Saturday, March 13, 2010

Reader Mail: Tagging a Scrotomobile

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To Mr. Douchebag1:

I know this picture contains nary a hotte or a even the visual presence of a douchebag’s posing to Satan’s delight, however the picture is most worthy of your site. By Christ on his throne, a Hummer with a custom paint job on elevated wheels and a vanity plate that says 4UHAYTR . . . it is utmost douchbaggery!

When I saw this abomination on the road I knew I had to take the risk of getting caught by the police and break California’s prohibition against touching a mobile phone while on the road and take a picture of this afront to God and all that is good and holy with my mobile phone’s camera. At this same intersection my own brother previously paid several hundred dollars for doing what I had done to get this picture.

As in all wars previous, the war against the douchebaggery needs sacrifice to ensure victory. I figuratively jumped on a grenade to get this picture, and luckily for me the grenade was a dud.

Stay well,

LT. Haytr4Life

Anyone who thinks our war on choadpocalyptic visions like this one is over, think again. We must keep mocking. If not for the children, then for the suckle thigh.

# posted by douchebag1
11:34 am March, 13 baglanta said...

way to take one for the team, lt.

11:40 am March, 13 clam fist said...

Sweet ride! I bet quality whobags are really attracted to rides like that.

If I had a hummer, I would lower it, skateboard it, and call it the g ride.

11:47 am March, 13 clam fist said...

Pimpin all y’all should be painted across the front windshield.

11:48 am March, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I worry that the War on Chode is one that cannot be won, yet also a war we can not afford to lose. Like the war on drugs or terrorism, the mere fact that we fight only perpetuates the cycle by drawing attention to it. By waging the war in the first place, we force many who were neutral to take sides; some for our benefit, and some hotties are lost to the other side.

I worry that this is a war that has no end in sight, yet I must remain optimistic that there is one.

11:49 am March, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@ clam fist

If you had a hummer, It’d be from a dude.

11:57 am March, 13 abdouchah the butcher said...

What should be against the law is driving such a gas-guzzling ego monument in these times. Contents: choad and or/ bleeth.

11:58 am March, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Sorry dude, I couldn’t resist responding to “If I had a hummer…”

You can’t just softball it in there like that and expect someone not to be all over that sheeeit!

12:03 pm March, 13 Ohio FJ said...

Big car – little dick

12:09 pm March, 13 El Caganer said...

I rode in a Hummer limo in Vegas. I also received a hummer in a Hummer. Good times, Good times.

12:19 pm March, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Little car = littler dick?

12:22 pm March, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Pinto = horse dick?

Taurus = bull dick?

El Camino = Mexican dick?

12:25 pm March, 13 El Caganer said...

I can only see 1 comment?

12:27 pm March, 13 El Caganer said...

I prefer a Camaro.

12:46 pm March, 13 DarkSock said...

4UHAYTR:

4 Uneducated Honkies Always Yankin’ The Rod?

12:50 pm March, 13 DarkSock said...

Oh wait, that SUV belongs to Plinky’s Mom:

4 Uncut Hectares of Asshole Yearning Thick Rods

12:55 pm March, 13 scrotum pole said...

If I had a hummer, I’d hummer in the morning

I’d hum ‘her in the evening, all over this land….

Maxima= tiny dick?

Probe= penetrating dick?

Prius= no dick!

12:56 pm March, 13 DarkSock said...

4UHAYTR:

4 Uncircumcized Homosexual Assholes Yodeling The Root

1:04 pm March, 13 scrotum pole said...

4 Unrepentent Hebrews Attending a Yemini Terrorist Reunion.

1:09 pm March, 13 Deltus said...

Wow. Because a stock Hummer wasn’t douchewanky enough. They got that bitch custom painted, AND raised, AND the douchiest license plate in all of California, a state I’m certain is full of douchey custom plates.

Lt., you didn’t have spare ordinance on you? Shame. When you see choadscrote that concentrated, you gotta nuke them from orbit. Only way to be sure… they don’t pass their genes onto future generations.

1:09 pm March, 13 DarkSock said...

Wait…how embarrassing: This is actually my SUV: that tag stands for “4 Ur Horse’s Ass: The Yellow River”.

1:14 pm March, 13 scrotum pole said...

4 Unsanitary Hookers Always Yank Their Rectums.

1:16 pm March, 13 Hack Mulligan said...

You could haul a lot of porch beef in that truck.

1:20 pm March, 13 DarkSock said...

4 Undulating Ho Ass Transexual Yogurt Riders

1:28 pm March, 13 Anon said...

Big Hat == No Cattle.

1:42 pm March, 13 clam fist said...

I hope runs over a Prius.

1:54 pm March, 13 scrotum pole said...

4 Underpowered Hyundai’s Always Yeild To Roadgraders

2:05 pm March, 13 creatue said...

I pooped on a hummer once

2:06 pm March, 13 creature said...

the ‘r’ dropped outta my ass

2:08 pm March, 13 creature said...

pee nut gallery, how do I add my av?

2:20 pm March, 13 Wedgie said...

If you look closely, you can see a Prius stuck up under the differential. And a couple of hookers too. Gas in SoCal is $3.50 a gallon, so it only costs around a hunski to fill this pig up. Consumes most of dude’s after tax earnings from the donut shop.

Haytrs.

2:47 pm March, 13 Guns n Douches said...

