Ask DB1: Reforming the Choad
As an avid reader of the site and an admirer of your seer-like visions of the impending scrotocalypse, I have a question that you no doubt have pondered in Thunderhorse-induced trances.
While we mock the spectral choad in an effort to render the choad laughable should we not also consider that those douche bags who choose to shuffle off the douchal coil may be lost and have no idea of how to live outside of the scrotal way?
These former choad biscuits may need guidance on what their next step should be now they have given up kissy lips and half-buttoned Armani shirts. Is this any of our concern?
Should there be a group of “Post-Douche Counselors” who can minister to these former scrote lickers by showing them if they don’t spend $500 on a pair of sunglasses then they can move out of their mom’s basement? Or is it enough that we simply show the culture that the douche path is mock-worthy and any path is better than the way of the scrote?
Looking forward to HCwDB 2.0
Best Regards,
– The Ruler of Nations
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The douche must find his own way out of the gel-crusty darkness and towards the light of revelation. The only counsel that we can provide is societal mock. Like teaching a toddler to walk, the ‘bag must take their own first steps to truly be free of cultural latticework.
However, if giggle hottie provides reinforcement, the cycle can never be broken, so her role is equally important in reforming the choadscrote. Once we reach giggle hottie (and gnaw on her belly when she isn’t looking), the douche will find his own way out of the EdHardpocalypse.
When the douchebag leaves it all behind, their IQ goes up a few points and then they are able to negotiate the Real World. To give them extra help is wrong – we all need guidance and direction. Some more than others. Douchebags most of all. But once they are on the path, then they must walk the path like an adult – fwapping all the way.
that was a crappy post of mine. Very poorly written. I’d like to delete it. Oooops. No delete button. Suckage.
I’d like to take this opportunity to WordPress a special message.
Fuck Fish Slap
(fuckin wordPress deletes extra spaces!)
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lame.
I guarantee those boobs are real.
I also guarantee the Pittsburgh Pirates will win the 2010 World Series, Skweezy Jibbs will be the next Mayor of West Hollywood, Peter North will grow a second (third?) cockk from his sternum, Angelina Jolie will get the Mike Tyson Face Tattoo and ultimately his dental plan, The MTV sensation “Is She Really Going Out With Him” will be relegated to mainstream primetime television via the ABC network and when I finally figure out/get the fucking widget to show up on my MySpace page the songs “Ass Pear LaPlante’ and my new ode to ‘Francine’ will break the iTunes single day sales records. Take that Black Eyed Peas, ya hacks …
Speaking of butterfaces, is it just me or is that Fergie gal bummin’ as fuck?
She’s a few cheesecakes away from a full Totie Fields makeover
She is simply gorgeous.
He looks like he’s gnawing a snot ball on his tongue.
@Vin,
Your first two Fergie links didn’t go through. They got trapped at a generic fresnobeehive.com page. WordPress error?
Fuccen A
I remember when Blogger took away the trash cans for a few days.
It sucked monkey nipples.
Is this thing on?
Damn this thing’s using my word press avatar.
Those two are spectacular. She’s the one you keep and take home to meet your parents (making sure that she covers those things up so your father doesn’t stare, the dirty old bugger).
I’m with Troy and Croosh. I want to be able to delete my fucked up posts.(most of them)
Damn this avatar is from the chop and mutilate site Hosted by Jeffery Dahlmer (JD1)
I am willing to reserve final judgment until all the fish tits are flapping per design, but so far this WordPress transition appears to have taken us backward, not forward. Need preview, edit, delete and for the love of all things visual, bigger ‘gravitars’ (who came up with that?)…
For now I’m going to stare at the boobies and sulk.
If DB1 is correct, then the cure is obvious. We must steal their women from them! The booby suckle hotts reinforce the douchey mindset with their bouncing giggleness. If we appropriate the hotties for ourselves, this leaves the ‘bag with no standard of douchey display to emanate.
But that leaves us with a conundrum. Do we become the new scrotes by bedding the cleavage-nuzzle hotties? I for one, am willing to take that risk for the greater good.
