Monday, March 29, 2010

No HCwDB of the Week This Week

Regular voting will resume next week.

Instead, I’m giving Antonio and Vanessa, a coupling of classic Jerz Guid, an honorary HCwDB of the Week.

Because bra popping out of low cut white tanktop is about as douchebaguette as it gets for Vanessa.

And Tony busts toxic eyebrow sculpt, Ed Hardy 10 Degree Hat Tilt, and the bizarre white belt substitute phallus trend that we’ve been tracking for a year now.

But props to the Snack Shack on the Long Island shore for maintaining such quality health standards on their floor.

# posted by admin
2:07 pm March, 29 Anonymous said...

I always throw my pizza plates on the floor. What? Like you don't?

Joe Pisscapo

2:10 pm March, 29 Wheezer said...

And in the rear of the photo we see the precursor to guido rape. "Yo babe, yer on MY menu! Howzabout we get naked, huh? Nobody's gonna see nuttin', so don't worry 'baht it."

2:32 pm March, 29 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

The average height of a woman in the U.S. is 5'4.5" so even if this chick is a full 5" above the average it still makes this guy a tiny piece of shit.

2:35 pm March, 29 Justin said...

Annnnnnnnd boobies.

2:42 pm March, 29 Troy Tempest said...

MC900FD nailed it – what we have here friends is a microdouche. You can see the rarified clear cup is a standard size, and her hand grips in in a standard way, meaning she is of average to perhaps an inch or two taller than average – give her to 5'6". Which puts him around 5'4" or less.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being short (I haven't been short since third grade… and am 6ft 3in now) but there is this thing I've noticed call SMS, or Sort Man Syndrome, where men of a shorter stature get all insecure and act like dicks – the Napoleon thing. Tony here is a classic example. He's a little guy, and rather than develop his personality, which takes intelligence, he worked on his guns and his hat tilt.

Moron.

And she is all kinds of skantastic. I can smell the cocoa butter and STDs from here.

2:54 pm March, 29 scrotum pole's mom said...

I don't know. I really can't see anything, except a bunch of trash and debris on the boardwalk.

3:17 pm March, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

The Boss sure knows how to pick 'em.

Jeepers, creepers, Vanessa, where'd ya get them Peeps?

And maybe likes 'em short and thick like Tony.

Which reminds me, those Chicago Tribune "Peeps on Parade" are posted on their site and there are some Jerzy Shore dioramas this year, FYI. (But I think Sgt Peepers and His Lonely Hearts Club Band" may take the prize.)

3:29 pm March, 29 baleen said...

Looks like sea gull took a giant shit on his hat.

3:37 pm March, 29 Bob said...

She is skankalicious. The jorts, the top, the hanging out with microguid. He tan looks genuine, though, have to give her some props for that. She's Bleeth trash you still secretly would like to hump once or twice, then boil yourself in bleach.

3:38 pm March, 29 creature said...

I wanna punch her in the midsection with my 'swole' creature ramrod!

get some!

3:43 pm March, 29 boatbutter said...

The Collective Conscious booted near the beer cooler for us.

3:45 pm March, 29 Bob said...

And serious question, would anyone sane eat there? You just point at what you want on the menu and go "AOhhhh", then they slide it to you and say "AOhhhh", then you give them a $20 bill and tell them "AOhhhh", then they give you back the incorrect change and say "AOhhhh". Then you get food poisoning because you ate food from a filthy shack on the Jersey Shore.

3:49 pm March, 29 Fatness said...

It parallels the mating ritual. You just point at what you want on her body and go "AOhhhh", then you slide it to her and say "AOhhhh", then you give her a $20 bill and tell her "AOhhhh", then she gives you back the incorrect change and say "AOhhhh". Then you get syphilis because you got poon behind a filthy shack on the Jersey Shore.

4:08 pm March, 29 Anonymous said...

Ah Lavallette, NJ…
why hath God forsaken thee?

4:54 pm March, 29 Just Sayin' said...

Maybe if he stood on tip-toes, he could put it in.

5:12 pm March, 29 Bob said...

@Fatness: nice. Or should I say, "AOhhhh".

5:15 pm March, 29 doucheywallnuts said...

Thank you Antonio for reminding us all that you can be a tremendous and total douchebag without a bevy of obnoxious tattoos!

And equal and abundant thanks to Vanessa who is smoking and sets the bar high for real bleeths everywhere. She is one classy broad.

5:22 pm March, 29 euripidouche said...

she is fantastic, vanessa walks right up to the line where anymore would be too much, her boobies shade the other side of that line.

5:36 pm March, 29 Melvil_Duchi said...

