55 am December, 2 Steve L. said...

what would Sherpa Tim / Ted say about barely legal hotts?

the same thing he's say about every other barely legal hott, of course.

which means that i have no idea.

4:16 am December, 2 Whoop-di-douche said...

I'd pink her gloves.

5:14 am December, 2 Anonymous said...

Sherpas in Uraguay? I believe they are exclusive to the Himalayas. Which makes me think about how much I would like to Himalay that Hott.

French for Shower.

8:13 pm December, 2 Bob said...

She's certainly a keeper, all right, and doesn't seem to have any Bleething from the Greico Virus at all (YET!). However, she'll need to be thoroughly bathed first, and if that stain is indeed from the Guid, boiled in 25% bleach solution.

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