@ Mr S Head
I think I forgot to close the Fergie photo, so here it is again:
Speaking of butterfaces, is it just me or is that Fergie gal bummin’ as fuck?
She’s a few cheesecakes away from a full Totie Fields makeover
Voice over: This post brought to you by Word Press, it’s like World Crossing, only way inferior as if that was possible ….. Word Press , Get Some !
Golly, she’s a muffin! I wanna see her in December for SURE. Sweet Jesus, what I wouldn’t do if she weren’t hanging out with Frankendouche.
Wait, is that a double-negative..? Maybe it’s “..what I would do..”? You see?!? Dammit, all she’s hot and I’m flustered. I say goddamn.
Do we really want their women I would think most of them would be pretty used up at this point
misplaced comma fail
lack of comment review fail
lack of trash can fail
“You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.” fail
“JPG not big enough for me to enlarge so she’s full screen and he’s out of the frame so that I can recklessly fwap myself raw” fail
She’s a younger, hotter Helen Hunt.
But looks like she wouldn’t be hot w/o the mascara… Her face looks tired.
@Vin douchal
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…..CK!
Was much better without the close.
She was much better without the video shoot buffets and kiss ass stylists.
@Anon ^3:40
You have a point. Eye make-up does often make the woman.
Hey Darksock,
There’s a blog that needs a visit from a feller with the constitution to eliminate liquids in the vacinity of/in the orafice(s) of non-human occupants of equine concerns (gee, WordPress is fun);
Keith Olberman , Baseball Nerd, Media Twat
@Mr. Scrotato Head
Ha, that and CG-ifying her forehead… Wonder if that they could do for Helen’s chest…
I’ve been known to attempt to teach homeless people personal finance lesson when they ask me for $ usually in exchange for that money (teacha man to fish, etc.) and disagree I think that as the average american consumer is so ridicuously un-aware (mainly because this is NOT taught in schools because the system doesnt want people to know and it takes a special breed of fobby parents to do so) i think someone should be willing to help scrotes learn, though hearing their stories may lead to more folks actually ditching responsibility and seeking hot poon.
Army of DOuche-ness
Fellow taint mockers and boob pokers-
The comments thread is still a work in progress. Trying to get it to be a pop-out and also get more functionality in it. Keep mocking. All will get better as we go-
– management
test
I think the blonde here may very well be Laura Steele of WFBQ, Indianapolis.
I could be wrong, though.
Wheeze, I think you’re right. Are you an Indy native?
No, I’m in the Cincinnati area but I used to listen to The Bob & Tom Show. She sometimes guests on there and has her own hours on air. I think she was also on a local station (WEBN) for awhile, but I can’t remember.
Regardless, she has terrific boobies.
I’d put my face in that!
Me likes her boobies.
Where can I spit my chew?
BTW/ This new format is ‘bench press’… whaahappen?
Keeee-rist, she’s hott! Just lookit ’em boobies.
@ Bagnonymous 3:11
Golden Globes is the only category you can hope to see her in come December. You heard about “a face for radio,” well that girl’s got a face for the night shift at Waffle House.
Testing…. testing…
I sho’ does like those titties!
Ok. One more test to prove how fucking stupid I am. So I signed up for a WordPress blog, but I can’t figure out how the fuck I log in to post on here with links to my blog like some of you smart peoples. Damn I’m a loser.
Like this maybe?
Can’t see my tests either, since the HTML on the comments page is horribly broken in FireFox 3.5.8 apparently.
Okay, that worked, but somebody tell me I don’t have to type in the name, email, and url every time I come here to post.
I’m looking at this in Firefox on a mac and man is it fucked up.
Hello, I enjoy your site. Would you be interested in trading services for advertising? I have many fine horses, most of which have never been peed in. Please let me know if this would fit your business model. I am most anxious to hear from you.
I can be reached at Pelican Bay, D Block, Cell 1659.
Oh yeah, and one other thing. Word Press sucks monkey dicks.
