Sunday, March 28, 2010

How to Seduce Women: The Push-Pull Technique

Remember kids, “consistently tease her while giving her compliments.” Works every time!

# posted by admin
5:40 pm March, 28 jason.fitnessfanatic said...

Despite it being douchey, it does work. I have a few friends that do it. It's a matter of being ''different''…even though, to me, the guys obviously look like choads.

I guess guys like me who wish to be fun, yet genuine just can't win.

5:41 pm March, 28 Jason said...

Despite it being douchey, it does work. I have a few friends that do it. It's a matter of being ''different''…even though, to me, the guys obviously look like choads.

I guess guys like me who wish to be fun, yet genuine just can't win.

6:02 pm March, 28 clam fist said...

It works! Thanks for the tips.

6:05 pm March, 28 clam fist said...

I just keep getting douchier each time I read this site. Is this what being infected by the greico virus is like. It's a much different feeling than the usual clap.

6:09 pm March, 28 El Caganer said...

I have my own technique. It is called the pull and tug. It only works on my weiner, but its highly effective.

6:28 pm March, 28 scrotum pole said...

^ EC it works on mine, too.

A good indication about the intellegence level of his target audience is revealed when Scott Patterson spells out c-h-i-c-k-m-a-g-n-e-t-1-0-1, as if it's a real brain teaser.

Also, he repeats the whole spiel, just like on Tele-Tubbies.

Also, he repeats the whole spiel, just like on Tele-Tubbies.

6:30 pm March, 28 Anonymous said...

There's one problem. You can't "Push" if they shoot you down in the first place.

6:43 pm March, 28 Wedgie said...

Is that first comment above from my favorite wankmaster, Jason Stackhouse?

You agree with this fool all too easily, Mr. Get Some.

I also used the push pull technique, back in the day. To keep the girls wondering, I would occasionally push them into the men's room, where I would pull their dress off.

The ones that didn't scream bloody murder, I figured were good to go.

How's that one fly, Medusa?

6:47 pm March, 28 Wedgie said...

I should also probably mention that my technique occasionally resulted in stab wounds, one gunshot wound and numerous macings.

6:48 pm March, 28 Chad Kroeger said...

Picking up chicks "Chad Style 101".

Get drunk a lot. Go out and get in fights. Study. Have some sort of job. Fuck a few fatties for the nice guy effect. Be nice to girls. By a few shooters. Done. It helps to be funny and have a big head.

Worked for 20 years. Now I am stuck in the deep and utter despair of suburbia and slowly approaching sweet death.

I need more cowbell!

7:08 pm March, 28 creature said...

Scott Patterson is a wanker & constantly push/pulls his head up/out of his ass

7:28 pm March, 28 Publius Choadius Naso said...

I thought the Push/Pull Technique was something you did by yourself, like, on a Saturday night.

So, no?

Snoogins.

7:41 pm March, 28 DoucheWeasel said...

This is a perfect way to build a stable, healthy life-long partnership… NOT!
The only thing this is good for is getting into dysfunctional, nightmare relationships with neurotic messes.

7:47 pm March, 28 Southern Scrotic said...

@ DoucheWeasel

You speak as if that's a bad thing?!?

7:53 pm March, 28 DoucheWeasel said...

Think about how screwed up a person has to be in order to thrive on that kind of abuse and uncertainty….

8:02 pm March, 28 Bob said...

I've seen this basic concept work on insecure, neurotic hotts. Problem is, once it works, you've got an extremely high maintenance, neurotic hott on your hands. Confident, intelligent women won't be manipulated so easily. If you insult them, they'll (rightly) think you're a douchewanker and move on.

8:03 pm March, 28 DoucheWeasel said...

Precisely.

8:15 pm March, 28 Mr. White said...

Oh come on, everybody knows that the key to being "exciting" is to act like a schizophrenic fuckstick, complimenting and insulting women in the same breath. Tell her she's hot and then slap her across the face! Tell her she's got a fun personality, then rub a cheese grater against her ass! Tell her she could be a model while tazing her! C'mon, guys. This century's Sharon Tate murders aren't going to happen by themselves!

8:25 pm March, 28 Fatness said...

@ DoucheWeasel:

"The only thing this is good for is getting into dysfunctional, nightmare relationships with neurotic messes."

Yep. It's all fun until your car is in flames.

8:36 pm March, 28 euripidouche said...

well, the push/pull technique works, so do the swim, rip,club and bull…wait are we talking about rushing the passer? or rushing the poon?

any "technique" you use to get a woman to do something will only be as successful as the woman is willing to go along, thus making the effectiveness of said technique dubious as the deciding factor.

also to manage to work a technique impies that you are the one in control the whole time….if a woman doesn't challenge your ability at all, as was said earlier, what difference did it make.

