Friday, March 26, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Link


As we approach the four year birthday of HCwDB (on Tuesday!), I can’t help but be both elated as well as Hostess cupcake enhanced pensive. Hall of Scrote legend King Douchuous IV’s hair spike (pictured here) has transformed from mockable irritant to a strange form of safety and reassurance to me.

Our war on cultural douche plague and attempts to wake up the boobie hottie from her mistakes has gone far and wide.

We’ve made an impact, that’s for sure.

But scrotewankery continues to mutate. The mega-corps who rely on selling unnecessary and overpriced name-brand products require perpetual sexual insecurity and eternal chase of the self to exist to sell their wares.

So it goes that the fight must continue. And the DB1 must stop drinking so much.

Since my excellent list of links are frozen somewhere inside the server rebuild going on this weekend, I have one, and only one Friday Link for you.

But is a soothing healing transformative dream link indeed:

Woodland Nymph Pear.

Follow her braless visage as we once again head into the internets breach and hope and pray we come out on the other side of 2.0 glories.

# posted by admin
7:41 pm March, 26 Anonymous said...

first.

7:43 pm March, 26 Heedrix said...

mmmmmm side boob

7:44 pm March, 26 Anonymous said...

DEEEEEEEEE-licious!

7:47 pm March, 26 Anonymous said...

Ahhhh, Spring!…

7:50 pm March, 26 jonezy said...

honestly, at this point, I kinda wanna hang out with Kind D IV for one night.

at least you know there'd be some hotties…

7:52 pm March, 26 Wheezer said...

Let's hope the site issues soon become a thing of the past…..because me likes dat ass pear!

7:56 pm March, 26 Southern Scrotic said...

I'd follow her anywhere.

7:56 pm March, 26 Wedgie said...

I am a fan of King D. Don't know how he does it, but the guy continues to show up with some tastilicious lings. Hope he e-mails the site one of these days.

8:00 pm March, 26 notadouche said...

Boing.

8:16 pm March, 26 Wheezer said...

Tanning tax?

Hopefully, an Ed Hardy tax will be next…..

8:23 pm March, 26 Bob said...

It's like the pied piper of Hamlin. Only it's a hott ass. And it makes me turgid, unlike even the best of flute playing.

8:32 pm March, 26 euripidouche said...

i would still punch him in the ear. wristdana…focus people…

8:35 pm March, 26 DarkSock said...

Excellent Cut to the Chase, Boss.

I'd hike thru her black forest.

8:35 pm March, 26 DarkSock said...

Like Tom Bombadildo

8:36 pm March, 26 DarkSock said...

Bad LOTR's pun; sorry. I need to kick that nasty hobbit.

8:42 pm March, 26 Troy Tempest said...

re: Woodland nymph:

Black is the colour of my true love's hair
Her lips are like some roses fair
She's the sweetest face and the gentlest hands
I love the ground where on she stands

I love my love and well she knows
I love the ground where on she goes
But some times I wish the day will come
That she and I will be as one

Black is the colour of my true love's hair
Her lips are like some roses fair
She's the sweetest face and the gentlest hands
I love the ground where on she stands

I walk to the Clyde for to mourn and weep
But satisfied I never can sleep
I'll write her a letter, just a few short lines
And suffer death ten thousand times

Black is the colour of my true love's hair
Her lips are like some roses fair
She's the sweetest face and the gentlest hands
I love the ground where on she stands

——————–

and now hear Christy sing it fer ye:

8:50 pm March, 26 Fatness said...

Hello. This is OnStar. We have received a message that your airbags have deployed. Please back away from the Scrote.

8:50 pm March, 26 DarkSock said...

Where is Lamp!

O to paddle Ass Pear with a ping pong paddle laminated with raw flank steak, and have the sound captured by Brian Eno, or perhaps Steve Lillywhite. Or if you put your back into it, Butch Vig.

9:12 pm March, 26 I R A Darth Aggie said...

And the DB1 must stop drinking so much.

