Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Anthony Peedis Writes In


Hipster Douchefus “Pasquale,” aka “Anthony Peedis, aka Your Saturday Facepalm, (and pictured here), writes in:

—-
STOP HATEN CAUSE, YOU GUYS GET NO PUSSY!!!!

2:18 PM

i must be doing something right if you HATERS are talking about me, its thats just one of my girls i have MANY more…… must suck to me you huh

find something better to do with your time!!! f*cking posers
—-

I happen to know Haten Cause, and he is a fine, upstanding citizen. I would not stop him, and he is welcome in my home any time.

# posted by douchebag1
5:03 pm December, 1 Ojo Rojo said...

"Must suck to me." Well, it should.

5:03 pm December, 1 CrackedActor said...

Nice shirt, Pasquale. My little sister had one just like it back in 1988.

5:06 pm December, 1 Boobie McGee said...

I love it when these illiterate turds write in. It confirms for me that we are related to gorillas.

And, that chick on the left is FUGLY!!!

Yikes!

5:06 pm December, 1 Captain Bringdown said...

Sorry, that's my fault. I got wasted the other night and rearranged all the letters on his keyboard. You see, he volunteers at an animal shelter and meant to write "Donate to my cause, or the children get no pussies".

Or something.

5:07 pm December, 1 Vin Douchal said...

He is doing something right. He's supplying us with hilarious photos to mock his douchey ass.

Every time he makes

THIS FACE

his brown eye does the same thing simultaneously.

And Perez Hilton's tiny cockk has been in both

5:08 pm December, 1 Captain Bringdown said...

Left chick looks like she's ready to dole out some Hot Monkey Love. By which I mean shriek incessantly while ripping my face off.

5:13 pm December, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Left chick looks like a mile of broken glass and rusty nails

5:13 pm December, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Left chick looks like her cockk may be bigger than mine

5:14 pm December, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Left chick looks like a falling anvil to the face experiment gone bad

5:16 pm December, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Shannon Sharpe looks away in disgust as left chick digs three fingers up Anthony Peedis' eager rectum

5:17 pm December, 1 I R A Darth Aggie said...

The one on the left is not a hott. Then again, she can probably suck the chrome off a trailer hitch without missing a beat.

5:18 pm December, 1 Paper or Plastic said...

Decapitating puppies in bathtubs and then sending the pictures to the local newspaper with all my contact info also brings out the haters.

I must be doing something right, too!

5:21 pm December, 1 DarkSock said...

He is to be commended by typing a response solely by defecating on his keyboard in a syncopated manner.

I couldn't have pulled it off.

Go on with yo bran self, Pasquale.

5:23 pm December, 1 Paper or Plastic said...

Hey, she stole my idea of getting the music to Kid Rock's Bawitdaba tattooed on my upper arm.

5:26 pm December, 1 Deputy Douche said...

Is anyone who uses the word "hater" a douchebag?

5:27 pm December, 1 The Desert Douchehunter said...

We don't hate you, dumbass…we pity you.

We pity you that you don't know how to wear a hat right.

We pity you that you are forced to scavenge for shirts out of the dumpster behind the local 70's retro record store.

We pity you that you are struck trolling for girls who can only afford bad tattoos done by parolees.

We pity you because of all the diseases you are getting from all that rancid pussy.

We pity you because you are unemployable, undesirable and uneducated.

We pity you because your only source of self-esteem is posting ridiculous pictures of yourself on the Internet with the hope that someone…anyone…will actually think you are cool when you are not buying them drinks.

Ok, I lied, we do hate you. We hate you because of the amount of our paychecks that will be going towards your welfare checks in a few years. Happy? Now I'll go back to posing in my house you will never be able to afford as long as you live. Please do me a favor and go fuck yourself. It was better when we didn’t have proof you were illiterate.

Assclown!

5:27 pm December, 1 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

Hey Pud Monkey, being talked about is not the greatest achievement one can reach in life. Try actually accomplishing something like reading an entire book that doesn't have pictures or have a conversation that doesn't involve the phrases "I totally ripped my abs today" or "They just haten on me cause of all the mad pussy I get".

