Saturday, March 27, 2010

The 2010 Tax on Orangeness

One thing we can all agree on about the new healthcare bill:

The Orange Tan Tax is a nice blow to douchal narcissism.

Between this and last month’s pollution penalty levied on the makers of Axe Bodyspray, the first serious pushback on douchal product has kicked into overdrive. And not a moment too soon.

Now if only we could tax douchey-ass frosted tip spikey hair.

# posted by admin
6:29 pm March, 27 baleen said...

This douche was in a weekly way back. I think most everyone concluded: gaybag.

6:38 pm March, 27 clam fist said...

I'd frost her hair and then braid it.

6:41 pm March, 27 David said...

Oh we can, levy a tax on the clubs these uber douches go to, even better club owners can tax per douche level.

6:45 pm March, 27 El Caganer said...

Tax the internet so the nerds can back up their claim that they contribute to society.

6:47 pm March, 27 El Caganer said...

DB1,

Congratulations. Your tv show had the clip of the week on the Soup clip show last night.

7:33 pm March, 27 Wedgie said...

Can't mock a homo sectional.

Can charge him the tax, however. Pay up you little fuccer.

7:43 pm March, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Oh my God. That poor lady behind them is prolapsing out her mouth. Somebody call 911, quick!

9:21 pm March, 27 creature said...

let's push for a manhole in the earlobe tax

9:36 pm March, 27 doucheywallnuts said...

Aha, not so fast…Does spray tanning fall under the auspices of the gulag that is and will be Blowbama's health care "program?"

I am of the opinion that the orangeness that has become a plague on this earth is not from tanning beds but from substandard self-tanning lotions and sprays,and the over-application thereof.

9:52 pm March, 27 kelmiller said...

Just had an old employee drop by this afternoon with a bottle of goose. We drank the water tasting piss in an hour watching golf. Mixed it with cheap PBR.

I cost $40.00 Canadian at the provincial store. Why do these orange folks spend $400.00 in bars.

10:31 pm March, 27 clam fist said...

If she picked her nose, I'd eat her boogers.

10:39 pm March, 27 dbBen said...

Douche Externalities. Ha.

10:40 pm March, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@ clam fist

If she picked her nose and you ate her boogers, I'd eat your boogers.

10:50 pm March, 27 El Caganer said...

If she wore a diaper, I'd change it.

11:00 pm March, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

If she had an infected sebaceous cyst…

2:19 am March, 28 End the Haberdouchery said...

If she were host to a colony of bot fly larvae…

No, sorry. The bot fly larvae is too far.

2:33 am March, 28 Troy Tempest said...

If she had a boil, I'd bite it. Like Benny the Boilbiter.

3:08 am March, 28 Medusa Oblongata said...

"Spray-on tanning doesn't feel as good when you're doing it," Alden said. "It's cold and it's really wet for about 60 seconds, but it has no negative side-effects."

Yes, yes it does. It makes you look like a fucking douche canoe.

And this is one more "Ha, Ha!" from Gorgon country about that stupid health care plan. That's right, ya idiots…you thought the magic unicorns were gonna pay for your "free health insurance" with pink marshmallows off of the Sparkle Tree? No, you fucksticks, it's gonna come out of YOUR pocket in the form of new taxes on EVERYFUCKINGTHING.

There is nothing in that article that didn't make me giggle. There was this: "
Stan Shipley, an architect and regular patron of Citrine Glow salons, usually pays $15 for 15 minutes on a tanning bed. "That's an extra $1.50," he said of the tax. "That's the price of a Coca-Cola." And this: "A lot of my girls tan, most of them, and they don't have a lot of extra money," she said. "They're students, most students live on a tight budget."

If you're in a position where you can't cough up a dollar fifty, you better be out in the gutter collecting cans, giving hand jobs at truck stops, ANYWHERE but laying in a damn tanning bed. Stupid sorostitutes. Well! Looks like this year's crop of students might look slightly less like crocodiles, hooray. Anyway, you dumb cunts and your blueblood parents voted for the guy, don't fucking cry to the LA Times about it now….

And yes, we have seen this nitwit before. Wheezer?

3:37 am March, 28 Bob said...

If she developed scabs on her labia, I'd pick them off and chew them.

Okay, that one made me throw up a little bit in my mouth…

6:10 am March, 28 DarkSock said...

If she farted I'd strain it through a tee-shirt and rub it on a Ritz cracker and consume it.

10:22 am March, 28 Steve L. said...

while we're on the subject of taxing frosted tip spikey hair, it would be much more fun to burn it like we burn books and witches.

okay we no longer burn books or witches. but i mean – come ON. burning douchey hair. the idea speaks for itself.

11:48 am March, 28 Blair said...

The new law doesn't go far enough! If we want to rid ourselves of the Grieco virus, we need more taxes on Ed Hardy, Axe, frosted tips, GSR, hat tilts, etc. Make it happen, Washington!!!

3:22 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

You know what they say…Douche and Taxes…

3:25 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

If she clipped her toenails I'd make a stickman with the crescents and he'd be my best friend. EVER. We'd hang, and play darts, and he could play bass and I'd start a band called The Whiskey Shits, or MeFist-O, or Dancin' Manson, and then go to Appleby's and hit on the who-bags with Appletinis sloshed on their Lee Press-On Nails.

4:29 pm March, 28 scrotum pole said...

@ Medusa 8:08,

Medusa for congress 2010.

3:48 pm March, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

"Stick 'em up" takes on new meaning these days.

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