Monday, January 18, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

Since a lot of classic HCwDB legends visited the site last week, it was a light week for new, quality, mockworthy HCwDB. So I’m throwing in one of the just-missed from two weeks ago, The Guppy.

Here’s your three:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Guppy

Halloween or no, this blondefauxian Trustachoadian is all that is Bret Easton Ellis private school preppy pud of smug inheritance douche.

Hey, wasn’t Private School Preppie Pud one of those mid 1980s sex comedies?

I miss those movies.

A key part of my youth involved a smuggled VHS copy of Where The Boys Are, ’84 when I was in third grade.

But back to Belly Dancer Jessica.

Halloween dress-up? Perhaps. Gnaw worthy pear? Absolutely.

Her coy smile promises summering in the Hamptons and a $250,000 divorce when you’re in you’re mid 40s. And it was worth it.

The Guppy just makes my uvula rebel with toxic retraction.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Lars and Ariella Show Their Underwear

Lars got a surprising amount of passes in the comments thread, forcing me to issue a warning:

If you cannot see this scrote as douche, you are becoming numb to the ways of the choad.

And yes, I cribbed that last sentence from Balzac.

Ariella’s body sings angelic boobie sonnets.

Lars is greased up, over-developed chest, rock concert going, bad sunglasses wearing, beer levitating asswank.

Showing us his undies.

For those doubting douche status, anyone who wears their pants like that is auto-pud.

So let it be written.

So let it be done.

So let me at Ariella’s fishnets.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Pablows Bigbozo

I’m gonna give the naming of this Friday Haiku pic to Crucial Head, who tagged Pablows Bigbozo in his haiku.

Pablows has the “ironic” Zoolander look of true douche trying to use irono-douche to excuse authento-bag.

It won’t work on us, Pablows.

We see through your empty frame.

And Art School Tina.

How I long to hear you complain about, like, how the curriculum is holding back your dream of an Interpretive Dance department.

Where you will perform silent dance versions signifiying how all sexual acts are metaphors for colonialist rape and conquest.

And I would nod. And agree with everything you said.

And hope we would make out later when your roommate was in the bathroom.

(Dis)honorable mention to The Monobag, The Green Techno Warrior, and the The Pinkhead, who seemed too clownish to nominate.

Which of these three couplings deserves to call itself HCwDB of the Week?

Give me your vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1

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