Monday, March 15, 2010

HCwDB of the Month

The HCwDB of the Month. The moment we select our next finalist for HCwDB of the Year to join the inglourious doucheterd, Stackhouse. Which coupling is most foul and heinously devoid of merit to warrant Monthly victory(loss)?

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Captain Rehab and Luana

Luane gets around, and around and around.

Ubiquitous Luane even swam away with Corporal Faux after her win.

So our first coupling offers us a pic of ubertaintosity detracted by what we can only generously describe as a “skank hott.”

As you all know, true hottie/douchey HCwDB Enlightenment occurs only when the sweetest of gnawable suckle thigh is tainted by the greasiest of colonic clownitude.

This pic may not have the purest of dialectics to meditate and ruminate.

But it does have Cleavite Boobies. And librarian glasses.

And the nastiest water this side of a Turkish bath.

And really, the giant Close Encounters Hair Peak in water really needs to be appreciated for the choice of spectacle-hair in a location in which swimming implies the hair will get wet and therefore lose any shape intended for it.

This deserves to be fully appreciates for its choadwankitude.

Anyone can grease up hair at the clubs. Only the true anusdouche can do so in a public swimming environment.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Grillzilla

Some posit that potential Rockstar Leniency Rule might be invoked, given this turd’s role in some band I’ve never heard of. Lets shut this down right now.

No RLR granted. Period. End of story.

This is douchosity outside of performativity, and deserves full mockage.

Unlike Luane, Lady Gwnedolyn brings sweet, innocent sweetness innocence to the equation.

As such, we read her poems by Wordsworth to her as we lie under willow trees, and then we hump her purse like a cracked up beagle in heat when she’s buying an ice-cream from the local street vendor, Juan.

And Juan rolls his ice-cream stand away as quickly as possible.

Because he’s disturbed by our purse humping.

And can you blame him?

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: David Crapperfield and Rachel Hottenstein

2010 has seen a distinct theatrical quality brought to ubersquat strategy to fondle the neck nuzzle hotts like Rachel here.

Yet, as with Grillzilla, no RLR is granted.

This is theatrical magical douchebaggery.

But it is every bit as mockworthy as the Orange uber-guidos of yesteryear.

And Rachel is delightful real world suckle thigh.

She is therefore to be appreciated with applause and knee fondle.

I have nothing else to add to this pic.

But I still can’t align images properly.

So I have to keep writing text to create enough of a block to insert the next pic.

Letting me HTML my blog is like letting a chimp fly the space shuttle.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Quizzical Hemorrhoid and Princess Lickmah

The Quiz Roid made a strong uberdouchey impression in early 2010. Witness the run:

Makin’ the Douche Face. Popping a squat. Party Pile.

The run of stone-face consistency rivals some of our classic Hall of Scrote members like Peaches and E-Blo.

But the run, like DiMaggio’s 57 game hit streak, eventually had to come to an end, and it did when Quiz Roid broke out the grin with the Baja Boyz.

Quiz Roid, like David Crapperfield, is performative taintlickery.

The Princess, like the Lady, is Neverending Story hott all growns up.

Some argue performativity detracts from the douchey spectacle.

I say, “Ha!” Because I like to make short, brief, unexplained grunt statements.

But is it enough to win the monthly?

Vote, as always, in our brand spankin’ new comments threads.

# posted by douchebag1
6:05 am March, 15 Dicy said...

I’m going to have to go with Grillzilla. He pisses me off with his stupid teeth and lame ass sleeve. How the hell does he even get girls to come near him?Also Lady Gwnedolyn is all that is good and sweet in the world. I would be her best friend and ask her to have a sleepover at my place so I could French braid her lovely hair.

6:07 am March, 15 saulgoode42 said...

Captain Rehab and Luana, because when you take away hotness, when you take away class, when you take away all traits that keep you staring despite the horrid posery, you’re left with these two. At least in the other pictures, there’s a hot chick to look at and the scholock jockeys are getting the job done.

