Friday, March 12, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

A bouncy week for your humble narrator, as his time meditating on the boobie hottie suckle thigh (quality brunette edition, pictured here) and mocking the choadscrote (multihairwanks, pictured here) was distracted by all sorts of things like “CSS code” and “hosting site.” The internets are a silly place. But they allow us cultural mock as a form of societal shock treatment. So for that, we be grates.

Here’s your links:

In a bizarre form of cross-culture pollination of poo, Ed Hardy style is now influencing cowboy hats. Up next: Limited edition Ed Hardy Hitler Youth Swastikas.

Little children reenact The Jersey Shore. Hmm… maybe we should do a ‘bagling episode next season on Is She Really Going Out With Him?

2008 Douchiest Athlete of the Year winner, kicker Jeff Reed, douches it up with former President Bush. Later, they Jagerbombed Iraq.

Hall & Oates on SCTV in “Chariots of Eggs.” Bizarre early 80s comedy genius.

Zoobooks!

Random sites continue to rip me off in strange ways. “This entry was filed under ‘baseball'”?

Mattel adds to it’s Barbie line with its latest, Douche Ken. Or perhaps Liberace Gay Ken? Or is that redundant.

The Stackhousian poetry of “Get Some” continues to spread like a viral douche plague mating call.

Hall of Hott legend Veronica, whom the DB1 can personally certify as quality suckle thigh, gets posterized.

Korean Man Marries Pillow. In a related story, I groped a cushion.

Okay.

You’ve been very patient with the site transition. For all of your hard work, here ya go. Spend it wisely:

Mirror Pear.

Go forth, kids. Go forth and mock in the grandest of the Oscar Wilde, Lenny Bruce and George Carlin traditions.

# posted by douchebag1
1:06 pm March, 12 tall guy said...

My Lord what a set of jugs on that brunette mama!

1:10 pm March, 12 Big Tony Ventresca said...

^ Agreed, they are absorbing!

1:10 pm March, 12 Wedgie said...

Holy shit, those are some fine ta-ta’s, and where is lamp?

1:11 pm March, 12 Wedgie said...

Mirror pear, mirror pear

On the wall

Who’s got the finest ass

Of them all?

Why, you do, my princess. Indeed, you do.

1:13 pm March, 12 melvil duchi said...

zoobooks, GET SOME!

1:14 pm March, 12 Lämp said...

**clicks on**

I Love Mirror Peär

**clicks off**

1:16 pm March, 12 Crucial Head said...

“Jagerbombed Iraq”

That is why I keep coming back, boss.

Brilliant.

1:17 pm March, 12 massengill said...

Nice cans.

1:22 pm March, 12 anon said...

“Jagerbombed Iraq”

Priceless…

Oh hott brunette I so want to fondle all your naughty parts, and yes my dear you may fondle mine as well. For the right price of course…

1:27 pm March, 12 jonezy said...

the shape of those breasts:

mammarelogram

it makes my rhombus grow.

total cup size in this picture- 172 DDD

1:28 pm March, 12 JoeDO said...

weekly Friday asspear never ceases to make me melt

1:32 pm March, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I don’t think Brunette’s boobs would be nearly as big if ‘not-so-hott” in the back row wasn’t crushing her fists through her ribs. There’s cockk-blocking, and then there’s ghaack-blocking.

Hall and Oates. Seriously like those guys. Makes me almost want to repost my ode to bleeth based on their memorable song, Rich Girl.

And thank Boss for the drool inducing under-boob on Mirror Pear. When dudes outgrow their old clothes but continue to wear them, it’s a bad thing. When women outgrow their 6th-grade gym clothes but wear them for our pleasure it’s a slice of spurt on splooot-splooot.

1:44 pm March, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I’m liking both brunettes about now and realizing that I’m gonna miss an important project deadline. Four trips to the fwap room will tend to do that.

Sigh. If I was lucky enough to be in the same room with either of them, the reality is it still wouldn’t go any better than this.

1:46 pm March, 12 Wedgie said...

Middle brunette with major after market parts looks suspiciously familiar. In a Vivid sort of way.

1:48 pm March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

As an avid fan of the All American cowboy hat, I hope anyone that touches that blasphemous Ed Hardy Stetson gets syphilis. In their eyes.

The Black Eyed Peas are the musical equivalent of the ice cream truck tape loop as the battery wears down and out. Just goes to show you, kids are stoopid.

I’ll bet that pillow/wife has the nastiest cumstains on the planet and gets washed less than the linen at an hourly trucker motel in Haywood, CA

Middle Brunette in this photo is instant Hall of Hott, IMCHO (In My Cockk’s Humble Opinion)

2:38 pm March, 12 Bagnonymous said...