5:28 pm December, 1 jonezy said...

shit- I was nearly ready to give the guy a pass, being that it was borderline irono-douche.

Apparently "beats" is a pseudonym for "skanks I hang out with"

dirty indeed…

5:32 pm December, 1 Crucial Head said...

Don Cheadle surveyed the remaining hotel refugees one last time, before the Hutu rebels stormed the room and skull raped everyone until the room reeked of fermented donkey jizz.

5:34 pm December, 1 Torque MuleBrow said...

Wait…Let him finish…

5:35 pm December, 1 SpineChowser said...

I could send a more literate text message while suffering from my ballmeat becoming enmeshed in the Macy's escalator tread intake.

Again.

5:36 pm December, 1 SpineChowder said...

Oops.

Mispelled my name.

Sorry; they're still pulling my ballmeat out of the Macy's escalator as I type this.

I stand corrected.

Carry on.

5:48 pm December, 1 End the Haberdouchery said...

Basic illiteracy aside, any man who uses multiple exclamation marks either has a small penis, or dots his I's with little hearts.

5:53 pm December, 1 boatbutter said...

I played the notes on that troll's arm and it's this.

5:55 pm December, 1 Hector, Tamer of Douches said...

I wonder how many times he's been called Penis by accident? I'm not referring to his surname's remarkable similarity to the word, of course, just because he's obviously a dick.

6:00 pm December, 1 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Girl. On. The. Left. Has. A. Mustache.

6:06 pm December, 1 Jessica said...

Aw man, see… now, I think Peedis is a European. The standards and practices of doucheosity are different with Euros. Like 60% of all European mean would pass the American douche test. I find it easier to condemn American douches. They should like, know better.

All that said, even through the garbled English, Pasquale sounds like an asshole.

6:09 pm December, 1 Justin said...

"its thats just one of my girls i have MANY more…must suck to me you huh"

It's that's some interesting sentence structure, Pasquale. It truly does suck to me, you.

Huh.

This shit is priceless.

6:15 pm December, 1 Justin said...

He looks like Chevy Chase and this guy's illegitimate, wastoid, gaybag child.

6:19 pm December, 1 Choad Osostinco said...

Anthony Peedis Pants

6:27 pm December, 1 Greta Van SusTurd said...

Anthony Peedis posing with hott Carmela on the right and Magua on the left. Hopefully Magua ate his heart after the pic was taken.

6:43 pm December, 1 Brian said...

I'm no more jealous of the dudes on HCwD, than I am of the dead guy in the car wreck alongside the highway that I slow down to check out.

I stop to stare at both in shock and horror and my response to both is the same, "That shit is FUCKED UP! Better him than me. Oh, well, Darwinism at work."

6:44 pm December, 1 Bagnonymous said...

Doe-eyed Dina has but one kissy-lipped pose in all three photos of her. The cameraman must've simply instructed her to, "Say bleeeeeeeth!"

6:45 pm December, 1 ImageWrangler said...

Looks like a chick in a black shirt between a couple hermies. The chick on the right though, same from the Green Glasses pic as well, she must be one dimensional because this is the only side of her, like one of them Hanna Barbara cartoons, only less funny, which, those cartoons weren't that funny either.

6:47 pm December, 1 Anonymous said...

Hey douche, having chicks and having good looking ones are two different things. Stop acting like you're 20 and stop wearing shirts that look like you killed a clown. Your hat says wanna-be gangsta and your face says,"I like to be with ugly cocktail waitresses." We hate you because you're stupid. Stay in Jersy.

6:49 pm December, 1 Gaseous Clay said...

The only person here I'm jealous of is DB1. Until yesterday's illuminating riff by Mr. White, I had no idea that the boss knew why Pfah was bald.

Regards,

Gaseous Clay

“Fart like a butterfly, stings when I pee”

6:56 pm December, 1 Anonymous said...

