Monday, March 15, 2010

The Boob Whisperer Sez “Duussshhheee…”

Because knit caps weren’t cool even when American Beauty came out.

I would gargle a blended mixture of thumbtacks and mashed yeast while dressed only in a paisley mumu and singing Wang Chung Karaoke in front of a laughing class of third graders just for the chance to lightly chew on her discarded pickle jar.

# posted by douchebag1
4:13 pm March, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

I wonder how much money he spends up in the VIP room at the local strip club? I bet the girls eyes light up with $$$ signs when he walks in

4:58 pm March, 15 JoeDO said...

I blame her father.

5:03 pm March, 15 abdouchah the butcher said...

What’s going on with this fucktard?!!? Who’s he telling to be quiet? Why is he out of the hospital when he still thinks boobs talk to him? Why hasn’t somebody set his cap on fire? Why is succulent Joey Heatherton hott in the same dimension as this chunky little pissant? I would do extensive hard labor for the chance to watch a shaky black and white film of her throwing her used toiletries at a photograph of one of my ancestors.

5:19 pm March, 15 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

…you have questions abdouchah the butcher…we have answers…and by answers I mean many bottles of sweet ‘train and boxes upon boxes of delicious Ho-Hos to get you through this difficult time while you ponder and stand perplexed at the puzzling conundrum of doucheosity society has regurgitated all over our brand new Zubaz pants. A shame, I really liked those pants.

5:26 pm March, 15 El Caganer said...

I pooped in a hat like that.

6:00 pm March, 15 Mr. White said...

I don’t know what poor choices that led this leopard-print woman to be with the Boob Whisperer, but I suspect it is somehow the fault of the Greeks. Or possibly jean shorts. Or Snooki.

6:02 pm March, 15 Bubsnubsly said...

Someone was trying to tell that drunk girl that he was a douche… so he shushed them!

6:04 pm March, 15 Fatness said...

The poop is still in that hat.

6:10 pm March, 15 Douchus Cristo said...

He’s telling the hatters to shut up and knit him another hat.

6:12 pm March, 15 massengill said...

I’m with Mr. White, it is definitely the fault of the Greeks. I’d like to play Greek games with the girly in the leopard print, that’s for sure. Vaginal intercourse would be just fine, too.

6:13 pm March, 15 massengill said...

So help me God, if some one of you says something about “matronly arms” I am gonna insult you like an internet tough guy.

6:36 pm March, 15 Denny DelVecchio said...

El Caganer says:
March 15, 2010 at 5:26 pm

I pooped in a hat like that.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

That motherfucker was mine. And I’m wearing it right now.

Win.

Denny DelVecchio
yournewbadhabit.blogpsot.com

7:05 pm March, 15 Troll of the Reaper (T.O.R) said...

open ur eyes u fuckin gook ur a douche! LOL c’est tres douchenozzle mosiuer jaune yellow gook

7:09 pm March, 15 Troll of the Reaper (T.O.R) said...

u know he needs help, someone corkscrew this chinks eyes he cant see himself in the mirror properly hahaha LOL

7:12 pm March, 15 doucheywallnuts said...

I think the “shooshing” sign means, “Don’t tell your mother you’re banging a Chigger.”

7:41 pm March, 15 boone doggle said...

i’m a paul duh.

7:50 pm March, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Fatness 4:43

I never even heard of Patty Griffin until now. I love you for this. Please accept this box of my used panties.

They are, of course, soaked with Mr. White’s urine, but leave ’em outside for a while, they’ll air out.

I’m imagining her in that position, making that same face. Only it’s me she’s draped across and I’m giving it to her like a rabbi’s badger with some horrific strap-on vibrating apparatus. Oh, that little moan that escapes those lips, I’d never shush her. I would, however, shush that waste of cellular material she’s hanging on, with a fire hose and a crowbar.

8:10 pm March, 15 Pepe le Douche said...

Shh!! She’s so drunk she’s callin’ me Tiger! Don’t ruin this for me Bra!

8:26 pm March, 15 massengill said...

@ Fatness

I, too, owe you my thanks for exposing me to a new, musician. I haven’t gone exploring yet, but I like this song, the sort of middle-eastern sound to it I find very interesting.

@ TOR

Your “gook” and “chink” lines are total weak sauce. I don’t tolerate hate speech, unless it’s directed at Greeks. But seriously, those comments are pretty much the worst.

Now, the reason I came back here in the first place: to show you all a little bit of side boob.

8:33 pm March, 15 Fatness said...

@Medusa. That’s from an unreleased album. If you’d like I can make it available to you. I’ll shoot Kate an email with a link. Patty is God.