This response would’ve been typed sooner, but I busted a few tendons in my fwapping hand and it’s been numb for a couple hours. You see, I began to imagine what would happen if you took the upper half of the buxom bolt-on brunette in today’s pic and stacked it atop Mirror Pear and, well… aah… DOH… *spluuuuurrtt*

Well I guess the good news is that, having just depleted my resources, I should be able to last a whole fifteen–hell, maybe eighteen seconds–if I get lucky with the Mrs. tonight.

2:47 pm March, 12 massengill said...

WTF how is there a YouTube video with nearly 9,000,000 views that I have never seen?

2:54 pm March, 12 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’d like to jägerbomb the quality burnetts, even the quality blonde.

Hall of Hott legend Veronica, whom the DB1 can personally certify as quality suckle thigh, gets posterized.

Oy. That poster makes me want to kick a kitten in the nads. Fortunately for the kitten, I was able to work out my frustrations on the choad that is the multihairwanks. They won’t be wanking too much tonight.

3:17 pm March, 12 El Caganer said...

Boobies, ass pear, and under-boob are the perfect Friday back to work welcome home, I could have asked for.

Waikiki was great. Thank you Ashfish for the great dinner suggestions. My hotel was right across from Roy’s. Try Moose McGillycuddy’s next time for their fish tacos.

Honolulu as a whole seemed douche free. I never saw anyone that looked anything close to the choads on this site. They do have an Ed Hardy store, that I am happy to report, never had a customer when I walked by.

3:44 pm March, 12 Euripidouche said...

i’d hit it

douche

taking one for the team while being the designated driver is like the harmonic convergence of suck

hell yeah, how much?

douche

even if you fuck crazy, crazy always fucks you last.

4:14 pm March, 12 antwar said...

SCTV, Thats some fine Canadiana right there

4:17 pm March, 12 Wedgie said...

Are my eyes going bad, or are your avatars all ridiculously fuccen small. I mean sssmmmaaallllll, like Stackhouse’s dick, or Brooke’s mind, if you prefer.

Small, muthafuckas. Now, time for a nice martini. Happy Friday to you all.

4:40 pm March, 12 Deltus said...

Mirror Pear is from a site on teh internets called KariSweets.com. We should raise money so that we can get her ass nickel-plated in a number of poses, so that future generations can know what a PERFECT ass looks like.

Holy hopped-up Christ the baby Jesus in a blender, I would fellate the animal denizens of a large alpaca farm just to gather random handfuls of wool with which I would make her an ass-cozy with my own two hands to keep her cheeks toasty warm in the winter. That’s some barely-legal booty PERFECTION right there!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some, uh… um… aw, fuck it. I’m going to splooge on the ol’ computer monitor whilst admiring Kari’s amazing butt.

5:12 pm March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Hopefully these links work, but folks THIS is how you rock a cowboy hat

(She takes her clothes off in the rest of the shoot. Google “Lauren Leigh Playboy pics”)

That fargin’ hat has been bugging me all day. What’s next Ed Hardy Skoal? I’ll go postal.

5:14 pm March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

But she leaves the hat on. Nice.

5:33 pm March, 12 Whoop-di-douche said...

Magic Mirror on the wall,

who’s the fairest ass of all?

YOU, my Asspear, front and back

Splendid fore, and aft with crack!

5:37 pm March, 12 Whoop-di-douche said...

Gold and Black….ooh la la la….Blmmmmmmffftttt!

6:58 pm March, 12 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Good Ass Pear – nice sunshine triangle on the shadow pear.

7:33 pm March, 12 scrotum pole said...

I married my living room curtains mainly for the tax deduction, but I soon found the companionship a great comfort.

8:33 pm March, 12 Euripidouche said...

@scrotum pole

did that come with a carpet-in-law, and do they match?

10:16 pm March, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

I am two times worried for the younger generations from this post. One, baby ‘bags, two, Sugar Daddy Ken. Explain the joke any way you like, you Madison Avenue vampires. You’re just trying to one-up those slutty Bratz dolls whose fiscal tromping of you drives you to drop another turd in the clogged toilet of American culture.