Haha he's right, you loosers. Where's phah and DuckSauce the looser kings?

6:57 pm December, 1 Anonymous said...

Dream of Calipoonication…

-FrannyBeanz

7:00 pm December, 1 Plinky's Stalker said...

plinky sucks.

7:02 pm December, 1 Anonymous said...

Im willing to bet it has a college degree and writes and spells like a 9 year old mongoloid , fuckin epidemic here in Amurika..

DOOOOOUUUCCCHHHEEE BAAAAAG~

7:07 pm December, 1 scrotum pole said...

At least Anthony had the decency to be pictured with a hot chick and his retarded cousin.

7:08 pm December, 1 Mr. White said...

DB1 knows how many Y chromosomes there are in this pic and where they are. (Hint: There's only one, and it's not in the person in the center.)

7:09 pm December, 1 The Donger said...

Pasquale,

Looks like you aren't getting any pussy either. Trannies do not count.

Respectfully,

The Donger

P.S. "Night Tracks" from 1982 just called and they need the shirt back for the opening credits.

7:09 pm December, 1 Hong Kong Douchey said...

This guy is not human. I don't know if I would even refer to him as a "meat sack."

7:18 pm December, 1 scrotum pole said...

Middle-aged brother wan't informed about his favorite watering hole's change of owership.

7:19 pm December, 1 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

^ How 'bout "shit sack?"

Seems appropriate to me.

7:24 pm December, 1 Baron Von Goolo said...

Dear Pasquale –

I regret that our earlier actions have given you cause to hate us haters. However re. wardrobe, I cannot in good conscience rescind my earlier Cyndi Lauper comment. Had I been you, I would have spent my last $4 at the swap meet on a delicious churro or perhaps a utile beverage cozy with the insignia of your favorite sporting organization rather than swan diving into the clearance t-shirts. Your obvious charm and youthful good looks are no excuse for that degree of folly.

I might also add that even though it's curly, it's still a mullet.

Take care –

Baron Von Goolo

P.S. Thank you for spelling "haters" with only one T.

7:28 pm December, 1 E-blos last thought said...

Dear Pasquale:

How did you get Lou Gossett Jr to dress up in his Enemy Mine costume?

Just wondering.

7:51 pm December, 1 Troy Tempest said...

Hey Pasquale –

You might think we're haters.

And that may well be true. But there's nothing wrong with hatin' on the hate-worthy. And retarded illiterate dipshits like you are definitely hate-worthy.

So, why don't you just do yourself and the rest of a us a favour and go suck some monkey balls until you get thirsty, and then gargle with donkey jizz as you jump off a cliff with trhe rest ofyour lemming-like friends, you nauseating dimwitted baboon.

7:52 pm December, 1 Bob said...

I'm confused by Pasquale's statements.

On the one hand, he tells us that our talking about him is the benchmark by which he measures the worth of his actions. On the other, he expresses anger at the same critique.

I wonder if the real source of Pasquale's frustrations lies within a framework of self-doubt and self-loathing (evidenced by his dislike of that which validates his actions), or because he realizes on some level that his sense of self-worth has an entirely external locus that is beyond his ability to control?

And also? I would spurt on the face of the hott on the right with reckless abandon, and be able to die a happy man having done so.

8:03 pm December, 1 baleen said...

You're right Croosh, Don Cheadle is on the scene.

My poo splatters with the same consistency as the day glo paint job on his tee. -Usually after a night of Country Club malt liquor and Slim Jims.

Chick on the left is a burn victim so at least she tries harder.

8:03 pm December, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

The chick on the left looks more like Anthony Kiedis than Anthony Peedis does.

@ Boatbutter 9:53
Dang. It's been a long time since I really read sheet music, I'm way off. I tried playing the notes and I just got this. No wonder she looks so unhappy.

Really now. Why is it that D-bags' auto-response is "I get a lot of pussy"? I know, for a dude that's a big accomplishment, from what I understand. However, we have no proof of this. No concrete evidence, merely photos of these guys at clubs with their arms around chicks. That doesn't guarantee anything, and the retort "I get mad pussy" is the nimrod equivalent of "nuh-uh! YOU'RE stupid!"