6:08 am March, 15 saulgoode42 said...

“Schlock”

6:09 am March, 15 Douchble Helix said...

56 game hit streak. No leniency, DB1. You don’t like it, there’s the next plane to Russia.

6:27 am March, 15 Mr. White said...

I’m really torn between Grillzilla and Quizroid, even more so now that I’m imaging Dicy’s naughty sleepover.

Eh, I’ll go with Quizroid, because Princess Lickmah makes my pants hobbit feel like a mighty ent. And I don’t even really know what that means.

6:33 am March, 15 melvil duchi said...

Grillzilla and Lady Gwnedolyn

6:41 am March, 15 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

My vote goes to Grillz and Gwen.

By far, this pic exhibits the most powerful dichotomy. And by powerful, I mean depressing, perplexing, confounding, aggravating, and nauseating. Gwen appears to be a sweet woman of sound judgement and above averages looks, but somehow is impressed by this putrid clown.

If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry; so I cry.

AV

6:41 am March, 15 Scott said...

Grillzilla.

And his dentist.

6:51 am March, 15 DarkSock said...

Captain Rehab and Luana, because they’re sailing the seas of Pees, ’round the Horn of Grope and into the Crack Sea; through the straits of Her Haltertop, pining for the fjords, past the Dead Sea Scrotes, parting the Red Pee, then across the River Pryx, through the Balsic Sea, ’round Chest-a-Peek bay, across the gulf of Mexi-Ho right here onto this site, which is the Pana-Mock Canal; where we pelt them with rocks and garbage and used condoms and dead ocelots and horse tampons and rabid wombats and potato dildos.

7:02 am March, 15 Scooby Douche said...

Princess Lickmah is really fine, but the Quiz is only second-rate scrote.

Captain Rehab is a gamer, but Luana cannot compete in a Monthly. Unless it’s a monthly STD test.

I really agonized over Grillzilla and Crapperfield. Both have juicy hotts. In the end, Crapperfield wins me over with that disgusting neck bling and the glove thingy. I first I thought is was just a Halloween party, but on closer examination, he is serious.

Crapperfield FTW. Report immediately for sterilization procedure.

7:10 am March, 15 Wedgie said...

Grillie gets the nod in a squeaker over Quiz Roid. And by squeaker, I mean that high-pitched, Chuck-Mangione-hitting-a-high-C-note fart.

Way to go, you silly fuccer.

7:13 am March, 15 Justin said...

Quiz Roid FTW!

You can’t make the “tough-guy” face whilst donning fuckin’ candy-raver bracelets, Quizzy. ‘Nuff said.

7:18 am March, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

David Crapperfield and Rachel Hottenstein FTW,

His douchiness transcends Grillz who is nothing more then a wannabe wegro. Crapperfield has the guyliner going in his favor, the ridiculous circa late 80’s blinged out rapper chain, the glove and last but not least that odd protrusion between the tatts that looks like an undigested hoagie WTF is THAT?. Rachel’s buck teeth, while a annoying does not distract from her all round hottness

7:19 am March, 15 RAPETIME said...

Luana gave Lake Havasu herpes. I gotta go with her and whoever that dumbfuck she’s with is.

7:25 am March, 15 Sir Harry S. Flashdouche said...

David Crapperfield FTW! That shitty tattoo compliments the fucking guyliner. Rachel is a superhott!!!!

7:28 am March, 15 Captain Bringdown said...

Simply crackin’ selection of fetid turd and angelic wholesomeness this week. Well, OK, not Luane, obviously. Luane is like a bag of really good potato chips: Designed for no reason other than to be addicting to the palate, you’ll enjoy the fuck out of it right up until the point you realize you’re going to vomit if you don’t get rid of it. Then your ass leaks for two days ’cause you didn’t read the fine print on the package. But the other three would definitely give Michelangelo’s David some stone wood.

I think the proper collective noun ought to be a sack of douchebags. That’s what these four are: a sack of choadacity. There’s not a one of them I wouldn’t like to see tased. Captain Rehab is small enough that I can almost realistically imagine him being carted off by some large raptor and fed to her young.

