Monday, March 15, 2010

Ask DB1: Define “Doucheosity”

—-
DB1,

Merriam-Webster defines virtuosity as “great technical skill (as in the practice of a fine art).” Now I’m not claiming doucheuosity to be on par with fine art, it’s the complete opposite. But when has a douchebag reached doucheuosity?

You are doing the Lord’s work,
– ICEMAN

—-

I define the state of pure doucheosity the way the Supreme Court defines porn. There is an inherent subjectivity to the defining characteristics, but I know it when I see it.

And it’s this Turd Blossom.

# posted by douchebag1
10:21 am March, 15 Mr. White said...

Do I eyes deceive me, or I do I detect a small Holy Pink Triangle on left hott? I also approve of the fact that right brunette is about to drive her spike heel into this douche’s crotch. I’d like to think HPT’s foot is down there because she tried to do the same thing but overshot a little.

10:27 am March, 15 Not That Anon said...

Sweet blonde little Sarah does not belong in this picture.
Fer chrissakes, her drawers match her shirt, and with legs like that, you know she’s captain of the girls’ lacrosse team.
She’s the closest thing to marriage material we’ve seen since The Paprika Twins or Halo Angel!

And by ‘marriage material’, I mean the McFlurry of her choice at McDonald’s after a first date perusing cute but value-priced girl-clothes at Target.

10:31 am March, 15 Not That Anon said...

@Mr. White: Well spotted. And yes, it seems she was going for his right nut and missed.
Hopefully Dirty Joanne on the right will hit full-on and square as she tries to just stomp the whole damn package and take Ducklips McFin out of the gene pool for good.
With any luck, she can hook that tie with her heel, and break at least part of his face on Sarah’s knee.

10:42 am March, 15 Flounder said...

I do believe there is some HPT on the left hand hot. And I do believe if the picture was snapped a moment sooner there would have been more showing, cause it does seem she is pulling he skirt down to hide the joyfullest of joys from us. And although I hope the the right hot, the hottest one , is in the process of crushing this pud’s balls I am desturbed by one thing. Why is the center hot licking his hair? Is this choad so smarmy that like the Sonoran Desert toad liking him produces psychoactive effects? If so this must be stopped and these choads must be rounded up and destroyed for the public good.

So remember people don’t lick toads or choads.

This PSA is brought to by the Just Say No to Chaod Campaign

10:43 am March, 15 Wedgie said...

He might be a douchebag, or just much luckier than me. Because as I sit here at my desk, I don’t have three hotties surrounding me. It must be time for a new haircut.

And a lip ring.

10:49 am March, 15 Troy Tempest said...

The girl on the right with the plucked eyebrows looks like the type who does tugjobs for a living.

The girl in the middle is just a stupid ass who will marry a doctor and turn into a raging akly.

The girl on the left has no business being there, and she knows it.

The douche in the middle – I hope he gets termites. And from me, that’s a pretty nasty thing to say.

10:52 am March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I’ve always defined doucheosity as a general state of being dictated by the behaviors and actions of the subject. One must not necessarily be a douche to display doucheosity.

Main Entry: douche·os·i·ty
Pronunciation: ˈdüsh-ä-sə-tē
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural douche·os·i·ties

1 : douchey demeanor, speech, or behavior
2 : a douchey gesture, habit, or act

11:05 am March, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh, pretty Sarah, your friends are bad news.

11:05 am March, 15 nona said...

Apparently Snooki is a douchebag on Twitter, too.

11:09 am March, 15 Crucial Head said...

They are trying to Kick-Start His Fart.

11:10 am March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Or perhaps doucheosity is defined similarly to that of grandiosity; characterized by affectation of doucheiness by absurd exaggeration.

11:11 am March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Garrett’s ball-crushing fetish was met with dramatic fervor by the waitresses at Applebee’s.

11:14 am March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Layla’s tongue soon fell victim to Herman’s scalp spade, leaving her looking like a Burmese Python everytime she smiled.

… dammit. Now I am aroused.

11:15 am March, 15 Crucial Head said...

As soon as their motorcycle came to a rest, Martha and Gretchen embarrasingly reached for the kick-stand at the same time.

11:17 am March, 15 Crucial Head said...

The heels of Ethel’s and Constance’s stilletos were the only known stimulants for Grant’s engorged clitoris.

