Friday, January 29, 2010

Reader Mail: Euro Tagging


—-
DB1,

Me and my girlfriend–avid readers of your site and proud owners of your book–decided to spend the Christmas break in Spain.

As we are all aware, the Grieco virus has extended extensively into Europe. Therefore, bag’ hunting was an active part of the trip. We were surprised to notice that Yankees over sized jackets and tilted hats have made their way into Madrid (along with KFC and Pizza Hut).

However, a terrible disagreement on the level of douchebaggery of an individual emerged, and I was hoping you could help me out. We were on the metro and he was very close, so taking a picture was out of order. But open your mind and imagine this: A fake-tanned guy, with more product in his hair than it should be legally allowed, purple jeans, white shirt, purple jean jacket, and–get ready–walking around with 2 little speakers in his pockets. Now, these speakers were plugged into his Ipod and were playing some sort of Euro-techno.

I spotted him first, and immediately tagged him as an enormous douchebag. However, she disagreed and even argued a not-a-douche pass wasn’t out of the question.

We’ve been together for quite some time now, DB1, but I must ask for your guidance.

Is this the end?

Thanks,
The Canadian Bag’ Hunter.

—-

Since you did not include a pic of your tag, TCBH, it’s hard to say. However, female ‘bag hunters can often struggle with bag tagging in the wild, as the subtle forces of cultural imprint are designed to ensnare them by the multiple branded signifiers that a douchebag displays.

Since douchebaggery is utilized by the market system to both a) cause the male to buy endless (and ever shifting) overpriced validation of his sexual worth in the form of name-brand items, body products, etc., and b) the female to recognize these items as premium cultural capital signifiers of merit, and therefore coitus, some females will struggle with a full ‘tag when confronted directly by choad spectacle.

The short answer? Dump her ass.

# posted by douchebag1

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