The nimrod equivalent….isn't that some kind of mathematical formula? Mr. White, help me out.

But I digress.

Anthony–can I call you Anthony? No? Ok. Mr. Peedis….Mr. Peedis…photos of you with your arms around girls is no more evidence of sexual conquest than a photo of you in a Ferrari indicates ownership of said Ferrari. Not to mention the fact that bagging underage, drunken bleeth is no difficult task or proud achievement, if you actually succeeded. Enough Alize and those gals would open up their slimy gashes for Rufus from Bumfights. He is, technically, a famous individual.

That being said, given your poor grasp on the English language, you're doing little but grunting and beating rocks with a log in order to woo said females, who are rather stunted in the cortex if they find your paleolithic posturing attractive. So, "mad pussy" is exactly what you're getting, if any; grunting, she-primates who are inexplicably drawn to you like smelly, horny orangutans are drawn to other smelly, horny orangutans. Your friend on the right and your friend on the left are nothing to write home about. Unless, of course, you hate your penis as much as we hate your kind.

And as far as being a poser, I can't say that I am. I am 100% jagoff and make no representations to the contrary.

8:20 pm December, 1 Douche Wayne said...

R to L:

Her crotch is on fire.

He is a flaming homo.

She is about to discover fire. And congrats on learning to use tools.

8:29 pm December, 1 Mr. White said...

@medusa

Excellent question. Let's define variables:

A = actual pussy
C = claimed pussy, often cited in a grammatically incoherent rant about haters

We can set an upper bound on A using the following inequality:

A < 0.02 * C

8:34 pm December, 1 Douche Wayne said...

^ Is this the mathematical expression of the doctrine of doubling the amount of sexual partners a female admits to, while cutting in half the amount of sexual partners a male claims?

8:37 pm December, 1 atomed said...

Dude, you are a douche, you are doing nothing right…not only douchebags get chicks, stop being a scrot-o-centric bag. No no, better keep rockin, it´s funnier that way.

8:59 pm December, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Justin @ 10:15, fuck you for making me watch that. I really hated the 90's.

I think that formula's a little off. I thought it was A ≤ 1/C(√A)-π

9:01 pm December, 1 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

You know, at least Pasquale spelled "haters" with an "s" as opposed to "haterz."

For that unexpected triumph in grammar, I will generously downgrade your douche quotient from 94 to 89.

Congrats, now you're only a B+ scrote!

9:07 pm December, 1 The Desert Douchehunter said...

@ Jacques

I would say your formula is correct. However, if she is putting out for this loser, she has been on just about everything but the Titanic, so it should probably be pi-cubed.

9:12 pm December, 1 Justin said...

@ J.D. 12:59

Hahaha! Sorry man, I gotta call 'em like I see 'em!

9:41 pm December, 1 Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I can explain how Peedis came up with his reply. 'Tard boy must of spilled some of his Alpha Bits on the table and started typing. The only way to prove it, is to consult the Magic 8-Ball. "All signs point to yes." There we have it, the Magic 8-Ball never lies.

9:51 pm December, 1 boatbutter said...

@ Medusa –

You're transcription is correct. I was in the wrong key.

10:36 pm December, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Mr. Peedis,

I know that you are confused about your sexuality but please don't bore us with made up fantasies. We know that you met "Glen" on the left there at the "Best of Both Worlds" support group that you attend every week. He just needs that last $350 to get the final operation before he becomes "Gwen". The job he has of making gorilla cookies by slapping his face into the batter doesn't pay well so be a little more supportive. You, being the hermaphrodite that you are, can get all the "mad pussy" you want just by touching yourself. It would be even better if your cockk was longer than 1" when fully erect so you could go fuck yourself. And stop bothering the feral cats in your neighborhood too. Poor, poor Jesse on the right. Her mother told her that her face would freeze like that if she doing that. They never listen…

10:58 pm December, 1 Anonymous said...