That explains the server meltdown…

9:19 pm March, 26 DarkSock said...

I'd stretch her limo

9:20 pm March, 26 clam fist said...

Boobies!!! Side boob and underbooob !!!

9:26 pm March, 26 Vin Douchal said...

Gotta feed that hamster on occasion, Db1. That cage doesn't spin on wood shavings.

If all else fails, hire a high school freshman with zits and Swifty Lazar glasses. Those fuckers rock computers and shit

9:30 pm March, 26 clam fist said...

King D rules !!!

I like those so much I have to shout it!!!

9:33 pm March, 26 Chad Kroeger's Liver said...

Does the new tanning tax mean these bags will have to become $33,000 millionaires?

On a related note, Health Canada called and they want my liver back.

10:37 pm March, 26 Burlington ManSack said...

I would bongo Wood Pear like a monkey hitting a dustbin lid with a dog's gnawed femur.

10:37 pm March, 26 Brute Pumice said...

I shat in a rented limo once.

10:38 pm March, 26 Elastic SnapHole of the Love Bear said...

How did she manage to get inside that limo with those hefty bag bazongas?

11:17 pm March, 26 doucheywallnuts said...

That Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts.

http://api.ning.com/files/vIN6VjqKtmvyrg92z0f1SvjV-ibzazeLpOB2Ouz0qNQ_/jayne_mansfield2.jpg

11:35 pm March, 26 Anonymous said...

ur all jellous hes livn the life u wish u could in ur dreams. try goin gym sumtimes fatass nerds

11:41 pm March, 26 TrollBait said...

tri usen spllchkk u swinefkkkr

11:43 pm March, 26 DarkSock said...

Yes she did, Doucheyw. Yes she did. She spent her last night here in Biloxi, in fact.

11:45 pm March, 26 DarkSock said...

Legend has it her scarf got caught under her convertible's wheel: I had a similar accident, with my riding mower and my dick.

11:48 pm March, 26 El Caganer said...

@Brute Pumice

Congratulations.

11:50 pm March, 26 El Caganer said...

I just love a good poop story. It must be why I like King D. He is bad ass.

11:52 pm March, 26 El Caganer said...

I actually missed blogger. Go figure. Nostalgia sets in quickly.

12:31 am March, 27 doucheywallnuts said...

Dark Sock
That quote is one of my many favorites from Seinfeld.

http://www.findadeath.com/Deceased/m/Mansfield/dead%20jayne.htm

1:35 am March, 27 BygoneCulture said...

I swear, she's a nice girl. I know her and she's from Iowa.

However…please return to normalcy, O', Jessyca. For the love of all that's holy.

(If you still remember that concept)

2:01 am March, 27 DarkSock said...

@ DoucheyW

I wasn't aware of the Seinfield quote; it's just local lore.

Seinfield came thru NOLA once; he picked up some local tidbits and worked them into his routine: like eating a debris sandwich at Mother's. Mother's is a NOLA eatery, and the "debris" is the meat that settles at the bottom of a pan when you roast a hunk of cow into loose beef.

Great, now I'm hungry and drunk.

2:42 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

Now Y'all.

Everyone here is just being UGLY.

Talking ugly about everyone.

Why can't you say something nice. "That is a very attractive woman." for example. Or: That man must work very hard; I should emulate him rather than envy. Envy is a sin".

I do not understand why everyone on this site is ugly to everyone else, even one another.

I can see I have my work cut out. I'm coming back, with friends. Bible study friends. We've helped others, and YOU, my new friends, are going to be my NEW FRIENDS.

3:08 am March, 27 Wedgie said...

^^Father Fudgepacker.
Must be running low on altar boys.

3:10 am March, 27 Wedgie said...

BTW, we are not ugly to one another. I have very warm feelings towards my fellow bag hunters & huntresses.

Well, the feelings towards the huntresses might be just a tad warmer. But you get the general idea, doncha fadduh?

Hey, get your dick out of that kid's ass.