8:42 pm March, 28 El Queso said...

Sorry, but this technique works.
You'd have to start with banter first, though.
(and then also stop banter and be normal when she lets you know)

*BUT @DoucheWeasel & @Bob are exactly right. Unless you're doing just sort of a light fun version of it with your SO, the kind of chicks this will mesh with are fucking psycho drama queens.

AND, the -Moment- you stop the push/pull and just be fucking normal, straight-talking guy is the Second these Psycho-Daddy-Abuse-Issues-Subconscious-Routine-Running-Crackheads drop interest in you like AIG's stock chart.

The other bit I see is that lots of people don't really know where to be. The roles are less defined than they used to.
->So that means guys get caught up in the brainwash of being too much like "The Typical Nice Guy" from movies, TV, etc. and take the Gallantry/Chivalry route.
–> Which promptly gets them stepped on by a lot of chicks.

What they need to learn is how to have ~Some niceness to ~Some Facets of their character, and be +/- a "Gentleman" but not be a 1-dimensionally, over-100%-nice, doormat in every situation.

The Ancient Greeks, Medieval Euros, Victorians, and 1950s-era people were dealing different shit and it's a mistake to bring the "Courtly Love Differentiator" paradigm into today's world.
Besides, the total % of girls who are both Down-to-earth + Classy enough to know exactly what you're doing with that And appreciate it accordingly is Very Very Small.

Today, one of the counterintuitive things you have to be able to do is piss a girl off in the short run. Argue with her. Disagree with her. And don't care 1 bit if being forthright is going to keep you from getting laid, or change your behavior.
Because ultimately she'll at least Respect you. You have to be willing to kick her ass to the curb if she's a jerk or too much of a princess to handle your honesty.

No need to be a total douche about it, but that base of self-esteem, confidence and (strangely) a certain amont of Not-Caring is what guides you.
Because [most] women certainly won't, and doing/saying ANYthing to get laid will lead you on the wrong path, too.


But if you're a 'community' trader looking to rope some chick into a fuck+chuck psychologically, oh well.
-Might as well hang out with the bastard son of Larry Flynt and Ron Jeremy: Ross Jeffries, so you can hypnotize bar sluts into 1-nighters. See how good you feel about yourself then.

8:47 pm March, 28 El Queso said...

and YES, I know.
@Mr. White used to be in a band at the Renaissance Faire called, "Courtly Love".

They Rocked, but also smelled like 4-day-old Tunafinsh sandwich and sewage treatment plant, so they had to break up.
Old people were complaining to the health department and didn't like how he'd 'painted' his BC Rich Warlock (ahem) 'brown'.

9:02 pm March, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White

Sounds like a typical Saturday night in the playpen, no?

9:48 pm March, 28 End the Haberdouchery said...

I like his PowerPoint technique of just showing pictures of attractive women to accompany his annoying voice. I'll have to use that during my next teleconference with a customer.

11:50 pm March, 28 Wedgie said...

Wow, you are beautiful. But you stink.

I love your eyes.
They remind me of my pet hamster.

12:33 am March, 29 massengill said...

I miss you so much.

Ever since I killed you.

12:33 am March, 29 massengill said...

I miss you so much.

Ever since I killed you.

12:34 am March, 29 massengill said...

I really like your shirt.

But the pants make you look fat.

12:34 am March, 29 massengill said...

Nice double post there.

12:36 am March, 29 massengill said...

I really like the way your hair looks, but it smells like a fish taco that's been buried in the back of the refrigerator for a month.

1:51 am March, 29 euripidouche said...

when you smile with your eyes, its like nothing else in the world exists for a short while, its exactly like getting kicked in the nuts.

2:23 am March, 29 Anonymous said...

That's kind of a big ass for a girl your size.

I mean that in a good way.

2:52 am March, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Wedgie 11:43

I find that subsequently dousing them in cold water lessens the chances of you getting hurt. We get really weird and immobile when we're cold and wet for some reason.

Yes, this does work. On desperate, insecure chicks under 30 and desperate, insecure divorcees over 40. Forget about the rest unless they're pretty fucked in the head. And if that's what your after, go on with your bad old self. However, if you want to not wake up with an ice pick tacking your ball sack to the bed, I'd urge you to be yourself. El Queso was right on, this is great for finding a "Fuck-and-Chuck"–LOVE that! But as far as anything else, I'd steer clear of this stuff.

'Cause here's what women like myself know…and it took me way too long to figure this out….at the end of the day, I'm still the one in control because I HAVE THE VAGINA.

Dude: Hey, that's a cute dress.

Medusa: Thanks!

