Monday, March 15, 2010

Beach Blanket Ballsackian

Sometimes, after a particularly heated argument over meatloaf dinner with her parents, objecting as they are to her decision to go to trade school to learn makeup and hair design for movies, Fiona just needs to get away from her parents for the day.

But of all the guys she knows, only Vinny has a car.

And only Vinny is able to drive her to the shore. On a Tuesday.

So Fiona makes compromises in her life choices.

# posted by douchebag1
1:52 pm March, 15 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

BAD choice, Fiona.

1:56 pm March, 15 jonezy said...

DB1 getting some more props over at YepYep- glad to see he topped the list

1:59 pm March, 15 Captain Bringdown said...

Someone help me out here. Aside from a slight case of over-greased hair spiking, Vinny might be OK. No teenage metal album cover tattoos, his pants fit, the shades are normal sized. Where’s the douche?

2:06 pm March, 15 El Caganer said...

Nottadouche.

Fiona’s needs some sunscreen, that I would happily apply with my cock.

2:07 pm March, 15 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

@ Captain B:

I think the current wave of anti-Jerz anti-skeez has tainted the hapless Vin. Maybe just bad timing to be a Jerz skeez. Or maybe the DB1 isn’t getting any lately?

2:11 pm March, 15 douchebag1 said...

Observe the wrist, people. Observe the wrist.

2:22 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

There is some scrotal aura emanating from this scene.

Overall though… meh.

2:32 pm March, 15 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Gotta agree with Croosh here. Maybe he’s a pudwank but it doesn’t come across too loud and clear here.

2:37 pm March, 15 Justin said...

Yeah, the bracelet is bad, but it’s the hair gel at the beach that does him in. You can’t go in the water, man!

Just because he wants to have douchey spiky hair, he’s ruining half of the fun of going to the beach.

Fiona, please play the “bury him in the sand up to his neck” game.

At low tide.

Right by the water’s edge.

Then pee on him.

2:42 pm March, 15 DouchesWild said...

Nah. This one sits somewhere at a depth of douchal mediocrity. He does have a head shape, however, with largely unlimited potential for maximum douche (see Donkey Douche). But ms. hotts is, well, maybe a hott? I see teeth and sunglass. There must be bigger douche to fry.

2:53 pm March, 15 Crosshair McDoucheson said...

Howdya like them Fiona apples!

And by apples, I mean boobs.

3:03 pm March, 15 ToddJerad said...

hot douche combo has a low p/e ratio.

3:04 pm March, 15 scrotum pole said...

Sure Vinny’s free on Tuesdays because he’s unemployed. And yeah, he may have a couple of mandanas laying around, and maybe even a white belt hanging in the bedroom closet at his mom’s house, but give the guy a break.

I would classify the last chick”s (Boob Whisperer) breasts a “Stout,” in beer parlance.

I would call Fiona’s Natural Lite.

3:09 pm March, 15 scrotum pole said...

If Fiona’s sunglasses were a sattelite dish, she could watch Sienfeld re-runs with Bulgarian sub-titles .

3:12 pm March, 15 scrotum pole said...

After losing his left hand in the meat-packing plant, Vinny finally gained the self-confidence to start dating again.

3:15 pm March, 15 scrotum pole said...

Far from being repulsed, Fiona was hoping Vinny knew how to use that stump the way she had often fantasized.

3:22 pm March, 15 Big Tony Ventresca said...

I’m gonna say that this chick is not playing in his league (sorry, make that “league”) and his normal prey is pure skank. His regular companions are probably having a girl’s night out at some nightclub and he’s taken the nice girl out to the beach. She’s not experienced enough to realize the danger she’s in but fortunately he’s not much interested anyway and will probably make up some bullshit excuse later as she’s asking him to take her home, wink wink – “ummm, no, sorry babe, gotta get back and pick up my, umm, umm, dad, next time babe” as he texts away into his cell phone and her smile fades away.

3:24 pm March, 15 scrotum pole said...

FIONA: Oh Vinny, Oh god, stump me, stump me right now you big bastard!

VINNY: Duh, OK…. Duh, who was buried in Grant’s tomb?

FIONA: That’s not what I meant you idiot!

3:41 pm March, 15 doucheywallnuts said...

See now, I’m smelling Tatiana and Ivan here and not Fiona and Vinny, as the stench of eastern euro-trash clearly overwhelms the waft of the Axe Body spray and discount deodorized sanitary pads. Vinnys and Fionas everywhere are getting a bad rap because their look has been co-opted by people who come from countries where the main industries are alcoholism and despair, and who’s natives have similar skin and hair color. I think Tatiana is expressing her relief that her uterus has finally healed after undergoing 13 abortions over the past 5 years and Ivan is looking forward to celebrating by downing a fifth of Banker’s Club Vodka with some Sunny Delight.

3:42 pm March, 15 nona said...

@Big Tony Ventresca: I agree. These 2 species have no business intermingling.

And women’s sunglasses or not, I can already guess Vinny’s ‘hood nickname: ‘Da Schnozz.

And yes, Sergio Marchionne Did impregnate a bleeth 19 years ago in Seaside Heights.

5:15 pm March, 15 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Ol’ Scrotum’s on a roll! A Scrotum Roll!! I love it!! HA HA

6:15 pm March, 15 DarkSock said...

Chris and Darla paused during their turn at the Annual Plinky’s Mom Seaside Anal Fist-Off for a trophy photo.

6:16 pm March, 15 Anonymous said...

I didn’t realize Batista lost so much weight.

6:40 pm March, 15 Denny DelVecchio said...

Tank top?

Now I’ve seen everything.

Yours in Love,

Denny DelVecchio

yournewbadhabit.blogspot.com

7:28 pm March, 15 DarkSock said...

Thanks to Abdul’s quick thinking, the location of Al Quaida’s secret hiding place for the kidnapped Shamu remained intact.

7:56 pm March, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

I predict tribal tattoo in 3….2….

8:50 pm March, 15 Troy Tempest said...

The violence in his gaze is matched by the insolence of his pancreas.

9:28 pm March, 15 Anonymous said...

I’m going with nottadouche, but could easily be turned with further evidence.

I was able to easily dismiss the wrist-ornamentation, earring and stage 2 spike-do, thanks to total lack of douchey body language, kissy lips, tats, and douche-wear.

It was much more difficult to forgive the sideburns. But after much soul searching, I found it in my heart to allow the sideburns, and I feel better I’m a better man for it.

9:47 pm March, 15 Steve L. said...

there are more worthwhile trades you can learn at trade school. boilermaking, for example.

don’t ask me what boilermaking is if you don’t know.

just know that i’ve seen some super hot boilermakers. and to this day i regret not asking out one of those super hot female boilermakers.

11:57 pm March, 15 DarkSock said...

Bobby Exxon: Fistin’ th’ Earth!

8:05 am March, 16 snoogins' said...

big douche. how has the unnecessary flexing escaped the keen eyes of everyone? normal people do not lean on their fists as if at any moment a jerz dance club douche song would come on and he could fist pump the earth, or turn and pose for a pic so you could see his douche-cep.

9:53 am March, 16 Deltus said...

This is an excellent example of a sweet hott being tainted by greasy taintstain choadwank. Oh, Fiona, why? WHY?!

7:25 am March, 17 Mr. Biggs said...

It’s funny, isn’t it … for a gender that so prides itself on looking good, and wearing matching coordinated outfits, how they could be so happy to be seen with a douche like this. It’s like seeing a prom queen happily display her shit-stained neon leisure suit blazer.

Leave a Reply

What is 3 + 11 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)