Tuesday, December 15, 2009

HCwDB of the Year

The rest is history. Only three couplings remain. Only one can become HCwDB champion. You know what to do.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1: Crosshair McJohnson and Leia Hott

The biggest upset of the HCwDB Finals, as Vegas had Bucky/Kathy at even odds. But the Glambaggery of this mugging led to a dominant win.

It may have been Leia and McJ’s secondary and thirdary pics that won the round for hottie/douchey toxicity, here, here and here. The voters speak:

Publius Choadius Naso: Crosshair McJ FTW. Gnarly coiff, gauge earrings, guyliner, gargantuan watch, gross vibe, gangsta gestures and going waaaaaay too far in the workout room of his local Y = Semi-finalist cinch.

Rob: I gotta vote for Crosshair McJohnson, she’s super hot and he’s a super douche!

Vander (Bro-Nye the Science Guy) : Crosshair FTW. Crosshair is a douche in every which way, but somehow he seems to elevate his doucheness even higher. He has almost all of the douchal attributes, but somehow looks like he has even more that are to this day undiscovered. He is like the lost city of Atlanpiss. That and Leia is HOTTTTTT

Filthy McBaggin’: Crosshair looks late 20’s/early 30’s. He’s had time to learn otherwise. Instead, he’s learned how to apply manscara. As far as this bag hunter is concerned, men applying make up trumps the donning of welding gloves any day of the week. So Cross Hair for the win. He’s old enough to know better by now.

Mr. White: Crosshair shows us what Scott Weiland would look like if he substituted steroids for heroin. And his sultry Latina companion, by allowing him a hair pull and sneer, just seals the deal.

A dominant win for Glambaggery. Guyliner, frost tips, ‘roids and ‘tude, all while mugging a perfectly tasteful Princess Latina in Jedi hottie. Do not for a second doubt this coupling’s ability to win the HCwDB of the Year. If our next two candidates split the vote, anything could happen.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2: E-Blo and Britney

In the toughest of the three brackets, the mighty vacancy of the E-Blo Stare took down the potent Poopaloompa and crimsony Crimson Ted.

The run of ‘blo is legend: 2, 3, 4, 5 6, 7, 8 and pic 9. The voters speak:

DoubleBock: E-BLO is the real deal and gets my vote. Poopa / Ming the Merciless will have to settle for the Orange consolation prize. Scribbles and Crimson Ted get what they deserve, nothing.

Sad Party Karaoke Robot: I have to go with E-Blo FTW. His body of work is unmatched even by Ted. He just kept bringing in douche element after douche element. Each picture in his poop-iliation represents a gesture, attribute or article of clothing that is mocked every day on this site.

Anonymous: EBLO, is it even a question? This douche has been training all his life for this moment. You do not develop such a stare because you feel like it. EBLO’s stare is one of years of practice. He is that douche in Junior High who wouldnt even smile in his school picture. The guy was probably douche-practicing at twelve years old for christ sakes

JoJo Dancer: E-Blo is a souless wonder. He manages, from head to toe, to display every douche mode but he wears it like a second skin. E-Blo is not a douchebag. He is the douchebag.

Dave: Not even a contest here. E-blo is well on his way to HCwDB of the decade.

Wedgie: I gotta go with E-Blo. The thousand yard stare reminds me of my cousin when he came back to the world from the ‘Nam after the Tet Offensive

Arch Douche Ferdinand: like the Highlander, there can be only one to survive this Thunderdome of douche, and it must be E-Blo. .

PhilthyPhil: Eblo, because I cant even put into words how much his run of pics bother me. I dont even need to be in his presence and I can feel the chaotic void he emits sucking the very spark of life from my soul. Eblo for the yearly imho. May satan have mercy on his soul.

Just barely beating out Crimson Ted, E-Blo and Brit have made it to the finals. But they’re also up against…

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3: Smoot and Crystal

From early September, witness the epic run: Pic #2, pic #3 , pic #4, pic #5, pic #6, pic #7, pic #8, pic #9, pic #10 with King D and pic #11.

Taking their semifinals bracket with surprising ease, not even Mack the Nozz and Francine could stop the Smoot express. The voters speak:

Discrete Harm of the Doucheoisie: Gotta be Smoot. That man is a volcanic pustule on this site’s visual landscape. And I’m pretty sure the Peloponnesian War was fought over less than Crystal tantalizing posterior.

KeirNotKier: Smoot is the archetype on douchebag. When I hear the term “douchebag” the image that appears in my head is that of Smoot. Smoot makes me want to show a photo of him to a philosophy professor and make them answer the immortal question “why”? And although she may be a level 4 Bleeth (she does have her tongue out in almost every picture she is in!), Crystal may be the hottest of the hott I have seen on the site.

Blair: Smoot is just so incredibly douchie. He cannot be denied. God, that guy makes me want to kill nuns.

Mitch: I voted for him back in September, and I’ll do it again. Smoot is the cover guy for Scrote Magazine.

Fat, Drunk and Douchey: Smoot FTW. He may be a generic douche who doesn’t do anything really special, kind of like the Packers in the ’60s, but he just does it that much better than everybody else.

doucheywallnuts: Smoot hands down. He embodies authentic Hall of Fame douchnesss in this picture.

Them’s your three.

Remember to think both of which douche represents all that was toxic about ‘baggery in 2009, and which hott(s) counterbalances that poo with sexiness and boobies.

Vote now.

EDIT: This is the only category of the day, so take your time if you need a moment to process the uberstank and decide. Also, after voting, maybe you can help me make sense out of HCwDB’s position on Wired’s hip and cutting edge “LOL Blog”, in which the “Hot Chicks with” ripoff sites are somehow funnier than HCwDB and “Look at this f-king Hipster” is more famous. Methinks not, Wired. But keep partying like it’s 1999.

# posted by douchebag1

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