11:20 am March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Now we all know where this douche’s ‘Jump Off’ launching pad resides.

Get Some.

11:22 am March, 15 Amerigo Vedouchey said...

This is the last time I hang with these two.” Sarah thought to herself.

11:37 am March, 15 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

In these tough economic times, Trudy thought she’d save herself some money on her tongue piercing.

11:46 am March, 15 Troll of the Reaper (T.O.R) said...

very douchebag douchenozzle yes hmm yes haha lol. anyways check this italian soccer player douche “modelling” with his hot gf, its worth a look. rofl http://danieleurciuolo.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/melissa-satta-e-bobo-vieri-_asp7537img1.jpg

11:54 am March, 15 Vin Douchal said...

They look like a low rent version of the awful yet really cute country chick band SheDaisy.

The only thing that smells like daisies in this photo is ,well, nothing as it most likely smells like Axe , beer farts, hair spray and ass. I know I said farts andass but ass can smell like more than just farts. Or so I’ve heard ….

11:57 am March, 15 Fatness said...

Sarah softly smiles while vowing never to volunteer at the sorority as a designated driver ever again.

12:04 pm March, 15 Troll of the Reaper (T.O.R) said...

also found this too haha funny, too many to choose from but soccer player with hot g splashin in water, and bosnian guido & guidette LOL http://www.calciopro.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/vieri_satta2.jpg http://blog.upoznavanje.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/sekaimladen.jpg

12:13 pm March, 15 Condouchious say... said...

Q: when has a douchebag reached doucheosity?
A: stack…………………………wait for it…………………………….house

12:28 pm March, 15 Bagnonymous said...

I feel a bit relieved seeing in this picture that two of the hotts are about to high-heel-spike him in the groin, and the third is about to vomit on his head.

And I’d gladly lick off whatever residual vomit accidentally landed on Left Hott’s looooooong legs, just for the chance to spend the rest of the evening listening to her high-pitched, whiny voice go on about how her daddy promised her a BMW Z4, but he was thrown in jail for tax evasion and now she has to make do with a paltry Mercedes-Benz C-class cabriolet.

12:31 pm March, 15 El Caganer said...

I am just thinking about where else she might want to stick her tongue in. All of that anal bleaching might finally pay off for me!

12:37 pm March, 15 Deltus said...

Sarah is the kind of girl you hope, pray even, one day to get to go out with. Her friend on the right, though, is the one who would ride you like an animal and leave you gasping for breath, whether you were going out with Sarah or not. Mohawk McWankstain and the skank about to lick his disgusting hair? Too far gone to care about. But Sarah, uh… could I call you sometime?

1:41 pm March, 15 ToddJerad said...

Until you girls stop having sex with guys with Mohawks this shit will never stop.

2:50 pm March, 15 Scroteophobic said...

OK, are my eyes going odd… What the hell is going on with blondie’s interthigh area? Is that JPEG muiring or something? I hope to hell it is because otherwise she either has a) matted pubes down to her knees or b) serious fungal growth issues.

4:32 pm March, 15 abdouchah the butcher said...

I really wish I hadn’t seen this. Mohawk crab louse has no redeeming qualities. In fact he is a ‘bag hole capable of draining virtues from the people and things around him, including furniture, bulldozers and peanut butter.

6:45 pm March, 15 DarkSock said...

Shatless Shrugged

6:46 pm March, 15 DarkSock said...

Vinnie simply could not get pussy off his mind.

6:48 pm March, 15 DarkSock said...

Vin was forced to take a second job as Lilith Fair’s tampon dispenser.

10:02 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

I stared at this picture for at least twelve minutes and how in the hell did I not think of “tampon dispenser”??

Retirement, here I come.

10:04 pm March, 15 Steve L. said...

i was gonna crack some jokes about undefined values but realized that it’s probably better left to the scientifically inclined regs.

10:05 pm March, 15 Steve L. said...

doucheosity is as doucheosity does.

yeah i got nothing.

12:33 am March, 16 Euripidouche said...

if we went camping i would use the scrotes head to roast marshmallows over the open fire, later while having wild sex with the pink hitler mustache of triangle, she could throw her legs up in the air to keep the polyester from smothering us if we happened to knock out the tent poles.

10:36 pm March, 20 Lawson said...

I know this guy.

And he’s pretty freakin cool to be real with you. The girls just like him. You’d probably like him too.

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