Saturday, March 27, 2010

Euro Crud at a Florida Old Folks Home


Note to Euro Douches:

There is one, and only one, instance in which the low cut pec-reveal shirt is acceptable. And it is pictured here.

Otherwise, unless you’re chasing down terrorists for kidnapping your daughter, button it up, greasyfreak.

Belinda, you make the duckface and my soul dies a tiny bit.

But since Grampa Al forgives you, I will too.

# posted by admin
10:31 pm March, 27 Voulez-vous doucher avec moi? said...

I think these two are brother and sister.

10:32 pm March, 27 Just Sayin' said...

They both should be sealed in a barrel and fed Ex-Lax through the bung hole. Then the hole should be sealed up.

Cute only excuses so much.

10:36 pm March, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

He's not just wearing guyliner. I think he's rocking the manscara too.

*wretch*

10:37 pm March, 27 El Caganer said...

I've seen worse.

10:37 pm March, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

She's just thrilled they're not at Hometown Buffet again, old people or not.

10:47 pm March, 27 clam fist said...

Notta

10:54 pm March, 27 El Caganer said...

Hotta

10:58 pm March, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Alex and Sandy had both reached the point in their ecstasy trip where sticking out your top lip feels awesome.

11:01 pm March, 27 clam fist said...

I miss the comments from the Baron Von Gooloo.

11:28 pm March, 27 El Caganer said...

@clam fist

Who doesn't?

11:30 pm March, 27 Chad Kroeger said...

Inga wanted her boyfriend, Svend Over, to meet Oma and Opa at the Dutch Reformed Home For the Aged before they travelled back to Holland to not consummate the marriage of convenience.

They dined on pickled fish, Geritol, and meusli as Svend charmed the sleepy couple at 4PM on a Tuesday.

The marriage ended after the minimum legal amount of time for Svend to get his citizenship. He paid her in Herring, Kroners, and a windmill for her troubles. By troubles, I mean spending a year with poo.

If only Oma and Opa died before the truth was revealed.

11:47 pm March, 27 Chad Kroeger said...

She looks all Netherlands anti-nazi pure. Scrubbed fresh and tall and smelling like genetically modified tulips and Voortman;s cookies like my daughter's piano teacher who comes by on Tuesday nights at 6:25. I have to wear chain mail underwear so the old bat doesn't see my big head while she's here.

I have to wear them while I am eating cookies and in springtime as well.

12:49 am March, 28 End the Haberdouchery said...

Yes Garcon, we'll have two of your finest continental breakfasts.

12:57 am March, 28 [m]organleigh said...

okay. i swear this is stephen from that paris hilton bff show..second picture on here of him.

1:08 am March, 28 Vin Douchal said...

It's Masquerade Night at the Happy Trails Retirement Villa and these two are dressed as Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi ….

No wait , that IS Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

1:14 am March, 28 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Vin Douchal…

Great catch! The poor Photoshop artist who had to work on this photo of Ellen undoubtably spent the entire month of December working on this and had to give up Christmas and New Years Eve to complete the task.

1:46 am March, 28 Wedgie said...

Grampa Al only forgives her because he noticed earlier that she went commando.

2:31 am March, 28 creature said...

he hands out towels at a West Hollywood spa

2:39 am March, 28 Medusa Oblongata said...

It must be an awful power struggle, trying to be the prettiest one in the relationship.

Duckface makes me want to kill. who thought of this?!?!

2:41 am March, 28 Troy Tempest said...

The fraternal twins, Jimmy and Jenny, went with their parents to go visit Grampa Al at the nursing home. It was good to see Grampa Al, until he started shitting in his pants and screaming

"JENNY – you've got peaches in your shirt!!!"

The orderlies hosed him off and wheeled him back to the family, and Al was pissed.

"God damn orderlies suck here. I just wanna hit them in the head. …

But we can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I… oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

and then they'd wheel him off. Poor Grampa Al.

3:35 am March, 28 Anonymous said...

Yes, [m]organleigh, it's Stephen from the second season, and winner. And yes, he's gay.

Auto-gaybag disqualification.