That one on the left isn't Boxxy, SHE'S TROLLIN'!

11:21 pm December, 1 Flavius Brosephus said...

Did the one on the left used to be a dude? I love the looks on their face – as douchey ad the douchechode they're posing with.

11:24 pm December, 1 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Why is it that EVERY TIME one of these dumb farkers writes in to complain, he has the vocabulary, grammar, and spelling skills of a retarded 2nd grader from the 'hood???

Hope he enjoys his career at Jiffy Lube.

12:00 am December, 2 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

*sob* I never knew it untill Peedis put it into words, but it DOES… it DOES suck to me me!

–VS

12:05 am December, 2 Anonymous said...

So I went to a bar one time with an old classmate of mine I hadn't seen in 15 years, who was an 80's 'bag when we were in high school and is still a 'Bag today, as it turns out (which probably makes him an Oldbag). I watched in awe as he managed to make out with two chicks one after the other. These were two of the fattest, ugliest women I have ever seen. As I'm driving him back to his hotel, I said "What the fuck?", to which he replied, "Well, who did you make out with?". I said, "Thankfully, no one," which he responded to with the look that I see on this asshat's face. The look that says "I'm the man", when really, you're just a broken down dumbass who can't get any decent women to pay any attention to you.

I haven't seen him since. Thank God.

1:25 am December, 2 Anonymous said...

Nice hat you sperm gurgling turd burglar

1:32 am December, 2 Anonymous said...

This fucktard was typing with his Forehead, you need opposible thumbs to type.

1:39 am December, 2 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Pasquale, or should we say, Bronson, by now you've burned through all the royalties from Perfect Strangers and are back to living with mom and dad. Bet you're not doing the "Dance of Joy" much anymore, especially not with these two "ladies", who look about as happy to be with you as they would a heaving mound of Myposian horse shit, which is ironic, since that's what you are. And Speaking of the Dance of Joy, do us all a favor and act out the chorus…"Die! Die! Die!"

Dumbass.

And Medusa, nice to have you back, and with it appears, a vengeance.

2:21 am December, 2 Matster said...

Those are Hot Chicks?? Well maybe the one of the right. Lefty looks like a biter.

3:31 am December, 2 pv1 said...

It does suck to me you.

3:43 am December, 2 Steve L. said...

i am now going to change my legal name to Haten Cause just so that i can deplete DB1's precious supply of Thunderbirds and Night Trains.

ADMIT IT. ALL OF YOU ARE AS PREDICTABLE AS ME.

4:30 am December, 2 Whoop-di-douche said...

Okay, as an artist who uses live models, this guy is crackin' hot, and the chcks are pouty hott.

4:43 am December, 2 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The one on the left is STILL a dude. Eee Gad!

5:23 am December, 2 Anonymous said...

Reading his comments has given me a whole new outlook on life. A little cathartic actually. I've wasted all this time as a f*cking poser when I could be putting on my dope shirt and hitting the clubs and banging hot midget Dudes with breasts like the "girl" on the left side of the photo. yeah it must suck to be me. Yo peedis do you have room for me in the Chevette? I'm in Motherfucker!

French for Shower.

6:52 am December, 2 Anonymous said...

Mr. Peedis,
I put to you sir that you are all that is Douche and more. Your comment reeks of illiteracy, your two "hotts" are not hot but look more like the closing act of The Boswell Wilkie Circus.
You are an old has been, a relic from the ninety's and you crawl in dingy clubs preying on unsuspecting transexuals, unaware of your devious plans of douche domination.
The 'hat in club syndrome' is synonomous with that of a balding bowl of taint and the 'clutch cellphone pose' is so over. I put to you that you still live at home with your folks, hold down a part time job at blockbusters stacking latest releases and saved for months to buy that t-shirt from the bargain basket at K-Mart.
You old pud, thank you for making this mock so easy and yes, it does suck to be you, like it sucks to be road kill.

Regards,
Douche Pitt

9:38 am December, 2 HATEN CAUSE said...

