Friday, March 12, 2010

The Purple Nurples Are Now Fondling Themselves

Mayday!! Mayday!! Someone, anyone in the military who reads HCwDB…

Please. For the love of God, the infant Jebus, and all that is holy to Buddha, Allah, Xenu and Ganesh.

Please. Call in a compressed air strike. Using a mixture of choloroform and laughing gas. It’s the only way to giggle them to death.

# posted by douchebag1
9:18 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

Oh, they’re just milking this thing now.

sorry

9:19 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

In Soviet Russia, YOU push up bra.

9:20 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

Mark sulked jealously because he had no external genitalia to cradle publicly.

9:21 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

The newest Olympic event, milk curling, was off to a big start.

9:22 am March, 12 Troy Tempest said...

Rancid. Clubs are dark because light kills bacteria like this.

9:23 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

Darlene and Sandy were extremely nervous ever since receiving the recall notice from their plastic surgeon.

9:23 am March, 12 Fatness said...

“Does this make me look fat?”

Yes, hon. It does.

Now back in line. Maury can’t start the show with you standing here.

9:23 am March, 12 Captain Bringdown said...

The following medical conditions are some of the possible causes of blue or purple lips. There are likely to be other possible causes, so ask your doctor about your symptoms.

* Cold weather

* Low body temperature

* Cyanosis

* Inadequate oxygen circulation

* Smoking

* Anemia

* Iron deficiency anemia

* Certain circulatory disorders (see Circulation symptoms)

* Certain heart disorders (see Heart symptoms)

o Congenital heart disorders

* Certain lung disorders

o Asthma

o Bronchitis

o Chronic bronchitis

o Pneumonia

o Emphysema

o Pulmonary thrombosis

o Pulmonary embolism

o Pulmonary edema

o Airway foreign body

o Fibrosing alveolitis

o Pneumoconiosis

o Extrinsic allergic alveolitis

* Coughing

* Croup

* Fume inhalation

* Laryngeal edema

* Shock

* Being a douchebag

9:24 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

Todd Goldman: Dairy Pimp.

9:29 am March, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

They cup their breats and yet, AND YET, he is still not happy.

9:29 am March, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

I want to say “Urge to kill……rising…” But I think it’s all the way up to 11 at this point.

9:30 am March, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

^”breasts”

Can I haz asspear yet?

9:33 am March, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Medusa

Is that you? I can’t tell, your gravatar is the size of an acid tab. Seriously, I’m gonna need a magnifying glass to see who’s really posting comments.

Then I’m gonna use it to burn a hole through Pinky’s forehead. You guess which one I’m talking about.

You were right.

9:33 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

I knew I’d seen this guy before …

CLICK

9:37 am March, 12 jonezy said...

btw Vin, great haiku this morning.

9:38 am March, 12 jonezy said...

Fuscia Lips and Nip Slips

9:38 am March, 12 jonezy said...

Do the lips match the areola?

9:38 am March, 12 jonezy said...

or the porch beef?

9:39 am March, 12 jonezy said...

WordPress just told me to fuck off! WTF?!

“You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.”

9:48 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

I vill help you find Ganesh.

9:49 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Ve vill help you find Ganesh

9:49 am March, 12 boatbutter said...

Captain Bringdown, please add “Blowing Grape Ape” to your list.

9:51 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

I am often confused with Ganesh…. stupid Brits …

9:54 am March, 12 Mr. White said...

And that’s when the photographer said, “Girls, for this next frame, touch the only thing of value in your lives.”

9:56 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

Captain Bringdown, please add “Fellating Vanilla Ice” to your list.

9:58 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Hot Chicks with Ganesh

10:00 am March, 12 Crucial Head said...

I think he fellated the Purple People Eater… ifyaknowhutimean.

Damn work, and damn meeting scheduling, and damn my inability to make it to Friday Haikus for the last month.

Damn, damn, damn.

Additionally, boobs.

10:01 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Winter Haven, FL (AP Newswire) – Bill Hall has been signed to a one year deal by the Boston Red Sox . Pictured in photo Hall and his agent, Ganesh.

10:02 am March, 12 boatbutter said...

Captain Bringdown, please add “Rimming Welch’s” to your list.

10:02 am March, 12 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

Now everybody show the camera what daddy bought you for your eighteenth birthday!

10:02 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

@ Crucial

I refuse to work until I exhaust all the Ganesh references I can think of

10:03 am March, 12 Maxim Kovalenko said...

I swear, they look like they just got done deep-throating a bottle of grape nehi.

10:08 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Ganesh on acid

10:09 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Megyn Kelly looking hot on FoxNewsNet this morning

<a href="http://www.oneangryman.com/ken/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/megyn_kelly_tv6-300×228.jpgShe's ready for Happy Hour

10:10 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Stoopid no preview idea

She’s ready for Happy Hour

10:10 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Sttopid no delete idea

10:10 am March, 12 boatbutter said...

