Thursday, December 3, 2009

Ask DB1: Surfer ‘Baggin’

—-
Dear DB1,

What is your take on the surfer dudes who intentionally pull their board shorts down waaaaaaay too low, for the sole purpose of unleashing a Butt Crack Reveal? Who are they trying to impress?

I’m inclined to believe that the act is a subtle ‘come hither’ to other likeminded gaybags, but a lot of these douches are rolling with hottie surfer chicks. WTF? No photographic examples please.

Yours,
-Mitch Cumstein

—-

There will be no Surfer Butt Crack on my watch, but the Surfer ‘Bag is definitely a category worth monitoring. And by monitoring, I mean nice shoulder tatts, Laird Assclowns.

And Surfer Stephanie requires my pooch noise upon her belly muscle.

# posted by douchebag1
3:06 pm December, 3 Cheadle'bag said...

Save Darfur!

3:08 pm December, 3 Cheadle'bag said...

Is that an elusive one-legged bag?

3:17 pm December, 3 Bagnonymous said...

Witness: the Holy Black Triangle.

3:17 pm December, 3 Señor Squash said...

I did not need to see those gold lame (typo stays) spandex shorts.

Day ruined.

3:32 pm December, 3 Anonymous said...

Dear DB1,
What has happened to the cultural cool that was once surfing? This group of crotch rot has single handedly destroyed all that was once pure and wholesome in the search for the perfect wave, in one photo.
I doubt that this image of taint was what the Beach Boys had in mind when writing 'Surfing in the USA'. Very disturbing DB1. It seems that the once untouched paradise that was surfing is being systematically eroded by the cultural trainwreck that is the Douchebag. Your views would be appreciated.

Regards,
Douche Pitt

3:45 pm December, 3 jonezy said...

Johnny Utah would be ashamed

4:00 pm December, 3 massengill said...

Matching tats means that they probably cuddle afterwards.

Just sayin'

4:00 pm December, 3 Plinky's Stalker said...

incidentally,

"ONLY SLAPHWOAR ANONS DO THAST FUCEN SHIT!"

Flyteeth, that was great.

You little pesky bitch!

4:31 pm December, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

The matching tattoos are tat-too much. Holy cripes, it's enough for romantic couples to do it. But I can't tell ya how many times I've had 2 to 6 guys getting the same tattoo. Once it was a group of guys from the same platoon getting something to remember fallen brothers in Iraq–TOTALLY acceptable. Once it was three young men getting something for their recently deceased father, also totally acceptable. The rest of the time, it's asshats like these, and a hearty laugh for all of us–not only is it a stupid tattoo, but there's 2 of them who want it, and they want it BECAUSE the other has it. I wonder what happens when they break up…..

4:38 pm December, 3 End the Haberdouchery said...

I issue a pass to my buddy on the right that got stuck in '89. Sweet wetsuit.

I also am on the fence about the guy in the gold shorts, is he going for the Mango look? Mango…

4:43 pm December, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I didn't know that Zach Braff wore gold lame' shorts while surfing? I'm assuming that he's pointing to the hott and not his lack of packaging.

4:44 pm December, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Tatt loser on left to tatt loser on right, "You complete me bro! When we cuddle I can trace your tatt while you trace mine."

4:47 pm December, 3 Anonymous said...

Matching tats, chin dribble, peace and hang loose signs with their fingers, chest shave. All the markings of the douche. All the reasons why we hope their in New Jersey, surfing in medical waste and old tires.

4:47 pm December, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I'm cheering for the cup growing out of right tatt's should it. It seems to have the good sense to try and get away from him and at the same time plunge itself into Gold Lame's head. Go cup go!

4:48 pm December, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ not should but shouldER. More coffee please.

4:49 pm December, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Is it wrong that I always cheer for shark attacks when douches go surfing? I'm kinda torn because I don't want the sharks to get hurt.

4:51 pm December, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

oh no, I'd better quit now. The meth I made for Mr. White just kicked in. Must resist urge to post 45 times in a row…

4:57 pm December, 3 scrotum pole said...

Nothing is more sexy than upper thigh bruises, chain-smoking and the early stages of melanoma.

(I'd still hang ten on her bermuda triangle.)

5:03 pm December, 3 MG said...

i think this move is more about revealing "man lines" those lines of musle between the hips and waist made up by the downward cascade of the oblique abs outter border moving tward the pelvis…women find this very sexy. this is like their cleavage

supposedly Lenny Ktavtiz is very well known for his: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_K44VqhNa9KA/SLcXV_fMSAI/AAAAAAAAARA/PsuPpYIUxc8/S660/lenny+kravitz.jpg

I think the ass crack is collateral damage.

I just found out, sadly via the dirty, that E-blo lives in my general metro area.

Army of Douche-ness

5:11 pm December, 3 massengill said...

