Thursday, January 14, 2010

Reader Mail: “Guile” was Proto-Bag


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DB1-

I know that through your extensive research, you’ve come to the conclusion that Richard Greico is the originator of the DB virus. However, I would humbly submit that you have neglected an important cultural factor as well: Guile, from Street Fighter 2.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that have perpetrated this most unholy of taint upon our once proud, noble, and douche-free nation, has a large, spikey hair style.

Guile, like the Jersey Scum that poo on our collective unconscious, wears a wife-beater.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that haunt the deep recesses of our minds, taunted us with the fear of our own inner doucheness, wears dog tags and has tattoos.

Guile, like the Jersey scum that seem spread like plague-infested rats on our eastern seaboard, has a musculature that certainly appears to be enhanced by steroids.

Guile likes to fight and make hand gestures if he wins, but only after fixing his hair. If Guile had a hat, it would be tilted ten degrees.

Hell, in the movie, Guile was played by Jean-Claude Van Damme.

So perhaps the Greiko virus isn’t enough. Perhaps it incubates in the host, and the host’s desire to be a video game character from the early 1990’s (which, given the maturity and intelligence displayed by the Jersey Poo Squad wouldn’t surprise me) is what causes it to take over the host’s body and alter it’s physical appearance.

As to the hot chick portion of this e-mail, Chun-Li. ‘Nuff said.

– Game Boy
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Well argued, Game Boy. Geeky as hell. But well argued.

# posted by douchebag1

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