My rage/lust really hits red with QH thrusting his lock-jawed stroke face into the frame. Same Goddamn face in every picture, just begging to be beaten with my ass crack. That he’s surrounded by a bevy of gorgeous and quite salvageable women is what pushes him over the edge. Roger Ebert needs a jaw. I suggest we remove QH’s and donate it. QH and the hypnotically beautiful Lickma get my vote.

7:36 am March, 15 Big said...

After an extensive period of “consideration”, I have to go with Grillz, because his pained smirk actually makes it seem his alloyed dental work actually causes him physical discomfort, which I can only celebrate with a vote for his exalted ludicrosity.

7:36 am March, 15 Big said...

Ugh, too many “actually”s… ><

7:57 am March, 15 Hong Kong Douchey said...

Rehab. He’s got the day off from fry machine duty and she’s working the late shift at Centerfold’s.

8:03 am March, 15 El Caganer said...

Princess Likmah is the gal for me. No “look” is too ridiculous for her to find it un-attractive. I now have found a use for that robot costume, I made out of carboard and tin foil. Princess Lickmah and the Quiz man for the win.

8:17 am March, 15 Condouchious say... said...

Luane and Capt Rehab are nothing special…they are a run of the mill douche-bleeth pairing (blouche?).

Rachel is a solid hott and Crapperfield needs to be sawed in half or suffer via some other magic reference.

Quizzical has a face only a mother could refrain from hitting with a sack of potatoes. Princess Lickmah makes me want to present her with a crown made of aromatic herbs befitting of her royalty in a ceremony filled with harps and flutes on the top of a mountain.

With that being said, Grillzilla and Gwendoulyn get my vote. In spite of a mouth full of jewelery, his net value is still negative six trillion. Most importantly, there is that dichotomy that exists between him and Gwendolyn. Rachel-Crapperfield were maybe at a costume party, Lickmah might be a contender for most expensive 1st date (she’s a princess!) and Quizzical might have money…but Gwendolyn-Grillzilla? Trying to figure why she’d be in his prescence makes my mind want to collapse onto itself like a neutron star.

8:21 am March, 15 dbBen said...

Captain Rehab

He is on a boat.

It is my belief that QH is not a threat to the hotts.

8:21 am March, 15 Em said...

Grillz. I puke, therefore he’s dousche.

8:22 am March, 15 Em said...

+ spelling, as always.

8:39 am March, 15 Bagnonymous said...

I’d be voting for Crapperfield if I wasn’t still questioning his sexual orientation. But rave-mongering gayboys, although probably seen as extremely douchey in the gay community, somehow don’t register as high on my douche-o-meter. Shame, too, because Rachel Hottowitz is crazy hott.

Grillzilla fukken pisses me off to, although he probably doesn’t walk around talkin’ about how he’s got “game” and checkin’ out his own abs in the mirror. And despite the fact that he probably wouldn’t stand up in the yearly, Lady Gwendolyn is so purely beautiful she could command the vote all by herself–if only we had a better full-body picture, that is.

Nay, my vote goes to Capt. Rehab and Luana for all their sheer disgusting, herpes-infested, craptacular adventures in the bacterial pool that is “spring break.” Luane’s crotch-patch bikinis probably rot to a greenish-purple color within about 40 minutes taking them off. After seeing her in the “where’s Trojan” pic, I’d like to lick her boobies but something tells me that direct oral contact with her skin would leave my tongue with a numb, tingling sensation.

8:45 am March, 15 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Grillz are about as fresh as sleeveless flannel shirts, zebra seat covers in a ’92 Honda Civic, or Lady Gaga’s gooder. And nothing says douchebag more than photobombing the camera with your lips peeled back like fruit leather and your sweet hotness playing “Deal or No Deal” with the pointy finger and all. Because, you know, under normal circumstances you don’t even realize someone has a grill in until the stink of last week’s calcified leftovers hits you in the face like a corner kick from David Beckham. Oh wait, he’s done…and SO ARE GRILLZ!