I wish I had some stickers that said “Sorry about your penis” that I could slap on the drivers side windows of cars like this.

3:10 pm March, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

This is precisely why I’m having an RPG launcher mounted on the hood of my car. And I opted out of the chrome trim on it.

@ Guns n Douches 2:47–If you don’t do it, I will.

@ Darksock & Scrotum Pole–You two piss excellence and never cross the streams. I can’t compete. But someone’s gotta come in last.

4 Ulcerated Hemorrhoids Around Your Tired Rectum

3:11 pm March, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

4UHAYTR

4 Under His Ass, Yon Turd Remains….

3:14 pm March, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

4 Ugly, Hairy Asswipes Yearn To Ride

3:22 pm March, 13 massengill said...

4 Unprecedented Hair Attainment Y’all Try Rogaine

3:25 pm March, 13 massengill said...

I’d like to lift that Hummer another 4 feet above the road. Using Semtex.

4:12 pm March, 13 Troy Tempest said...

Medusa beat me to the RPG launcher. My thoughts exactly. Sigh.

I’m too tired to try. Back to typing scholarly nonsense. double sigh.

4:14 pm March, 13 doucheywallnuts said...

The photographer/writer of this missive should realize that by virtue of this vehicle, and the douchebag driving it, that there is no God.

4:24 pm March, 13 Euripidouche said...

Fiero

few

inside

ever

reciprocated an

orgasm

4:54 pm March, 13 scrotum pole said...

4UHAYTR

4 Unwashed Hippies Are Yelling Tired Rhetoric,

4 Uncircumsized Heathens Always Yearning To Repent.

4 Unicorn Horns Attack Your Torn Rectum.

5:15 pm March, 13 Dicy said...

I can finally see HCwDB!! I think the placeholder just doesn’t agree with my Crackberry but I can see it on my laptop 🙂

Wheee!

Also, I hate Hummers. I cringe when I see them. Which is far too often.

6:15 pm March, 13 little beaver said...

I like the hummer golf carts.

6:29 pm March, 13 clam fist said...

@Jacques

I thought you asked me not to talk about that?

6:41 pm March, 13 Hack Mulligan said...

I f*cked a Hummer in the tail pipe. I suggest you try it before you judge me.

7:09 pm March, 13 Euripidouche said...

4 useless hopeless american youth toking reefer

7:16 pm March, 13 El Caganer said...

@creatue

You beat me to it. I always wanted to poop in a Hummer.

7:24 pm March, 13 Euripidouche said...

4 ugnoxious hubicrites annoyed you’re on their road

7:43 pm March, 13 DoucheYouWannaDance said...

Shouldn’t that read “4Q HAYTER”, not “4U…”?

10:00 pm March, 13 Steve L. said...

i do believe that someone has discovered the only non-douchey application of the suffix “4Life”.

and that particular someone was not me!

now i’m jealous.

10:03 pm March, 13 Baleen said...

This about sums up my sentiments:

http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/1856/2130/1600/773992/hummer_accident.jpg

10:06 pm March, 13 DarkSock said...

4 Undersexed Hummer AssBelches Yank Troy’s ‘roids.

4 Under-fucked Hamster Assailants Yield Torched Rmps.

10:09 pm March, 13 DarkSock said...

Errr…”Rumps”…..

11:26 pm March, 13 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

…damn late to the party but drunk enough to offer this:

4 Useless Herpe-filled Asshats Yawp To Raccoonbleeths

4 Undulating Hamsters Achieve Yon Trip Rectally

…glug glug, puke…sleep.

4:14 am March, 14 scrotum pole said...

4 U Haul Accidents Yield Toyota Recall

5:58 am March, 14 Wheezer said...

Were it 1997, this asshole would have a “Fear This” windshield visor and a “Bad Boy Club” decal on the rear window.

And he’d still be a jagoff.

6:29 am March, 14 scrotum pole said...

^ Were it 1977, this rig would be tricked out with a CB radio and Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

6:31 am March, 14 scrotum pole said...

^ OH yeah, and those mud flaps would say “Back Off!”

6:57 am March, 14 massengill said...

4 Undersexed Happy Asses Yearn To Roadsterbate

7:19 am March, 14 scrotum pole said...

4 Uneducated Hillbillies Abhor Yankee Traffic Regulations

7:28 am March, 14 MoeDouche said...

And the war continues in the streets. This A*L’s Hummer’s side doors are the perfect canvass for graffiti like: JST4UDB

12:14 pm March, 14 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

re. Darksock 3/13 @ 12:56 & 1:20: That’s some freekin funny shit, my man. LOLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZ

6:07 pm March, 14 Euripidouche said...

i just set up yahoo tourney pick’em join group #87187 hotchicks with d-bags. they might censor douchebags, but they won’t censor the group motto “i peed in a horse once”.

even if you don’t know or give a shit about it, pick your teams by whatever means necessary, hottest chicks, douchiest bags,animal that would win in a fight….lets evangelize the scourge to heathen sports fan masses, simply by being there, and peeing in horses….

11:09 am March, 15 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Medusa 3:10

ALWAYS get the chrome plating. You’d hat to have a misfire because of any rust build-up in the firing tube. If you can’t get the chrome, at least paint it. If you needs some more rockets, let me know. I have er… access to a few.

9:52 am March, 16 Doo Schnozzle said...

The only thing missing there are the “Truck Nuts”.

Ugh.

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