Damn, you’d be surprised at how many variations of “Mr. White” are already taken. Fuccen WordPress. Fine, I’ll be a damn Kraut Mr. White, then. Of course, something’s way wacky with the comments box right now, so I have no idea if my little bag-headed dude Gravatar is even there.
@Herr Weiss,
As long as you figure out a way to keep that cool bag-headed avatar, and those healthy locks, I don’t care what your new name is.
Rrrrrooowrrr!!
…speaking of healthy body parts…did anyone say ‘bewbs’ yet?….just wondering
Give this couple a break, I see no sign of tatts or gimpy facial hair, just tits and happyface.
Bags are like sociopaths: psychological research has shown that attempts at rehabilitation only teach them how to blend in better with normal humans and manipulate us. We should simply exile all the Ed Hardy lovers to an island, and then make fun of them via the interweb…
I bet Nik Ritchie would be giggling into his chartreuse silk hankie if he got a gander at the mayhem going on in this fuccen place.
Bagnonymous “fail” riff FTW
BTW it ain’t 12:24 A.M. ^ it’s 10:10 P.M. So if your going to use WordPress Standard Time , remember to subtract two hours and fourteen minutes unless you want to be real early for the appointment with your P.O.
@Vin Douchal,
To borrow ‘Sock’s phrase, “acclimating ourselves to this new WordPress system is akin to a gaggle of retards groping for a gleaming door nob.”
Or somthing.
test
Boss,
We better get a day’s worth of AssPear for putting up with the transition to Turdpress.
@ Crucial
All I know is that today when I saw the words “Rev. Captain Bringdown” I laughed so hard I had to wipe my arse.
…well for me the ‘gleaming door nob’ is actually a ‘vaseline slathered butt plug’…I just can’t seem to get the hang of it ;p
One day we will all look back at this current struggle with the WordPress transition as our personal D-Day.
As in Diverticulitis-inducement Day.
Testing, testing…I would have gone with Pontiff Captain Bringdown, Esq. the fourth once removed.
This shit is precisely the reason I don’t make the big bucks. Fuckin Apple IIe daunted me in junior high.
Uh, but I can make a mean Old Fashion.
I’m sorry team, hang tight. There’s lots of bugs to be ironed out, but the new designs kick ass. And hey, there’ll be a Scrotometer!
It’s all good.
Pontiff Captain Bringdown…and Scrotomete FTW, can’t wait boss!!! …in the meantime I shall find a new means to fwop using only duct tape, old bubblegum, and a slightly used fanbelt…
S’all good boss. We’re just having fun posting inane boo’shit like, “Plinky’s mom is so fat her outer layer of epithelial tissue is comprised of 5/8″ Type ‘X’ fire-rated drywall.”
We know you’ll delete all this once the site is back to normal.
Right?
…right??
errrrrr… uh heh heh herrackk, *cough cough wheeze*
Right?
This transition is like watching a monkey fuccing a football. Definitely amusing and oddly arousing. And Croosh’s comment of the gaggle of tard’s (via Darksock) has me giggling like a schoolgirl getting her boobs touched for the first time. I’m all atwitter.
Okay, I gotta put the bottle of Jameson’s down.
those tits are mad tight.
those tits aren’t sexy because they’re big or fluffy. they’re sexy because they’re tight.
i have no idea what that means.
by the by, i can’t reform douchebags. i can NOT. i can only mock them.
and this is why i’m a hatter.
there. i said it.
ScrotometerScrotometer
@Steve L
…speaking of hatters, why is a douchebag like a writing desk? …just ask Stackhouse.
No probs, DB1, we’re just giving you a good ribbing and typing random sh*t to get used to the regular posting process.
..And I know opinions are like assholes and all, but I kinda did like that “all-posts-on-the-page-under-the-picture” thing, where you could navigate back and forward chronologically through the posts using the top links. Just my $0.02, though. You can tell me to go jack if you want. In fact, I would, if you’d send me another picture of blondie here without Meatwad (and preferrably at least 1600×1200).
bewbs. test
wtf