Grillzilla and Lady Gwnedolyn for the Win. And by win I mean a Diehard duralast battery, a set of heavy duty jumper cables, and a bucket of water.

8:51 am March, 15 Red Headed Woman said...

Quizroid and Princess.

8:51 am March, 15 jonezy said...

I’d hoped to vote for QH as he has an extensive portfolio of hottie suckle thigh. Unfortunately, all the pics paint a picture of “I’m a gay make-up artist hangin’ out backstage with these models and having a total blast!!!!”

David Crapperfield is too bizarre and ironically inverted P2P with the Hott. And I’d rather not ever see that background belly ever again.

I desperately want to vote Grillzilla, as Gwendolyn Hott is extraordinary innocent delectability. She is the face that launched a thousand ships, and I would Trojan her horse. But Grillzilla has but a single pic with GwendylHott.

So Luane and the uber-rott stank infested waters of Captain Rehab for the Monthly. Although her boobs are spaced like down-syndrome eyes, her Hott is still enticing, no matter how skanktastic. Have American Indians not suffered enough that these douches must desecrate their traditions in a rude attempt at spectacle and “style”?

8:54 am March, 15 Bagnonymous said...

PS. Props to DB1 for coming up with the name, “Princess Lickmah.” It makes me think of her as a privileged daughter of royalty whose beauty is only diminished by the jealous misdeeds of her evil half-sister, Fromunda.

8:56 am March, 15 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Cap’n Rehab and Luane FTW. The Cap’n exhibits all the things we associate with the choad lifestyle: the slicked, spiky faux-hawk, URC, the ridonkulus sun glasses, the bling, the tatts and the wrist-dana. Also, the mostly nekkid and otherwise delectible Luane, for whom I would sail the seven seas to put canister shot into Rehab’s dinghy so that I might rescue the sweet damsel from a bleethy end.

9:04 am March, 15 End the Haberdouchery said...

Grillz. Because it’s 2010 and even Paul Wall thinks grillz are stupid now. He has moved on to icing out codpieces.

9:13 am March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Just throw Captain Rehab and Luana into the chum bucket with Stackhouse and let’s get on with this. We have eight more months to select a true HCwDB of the year champion – and something tells me the sharks aren’t going to leave enough greasy flesh on the bones of these contestants for them to remain in top contention come December.

And I am fine with that.

9:18 am March, 15 Fatness said...

Working backwards…

Lady Gwendolyn is all that suckle thigh should be.

Grillz is what should be at the bottom of a toilet bowl.

Ultimately, a winning loser combo.

With fries.

9:18 am March, 15 Cock-a-doodle-douche said...

What I don’t like about voting for Crapperfield is that it might result in him sticking around. I’d much rather make him disappear.

Regardless, I give my vote to Crapperfield. Ugh.

9:37 am March, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Jeezuss, all these choads are wankers. Equally douchy in a tongue-needs-scraping sort of way .

It comes down to the hott.

Luanne shows me nothing. She’s a wee bit simian if you ask me …..

Skinny little Rachel Hottenstein is a little plain and has all the making of a customer service counter gal at Best Buy. I bet she still has the skid mark on her right cheek from having the crap of Crapperfield pressed agaisnt it…

Princess Lickmah is a total turn-on. The only reason she’s in the photo with Quizz Roid is because she had the misfortune of being in his presence when a camera popped up. While I’d like to gnaw on that mole on her thigh and investigate close up to see if she has any more on her upper inner thigh region ……

I loves me some Lady Gwnedolyn . The combination of mock pointing with the fresh face of a gal who has never had a real nasty session with a total perv like yours truly, well, .. let’s just say she has never had a real orgasm….. not one that snapped her spine so hard she had to see a chiropractor the next day. That’s what I offer you , fair maiden, Gwnedolyn, debauchery unfounded and some nasty little bruises in tender areas ..