I’m sure I can find some use for the box-o-panties. Do you think $5 a sniff is excessive?

8:53 pm March, 15 Troy Tempest said...

This chick is completely fucking hammered. Like stupid blind paralytically drunk. 5 seconds after this was taken, she collapsed on the floor and began choking on her own vomit.

9:28 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

I’m with Massengill on this one.

Sam Scrote in hebbin. What is with the trolling ad-based comments and taint-hungry racial remarks lately? Now that HCwDB has taken the WordPress center stage, it’s now fuccen amateur hour around here? C’mon now.

This site is about mocking the douches, scrotes and bleeth’s whilst ogling the occasional Hall of Hott nominee. The majority of those who regularly comment here at least put forth a silent-fart’s worth of wit before we press the “Submit” button.

If you can’t summon the requisite brain cells to take that momentous leap, then give your weary fingers a much needed rest.

For example, something like “Ichiro’s attempt to smell his finger had unintended consequences once he realized he pulled it from his own butthole.”

Sure, that wasn’t anything special as far as attempt at a caption for this picture, but you get the point… at least if you have an IQ with more digits than Plinky’s mom’s right hand.

And another thing before I Bogart this pulpit, gawdammit! The douche in this picture is a big fat fuccen pussy, not the hott.

Thank you, and good night.

9:38 pm March, 15 Steve L. said...

am i the only who is still waiting for Douche Whisperer to deliver his keynote address?

9:39 pm March, 15 Steve L. said...

nice knit cap. did mommy make it for you?

sorry. couldn’t help it.

10:59 pm March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

She’s cute. I would try extra-special hard not to vomit in her vagina.

Because I’m chivalrous like that.

11:02 pm March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And dude, it’s your own finger. You don’t need to kiss it in order to convince it to have sex with you. I’m sure it’s a bigger slut than your tongue is.

11:12 pm March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

David tried his best to force air into his finger. The last thing he blew air into turned out to his liking.

11:16 pm March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Not but three hours prior, he had something different pressed against his lips.

11:21 pm March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

That last one was uncalled for, sorry. I need to be punished.

11:31 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Delbert Aguinaldo cooled his pistol with moistened lips after pumping a full magazine’s worth of scalding porch beef rounds into his salivating rectum.

11:33 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Arthur’s lone index finger stood betwixt his cranium and life giving oxygen… but on this Samuræ §crφte forsaken planet, he wasn’t taking any chances.

11:36 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Bob Tagalog motioned for silence as his Real Doll® tipped towards his cheek in the loving embrace of lost plastic virginity.

11:39 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Gracie’s meticulous preparation towards the inevitable finger fellatio of Oscar’s finger was cut short rudely short by his bilious, unprovoked guttural spasm.

11:41 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

I done believed I am significantly and sufficiently wasted whence trying to read me last comment.

uuuuurrrpp…

Stheee yaa’ll Thirthsdatyy.

Chearsth!

11:44 pm March, 15 Crucial Head said...

Heh heh… I said bilious… heh heh.

Bye.

12:11 am March, 16 DarkSock said...

This guy’s up to something…Blondie, if you left your Coke sitting unattended you’d better smell it before you drink it.

12:14 am March, 16 DarkSock said...

“SHHH! I can’t even hear the Sybian’s motor over all that fwappin’, guys”.

12:16 am March, 16 DarkSock said...

“Shhh…the Ambien’s working…”

12:17 am March, 16 DarkSock said...

The Boob Whiz-Spurter

12:20 am March, 16 DarkSock said...

As Cindee eagerly awaited another cocaine-frosted booger she realized this was it: she had hit rock-bottom.

12:21 am March, 16 Anonne Huntress said...

Roofies strike again. This time to a Charlize Theron wannabe.

3:51 am March, 16 DarkSock said...

*sniff-sniff*…yep, you got tapeworms, lady.

6:18 am March, 16 DarkSock said...

@ T.O.R.

You are confusing wit with crassness. Which is understandable because you are a fucking idiot.

Do the gene pool a favor and chew your own balls off.

6:54 am March, 16 Big Tony Ventresca said...

I just fell in love with this hott. Not the best of ideas and just another from a lifetime of not-the-best-ideas, but sometimes Little Tony knows more than Big Tony.

7:23 am March, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Harvey was diappointed to realize that he could not inflate either his penis or Charlize’s boobs with his “magic” finger.

7:24 am March, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“If I blow hard enough on my finger I can make my hat rise.”

7:26 am March, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Crucial and Massengill

I was just about to put up a rant but then I read your comments. Has anyone volunteered to be a moderator yet? Shit like T.O.R.’s “comments” could be wiped out easily with moderation.

