Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Johnny Frattardian

Johnny Frattardian, with the Red Bull cap and badass glasses, don’t react for no one, ya dig?

Not Kim’s attentions.

Not his bros texting in the dorm common room.

But if there’s one thing Johnny Frattardian does love, it’s his dorm’s boobie art.

# posted by douchebag1
3:20 pm March, 23 El Caganer said...

Pay attention jackass.

3:25 pm March, 23 Soy Bomb said...

Hmmm…looks like his bro is crushing a pack of peanut M & Ms.

3:31 pm March, 23 El Queso said...

John, erm, go ahead and do me a favor in the second pic. Could you please just scootch over like 5 inches toward your right and turn in toward Kim a little bit.

.

I seem to have misplaced one of my arsenal of jelly dongs and I wanted to check if Dirty Jennifer back on the couch there was hiding it.

M’kay? Thanks!

3:32 pm March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’m guessing that he has “Goodyear” written on the back of the jacket.

3:32 pm March, 23 Wheezer said...

Fluorescent lime green wall paint…..yeah, that’s fuccen swole. Just like Johnny’s Buddha Light belly.

3:33 pm March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Kim’s just checking the flava of the StayPuff Marshmallow Man.

3:40 pm March, 23 DadBag said...

I have been looking close in both pics and have decided that he is wearing possibly the stupidest jacket/hoodie/shirt thing that has ever been put together with cloth and thread

3:41 pm March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Now let’s see… Take exp(((her weight x 15)/his I.Q.) – (the number of square inches of fabric of his jacket + his hat size) * 3.14159) – (# of chicks he’s claimed to have slept with + # of guys she’s slept with)/(# of guys he’s slept with + # of chicks she’s slept with) = … carry the 7 … now add imaginary numbers in the complex plane and the answer is… 42. This picture has a score of 42 on the choad scale and is the meaning of life incidentally.

3:44 pm March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Looks like someone forgot to remove the tether from the Macy’s parade balloon that’s resting on his pocket.

3:45 pm March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Kim isn’t really attracted to him in the “Wow, he’s hot” kind of way. It’s purely gravitational at this point.

3:47 pm March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

No one notices that Red Lamp is plotting his destruction in the corner in the second pic. Poor stupid bastards.

3:48 pm March, 23 JoeDO said...

It’s amazing how desperate these girls can be for attention, and the lengths that they are willing to go to get it.

3:49 pm March, 23 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME, PRIVATE PYLE! THIS BLONDE IS KISSING YOUR UGLY MUG AND YOUR LOOKING AT THE CAMERA? WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, PRIVATE PYLE?

And that is some amazing suckle thigh on the couch in the second photo. FWOP!

3:57 pm March, 23 Chad Kroeger said...

My name is Bruce Dickenson. I have a fever. More cowbell please.

3:58 pm March, 23 Scroteophobic said...

Johnny: “Last time I hide my stash in my ear…”

or

Kim: “Look – his head acts like a giant ocarina. Only six holes though – very limited tonal range”

3:58 pm March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

When was the last time anyone thinks he actually saw his junk?

Douche must have a shoe size of like 2 ’cause nuthin’ gonna grow in that much shade.

Douche is so fat, his blood type is Ragu.

4:15 pm March, 23 Wedgie said...

Dude is outclassed, plain and simple. And copping an attitude, like “Yeah, I pull this kind of babe all the time”. Meanwhile, she’s thinking “My sorority sis owes me big time for posing with her fat shitstain of a brother. I think I’ll make her eat my ass tonight for a little payback”.

Yeah, that’s what she’s thinking.

4:15 pm March, 23 The Doutche Oven said...

Kim’s doing her best to right her karma for the previous night’s drunken girl-on-girl scene, by volunteering for the Make a Wish Foundation as they do their best to help make Johnny feel like a regular college boy, just for one day.

5:11 pm March, 23 JoeDO said...

@ Wedgie you hope that’s what she’s thinking. I have my doubts.

5:24 pm March, 23 Mr. White said...

@bunsen

Weird. I substituted e into your equation in place of pi and I was able to prove that the Euler-Mascheroni constant is algebraic. We should study this pairing further. He could be some kind of catalyst for solving previously unsolved mathematical puzzles.

5:32 pm March, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Usually they put the valve stem in a place you can’t see. Check the max psi, I think you’re getting close.

5:36 pm March, 23 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Is this some sort of conjugal visit?

5:57 pm March, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

He has the best coke in three counties.

To Boob Painter: Taking art classes does not make you an artist. Johnny, hanging on your wall does not make it art. Just sayin’.

5:58 pm March, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

That would be “Hanging IT on your wall…” Stupid moral outrage and its interference with my ability to type….

6:05 pm March, 23 nona said...

I must confess, like King Menelaus, I am still fascinated with painting boobs.

Just not the Michelin Choad’s execution in the genre.

I prefer encaustic on board, with the subject as a wild-eyed knife-wielding Mata Hari.

with boobs.

6:10 pm March, 23 doucheywallnuts said...

Fattardian is more appropo. And I don’t think a fat loser is a de facto douchebag.

7:22 pm March, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Photo 1: Does this gigantic bulbous head, ill fitting granny jacket, inflated/boneless form, rotted buffalo carcass smell and bloated neck make me look fat?

Photo 2: Cool!