Grillzilla and fair Lady Gwnedolyn FTW.

9:38 am March, 15 doucheywallnuts said...

It’s got to be Grillzilla…I didn’t vote for him as a DBotW, but I am a big enough man to admit my mistake. As I see him juxtaposed against the other colossal douches he is clearly worthy of the DBotM honor. He has the body, tatts, gear, shirt, accessories and bleeth – in short he surpasses all the other candidates, worthy as they may be. Crapperfield is a close second, and perhaps if he wore an Affliction shirt or some other label to give him the mark of the douchebag he may have gotten my vote. Quiz doesn’t have the build and neither does Capt Rehab, and Rehab’s chick is more bleech than bleeth.

And so it’s Grillzilla for DBotM and an early nominee for DBotY

9:49 am March, 15 Flavius Brosephus said...

Um, tell me that Quizzical Douche doesn’t look just like Christian Bale from American Doucho.

9:52 am March, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

This time I must go with the pairing that confuses my lizard brain the most and that would be Grillzilla and Lady Gwendolyn. It’s like a grizzly bear with ballet slippers. It doesn’t fit and the delicate little thing is going to get shredded. Grillzilla FTW.

9:54 am March, 15 Douche Dastardly said...

It really is a tough one. Between Grillz and Quiz. Hmm…Got to go Quiz for his better body of work. And by body of work I mean suckle thigh royal tan goodness; who drinks from the bottle but through a straw.

It reminds me of that song in The Man with Two Brains where Steve Martin sings

♪♫ I lick-a-you ♪♫

♪♫ And you lick-a-me ♪♫

♪♫ And we lick-a-both the same ♪♫

10:15 am March, 15 little beaver said...

Captain and Luanne. I want to invite Luanne to the Tribeca film festival. While I don’t have tickets, I do have access to a Subaru Tribeca. We could watch movies on DVD in a secluded parking spot. I imagine that after a night in a car with Luanne, it would need to be reported stolen and torched on the side of the road. Isn’t that what insurance is for y’all.

10:36 am March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Grillzilla takes the monthly, then chews it up and eats it. Someone save dear Lady Gwendolyn before he chews her face off!

10:44 am March, 15 Troy Tempest said...

Grillzilla and Gwendolyn FTW.

Why? contrast.

The closest competitor to Grillz is Capt.Rehab, closely followed by Crapperfield. Hotts? Luane, in all of her orange glory, pales in comparison to Gwendolyn and Lickmah. Rachel would be cuter if she had less of an overbite and didn’t have such a stupid look on her face. So, Luane is out, which fails the Skipper. Rachel is out, so that fails Crapperfield.

This leaves Grillz and Gwen vs. Quizroid and Lickmah. Gwen and Lickmah are equally awesome beauties. Very different – Gwen looks younger and less experienced, but that’s her charm. Lickmah looks like she’d done a bukkake or two in her time. which is also her charm. Equal, but different, it’s obvious. So obvious.

So that leaves Grillz vs Quizroid, and there is simply no competition. Quizroid could wear a suit and look like a citizen. Grillz puts on a suit and he looks like a tin faced monkey in a suit. Quizroid does it for the looks, but Grillz? It’s a way of life for him.

(Gwen ≡ Lickmah) ⇒ G > Q ∴ Grillz FTW.

10:45 am March, 15 colossus of choads said...

Captain FTW.

He’s the only one who clearly is douched-to-the-nines in conflict with his environment, he has no intention of going swimming, and that’s just sickening.

10:45 am March, 15 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

You know what would look good on David Crapperfield? Fire. Orange, crackling, licking tongues of flame would look very good on DC. Of course, I’d want to get Rachel out of the way before immolating DC. She could play with my dreidel any Chanukah.

10:54 am March, 15 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

David Crapperfield FTW. Sometimes a douche is more than the sum of his parts. And somethimes he is exactly the sum of his parts. And his parts scream Douchebag!

10:56 am March, 15 Flounder said...