8:43 am March, 16 hahahaha... said...

salivating rectum… bwahahahaaaa

9:36 am March, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Melvin just can’t get enough of the taste of his finger after the stink pump he got from the bouncer.

9:36 am March, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Are you the Ladies room?”

9:55 am March, 16 Deltus said...

He’s kissing his finger, because it was recently up his ass, and he likes the taste and smell of his own dookie.

At least, that’s how I’m imagining it.

10:40 am March, 16 C. Malicious said...

Ugh. The more I look at this, the madder I get… He just stares. Stares and tells me what to do. I’m not gonna freaking do it though. I’ll yell and keep yelling. Eff him. Eff him eff him.

Or, is he blessing that finger for good luck?… I can’t figure this guy out. and I’m just getting madder.

10:48 am March, 16 C. Malicious said...

While he’s shushing us, she’s reaching behind him, opening up that compartment and grabbing the weapon placed in there by her accomplice hours before…

Naughty naughty.

2:29 pm March, 16 Troll of the Reaper (T.O.R) said...

@ DarkSock i didnt say tht comment cos i thought the pic was crass, i said it cos i wanted to LOL, i wanted to racially abuse the chink in the pic for jokin around sakes and i did so get on my level and understand my p.o.v, im not hatin im just takin the piss in a different way, hate me idgaf because its all about wat i say counts the most lol, if u got offended cos ur aisian thts not my problem so a haha! to u mosiuer.

2:38 pm March, 16 Troll of the Reaper (T.O.R) said...

dont think of me as a douchebag from my earlier and “delibratley racist” comments, it was intended to take the piss in a most harsh and o.t.t way, cos thts my humour style lol, i was jus jokin around u see, besisdes a douchebag looks like this and i dont lol. http://www.infos-foot.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/76750_ASROME_MEXES_2612081.jpg

2:38 pm March, 16 massengill said...

@ Bunsen

I don’t think people like TOR need to be censored by some individual moderator, being chastised by a group is much more educational.

2:45 pm March, 16 Fatness said...

Christ. How can you tell if he’s offensive? It’s unreadable.

2:54 pm March, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Massengill

Unfortunately I’m not sure we’ll ever educate TOR. I’ve tried the experiment where I put non-sequiturs into my lectures and my students will spew them right back at me on exams. I weep for the future every day.

Trying to talk sense to a wall only results in you losing your voice. I say we give him (and all the other trolls lately) the silence they deserve. It’s like when the KKK comes to some town. Don’t go and protest, stay at home. The morons thrive on any attention they get so if they get none, they’ll move along to someone who will.

2:55 pm March, 16 MILLS said...

i dont know why people find TOR’s comments offensive when they could easily be found guilty of a similar sin, in fact we all could the whole point of this site is to be offensive and so to accuse someone else of being offensive doesnt quite make sense thats like watching an x-rated movie and then sayin “oh my that was so offensive” or like an alcoholic calling someone else drunk quite “ze hypocritique” as they might say in franglais. also its interesting to see how peoples comments are often ignored apart from when they are accused of plagiarism or racism..quite ironic dont ya think?

4:07 pm March, 16 Ludacris Axehandle McCockkwielder said...

@MILLS,

The last time I checked, watching an x-rated movie, being an alcoholic, and writing with terrible grammar, spelling and punctuation are all choices made by an individual. Being born Asia, Caucasian, or half mule is not a choice. For the most part, we mock the choices that people make here – and do so in a witty manner.

If the only way you can rouse a response from someone on this blog is to resort to poorly written comments with racial insults, then perhaps this just isn’t the blog for you.

And by the way, most people here don’t comment on every other post they think is funny. I usually chortle to myself, and move along – thankful for the gift of catharsis that this site and its comments threads provide to me on a daily basis. Occasionally, if I have time, I give a thumbs up to someone.

Like I said, if you are frustrated by these facts, then I’m sure you can find a nice little home on one of the countless other web pages that are available out there in web world.

9:21 pm March, 16 DarkSock said...

@ MILLS:

Fuck you, T.o.R.; please try pushing your shopping cart across antrain yard, drunk.

10:06 pm March, 16 Troll of the Reaper (T.O.R) said...

look im gonna be clear about this, this is the internet there are no rules (or very few), so i verbally abused a fuckin gook in the pic get over it, stop being so fuckin pedantic are you a fuckin lawyer? lol. Mills summarised this comment of mine, dont be hypocrites. oh and remember, haters keep on hatein but always hesitatin haha

10:58 pm March, 16 Crucial Head said...

Damn.

11:57 pm March, 16 C. Malicious said...

Ha. Woah.

Wha-… ? ? Woah.

I think my brain jus- Umm…. Really man?

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