7:28 pm March, 23 Troy Tempest said...

@White and Scrotato:

Not gonna happen fellas. This is pure Goedelian material and can only be discussed discursively through metamathematics and metalogical discourse.

Kind of like doing all the physics on every particle in the universe problem. Some of those particles go into the doing of the physics, so you have to account for the doing of the physics. And then you have to account for the doing of the doing of the physics, ad infinitum. As a consequence, one is left with limits determined by the calculus – sadly, the limits are what are preventing the understanding: hence, the universe is not understandable through mathematics or language. It is, in fact, unknowable. No one knows and you can’t possibly find out. And if you study the heuristics and ballistics of the mystics you will find that their minds rarely move in a line. So it’s much more realistic to abandon such logistics and resign to be trapped on a leaf in the vine.

8:39 pm March, 23 Deltus said...

@Troy: so, what you’re saying is… uh… dammit, I’m not high enough right now. I need some black tar heroin, STAT!

What if this was a sorority thing, and she went hoggin’ and brought his dumpy ass back? I mean, clearly she won. But that would explain it, wouldn’t it?

9:14 pm March, 23 DarkSock said...

Bubba Snuff has found the star of his next “film”.

10:34 pm March, 23 Euripidouche said...

red bull gives you abs.

10:46 pm March, 23 Baleen said...

@ Troy : http://ishitnoise.com/wiki/images/9/99/ExplodingHead.GIF

11:00 pm March, 23 Baleen said...

Nice sweat stain mr. fuck stain. His ballsack is probably withered, clammy, pale, and bald, having not seen the light of day since that of his birth

11:12 pm March, 23 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

What a lifeless sack of cock punch. “Hey, the hottest girl that is ever going to reward me with skin-to-skin contact in mere seconds… I think I’ll frown. Yeah. It’s a fool proof plan.”

She’s not actually kissing him by the way, she’s whispering, “Only six more boxes of Lucky Charms and you’ll have enough labels to get me that sweet pussy decoder vibrator that I’ll use with your frat bro Kyle.” He’s so pathetic, I couldn’t bare to waste a perfectly good bullet on him. No. He must rot the organic way.

And to my regs, Oh how I have missed thee. Just started a new job a few weeks ago and it actually requires me to do things, thus my steep decline in postage. However I will redouble my efforts to participate to the fullest in the evenings and on my days off. Just a question, how do you post your avatar? This newfangled site its sticking its M-80 in my chimney. Or something like that.

Or maybe this new job has just been an elaborate hallucination as the result of a savage heroin bender.

Who knows?

Who cares?

The lemurs, that’s who.

11:29 pm March, 23 Istis Est said...

Well slap my ass with a Jolly Rancher dildo and call me Aileen, that guy is 100% rage inspiring punch-face-evisceration worthy. I can’t quite see what his female counterpart’s face looks like, but what I can see looks like it’s spent plenty of time in the musty laps of many beer-gutted frat chodes.

I’ll call the black haired beauty on the couch “Nina”. For I would spend hours delicately gnawing on her knees. [nom, nom, nom]

11:33 pm March, 23 Istis Est said...

@ Serge

I know how you feel. My company just got bought by some hugantic investment firm, now I have all sorts of crap to do. Thus, why I only post before and after work. F’cking investment bankers and their stupid shitty commodities and lame ass equity securities making me miss out on my postings that everybody hates.

11:35 pm March, 23 Baleen said...

We might get to see Nina’s silky crotch floss, but no.

Ezy Tag Dragonslayer here is in the way.

11:38 pm March, 23 Baleen said...

Welcome back Sarge.

11:47 pm March, 23 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

@ Istis Est

Yeah man, work, and actually working at work, is retarded. And not in the “haha, look, that poor fucker is drooling on himself kind of way,” but more of the, “shit, that blister on my dick looks serious,” kind of way.

And merci beaucoup Baleen, good to be back.

Ps. That’s French for “please pass the nuttsack.”

2:19 am March, 24 Steve L. said...

Johnny Frattardian may be too cool for school, but he’s not cool enough for Fish Slap and Smoot.

yet.

5:53 am March, 24 Edvis said...

FAT, DRUNK, and STUPID is no way to go through life son.

6:22 am March, 24 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Bucky called. Wants his face back.

7:04 am March, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@SSS

Welcome back and congrats on the new job. Hope its a big, fat, juicy step in the righ direction for you.

8:27 am March, 24 fatness said...

I detect the presence of “agency girls”, considering that they both seem dressed the same and are paying far too much attention to these two asshats.

8:42 am March, 24 End the Haberdouchery said...

SSS,

Work?! Sucker. It’s way easier to post comments on websites all day when you live in your mom’s basement rent free like I do. Sure you’ve got to apply wart remover to her feet, clean her gutters and feed her 16 cats. But the high speed internet and meatloaf is worth it.

11:15 am March, 24 fatness said...

16 cats? Sheesh. Rub cat food on your junk and be happy for hours.

What?

11:38 am March, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White

I was going for that cool “Barnes G-function with a negative integer kind of vibe” with the equation but then I got carried away. Glad you found the appropriate fix to it. Because you’re such a bad ass and all. Maybe we should write a journal article about it? I’m thinking of a working title of “Algebraic Form of the Euler-Mascheroni Constant as Determined by Frattardian Mechanics”. Think it will fly?

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