3:41 am March, 27 Blasphemy RotMouth said...

Pringle Chips has a point. Let me try:

"I'd like to slide my yogurt belching pickle up her tit canyon because she's so pretty I'd eat an asshole sammich just so I could pick her menstrual scabs to make an Easter Frisbee out of them."

I feel better already. The POwer of POsitive THinking.

3:42 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

"Wedgie", that right there is what I'm talking about. I am not gay; being nice does not a homosexual one make. You have a lot of anger in you. Share?

3:43 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

Fist, you can share your real name. Unburdoning is a gift.

3:44 am March, 27 Troy Tempest said...

Perry Pringle? What, are you Penny's Dad? The dickwad who married her psycho mom and made sure she was Perfectly Permanently Punished? Are you that particular shitweasel from hell?

Cuz if so, I know of some hairy stanky balls that need some lickin' – and they belong to JAYSUS!!!

Yes, you need to get on your KNEES and lick the sweat off the balls of JAYSUS!!! And then when Jaysus fucks you in the ass, you know he'll give you a reach-around, cuz he's just that kind of a gentleman.

So, in the meantime, why don't you go play tag with the cars on the Turnpike, will ya? Fuckin' douchemonger.

3:51 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

Mr. "Rotmouth"

Brother you picked your name well. I don't know what to say to you besides:

SHAME

Yes my family gained fame from the P&G snack food; my father actually was the inventor of the foil-lined tube in the early 1970's and me an my siblings have been fortunate to live off his royalties. In fact when he passed in 2008 he had requested to be buried in one but we stepped in and gave him a Christian burial with dignity. We put a can with him to take into the hearafter though, which is granting his wishes basically.

but no i am not actually a "Pringle"; there is no such family. Proctor and Gamble made the name up.
NOW.

I have shared. Why don't you all excise the demons that drove you to this hate spot. Except "RotMouth": I hope your a catholic so you will be forced to admit what your done.

3:57 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

"TROY"

WEll well well you picked your name well because the city of Troy was BURNED by the Old Testament as I recall. Their is no excuse for what you put forth. I do not believe in hate but sir when you burn in eternal torment I hope you still think your little joke is funny; I'll be laughing but looking at you through my FEET.

anyway this is a snake pit and I am going to be the pied piper. I'm here to be POSITIVE

which apparently makes ONE of US.

and no pringles not my real name.

4:02 am March, 27 flip-off tubefucker said...

i stuff a pringles can full of pantyhose and mayo and went to town on it once.

4:05 am March, 27 SpineChowder said...

@ Pringle Tater Chip:

You're right. Let me try.

"damn that Wood Nymph Bitch got an ass like a fuccen Peterbilt Truck. I'd ram my rod so far up her ass she could taste my mint condom".

I already feel better. Brother.

Do you cry when you nut, Boy?

4:06 am March, 27 Anonymous said...

I think that is a huge ass packing peanut behind the 2 in the limo

4:11 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

I am grateful that b/c of our father we have been able to devote our lives to minister instead of toil but i guess the internet is a waste of time

forget this i am going to BED

enjoy your wendys career hate filled sinners I will sleep just fine

WHATEVA

4:27 am March, 27 Troy Tempest said...

My my my – you are an illiterate troll!

Let's go over what I wrote, mmmmkay?

Perry Pringle? What, are you Penny's Dad? The dickwad who married her psycho mom and made sure she was Perfectly Permanently Punished? Are you that particular shitweasel from hell?

Well, you just said you're not, so that means, OBVIOUSLY, you won't have to go licking the balls of Jaysus. Jaysus is this gay dude I know who loves him some bible thumper butt. Yep. He just LOVES fuckin' their tighty white pimply butts. First, though, he makes them lick the sweat off his nads. They seem to like that too, or so he says.

