Saturday, December 12, 2009

Orangest Orange: Cheeto Man

In an impressive takedown of even the mighty Poopaloompa, the super-orangedness of Cheeto Man wins the 2009 Douchie Award for Orangest Orange.

Although each of our contestants found significant mock, and Mammy Miami even broke out into singing “Swanee!” The voters speak:

Mr. Biggs: Cheeto Man. It’s not even close. Even if we were looking at most hideous or most likely to cause hurling, it would still be cheeto. But this category is orangest orange, and cheeto out-shines them all. In that brilliant plastic glo-orange he’s perfected so well.

douche equis: Cheeto Man. Be he quick-fried to a crackly crunch or baked to a delicate crunch, he is Cheeto Man, he is douche, and he is the orangest orange.

Skyler: Cheeto man. I can understand somewhat the methods of achieving the color with the other pictures. The cheeto man leaves me baffled.

Vinny Scumbaglia: Unlike the others, Cheeto Man sports a fleshtone that simply does not occur on humans unless they are suffering from a severe liver malfunction. While the others grasp at some simulacrum of trans-racial dermal coloration, Chester grits his cosmetically whitened teeth in defiance and goes completely Crayola Peach. Chester Cheeto Man is the Orangest Orange.

massengill: Cheeto Man for the win. And by “win” I mean “vigorous and violent scrubbing with a pumice stone.”

Snoop Douchey Bagg: I still contend that Cheeto is the real-life model for “King of the Hill’s” Boomhauer.

Gaybaggery was clearly not an impediment to winning the Orangest Orange category, and Cheeto Man deserves his Douchie Award.

# posted by douchebag1

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