Dude: Too bad your hair looks like it's on strike.

Medusa: (Turning away and speaking to the dude on the other side of her) Hey, how you doin'?

Dude #2: Holy shit, you have a vagina and you're talking to me!

—-THE END—–

4:31 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

Your eyes are a striking shade of blue; may I empty my bladder into your colon?

4:33 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

Gee, your hair smells terrific. Your ass hair!

4:34 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

"Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I just shit my pants full, down to my gym socks".

4:39 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

"Your teeth are like stars. Always scorched by burning gas".

4:41 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

Patterson tested the push-pull concept on a rectal cucumber during his teens. Fact.

4:42 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

"If I told you that you had a beautiful body would you wash it?"

5:47 am March, 29 massengill said...

Baby, you're hotter than a popcorn fart.

8:41 am March, 29 Anonymous said...

lol Medusa. Women who constantly brag about being the ones "in control" because they have the vagina are more often than not the ones who fall prey easiest to pickup artists….

9:22 am March, 29 Steve L. said...

whatever happened to "FUCK ME LIKE YOU HATE ME"?

oh i remember the last time i used that line. i did not regret it at all. >:D

9:23 am March, 29 Steve L. said...

this push pull thing is so watered down and distorted.

12:52 pm March, 29 Mr. White said...

@medusa

Tell me more about this ice pick-ball sack combination you speak of.

1:54 pm March, 29 Kat Reaganomics said...

Good-hearted, well-meaning teasing (like you do with your friends) is one thing, but just being an ass is a good way to get my drink thrown in your face.

2:17 pm March, 29 massengill said...

Thanks for coming out with me tonight. Now let's stop by Walgreen's and get you some feminine deodorant spray.

3:38 pm March, 29 euripidouche said...

i really love how you look in that dress, spanx, and all the support, lift, and pad bras they have, really do work wonders.

3:51 pm March, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

I adore your blonde hair, but you ought to use that peroxide on your toenail fungus.

4:26 pm March, 29 El Queso said...

@Anon 1:41: You must be new here.

@Kat Reaganomics: Exactly. No matter what, it's got to be fun for both. -Even if she's shocked, but smiling at the same time.
ie: tell her a joke, THEN pee in her butt. not…

And Push-Pull is not Negging. It's more like the Texas Two-Step of Banter. The amount you neg a girl is directly proportional to her hottness+outward display of self-esteem.

The Worst thing you can do is neg a low self-esteem girl about her body. There are horror-stories about guys doing this and the results.

And also, girls are weird about their hair, clothes & shoes. ie: You don't cold-neg those (or her appearance) on an average-self-esteem girl you haven't established the fun rapport with First via banter.

It's always got to be fun, and the subtext always is: "I like you. Let's play. And I'm not impressed just by your looks; you actually have to have something else more and better going on for you than just that. Yes, I will pee in your butt; later."


alright, that last one is optional.

4:29 pm March, 29 Anonymous said...

Nice clit ring. Is it possible for a queef to smell like a fart? And why?

9:07 pm March, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

Love your boobies…and the love handles beneath 'em..

9:35 pm March, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

Love how you lightly drag your teeth over my cock, it ripples and never hurts…must be the benefit of having buck teeth, eh?

9:44 pm March, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

Wow, do I love doin' 69 with you babe,you really get me off…why do I always want an anchovy pizza afterwards?

9:51 pm March, 29 Miss Anonymous said...

You do know that this works both ways:

Love your ginormous, fertile balls, they're bigger than a boar's nuts. But you're gonna need a meat baster if you want to get me preggers with that short straw of yours.

11:06 pm March, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh double lol Anon @ 1:41. I forgot to mention that my vagina was also factory installed with a cold, bitter cynicism, a deep-seated distrust of 90% of humanity and a sharp instinct for cutting the crap. If you have to convince me to come to bed with you 'cause I didn't ask first, it ain't gonna happen at all. I forgot to mention I have the frontal cortex of a man. Therefore, this kind of pick-up artist stuff doesn't work on me. It was always more of a fan of "Hm, I think I would like to have sex with you. Let's get a burrito and discuss that."

Only now have I developed a taste for affection, and I totally blame Mr. Biscotti for that.

11:42 pm March, 29 Anonymous said...

Scott Paterson's voice sounds like it comes from someone who likes Dungeons and Dragons alot…

1:20 pm March, 30 Anonymous said...

power point slideshow on youtube about picking up chicks… WTF?

2:02 pm March, 30 Fatness said...

@ Medusa. re: "I have the frontal cortex of a man"

Two questions. First, how often do you have to change the formaldehyde in the jar and second, does he miss it at all?

11:51 pm March, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

^ HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

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