Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Ask DB1: Is DB1 the Antichrist?


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All Right, DB1. I think this needs to be said.

I am a long time fan of the website and consider myself to be a committed and battle tested Bag Hunter. But I do have something I must say.

You sir, are the Antichrist, the bringer of the end of days. Let me explain.


I was listening to the radio this morning on my commute to my job, (that helps me “better my lifestyle”); a place where I am allotted some spare time to occasionally browse your site and sneer and mock the shameless douchebags and uberscrote.

They were talking about Jersey Shore, a show certainly inspired by you and your crusade. Apparently Snookie (snooky, whoever this bimbo is) is making an appearance at some club that at the proud Bostonian ooze likes to haunt. She is receiving no less than $10,000 for this appearance. It is for this, and many other observations that I make the above accusation.


In your brave, and selfless pursuit of scrote mockery and boobie suckle thigh, you have brought mass awareness to this plague germinating in Jersey, Socal, and South Beach.

But rather than take up arms in the war against Ed Hardy and Kissy face, you’ve made war criminals such as Joey Porche and Smoot into heroes; people who are revered. They become celebrities and receive outrageous compensation which only reinforces their destructive behavior. We mock them from our computers, yes. But they’ve taken over every public watering hole in America. Their shiny foreheads and orange “guns” leave greasy territorial marks on all things hot, leaving only the fatties from Stackhouse’s great poetic works for the rest of us to cozy up to. These poor, misguided beauties, with their deliciously bouncy boobies are being systematically assimilated into the emerging evil empire.

The doucepocalypse is coming, DB1. I fear you’ve awoken a sleeping Ed Hardy tiger. It will soon leap from its perch atop a tilted trucker hat and overwhelm us all.

– Courtney
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Firstly, the Scrotocalypse was coming either way. Secondly, my show, Is She Really Going Out With Him? certainly does not celebrate the douche the way Jersey Shore does. Just listen to ESPN’s castrated pseudo-populist, Bill Simmons, slobber over how great they are. Zero critical skills at work.

But I can certainly see your perspective, Courtney. We have helped bring the douche subculture to mainstream light. Unfortunately, not enough people are engaging the power of mock.

However, I would argue that part of every diagnosis first involves bringing the disease to light. Society is in the early stages of douchal purge. We still may slip, and much mocking remains to be done. But the process of discovery is at least underway.

# posted by douchebag1

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