But since you're NOT the Mr Pringle who fathered Penny Pringle so she could grow up to be Tracy Turnblad's best buddy and being tortured by Mrs Pringle because she's a reactionary dull-witted racist zit on the cloacal lips of this existential discontinuity we call life itself, you have nothing to fear! No – since you're not that guy, I would NEVER want you to meet the ministrations of Jaysus.

You see, I predicated that request if and only if you were the father of Penny Pringle. Since you're not, you have nothing to worry about.

So chill out, Chimpzilla, or Milton Poo-eater, or ,Jefferson Jew Hater, or Benny the Boilbiter, or Willy the Crack Wraith or whatever the fuck your name REALLY is. Cuz OBVIOUSLY I was ONLY suggesting that you go lick the balls of JAYSUS if you were Penny Pringle's dad, and you're not, so what the fuck?

It's all good, it's just words. It's not even words – its just a flickering screen in front of your face, that is, if Kittler's correct and there's no such thing as software.

Ramsamsam a ramsamsam
gully gully gully ramsamsam
Aikaja jippie aikayay
A-ooo a-ooo a ri ki ji!

So, just get down with your own bad self and listen….

It's the sound of your civilisation dying…

PARTY! W00T!

If you haven't figured out – You're arguing with a FUCKING PUPPET!

I may be a puppet, but I am a handsome summbitch. Think – a young James Garner, don'tcha think?

I am the Pope of Adams-Morgan, Tweakerbelle's Atman, I bring the news from the outside, so your world may breathe!

Now go fetch me some likker you whiny little bitch.

4:37 am March, 27 BBBBBOOOOBBIES said...

put aside the hate and admire the boobies
dont we all feel better now?

4:42 am March, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

Now we know why so many cities are installing round-abouts at intersections for almost non-stop and seamless transit.

If she came to a stop or went over a bump she'd spill the whole thing.

And by "whole thing" I mean that overstuffed rack of boobies.

4:43 am March, 27 Troy Tempest said...

Now, where the fuck did Perry the Sammich Face go? He said he'd be here to minister to us all, and I 'splained to him how he's all mistaken – MISTAKEN I TELL YOU – about my predicated demands that he lick the nads of Jaysus. He said he wanted to do something positive – and I was going to give him a list of positive things to do for me (leave canned goods at my feet, chant my name as he leaps from a cliff, errands like that) but he has replied. What a whiny little bitch.

He needs to have his soul removed and sold to some big black guy named Maurice. Cuz he needs all the soul he can get. And I suppose Perry Pringle could use the $1.85 he could get for it.

But I do envy him. He never had some jerk shove his arm up his butt so far that he could make his lips move. 'Course, I never did either. I'm technically a marionette, not a puppet. I pity puppets. I just have some cosmic dipshit jerking my strings. Sure, he jerks my strings, but I get to call him a dipshit. So, it kind of works out.

4:47 am March, 27 Troy Tempest said...

come on Perry – you hangnail on the invisible claw of history. Where are you? OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE!!! I got something for you to do…

I need you to go to the website, look at the picture of the bleeth in the limo and tell me you want to spooge all over her giamungus "tracts of land". Cuz that baby's on FIRE, and all the instruments agree that the temperature is rising, and any idiot would know that…

4:47 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

My, loud aren't we?

I am not following you one lick mr Troy and for that I am grateful. I thing you are mixing recreational drug abuse with computer use. Get help, I pray for you but not as loudly

4:50 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

And siiners use limosines

4:53 am March, 27 Perry Pringle said...

Strong response to follow.

5:00 am March, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

Me like ubiquitous red cup when it's a cocktail or wine glass with red liquid being held by bombshell boobied nymphet (ignore the twerpy haired dufus King Douchous IV).

Me like Woodland Nymph Pear when adorned in simple pink skirtini with plenty of rump and some side-boob.

Models to draw, and live by, oh my.
The Canson paper is burning.

5:21 am March, 27 Troy Tempest said...

OK, Pringletard, just cuz I'm feeling generous, I figure I can clue your ignorant ass in on some basics around here:

This is a game of referencing. Kind of like Dennis Miller, only educated and not a right wing douchenozzle.