Zoobooks about made me wee wee myself. This has definitely been one of the funnier FTAL in a while. And @ Scrotato 1:44, that link sums up what I’ve been trying to say for the last 15 years about all that R&B. Pardon the rant, but there’s a good reason why women are as gullible and needy as they are–from the Disney princesses being rescued by princes, to these “OOO girl Imma roll you in maple syrup and pancake you all night long” songs, we’re fed a carefully concocted slurry of bullshit from the cradle to the grave. No matter what, we will always be irate, jealous and disappointed with men ’cause they don’t act like the guy in the song or the movie. Parents, I urge to to encourage your young daughters to other things to give her a more accurate view of the world and of romance. Listening to the works of such fine performers as The Mentors as a lass gave me the perspective I needed to face the reality of relationships. When Mr. O yelled, “Bitch! I’m gonna leave you for the buzzards,” I cheerfully cooed, “Witch! I’m gonna leave you for the sca-a-a-vengers!” and all was well until the divorce hearings.

I love me some firm, fake titties but girl in the middle, yer doin’ it wrong. Now your friend there on the left, yeah…lemme see those things, wow! They look so real! And he went in where? In your armpit? No way. So, like…what do they feel like? I mean, are they all hard? I–well, ok, I just wanna poke it once–oh, that’s not so bad, uh, may I? Oh, wow, they’re kinda soft, does it hurt when I squeeze them like this a little with both hands? Oh, and your nipples still get hard, too, are they sensitive? Let me just—HEY! Get the fuck out of here, you pervs, we’re having girl time!!!

11:24 pm March, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Euripidouche 8:33 FTW and a year’s supply of Valvoline.

12:11 am March, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Hmmmmm….

That pear is about 5 minutes away from transforming into an ass orange peel. Ten lbs. and/or 5 years will create an exponential amount of cellulite unless she starts getting serious about her weekly hatha yoga class. Sorry folks, I carefully study my pears. And that pear is destined for ruin.

And yes, I know those fleshy globes are pumped full of silicone and plastic; but I would still tit fuck the cottage cheese out of them in a hot second.

12:29 am March, 13 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

^ “…I would still tit fuck the cottage cheese out of them in a hot second.”

I second the motion, though I must go grab a bucket of buttery poopcorn first…

12:38 am March, 13 Baleen said...

For it is the monolith from 2001 in the background. “I’m sorry Dave, these douchebags would jeopardize the mission…I can not open the pod bay doors.”

4:10 am March, 13 Euripidouche said...

@medusa

while our culture no doubt creates some unrealistic images for the women, its really not serving at the pleasure of men….thinking back to the most recent super bowl commercial kurfluffel as an example of what our culture, when writ large for a large audience the advertising worlds concept of “everybody”, much was made of the misogynistic and insulting way women were portrayed as inpenetrable harpies, who run roughshod over the lives of the men, how men must, we are told scheme and plan to find even a moment’s respite from the overlord-wife….

my view watching it, which uncomfortably didn’t fit the narrative the women both in my home and on the internets were developing about the commercials, was they were displaying men as henpecked pussies incapable of speaking up for themselves and forging an equal relationship with women….not particularly flattering portrayal of men in our culture either.

for me it comes back to the beginning…

the young boy gets his first dozen or so hard ons, and quickly plans to bang 5 or 10 of his most attractive classmates, then perhaps attractive females he sees elsewhere, but the common denom is, someday they are all going to want his penis, and he is going to give it to them, sometimes one after another, sometimes in combinations…but, if a girl is at all what he defines as pretty, he has pretty much had her in the tour bus of his imagination…

this all occurs while the girl is dreaming, maybe no longer the princess, but of having a singular epic for all time, all-consuming, all empowering love bond with their mate, the perfect love….

now i realize these are great generalizations, but these are the normal puberty aged starting points.

i ask, all things considered, who gets screwed more by society in general, and who gets more of what they want as they both converge toward the middle reality.

4:26 am March, 13 Mr. White said...

I am happy to see that Medusa and I are of the same mind on this: left brunette is where the party’s at. I mean, come on, her dress is already falling apart.

5:51 am March, 13 DarkSock said...

“Stop complaining; you should be thankful for your RealDoll, Timmy. Little boys in Korea have to fuck pillows.”

5:53 am March, 13 DarkSock said...

Speaking of “fuck pillows”, dayumm lookit th’ fuck-pillows on that brunette’s chest…

7:28 am March, 13 douchebag1 said...

How’s the page fonts lookin’ for everyone today? 2.0 is a week away…

8:39 am March, 13 little beaver said...

Fonts look good. Picture quality doesn’t look as good on my mobile. Any mobile plan in the works? Your site is now blocked at our company. We were called out at a recent meeting for wasting time. Now, we just use iphones and blackberry.

8:53 am March, 13 little beaver said...

Boobies

9:02 am March, 13 Deltus said...

@Jaques Doucheteau (12:11am) You’re probably right about Mirror Pear being in serious trouble in a few years if’n she’s not careful and diligent about her weight and exercise. Rather, the smooth, round, gnawable perfection that is her ass *right now* will be in jeopardy.

