Saturday, December 12, 2009

Best Golden Globes: Raquel

This weekend, we’ll be announcing the winners of the first week’s voting categories at the 2009 Douchie Awards. First up, Best Golden Globes.

In a four way race between Raquel and The Eiffel Towers for the 2009 Douchie Award for Best Golden Globes, Raquel’s natural wonders juggled the prize. And then smushed it. The voters speak:

Archidouchies: I’m gonna go with Raquel because they are the most supple looking bussoms on the most attractive lady out of the picks. Her taking off her bra would be a majestic moment with horns blowing, confetti falling, lights from heaven converging to grace the cleavage, and me drooling.

David: Raquel, I dream of miniaturizing myself so i can ski those slopes.

Vin Douchal: Ridiculous. Ample. Queefing. Urethra. Emissions. Lickity. FTW

Blair: Raquel. She looks like a chick I was friends with in high school. But with much nicer ta-ta’s

Jim: Oh glorious Raquel! How could you let anchor chin anywhere near those? Anchors drag things down.

Medusa Oblongata: Raquel FTIVL. Because in my mind I’m eye level to those kazongas and my arms are around her torso, my fingers gripping the clasp on the back of her bra. And it’s like one of those .GIF files, I just keep unhooking the bra and letting them drop, then they’re back up again, and they drop, then back up again—- What’s the female equivalent of “fwap”?

Oh hell with it.

I’m giving out a second 2009 Douchie. Because with boobies, we all win.

# posted by douchebag1

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