Friday, February 12, 2010

Ask DB1: Baby ‘Bags


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Hey DB1

I was recently at a friends baby shower and she received an Ed Hardy tattooed onesie with little striped pants (for the baby, not for her). The Ed Hardy logo was stamped on the back of the onesie vertically, exactly where poo would go if the baby happened to overflow the diaper (how appropriate).

It was given to her by a hot chick, but as this was a baby shower and no men attended, I could not see if she had a douchebag boyfriend.

I have a few questions – I was not aware that enough hott/douchebag pairings resulted in offspring that would require Ed Hardy infant clothing (I’m still wondering why it exists in the first place) and is douchebaggery a learned or innate behavior? Are certain traits of douchebag/hott parents genetically passed down to their children, dooming them to eternal baggitude?

Thanks!
-Gregoria Mendelbag

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Douchebaggery is learned. It is not innate nor genetic, despite the best efforts of the Jerz Guidos to convince us otherwise.

Cultural and parental anxieties of social acceptance are placed upon the young, who intuit from an early age that they must transform their bodies into spectacle to compete with the ever-increasing schizophrenia of our fragmented media universe. The market system’s modus of consumption in the digital age informs the corporeal transformation of the individual.

Beware hot chicks bearing douche-gifts, Gregoria. For in the Book of Vinny it foretells yet another sign of impending scrotocalypse.

# posted by douchebag1

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