It has to be Grillizilla for the win Wink. Because all I see when I look at this choad is a horrible parody of the Bond villain, Jaws. All we can hope for is Richard Kiel to track him down and show him how a proper metal mouth man should behave. Then like in Moonraker he will fall for and save poor Lady Gwendolyn from her fate of being sacrificed for an new Affliction shirt.

11:08 am March, 15 Anonymous said...

quizzical h.

11:19 am March, 15 Jurassic Douche said...

David Crapperfield is my pick. That is what happens when the average fratdouche is fed a diet of Douche Nine enriched corn and beans.

11:53 am March, 15 Chest Meatsteak said...

Quizzical because every kick to the face, a child in Africa smiles.

12:27 pm March, 15 Deltus said...

Captain and Luana don’t have the legs to withstand the much higher pressure of a Monthly. He is only medium douche, and she’s low hott at best.

Grillz and Gwendolyn are better suited, but I’d only put him at a medium-high douche. Gwendolyn is certainly high quality hott, and if she was with a choad of equal-yet-opposite mettle, she’d have had a chance. Still, you play in the big leagues, both have gotta bring their A-game.

Which brings us to Crappy and Rachel, and Quizzy and Lickmah. Both high test douchestains, and both high quality hotts. You don’t even want to know how much I would debase myself for Rachel or Lickmah (or Gweny, for that matter), but I can’t pick between them. So it’s the douchemeat then. And, alien about to burst from Crappy’s hip aside, Quizzy’s doucheface makes me want to kick him right in the mouth. Hard. Repeatedly. Until the body stops twitching and all that’s left is tainted meat, whatever fruity smell he’s got going, and shame.

Quizzy and Lickmah FTW.

12:34 pm March, 15 Douche Springsteen said...

QH & Princess Lickmah for the monthly. For so foul was their union that the gods atop Olympus took notice. And Poseidon, father of Lickmah, became so enraged that he unleashed the Kraken to rid the earth of the plague of scrote.

12:40 pm March, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

Dammit … my brain blew a fuse again just looking at these guys. But my early favorite is Crapperfield for pure dedication and going above and beyond the call of duty in being a douche. The rest just seem like that’s what they do in their little douchal breeding ground worlds. Quizzical is too obviously european, boat douche just looks like typical Laughlin frat-trash, and grillz is just midwestern trash.

Not that they’re all not punchable, but this is the monthly, and we need to step up the caliber a notch. And by caliber I mean the one on my elephant gun.

1:10 pm March, 15 Horace Dangleballs said...

David Crapperfield and Rachel.

All worthy contestants this month, but the bizarre combo of an over-methadoned Ray Liotta zombie, plus the voodoo mama that made him, plus Rachel being the only female with an inkling of fear or distaste in her expression… how could I go against all that?

1:17 pm March, 15 Devil with a Blue Douche On said...

While QH’s face is most punch-worthy and his collection of hotts most enviable, I agree with Jonezy’s assessment on the high probability of him being a gay makeup artist frolicking with hotts who respect him for being himself.

Grillzilla on the other hand doesn’t even have the balls to wear his orthodontrash with conviction; rather sporting a limp “these are still cool right?” glint in his eye. Fairest Lady Gwendolyn confirms what we all know to be true: no they are not, and you sir a stankin’, wankin’ choad chip.

Now if I’m needed I’ll be out sniffing the grass where Gwendolyn’s toy poodle once lay in the sun while it was being babysat by her former boyfriend while she was at the police office, getting a restraining order against me.

1:29 pm March, 15 tballou said...

#4: The Quizzical Hemorrhoid and Princess Lickmah

What a douche!

1:31 pm March, 15 massengill said...

If I can’t write in the wet blanket anon from the Greek thread, then it must be the Quizzical Hemmorhoid FTW.

1:36 pm March, 15 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Quizzical Hemorrhoid and Princess Lickmah FTW! His Euro-greasy duckface needs a good shave with a rusty cheese grater followed by revitalizing dip in battery acid. She just needs to…be.