Yeah, I'd let her ride my longboard.

5:13 pm December, 3 Crucial Head said...

@AoD

"E-blo lives in my general metro area."

Those words could be easily misconstrued. However, since you’re a Reg who killed it with the Samurai Scrote Haloween costume last year, I’ll give you a pass.

Heh heh.

5:14 pm December, 3 Crucial Head said...

I would carve her barrel.

5:16 pm December, 3 Crucial Head said...

Where's Creatch? I think he's a surfer.

5:32 pm December, 3 portlandouche said...

I've always had a certain amount of respect for surfing subculture, but there's always been some douchiness along the edges of it.

I'd like to think that if Ed Hardy started making wetsuits for gremmies, the REAL surfers would mock their asses right back onto the beach.

5:48 pm December, 3 pv1 said...

Meh, it's just a circle jerk with a pair of gaybags…

5:57 pm December, 3 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Looks like the boyfriends got matching tatts. How sweet.

What? Medusa said it first? And better than me?

No prob.

Medusa does pose a good question. What happens when they break up? Maybe one will change his tattoo to "Wino Forever."

6:16 pm December, 3 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Those tatts are so bad I just punched myself in the groin.

6:47 pm December, 3 orangabag said...

Some of my buddies and my little brother used to rock the asscrackers back in the day. The last thing I wanted to see was their pubes stickin out the top. That was 15 years ago, looks like some trends that should go the way of the balloon pants never do

7:12 pm December, 3 Anonymous said...

Me thinks that Spongedouche Goldshorts is actually a photobomber of sorts. The yellow sweatband, gold American Apparel shorts, calf-length banded yellow socks, shades, and over-the-top hand gesture, and flamingo stance make me think he intended to turn this picture into a joke. …god I hope he meant this as a joke.

I notice that right tatt douche extended his down the arm. Probably so that they can keep their arms straight when giving reach-arounds.

-Douchetros Douchetros Ghali

7:14 pm December, 3 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Something about this photo looks photoshopped, no? Who cares, boobies…

7:53 pm December, 3 MG said...

@ Crucial-

thanks, I was Samurai Scrote for my birthday (birthday suit) and Swedish self-ironic popstar Gunther for halloween.

Army of Douche-ness

8:04 pm December, 3 Michelle said...

Sorry to break it to you but these guys really aren't surfers. The guy on your right has been on this site quite a few times. It is Jimmy Greenup. They are all at Rehab and dressed up like many people do when they go there and this pic is from probably 3-4 years ago. It's just a joke, Doesn't anyone recognize the Rehab cups? I thought someone else might have picked up on that but I guess not. He has more pictures of this day on his Myspace when it was actually light out so you would obviously know that they were at Rehab aka Douche Mecca.

9:16 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

Michelle:

Thank you for putting me at ease. I saw the photo and assumed it was the back photo on the DVD box for the fetish flick "Stump Humpers Vol. 14 – Drumstick Dunkers".

9:39 pm December, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

Um … I'm seeing a groin shave here … far more obvious and well-documented douche signifier.

It is well and good that we stick to the living breathing douche in all its innovations in seducing the suckle. I'm a dilettante surfer myself, but I know enough to say a surfer who shaves his groin is as douchey as an accountant getting dressed up to ride his Harley.

9:40 pm December, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

Michelle,

Perhaps it is rehab, and I bet they aren't surfers, but it's still just as douchey as fake dogtag bling.

11:30 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

She has Pooch Beef.

12:33 am December, 4 Bob said...

You'd think it wouldn't concern me that these choadwanks could contaminate the world's oceans by surfing in them. I mean, the oceans are truly gargantuan, how could this small band of douches possibly taint that much seawater?

But you'd be wrong. Such is the potency of their poo smell.

3:56 am December, 4 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I see only two surfers. Other than the Body Glove bookends, I clearly observe two matching tatt douchebag scrote tard; one gold polyester hot pants wearing pastey anus face; and one pre-melanoma cum dumpster squatted down with her face a crotch level (as per usual I'm sure). Class of ninteen-pukeity-nine photo perhaps?

I seriously doubt the authenticity of those tatts. They look like Sharpie. One of 'em even has some Sharpie dribble on his chin.

What, you guys were the first two at the party to pass out? That's what you get. I'm suprised no body wrote "I'm gay" on your foreheads, but then again that may not be too far off the mark.

4:05 am December, 4 Anonymous said...

Did a shark bite his leg off?

5:31 am December, 4 Steve L. said...

@ Michelle 12:04 PM,

i don't recognize the Rehab cups. which is why i found your info helpful. helpful for mocking purposes, that is.

7:05 am December, 4 AbuDushBag said...

Jersey surfers? Jesus.

2:16 pm December, 4 Douche Wayne said...

1991 called, they want their Oakleys back.

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