Sigh. How low and decrepit our education system has become.

First off – Penny Pringle is a character FROM A FUCKING MOVIE – "Hairspray". Her mom was a rightwing loonie Xian racist fuckwit and locked her up and drove her nuts.

I am ALSO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Therefore I get to reference FICTIONAL CHARACTERS as REAL, as an application/deconstruction of postmodern hyper-reality, as I am also telling it all to YOU, and YOU are an equally fictional character, by your own admission.

Ramsamsam lines are from Wordy Rappinghood, a song by the Tom Tom club, which itself references Aramsamsam (a children's song from Tunisia and Morocco), cowboy yodeling, and old carhorns.

Get down with your own bad self is a reference to a song by Red Karaoke.

I am the pope of Adams Morgan (or, at least one of them) as I paid my money to the Church of the SubGenius, and if you paid them enough back then, you could pretty much pick your title.

Kittler is an important Communications Theorist from Germany. One of his many nsights is that there is no such thing as software, as all software requires a material instantiation.

Fuck – the list goes on and on, and this is just how I think, and think quickly.

THAT'S part of the game here, young grasshopper.

Now, calm down and learn to mock the douche. They do not exist – they are simply phantoms of consumption.

6:41 am March, 27 Fatness said...

Perry, shouldn't you be out bombing abortion clinics and terrorizing 14 year old girls right now? Better get busy or the lawd will smite your drippy ass.

7:09 am March, 27 Crucial Head said...

…"I'm here to be POSITIVE."

Guys, you are being waaaaay too hard on our friend Perry.

Let's let him take his HIV test in peace, and pray for the outcome he so desires.

7:12 am March, 27 Crucial Head said...

In other news today, work sucks Alpaca shit-pellets. I am heading off to Chile for a briefing in the shitballcockkery of shoddy construction management.

Good luck with the turnover to 2.0 boss. I hope to be back later next week, and I can't wait to check out the new digs.

Cheers!

7:14 am March, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Uhm, Perry?

Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.

Just sayin'

7:24 am March, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And though I may just be nick picky here, get your history straight before using it in your proselytizing. Troy was burned by the Greeks. Every 6th grader who's ever read Homer's Iliad knows that. There is absolutely zero mention of Troy in the bible.

Whatever. He's probably just a troll who obviously knows absolutely nothing about Christianity.

But how about that pear? Fuck yeah!!!!! I think I peed in MYSELF after seeing that bottom boob.

7:37 am March, 27 Holy Crop! said...

Sorry I'm late.

Fixed it.

9:12 am March, 27 euripidouche said...

there was no troy in the bible, but god could have used a trojan.

2:39 pm March, 27 Bob said...

Well shit, I'm way late to the Pringle party. Fuck.

Yo, Perry. Ecclesiastes 7:16. 'Nuff said. Dillhole.

3:14 pm March, 27 El Caganer said...

I pooped in a Pringles can.

3:48 pm March, 27 Anonymous said...

I am asking everyone on this site to please ignore and stop teasing 'percy' (not his real name). He is clinically slow and somewhat sheltered. I am not sure how me managed to find this site but now he is urging his peer group (which he refers to as bible study)to now visit this site where I can see they will have further abuse heaped upon them. He is from a wealthy family but has been sheltered somewhat.

5:59 pm March, 27 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

DB1

Is there a picture of the pear's face anywhere? I'm betting she's as gorgeous in front as she is from behind.

11:06 am March, 28 Steve L. said...

i'm glad i got drunk on Friday AND Saturday.

11:07 am March, 28 Steve L. said...

Stackhouse, meet Perry. Perry, meet Stackhouse.

… sorry.

5:17 pm March, 28 TIM! said...

Hmmm gotta say that's a pretty awesome limo, though.

5:37 pm March, 28 DouceYouWannaDance said...

Whoever took that photo obviously missed the advantages of having mirrors just overhead.

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