3:44 am March, 28 Bob said...

@Troy: excellent Simpsons quote, sir!

And her duckface is especially tragic, because she seems to have a LOT of hottitude going for her, including a DAMN nice rack. Duckface ruins the illusion for me, though.

He's just a throat punch waiting to happen.

4:22 am March, 28 monkey said...

notta

5:53 am March, 28 DarkSock said...

Cook them into human butter and then BURRRN IT!

6:34 am March, 28 Fatness said...

Ah, lighten up. They're just trying to show you what her labia looks like, and since he's never seen one his imitation sucks.

6:56 am March, 28 baleen said...

If Grampa Al only knew that storming Normandy and watching his buddies get blown apart by the Nazis in order to liberate a continent would eventually yield this prissy Eurochoad. That bitch should be blowing gramps under the table. His fuccen wife is dead fer chrissakes!

7:51 am March, 28 euripidouche on the down low. said...

when did "trophy wife" become a graduate school program for holders of "mrs." degrees….

the sad part is, she is like a pretty pea, its special and wonderful,but like dropping a pea into a bowlful of peas, drop her into a room of pretty blonde girls and good luck figuring out which one is yours.

8:20 am March, 28 whipper said...

what about Ricardo Montalban as Khan from Star Trek? I think that is worth exception #2.
http://tyroshutterbug.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/wrath-of-kahn-2.jpg

9:53 am March, 28 Steve L. said...

i raise a beer to Grampa Al for having good taste in annoying (yet bangable) bleeths.

and i raise a dart to Euro Douche for having good taste in…

uh. i've been drinking too much.

12:01 pm March, 28 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Yeah, good eye [m]organleigh…

http://remotecontrol.mtv.com/2009/11/13/paris-bffs-stephen-im-soooo-much-better-than-brit/

1:45 pm March, 28 Justin said...

Gaybag?

3:05 pm March, 28 scrotum pole said...

Somehow I don't think this is what Hitler had in mind with his vision af Aryan purity…..or maybe it was.

I remember these pathetic mongrels from the Disney Classic "Lady and the Douche."

The strand of speghetti must have fallen down Ladie's top.

3:14 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

They're just there for the Early Turd Special.

3:28 pm March, 28 scrotum pole said...

Unlike the other patrons, Sven and Olga didn't qualify for the Seen-yer-dicks count.

8:54 pm March, 28 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Oh yes. I forgive her too. And by forgive I mean hop around in barbed wire like a lemur with st. vitus dance just to see her undress through binoculars. Also, I think we may be talking siblingbag here. Not that it matters…

9:04 pm March, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Since when did Bridgette Nielsen and Hayden Panetiereerhfd… whatever the fuck her last name is? Talk about your May-December romances!

9:05 pm March, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ Wow asswipe, try to complete a thought. It should say something about the time that they started dating. Hiring Hellen Keller as a typist sucks too.

1:10 pm March, 29 DarkSock said...

So, from the Perry Pringle post on Friday's link(s):

"Yes my family gained fame from the P&G snack food; my father actually was the inventor of the foil-lined tube in the early 1970's and me an my siblings have been fortunate to live off his royalties. In fact when he passed in 2008 he had requested to be buried in one but we stepped in and gave him a Christian burial with dignity. We put a can with him to take into the hearafter though, which is granting his wishes basically."

So I do a little poking around on Google and find this:

"Pringles, as a product brand, is especially known for its packaging, a tubular can with a foil-lined interior and a resealable plastic lid, which was invented by Fredric J. Baur. Baur was an organic chemist and food storage technician who specialized in research and development and quality control for Cincinnati-based Procter & Gamble Co. He died on March 4, 2008. Baur's children honored his request to bury him in one of the cans by placing part of his cremated remains in a Pringles container in his grave."

Strange but Poo.

10:00 pm March, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

That singer Jewel really knows how to pick some gems.

And by gems, I mean the pinkest Morganite accented with the blackest onyx and the most striated blonde and brown agate this side of the Rockies.

And by Rockies, I mean dem Rocky Mountain Oysters. It's what's fo' dinnah!

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