But for right now, I long for that ass. And that’s why I say, we need to get nickel-plate moulds taken of it RIGHT NOW. Various poses, of course. Perfection like that can’t last forever, and needs to be preserved for posterity. Posteriority?

9:03 am March, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Euripidouche 4:10

EXCELLENT point, sir, well damn said. I certainly don’t mean to sound as if we’re poor victims of the media machine, its teeth have sunk into all of our brains alike. I don’t watch much television and I avoid sports like the plague, but yes, I do recall what you mean. The beer commercials–“Ohhhh, lord, let’s hide from these bitches and get a beer!” No wonder no one wants to rescue fair princess from the tower–he’s got it in his mind that when he gets there, he’ll be greeted with a chiding about his muddy boots instead of a blow job. Fuck it, crack another cold one with the dragon and talk about the game. Gah. Kill your television. Shall I ever pop out a wee Gorgon, I’ll do my damndest to keep TV and the internet out of the picture as long as is feasible.

10:30 am March, 13 clam fist said...

I like those bouncy boobies!

More Stackhouse style skanks is my suggestion to improve site.

10:59 am March, 13 clam fist said...

TV is the devil. That and geese.

11:23 am March, 13 DarkSock said...

Boss, I think it looks great. If the avatars could be increased to more than 16 pixels that would be bonus. Right now everyone’s avatar looks like a period at the end of each comment. And, if possible, have Medusa’s avatar be nude.

12:01 pm March, 13 abdouchah the butcher said...

Yep, the boobalicious brunnet is gonna get all the raves, but I gotta put in a word for far-left hott. She’s really cute. Scamper about her body like a ferrett with ADHD cute. Left hand scrote seems to have taken a dart in the cheek. Soon spasms will begin. “Three darts! Too many!!” Not in this case.

12:03 pm March, 13 abdouchah the butcher said...

Um, yeah. That should be “brunette.” Ahem…

As for the site: There’s the obvious issue w/ avatar size, but also ya gotta go back twice to return to the comments after you leave your’s. Or am I missing a ‘return to comments’ button someplace…?

12:46 pm March, 13 Joey said...

When did Flock of Seagulls get back together!! Sweet!

1:31 pm March, 13 Professor Dumbledouche said...

I must agree with The fine Oblongata on these ladies. Brunette has that fresh out-of-the-mold & ready-to-be-sold look about her that is so prevalent in Vegas. I wonder if she’s had more joints in her mouth than Tommy Chong.

1:45 pm March, 13 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then I guess out right plagiarism is tantamount to worship?

5:47 pm March, 13 Fillupamerica said...

Brunette baby is biteably boobacious.

7:17 pm March, 13 Denny DelVecchio said...

It’s comforting to know the gent second from the left is a devout, practicing Christian, who likely serves as a ready moral compass for this bunch.

Yours in love,

Denny DelVecchio

yournewbadhabit.blogspot.com

10:02 pm March, 13 Steve L. said...

hmm Jeff Reed is kinda short for a football player.

well, he’s a kicker after all.

10:04 pm March, 13 Steve L. said...

i propose that 90% of all Friday T&L ass pears be delivered in mirror pear format. that way we get boobies AND suckle pear.

10:11 pm March, 13 Steve L. said...

i know i’m supposed to spew some Canadian pride and shit because of the SCTV reference, but the fact is, i wasn’t even in Canada during the 80s.

10:47 pm March, 13 Steve L. said...

you can never have too much boobies.

at least now until i saw today’s Friday T&L pic.

12:53 am March, 14 Steve L. said...

noT until i saw today’s Friday T&L pic.

fuck.

7:20 am March, 14 MoeDouche said...

Boy, are they attention getters? I mean those two choads with highlights not the skankie brunettes. I KID, I KID [;)

7:25 am March, 14 Anonne Huntress said...

Mirror Pear barely has any ass to speak of. She pales in comparison to Pocahontas and others in the hall.

As for all the silicone in that picture…. boy. I need to find out where to buy stock in silicone…

1:59 pm March, 14 Bilbo 'Bagginz said...

kari sweets is hott, but brunette is 10000 times hotter

6:37 pm March, 14 Sorta Damocles said...

Thank you for all of the work DB1. I know I’m not the only long time lurker or regular that appreciates it. I like the choices you’ve made so far, but bigger avatars would be nice. Thanks for fist pumping the shit out of WordPress for us.

3:56 pm March, 17 Winchester Q. Douchington, III Esq. said...

Jesus, catty brunette with the sweater cows, she enters a room before she does.

9:43 pm March, 17 Mikey said...

I think these guys deserve this haircut Anyone agree?.

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