Thursday, March 11, 2010

Douchebags, Trampy Hotts, and Lots of Empty Space

It has always amazed me that there are people capable of speaking a language, driving a car and acquiring food and shelter on a daily basis who can’t line up a perfectly mockable hottie/douchey photograph without evidence that they went mid-seizure, Gary Coleman style, during the “click” portion of the photographic effort.

You’ve got two douches in Blade Runner vests mugging a couple of Jerz Trampsters, and you give me a pic of the wall above their heads?

Come on now, Dishwasher Dave. Don’t make me make you clean out the alleyway again.

# posted by douchebag1
9:31 am March, 11 End the Haberdouchery said...

It must have been Awesome Vest Night at the local watering hole where the Smirnoff Ice flows like wine and the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.

9:33 am March, 11 massengill said...

This reminds me of the tiki bar in hell frequented by Smoot and co. Except it’s not a tiki bar. And it’s somewhere in the Eastern Bloc.

9:33 am March, 11 Anon said...

Where’s Rick Deckard when you need a couple replicants retired?

9:35 am March, 11 massengill said...

And I somehow read “Douchebags, Trampy Hotts, and Lots of Empty Space” in the same rhythm and cadence as the beginning of the Mickey Mouse Club theme song. It has the same number of syllables as “M-I-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E.” Odd.

9:45 am March, 11 Baleen said...

Somehow I find that brown nipple thing hanging over their heads quite disturbing. “In case of an emergency-lactate!” That bar is a shit hole too.

9:46 am March, 11 Bagnonymous said...

And, by “…Lots of Empty Space” you’re not talking about the picture, are you? I didn’t think so.

9:53 am March, 11 Wedgie said...

Lots of empty space describes so much in this pic, both seen and unseen.

And have I mentioned yet today that WordPress sucks monkey nuts?

9:56 am March, 11 Troy Tempest said...

The previous font, Verdana, was better. Times Roman is better on paper.

9:58 am March, 11 Captain Bringdown said...

I’ve seen cheerier decor in the waiting rooms of Tijuana abortionists.

10:08 am March, 11 Troy Tempest said...

I’m picking my teeth right now waiting for files to copy.

So, here’s some html tests.

bold

italic

bold italic

External Link to Slashdot

The following text is block quoted:

Samuel Beckett

“Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaquaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged into torment plunged into fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast hell to heaven so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast and considering what is more that as a result of the labors left unfinished”

The quote from Beckett above was blockquoted and should appear indented.

Below should be the visage of the most holy Samurai Scrote:

Above should be an image of Sämüräï Scröté, and I just spelled his name with a pile of umlauts and an accent grave, just for a flavour of France.

Cool. Now, I will click SAY IT and see if it comes up. (Fingers Crossed)

10:08 am March, 11 Captain Bringdown said...

…Happier people, too.

10:11 am March, 11 Captain Bringdown said...

Samurai Scrote could not be reached at this URL. If you’d like to leave a message, please slam a file cabinet drawer on your penis three times. Please call again.

10:12 am March, 11 Troy Tempest said...

Well, it didn’t like the unbold HTML and it certainly didn’t dig the SS pic.

Perhaps my HTML was malformed.

Do Over:

So, here’s some html tests.

bold

italic

bold italic

External Link to Slashdot

The following text is block quoted:

Samuel Beckett

“Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaquaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged into torment plunged into fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast hell to heaven so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast and considering what is more that as a result of the labors left unfinished”

The quote from Beckett above was blockquoted and should appear indented.

Below should be the visage of the most holy Samurai Scrote:

Above should be an image of Sämüräï Scröté, and I just spelled his name with a pile of umlauts and an accent grave, just for a flavour of France.

Cool. Now, I will click SAY IT and see if it comes up. (Fingers Crossed)

10:13 am March, 11 Troy Tempest said...

So, the only thing that didn’t happen was the image. Not bad.

10:15 am March, 11 Troy Tempest said...

I used to run tests like this for a living. I don’t have any of the scripting left, and I’m sure as hell not going to redo it. But it sure felt weird for a minute. I felt 10 years younger…

10:24 am March, 11 massengill said...

@ Troy

I will point out that your flavor of France is actually an accent aigu.

10:01 am March, 11 Bagnonymous said...

Aaaaahhhhhhh.. a this feels better. This feels right. Legible text, avatars, and room to breathe.

Almost as relieving as when that brown monster crawled out of my ass this morning. He had a weird crook in his neck, too. Though he wasn’t wearing a vest like these Eurotrash homo-tards. (If he was, I’d have gotten a picture of that.)