Peedis, you can't stop me!

2:28 pm December, 2 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Desert Douche Hunter @ 9:27:

Thank you. I believe you best encapsulated how we all feel about worthless taint such as Peedis here.

And Peedis, I'll have you know that you don't have to be a Bag like yourself to get pussy on a regular basis. And yes, the attractive kind, with brains to boot (not that you'd recognize them).

Here's the dirty little secret that the majority of Bags like yourself have no idea about: When it comes to pussy, having a decent education, career, and sense of humor trumps tatoos, hat tilts, ripped jeans, faux-hawks, man jewlery, and whatever that is you're calling a shirt. And God knows what else you sport on a regular basis.

Once again, I'm sure this is a totally foreign concept to you, and it unfortunately probably always will be. You can't be reformed, because you lack the basic tools to be anything other than what you are. In fact, your Douching is most likely a crutch, designed to make up for your clearly observable short comings. Nothing wrong with being Handicapped, it's when you and your kind insist on constantly making a self-absorbed spectacle of yourself that people start to have a problem. Nothing's worse than the combination of ignorance and arrogance, and you, Douche Bag, personify it.

While I'm sure you try to immerse yourself in the Douche Universe (as it's the only one you understand and feel comfortable in), many outside of it will snicker at you as long as you continue to make such a spectacle of yourself. It doesn't matter whether it's the internet, Starbucks, or the DMV. It's happening, and you're at best vaguely aware of it.

I know it's got to suck, but that insecurity you feel that causes you to Bag it up on a nightly basis? It's well founded, and all the more obvious to most of the world when you're wearing shit like this.

So no, it must actually suck to be you.

4:24 pm December, 2 Kevin said...

Yo Peedis, I gets MAD pussy, bro.

Every night, and every morning, and sometimes in the afternoon. And you know what, shithead?

It DOES suck to me you.

Huh?

5:41 pm December, 2 Anonymous said...

A yoooo kid!!! Lmaooo u know how we do!!!! Dirty filthy nasty!! Ohhh fyi the commenter's on this site have one thing in common…"They dream it!! We live it!" Bahahahhahaaha ur boy!! El numero uno SMOOT!

7:09 pm December, 2 Pasquale said...

You're all a bung of Cock Fags!

8:01 pm December, 2 Anonymous said...

Keep digging Pasquale. Can you translate for us posers? Is that Guidospeak? Or are you just a bit "special"?

French for Shower and getting all the pussy I can handle.

8:33 pm December, 2 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Hey Pasquale, how about finishing the third grade before posting again? You illiterate queef!

By the way, the tranny on the left is not very attractive. The chick on the right has the clap. How do I know? Facebook.

2:06 am December, 3 Anonymous said...

Uh oh, we angered it: he called us "fags". As much as I'd like to fully utilize the extensive vocabulary and sense of sentence structure that getting a proper education, a rewarding career, and being incredibly well-read can give you, I learned the best way to get through to these chumps is to get to the point. Observe

Pasquale. Face it. I'm a red-blooded, grown woman with a fully-functioning libido, but I wouldn't touch your knuckle-dragging, 'roid monkey ass with a ten foot pole. I've seen burn victims better looking than you. Your "hott" needs a bottle of Nair for that carpet above her lip, and needs to learn to locate Middle C on a keyboard before deciding to show how much she's "into music" by inking random notes all over her beefy arm. I've shit better looking things after a night of lamb curry and merlot than what I see in this photo. Move on.

3:29 am December, 3 Anonne Huntress said...

Chum(p), the only thing you're doing right is confirming that one must have the intelligence of a retarded baboon to go out like that in public.

4:22 am December, 3 Anonymous said...

Hey comparing this guy to a Baboon retarded or not is very unfair to the primate.

I just played the notes on the midget Dude's bicep and it turns out to be Sister Christian by Night Ranger. Come on Pasquale you know this great Jersey Anthem…….MOTORING!!!

French for Shower.

1:37 am December, 4 Anonymous said...

Oh God kill it with fire.

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