Thursday, March 11, 2010
Douchebags, Trampy Hotts, and Lots of Empty Space
It has always amazed me that there are people capable of speaking a language, driving a car and acquiring food and shelter on a daily basis who can’t line up a perfectly mockable hottie/douchey photograph without evidence that they went mid-seizure, Gary Coleman style, during the “click” portion of the photographic effort.
You’ve got two douches in Blade Runner vests mugging a couple of Jerz Trampsters, and you give me a pic of the wall above their heads?
Come on now, Dishwasher Dave. Don’t make me make you clean out the alleyway again.
It must have been Awesome Vest Night at the local watering hole where the Smirnoff Ice flows like wine and the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.
This reminds me of the tiki bar in hell frequented by Smoot and co. Except it’s not a tiki bar. And it’s somewhere in the Eastern Bloc.
Where’s Rick Deckard when you need a couple replicants retired?
And I somehow read “Douchebags, Trampy Hotts, and Lots of Empty Space” in the same rhythm and cadence as the beginning of the Mickey Mouse Club theme song. It has the same number of syllables as “M-I-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E.” Odd.
Somehow I find that brown nipple thing hanging over their heads quite disturbing. “In case of an emergency-lactate!” That bar is a shit hole too.
And, by “…Lots of Empty Space” you’re not talking about the picture, are you? I didn’t think so.
Lots of empty space describes so much in this pic, both seen and unseen.
And have I mentioned yet today that WordPress sucks monkey nuts?
The previous font, Verdana, was better. Times Roman is better on paper.
I’ve seen cheerier decor in the waiting rooms of Tijuana abortionists.
I’m picking my teeth right now waiting for files to copy.
So, here’s some html tests.
bold
italic
bold italic
External Link to Slashdot
The following text is block quoted:
The quote from Beckett above was blockquoted and should appear indented.
Below should be the visage of the most holy Samurai Scrote:
Above should be an image of Sämüräï Scröté, and I just spelled his name with a pile of umlauts and an accent grave, just for a flavour of France.
Cool. Now, I will click SAY IT and see if it comes up. (Fingers Crossed)
…Happier people, too.
Samurai Scrote could not be reached at this URL. If you’d like to leave a message, please slam a file cabinet drawer on your penis three times. Please call again.
Well, it didn’t like the unbold HTML and it certainly didn’t dig the SS pic.
Perhaps my HTML was malformed.
Do Over:
So, here’s some html tests.
bold
italic
bold italic
External Link to Slashdot
The following text is block quoted:
The quote from Beckett above was blockquoted and should appear indented.
Below should be the visage of the most holy Samurai Scrote:
Above should be an image of Sämüräï Scröté, and I just spelled his name with a pile of umlauts and an accent grave, just for a flavour of France.
Cool. Now, I will click SAY IT and see if it comes up. (Fingers Crossed)
So, the only thing that didn’t happen was the image. Not bad.
I used to run tests like this for a living. I don’t have any of the scripting left, and I’m sure as hell not going to redo it. But it sure felt weird for a minute. I felt 10 years younger…
@ Troy
I will point out that your flavor of France is actually an accent aigu.
Aaaaahhhhhhh.. a this feels better. This feels right. Legible text, avatars, and room to breathe.
Almost as relieving as when that brown monster crawled out of my ass this morning. He had a weird crook in his neck, too. Though he wasn’t wearing a vest like these Eurotrash homo-tards. (If he was, I’d have gotten a picture of that.)
This is better.
Well, that’s a relief. Thanks, boss! Crucial has your BJ ready in the next room. Gotta go…
OY and Vay. Everything is topsy turvy. I get the header and all the stuff on the left hand side ( pass the dutchy) and the pictures and coments all the way on the bottom. Plus, where do I log in?
it could be sloppy photography, and sure there may be more worth seeing, and more worth mocking, that was missed…perhaps…but maybe the statement the photograph makes is the relative insignificance of the bleeth and douche foursome by showing them in a larger space. perhaps its necessary to contextualize the bazooko circus type atmosphere they dwell in, and how large it is, and how small their role is, in their own duality.
or, boobie boobie, mock mock…
Let’s test out these new digs can do:
cockk
jelly dong
porch beef
future applicant for restraining order against Bagnonymous
Hmm.. underline doesn’t work, but I can live with that. I could also live with yoga pants ass pear.
For those who are confused, as I was, try logging in at this link. You’ll need to have already established your WordPress account:
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/wp-login.php
After you log in you’ll see “visit site” or something like that at top, it’ll take you here.
^ (FYI, I didn’t use any code or anything, I just typed that “http…” business and it hotlinked it automatically).
It should be noted that yesterday was Chuck Norris’ Birthday.
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/03/10/happy-birthday-chuck.html
Why is the ides of March on the 15th? ‘Cause Chuck Norris scared the shit out of it for 5 days!
The glowing light on left Bleeth indicates when the Bolt-ons are inflated to the proper psi.
The glowing light on right Choadwack indicates when the porch beef being keestered has reached the proper serving temperature.
Hey look at me, I’m back.
Now I must think of something witty to say.
Hmmmm.
Cǿckk.
Fuccen site wouldn’t let me log in last night and now the witticism is gone. Bugger. I will, however, say that I’d like to deliver four throat punches right now in stacatto succession, where can I find a setup of–oh, hellooooooo…….!
The comments are looking much better, with the commenter and date-time at the top and smaller font. And why is there a yellow umbrella with a huge brown nipple on the ceiling? Is this a thing?
@ Anon 10:23
The birth of Chuck Norris came up yesterday on reddit, and someone contributed this gem:
Chuck Norris sucked dick for cab fare, then walked home.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack because his heart isn’t that stupid. His heart would, however, burst forth from his chest for the opportunity to pump the living shit out of this foursome. Chuck would wait patiently until the carnage was over before retrieving his heart and sewing it back in place with jumper cables and Gorilla glue.
Seriously, how do four “adults” end up matching their outfits down to the barbwire thong? What self respecting guy calls his bro up and confirms what he’s wearing with the intention of going the same way? And I always thought women would rather be caught with jelly dong in mouth than be seen wearing the same outfit as someone else.
Is it because they’re so concerned the club will be so jumping they might lose sight of each other and never get back together again? No worries, folks, that’s about as full as VFW hall is gonna get.
DEER LORD! We have to nuke that place from orbit. It’s they only way to be sure.
I think the photographer did not want to reveal that the two ostensibly hott tramps from the waists up had walrus thighs.
–VS
Oh yeah – prime cosmoscrotery action here, and left-hand hott is very alluring. Alluring to the point of wank-inspiring. I am a bit concerned about the giant alien nipple that hovers ominously above her.
Exactly. Without all the shit above them in the picture, they’re just 4 more jagoffs.
if the bar behind them explodes as soon as they enter it, then there would be a purpose to the miserably empty background.
test
These boys are straight up Kobra Kai.
Leg sweep imminent.
Denny DelVecchio
yournewbadhabit.blogspot.com