10:04 am March, 11 scrotum pole said...

This is better.

10:09 am March, 11 Captain Bringdown said...

Well, that’s a relief. Thanks, boss! Crucial has your BJ ready in the next room. Gotta go…

10:10 am March, 11 Count Douche-a-La said...

OY and Vay. Everything is topsy turvy. I get the header and all the stuff on the left hand side ( pass the dutchy) and the pictures and coments all the way on the bottom. Plus, where do I log in?

10:10 am March, 11 Euripidouche said...

it could be sloppy photography, and sure there may be more worth seeing, and more worth mocking, that was missed…perhaps…but maybe the statement the photograph makes is the relative insignificance of the bleeth and douche foursome by showing them in a larger space. perhaps its necessary to contextualize the bazooko circus type atmosphere they dwell in, and how large it is, and how small their role is, in their own duality.

or, boobie boobie, mock mock…

10:16 am March, 11 Bagnonymous said...

Let’s test out these new digs can do:

cockk

jelly dong

porch beef

future applicant for restraining order against Bagnonymous

10:16 am March, 11 Bagnonymous said...

Hmm.. underline doesn’t work, but I can live with that. I could also live with yoga pants ass pear.

10:21 am March, 11 Bagnonymous said...

For those who are confused, as I was, try logging in at this link. You’ll need to have already established your WordPress account:

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/wp-login.php

After you log in you’ll see “visit site” or something like that at top, it’ll take you here.

10:22 am March, 11 Bagnonymous said...

^ (FYI, I didn’t use any code or anything, I just typed that “http…” business and it hotlinked it automatically).

10:23 am March, 11 Anon said...

It should be noted that yesterday was Chuck Norris’ Birthday.

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/03/10/happy-birthday-chuck.html

Why is the ides of March on the 15th? ‘Cause Chuck Norris scared the shit out of it for 5 days!

10:24 am March, 11 Vin Douchal said...

The glowing light on left Bleeth indicates when the Bolt-ons are inflated to the proper psi.

The glowing light on right Choadwack indicates when the porch beef being keestered has reached the proper serving temperature.

10:27 am March, 11 Crucial Head said...

Hey look at me, I’m back.

Now I must think of something witty to say.

Hmmmm.

Cǿckk.

10:37 am March, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

Fuccen site wouldn’t let me log in last night and now the witticism is gone. Bugger. I will, however, say that I’d like to deliver four throat punches right now in stacatto succession, where can I find a setup of–oh, hellooooooo…….!

10:44 am March, 11 Deltus said...

The comments are looking much better, with the commenter and date-time at the top and smaller font. And why is there a yellow umbrella with a huge brown nipple on the ceiling? Is this a thing?

10:59 am March, 11 massengill said...

@ Anon 10:23

The birth of Chuck Norris came up yesterday on reddit, and someone contributed this gem:

Chuck Norris sucked dick for cab fare, then walked home.

12:07 pm March, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack because his heart isn’t that stupid. His heart would, however, burst forth from his chest for the opportunity to pump the living shit out of this foursome. Chuck would wait patiently until the carnage was over before retrieving his heart and sewing it back in place with jumper cables and Gorilla glue.

Seriously, how do four “adults” end up matching their outfits down to the barbwire thong? What self respecting guy calls his bro up and confirms what he’s wearing with the intention of going the same way? And I always thought women would rather be caught with jelly dong in mouth than be seen wearing the same outfit as someone else.

Is it because they’re so concerned the club will be so jumping they might lose sight of each other and never get back together again? No worries, folks, that’s about as full as VFW hall is gonna get.

12:12 pm March, 11 I R A Darth Aggie said...

DEER LORD! We have to nuke that place from orbit. It’s they only way to be sure.

3:53 pm March, 11 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

I think the photographer did not want to reveal that the two ostensibly hott tramps from the waists up had walrus thighs.

–VS

5:24 pm March, 11 abdouchah the butcher said...

Oh yeah – prime cosmoscrotery action here, and left-hand hott is very alluring. Alluring to the point of wank-inspiring. I am a bit concerned about the giant alien nipple that hovers ominously above her.

10:22 pm March, 11 Douchble Helix said...

Exactly. Without all the shit above them in the picture, they’re just 4 more jagoffs.

12:21 am March, 12 Steve L. said...

if the bar behind them explodes as soon as they enter it, then there would be a purpose to the miserably empty background.

6:33 am March, 12 scrotum pole said...

test

7:26 pm March, 13 Denny DelVecchio said...

These boys are straight up Kobra Kai.

Leg sweep imminent.

Denny DelVecchio

yournewbadhabit.blogspot.com

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