Was in Dillard's last week and over the intercom they announced a sale on all their Ed Hardy, Affliction etc etc. At first I was angered but then I thought perhaps having more and more of this mess will result in its hold on society loosening. probably till the next douchetastic clothing fad arises.

And then I thought about boobs and ass pear

5:39 pm March, 29 End the Haberdouchery said...

This picture reminds me of a quote from Jersey Shore: "He seemed like a nice guy, so he has to be clean, right?"

This guy will be a shoddy plumbing contractor within ten years. The kind that will rip up your entire septic system for $10k and then skip town before putting in the new one.

6:51 pm March, 29 Count Douche-a-la said...

She appears to be all natural and I would ask her out. He, on the other hand, needs a lot of work. With a hammer.

7:08 pm March, 29 Wedgie said...

I like her. But then again, I have serious mental problems.

It rubs the lotion on its skin…..

8:02 pm March, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Yeah DB1 figured it out! I knew you had it in you Boss!

OK, so which one of you cut off Jean-Claude Van Damme at the knees and then dumped him off in the Jerz? Come now, fess up.

I can't tell if she's makin' a sexy face or is about to hurl but she maybe a butterface.

8:15 pm March, 29 Bob said...

@Dr.BHD – I wouldn't call her a butterface. She's not uberpretty in the face, to be sure, but that ain't bad. And, not much makeup from what I can tell. This girl works her natural assets well. She's doing the bikini + bustier thing, which pushes the boobs up and together to make them look bigger, but I like it.

8:30 pm March, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

Ya' know, dere's dem brown-headed Capuchin monkeys down in Brazil that remind me of that guy's tippy-topper. Maybe she's got the rock to crack his palm nutz.

Cuz she's sure rockin' the Boobz.

8:51 pm March, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Bob

I reserve judgment on her face. It could be the camera angle, the lighting, or that massive pile of stinking poo-covered porch beef next to her. I'd want to see another shot of her before passing a final verdict.

They're real and they're SPECTACULAR!

9:33 pm March, 29 RAPETIME said...

WTF, are you all blind? That skank's meatbags are 100% silicone.

Christ almighty, I could caulk 100 bathtubs with those puppies.

10:20 pm March, 29 Baron Von Goolo said...

Cosmetically, there's no debate here: you'd need to crash a semitrailer full of beef tallow into a Dow Corning silo to see this much grease and silicone anywhere else.

But for a HCwDBotW, whether they be voted on or thrust upon us, you need attitude and action. He's just…happy. And why shouldn't he be? He's winning. There are women as hot as Vanessa, but I'm hard pressed to think of any hotter. And I'll keep pressing until my vat of beef tallow runs out.

Antonio's not giving us a pucker or a gang sign or even the subtlest of pec flexes. I don't see a six pound watch and he's even got less than a square foot of Ed Hardy on. He's just happier than a pig in shit that a woman of that caliber would let him stick his pig in her shit. As well he should be. He's stage 1 on a good day and I'm willing to give him a Get Out Of Mockery Free pass in gratitude for bringing Vanessa's rack to our attention.

Oops. Wait. I just saw the white belt. Stage 2 and your pass is revoked, ya beefy little pier troll.

10:56 pm March, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

He's more feminine than she is. And the bobbies are not real. However, I would dive over a picnic table, plow headfirst into those milk cannons and make yarping noises like a seal in heat until she clawed off my scalp with her undoubtedly fake nails.

And then I would kick that gristlewad in the nougats. 'Cause I'm nasty like that.

11:18 pm March, 29 Anonymous said...

LOL…Neptunes Beach Club…gotta love the sites there!

11:57 pm March, 29 Fatness said...

BVG…he's wearing a light pink wifebeater. Stage 3 easy.

3:01 am March, 30 Anonymous said...

@Fatness: And acid-washed jorts.

9:11 am March, 30 Steve L. said...

hey did you hear that, HCwDB's tech team? NO WEEKLY VOTE!

how does that make YOU feel? you better not be caught at a nightclub in the last 24 hours.

9:13 am March, 30 Steve L. said...

Tony is 28 going on 45.

and for once in my life, that makes me happy about my face.

1:14 pm March, 30 my friends call me @$$hole said...

AOHHH!!!
yeah, Bob, that pretty much says it all dunnit?

2:22 pm March, 30 Tony Ventresca said...

This photo slapped me in the face. Do places like this really exist, in which over-muscled men with shaved chests walk around mostly naked? I mean, a gay bathhouse down a back street in Frankfurt would be more heterosexual than the 20 feet of seaside boardwalk in this photo.

12:13 am March, 31 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

These Choadmunches would have won HAD there been a contest anyway…even Bucky Got Mad Game & Kathy HOTT might not compete with this double grease pile.

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