Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Ask DB1: Why?….


—-
DB1,

I visit your site often, and it never fails to make me laugh out loud.

While I’m laughing, I’m crying inside. You must have asked yourself this: why do the hots seem to be so irresistibly attracted to scrote? Why? WHY??

I didn’t see the answer I seek in your FAQs. Is it pheromones? Is it temporary shifts in the space-time continuum? Does God indeed have a wicked sense of humor?

I just don’t understand. Please help me….

Regards,
Big Billy Bag

—-

This excellent question is expounded upon in far greater detail in my book, BBB, but the short answer is the simplest one. Our sexuality is not innate. We flatter ourselves into thinking we determine the course of our attractions, but these impulses are tribally guided.

Douche culture, by definition, requires endless repetition of spectacle as the eternally profitable product of nostalgia as newness. A copy of a copy of a copy of an echo. A brand name spokes-wheel of a reflection of recycled and reappropriated nostalgic pop poopie diaper. Quality? Irrelevant. Famous for being famous is all that matters. Fifteen minutes of greased up hair follicle entwined in the endless maze of two mirrors reflecting endlessly the vacuity of the soul.

Originality, be it in thought or expression, threatens the framework. Thus repetitive recycling offers safety, comfort and spectacle without the radical danger of risking the golden financial rainbow at the end of the megacorp product line. To use what’s come before as the razzle dazzle of what is new again offers the well worn path of instant success through Pop Idol framework set by Coca-Cola advertising shift.

In our media saturated age, we turn bodies into billboard. We brand ourselves with tattoos, piercings and designer clothing to enter the endless ADHD competition to hold an attention suffering from eternal distraction.

The douche is simply one who self-brands through the corporate culture of logo. The hott cannot rise out of the framework to regain control of her buying impulses. For she has already been indoctrinated through a lifetime of advertisement-triggered purchasing instincts. And thus, she seeks the peen attached to the product she’s told she wants every day through the cacophonous corporate shock doctrine.

# posted by douchebag1

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