1:59 pm March, 15 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Sorry guys: not much more original thinking since I dinged him for the weekly, but David Crapperfield STILL just has the all over vibe. Douchebag vibe…. The goiter that migrated to his kidney is just gravy on the meatloaf.

2:26 pm March, 15 ruckus said...

Quiz Roid FTW, without question.

3:08 pm March, 15 notadouche said...

I vote crapperfield on grounds of guyliner and the strong possibility that Quizzical Hemorrhoid is a gaybag.

Also, Rachel is a total hottie.

3:32 pm March, 15 Ben said...

This is a tough monthly. I was gonna go with Captain Rehab, but Quizzical Hemorrhoid does have an impressive body of work…

Fuck it. Captain Rehab ftw. I can’t forgive that hair.

3:33 pm March, 15 Anonoscrote said...

#3 for the win. The dude? looks like a Boy Goerge knock off and his hot, with her big brown eyes, melt me at many levels.

3:36 pm March, 15 nona said...

Grillz

3:56 pm March, 15 Pierre Matsuo said...

The Quizzical Hemorrhoid

4:38 pm March, 15 One for the Choad said...

The douches are worthy candidates all, but I have to go with Crapperfield, because I would wear a suit of cobras for the chance to sniff Rachel’s hair. Plus, the younger generation needs to learn that nothing good ever comes from going emo.

4:52 pm March, 15 Scrote Douche-N-Harmony said...

Quizzical Hemorrhoid operates at a high level of Euro-tan-tanktop while the Princess is far and away the sweetest brand of brunette suckle thigh in the running, so they have to get my vote. Although Crapperfield makes a strong showing as the metrosexual/caucasian edition of Baron Samedi.

5:11 pm March, 15 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Captain Rehab and Luana combine the ULTIMATE bleeth with EXTREME douche to a level of never before seen wrong-coupling…I’m sure they’ll be back FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY…

…or maybe it was her sweet cleave and his sporting her windshield glasses that did it for me, and by ‘did it’ I mean pardon me….fwop fwop fwop fwop fwop fwop fwop fwop vote fwop drool fwop …spent.

5:55 pm March, 15 'bagavad gita said...

Captain Rehab and Luana get my vote, although the Affliction T and and super Hott make Grillzilla a close second. But the combined scrote/bleeth factor for the Cap’n make me long for the day he runs his Good Ship Douche aground in a secluded and inaccessible nook of Lake Havasu.

6:43 pm March, 15 Ceremony said...

Grillz! FTW (loss)

7:13 pm March, 15 Troll of the Reaper (T.O.R) said...

this guy is like “moi un douchebag? mias non c’est impossible!” LOL http://www.infos-foot.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/76750_ASROME_MEXES_2612081.jpg

8:59 pm March, 15 1:10 AM Anon said...

We have some worthy challengers, but my vote goes out to Grillzilla.

9:54 pm March, 15 Architeuthis Dux said...

The Quizroid for an outstanding solo in this douchecerto of taint.

10:08 pm March, 15 Steve L. said...

i vote for the Quizzical Hemorrhoid and the Baja Boyz. failing that, i vote for Quizzical Hemorrhoid and Princess Lickmah. because, unlike the other contestants, Quizzical Hemorrhoid is no one trick pony.

12:10 am March, 16 Anonne Huntress said...

Tough, tough decision!

I have a serious problem with guyliner, and Crapperfield takes the lead. But… damn, Grillz looks like he’s in for the kill, with his ridiculous mouth, huge earring and tats. QH and Cap’n Rehab are just minor douches compared to these two, who are over the top douches.

Damn, damn…

Sorry, Crapper, but Grillz has to take it. Your kind of doucheosity, you can mostly wash off or hide, but the stuff Grillz did to his mouth and ear are just offensive. Grillz for the monthly.

2:31 am March, 16 ImageMangler said...

Hem. Er. Roid.

Wait, wasn’t he in last month? Or maybe he’s like real hemorrhoids that come back from continually straining, straining one’s anus.

