Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Ab Shellfish


As we gear up for the 2009 Douchie Awards, these two minipud Miamian shellfish wanted to pay tribute to the legend of The Ab Lobster.

While Curvy Sue offers superior back arch, and Julian Lennon on the pole wishes his solo career had taken off back in the 80s.

# posted by douchebag1
11:38 pm December, 2 Anonymous said...

Her "eyebrows" frighten me.

11:41 pm December, 2 End the Haberdouchery said...

I wonder if that pole is sharp on one end, and we could convince all four of them to jump on it.

Douche kebabs, I banish thee to the poop freezer.

11:49 pm December, 2 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

She's the first woman ever to take Charlize Theron's "Monster" look and make it semi-hott, no small feat.

I can smell the donkey jizz on their breath through my monitor.

11:52 pm December, 2 Vin Douchal said...

This is a Cher concert

11:54 pm December, 2 Bob said...

SSS, yes, that's what that smell is wafting from my laptop screen. Donkey jizz floating on whore's breath.

12:01 am December, 3 Bagnonymous said...

She felt a fart welling up inside her, and turned around so that she could.. Fart. At. His. Abs.

12:04 am December, 3 Bagnonymous said...

The douche/Axe aroma was becoming unbearable, so Curvy Sue started inhaling her armpit b.o. in order to keep from gagging.

12:22 am December, 3 End the Haberdouchery said...

My office smells like fart, donkey jizz, and Preparation H.

Donkey jizz from her, Prep H from him, and the fart from your's truly. I need some ventilation in here, I'm soaking in it.

12:24 am December, 3 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

Looks like someone photoshopped in a tranny to this collection of party boys from the Apache on Ventura, one of LA's finest gay bars.

Or so I'm told.

12:33 am December, 3 Mr. White said...

I would not touch anything or anyone who had been in this room. Not even if it had been cleansed with fire.

12:35 am December, 3 Brian said...

When will tools like this realize that showing your abs ANYTIME gets you attention from one group only: other gay males.

Oh, wait, that is what they want. Never mind…

12:47 am December, 3 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Some people are so desperate for attention that they will do anything for it. Dress a certain way. Orange up. Flash some skin. Even suck cock, any cock, just to get some of that life affirming attention they were starved of as a child.

Drugs? No problem. Drink until I cause permanent brain damage? Bring it on. Anal gang rape? Sounds like fun! Who's first? If it gets them noticed, if it gets them in, then its worth it. They're finally part of the "It" crowd.

And at a certain point, some people will even lose touch with reality. They think that what they're doing is actually garnering them that life-fulfilling attention, that everything they did to demean and degrade themselves has finally paid off.

But truth be told, they're still invisible, only now they are invisible and soulless.

Poor Curvy Sue. They don't even know she's there.

12:57 am December, 3 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

^ Mr. Scrotato

Bravo.

As we have seen too many times before, it's the desperate desire to be "noticed" that drives so many to douchedom.

Your words are like sweet nectar.

And by "nectar", I mean "'bukkake videos starring Jennifer Love Hewitt in a catholic school girl outfit."

12:58 am December, 3 massengill said...

It's funny because she looks to be the most masculine of the group.

1:00 am December, 3 Anonymous said...

4 dudes

1:07 am December, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Jim Rome had great advice for Tiger Woods today.

Put on a blue sweater, paint your lips purple and splash on the orange tan then spill your guts on 60 Minutes.

Like A-Douche-Rod

1:11 am December, 3 scrotum pole said...

It warms my heart that these guys are getting into the Christmas spirit.

"Don, we now our gay apparel,
Fa, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la- la."

1:15 am December, 3 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Hold on. Wheezer, is Ab Lobster's girl actually Francine?

Awesome Julian Lennon call by the way, DB1.

1:21 am December, 3 scrotum pole said...

@ Filthy,

With my eleven minute attention span, I'm no Wheezer.

But that ain't Francine.

1:25 am December, 3 Filthy McBaggin' said...

@Scrotum

Probably not, but the resemblance is uncanny.

And just to clarify, I am talking about the Original Ab Lobster's girl in the link, not the "handsome" woman shown here with these choads…

1:28 am December, 3 BillDouchiest the Wild Swine said...

Why is Curvy Sue hanging out with these gaybags?

1:38 am December, 3 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

^ Because Curvy Sue is a tranny.

And trannies like gaybags.

Simple algebra really.

1:39 am December, 3 Anonymous said...

Curvy Sue is actually Dana Carvey when not in the off-season.

He's the master of disguise!

1:46 am December, 3 Bag Gates said...

That's funny because I was thinking about "Valotte" this morning and how superior it was to any of Sean Lennon's music.

Alas curvy Sue know all too well that "It's much too late for goodbyes.".

1:55 am December, 3 Troy Tempest said...

I never found scoliosis attractive.

1:55 am December, 3 Mitch Cumstein said...

Where's the clocktower where's my gun where's the clocktower where's my gun

1:57 am December, 3 Jurassic Douche said...

Nice nipple exposure dbag!

1:58 am December, 3 Mitch Cumstein said...

It's the Fancy Fantastic Four! Three Human Torches ("Flame On!") and one Invisible Woman.