4:20 am March, 16 Ted said...

The Quiz Roid is offensive on so many levels, it almost makes me forget that his other pic, with him smiling while wearing the Joker T-Shirt, is kinda likeable. Quiz Roid FTW.

4:34 am March, 16 Istandouche said...

I had a hard time picking quiz or grillz but i gotta vote for quiz based on the hott factor.

4:51 am March, 16 Maxim Kovalenko said...

Grillz. Because she is yummy goodness, and he has teeth that even give Richard Kiel nightmares.

6:41 am March, 16 John Scrotavich said...

Luane for the win, for her presence in the water has single-handedly stopped the potential Asian carp infestation crisis that could have so decimated our lakes and streams.

6:47 am March, 16 Ubiquitous Taint (formally known as Dave) said...

Craptastic crapperfield and his lovely hott.

10:18 am March, 16 Baleen said...

Captain Rehab. It’s obvious that the virus is in full bloom. And by “bloom” I mean turd blossom.

11:51 am March, 16 Tits McGee said...

I don’t believe they have a chance, but I really would be remiss to avoid the point of the democratic process and not punch my ballot. And, by ballot, I mean all of these scrotepimples in the face.

Close monthly; all of these pairings induce the sickly feeling of built-up bile. The hotts are hot, and my thank lack of religious faith is strengthened when I look at the utter extermination of sensibility being displayed by these “men.”

Luane gets poor marks because of her almost-certain Hep-C status. Too bad, because the Captain got my vote in the weekly due to his upper stratosphere level of poor decision-making.

Grillz seems like he’s moonlighting as a turd. Take off those fronts, jewelry and hat, and all you’ve got is a stage-1 dick-varnisher. Lady Gwendolyn has a girl-next door thing going on that makes me wish I still trick-or-trated.

Quizzical makes my blood boil, and apparently makes his sweat pour. The princess, however, is orange and wearing a costume. DQ’ed as aging beach trash.

My vote goes to David Crapperfield. How did he get in the club like that? I’m serious. Top hat, guyliner, more sweat than the fight scene in “Snatch,” and a necklace I’m assuming he found at the bottom of his Sugar Smacks. And that’s just his bust.

NO SHIRT. “Yeah, I spent well over 2 weeks of paychecks from Subway to get this ink so you KNOW I gotta show it off!”

And the glove. Or is it just a wrist-protector? Jesus Christ. There is no Jesus Christ because He would not allow this to happen. Instead, David here has stepped into the shoes of the guy who does all the magic tricks. And his best one? Making me vomit.

She’s cute, too.

3:27 pm March, 16 A Douchemare on Elm Street said...

Looking at the Quizroid for an extended period has been known to cause acid reflux disease in chimpanzees, but he does not earn my vote. Why? Because Lickmah knows exactly what she’s getting into. There is no innocence here to be saved – if Sir George rode in on his fiery steed he’d find her banging the Key Grip thinking that it would further her “career.”

No, there can be only one, and that is Crapperfield. The gaybag is strong with this one, and by strong I mean I’d be willing to euthanize top hats everywhere just so I never have to view another picture like this.

3:37 pm March, 16 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Crapperfield has the hottest hott of the week, but I get the feeling he’s just a reject from the local in-theater cast of the Rocky Horror Picture show. Still a ‘bag, though, just not bag of the month quality. Rehab is generic Jerz Guid. So it’s a toss up between Grillz and Quizz. Quizz is very punchable, but he also reminds me of every gay hairdresser I’ve ever seen.

Grillz is a giant assclown and probably still spends part of his allowance on Clearasil.

Grillz FTW

6:51 pm March, 16 douche equis said...

Great candidates this month. I’m going with Quizzical and the Princess. Not only because, as tballou says, “What a douiche!”, but for the body of work, which is impressive, and the body of Princess L, who’s getting a little long in the tooth, but still worth a nibble; nay, a chomp.

4:50 am March, 17 Ohio F J said...

Grillzilla FTW

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