2:30 am December, 3 UFO Destroyers said...

She's in the recovery period from her cranial brow ridge reduction surgery to become less Klingon.

Ricky Martin's really living la vida loca tonight.

2:38 am December, 3 Steve L. said...

now we know just how contaminated the seafood is off the coasts of Florida.

2:43 am December, 3 Bagnonymous said...

I'm afraid this pic might be turning me gay. Must scroll down.. must gawk at ambiguously-exotic Raven hott…

There we go! Yes, that's the stuff!

(Oh, and as for the pic at hand–fags. All of 'em. Including the dude in the scrunchy silver dress.)

2:56 am December, 3 pv1 said...

That is one ugly chick. Sorry.

3:38 am December, 3 Anonne Huntress said...

Very much not a hott. However, the other three are all douchebags.

I wonder if they're all dancing to Dude Looks Like A Lady.

3:46 am December, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ SSS 4:57

"'bukkake videos starring Jennifer Love Hewitt in a catholic school girl outfit."

My three favorite things all in one porno. Who do I have to kill to get a copy?

In fact, a little JLH is just the thing to get the ick of this photo off my eyeballs.

Dang me, dang me, they oughta take a rope and hang me. I have no business walking this earth when there are women like that one. And this is the topper from an interview: When asked how she describes herself, her answer was simply "A dork". I love her, perhaps a teeny bit more than Anne Hathaway.

3:59 am December, 3 Wheezer said...

For all the posts regarding "Francine," that may very well be her in the background of the photo, holding the stripper pole. Maybe she cut her hair and upped the eyebrow tweezing.

To the "men" in this photo: look, I don't have any hangups if you're gay. That's OK – be honest with yourselves and enjoy your lives. But damn, it doesn't mean you actually have to flaunt it to live openly.

I'd advise you fellas to watch a ball game but you'd misinterpret my point.

4:25 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Curvy Sue farts out fetuses.

4:26 am December, 3 DarkSock said...

Like a tied raccoon drops scat pellets.

4:29 am December, 3 Anonymous said...

Dude check out my abs Dude. They look sick Dude. Hey Dude. I'm getting hard looking at my abs Dude. Hey Dude. Dude. Ooops I just came. I'm so hot Dude.

Hang on your not a Dude. I just came rubbing on a girl. Oh fuck I'm going to hell.

French for Shower.

4:36 am December, 3 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

@ Medusa

Thank you for the delicious picture, god damn I loves me some JLH.

But I have some unfortunate news, JLH's notorious bukkake video adventures are gaurded by a formidable enemy.

Even more hazardous than the evil Shoa Kahn on the final level of "Mortal Kombat 2".

The video is stored deep in an underground bunker gaurded by the one and only Smoot, equiped with Ed Hardy laser rifles and poisonous Affliction gas grenades.

But that's not all. Smoot has also been rumored to shoot maginifcent rays from his black fingernail polish that instantly turns his foes into petrified orange dung.

To accept such a mission is almost sure death… by pootrification.

But if you succeed, the world will most assuredly be a better place.

God's speed.

4:41 am December, 3 beastialitizer said...

Medusa I'd like to tie you to pole and. Jack off into your mouth with semen boiled to 100 degrees. Then I would chop my Dick off and shove it up your ass while I take a fat squirty shit in your face l.

4:48 am December, 3 beastialitizer said...

I'd like to dump my used condom out in the mouth of that skank bag in this picture

7:43 am December, 3 Anonymous said...

Pole dancer was just reaching the end of his jig when two white belt wearing, Axe stenched twats and a ho-bag crashed his performance. Our two losers here attempted to out do one another with classic scroat ab reveal when all that was required to get the attention of this two-bit skank was opening their zips.

Regards,
Douche Pitt

7:45 am December, 3 Whoop-di-douche said...

I'd say, "Three French hens and a partridge in an ass-pear tree."

12:53 pm December, 3 Troy Tempest said...

OK – check this out.

we need historical documentation of the development of douchebaggery, and here is a video of a film where Betty Hutton sings a song about how she's dating a douchebag during WW2, and how unromantic it is to be with such a dumbass.

Note how the troops who dance along to the song look a lot like the dancing douches from last week.

Note how she decries what kind of an idiot he is, but, nowhere does she refer to him in the past tense, i.e., she is bleeth and going along with it for whatever reason (left unstated).

Also note: Betty Hutton is fucking HOTT.

Sigh.

1:08 pm December, 3 Anonymous said...

I agree. Gay bar all the way.

1:58 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

Why is Rush Limbaugh wearing a dress and wig in a gay bar?

4:40 pm December, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Curvy Sue's grinding came to an instant halt when the "boys" from Boy George's entourage crashed the stage. Later that same night these "boys" got arrested when they got into a catfight over who was going to play George Michael during their version of Wham!

5:37 pm December, 3 Anonymous said...

I was going to start by making a comment on the stupid kissy face but then I realized this picture does not belong on your site for lack of a hot. That nasty thing in the middle with the forehead so large you could land helicopters on it does not qualify as a hot chick.

1:28 am December, 4 Anonymous said...

I bet that bitch gets beaten by those douchebags,i like this.

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