How do I get my picture back?

10:11 am March, 12 Vin Douchal said...

I quit. See you later at Ass Pear

10:12 am March, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Scrotato 9:33

It is indeed, I changed avatars to herald in the new site. Kind of a waste, I guess since you can’t really see it. But if it really were a tab of acid, it would be the meanest shit on the streets. “Man, I took two hits of that Medusa acid last night! I beat myself senseless with a length of rubber garden hose for seven hours!”

I, too, have the problem of image recognition, I kinda like to see who I’m reading, and, well, I’ve gotten so familiar with all of your avatars, it’s hard to navigate without ’em. And then I have to quit being a lazy pud and actually read your names. Awwww, why’s everything in life gotta be so hard…

…But back to the photo. Dear God: If I ever have children, please don’t let them be girls. And if they’re boys, please don’t ever let them get so big and strong that if they turn out like this I can’t smother ’em with a pillow in their sleep. Amen.

10:12 am March, 12 boatbutter said...

I want the scrote to know who mocks them!!! I don’t want to hide behind that gay gray anon profile pic!

10:13 am March, 12 boatbutter said...

I need some tech support.

10:17 am March, 12 douchebag1 said...

Larger avatars, preview and delete will all be integrated in the comments thread. Patience people. Ass Pear will soon be here.

– management

10:17 am March, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Vin

Speaking of Ganesh and acid tabs and Ganesh–the first time I ever did LSD we went to a video arcade and I was playing the old Street Fighter. It all kicked in just as I got Dhalsim in his temple. I was seeing mystical elephants all night. True story. Ah, good times.

10:20 am March, 12 boatbutter said...

Thanks DB1, that’s both calming and exciting. Like grass & bourbon.

10:20 am March, 12 scrotum pole said...

Annika and Solveig were kicked off the Swedish Bikini Team for chronic mastitis.

10:28 am March, 12 scrotum pole said...

Medusa’s avatar appears to be a sample of mixotrophic algae, as seen through a 1000x microscope.

10:30 am March, 12 Crucial Head said...

@Boatbutter,

I would counter that it is both calming and exciting… like gas and bourbon… or whiskey.

10:31 am March, 12 Mr. White said...

This picture made this happen to me:

10:31 am March, 12 Crucial Head said...

Nothing is as exciting as unsquelched flatulence.

Nothing.

10:33 am March, 12 boatbutter said...

@ Crucial – fair enough. I’m just glad to be back in identifiable business.

10:37 am March, 12 Crucial Head said...

And looking as handsome as ever, I might add.

10:52 am March, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

^ Video, please. With lots of oil. Thanks, guys.

10:57 am March, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

So Mr. White was able to reclaim his nom-de-poo. Good on you. I wonder how many regulars and semi-regulars have moved on to new names voluntarilly or involuntarilly? I’ve read several names that I hadn’t seen before the change but I think only a couple have self identified.

Speaking of the Change, I’m starting to grow hair on my nipples and I’m way f*cking more irritable than I was a week ago. Irritable I can handle, but hairy nipples, I’d rather have purple lips.

No wait. Check that.

Boss,

Glad to hear our formating demands will be met. To continue my petulant whining, can the comments field be upgraded to allow additional spacing between text lines? I miss my pregnant pauses almost as much as I miss http://www.preggersinstirrupswithlillipopspeculums.com. Not that was quality fwapping.

11:11 am March, 12 massengill said...

Unimpressed by these breasts. Keep pushing, girls. You can push all day.

11:18 am March, 12 Mr. White said...

@Mr. Scrotato Head

Apparently you can type whatever damn think you want in the name field. Witness.

11:18 am March, 12 Stheno Oblongata said...

Yeah, now I’m Medusa’s sister.

11:19 am March, 12 Euryale Oblongata said...

Hey, I’m Medusa’s other sister, the hottest Gorgon by far, bitches.

11:19 am March, 12 Perseus said...

I thought I fuccen slayed Medusa. Damn it!

11:19 am March, 12 Mr. White said...

In fact, I think you can impersonate just about anyone….

11:20 am March, 12 Deltus said...

Stage 2 though those Bleeths may be, and as horrible as that pink lip gloss NOW looks to me (thanks to THIS TOOL), I still say being in such close proximity would at least put a grim on my face. But not this choadstain. Stoic expression all the way. I mean, is he trying to look manly? With fucking LIP GLOSS on?? You never have a chainsaw on hand when you could really, really use one.

11:20 am March, 12 Darksock said...

Look at me! I pee in equines!

11:21 am March, 12 Mr. White said...

It kind of makes me sad that the lack of logging in means you can be whoever you want. There might be mayhem.

I might even be able to paste Darksock’s URL in here. Let’s see.

11:21 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

Yep. Now I’m indistinguishable from ‘Sock, except for my Gravatar. Which I could easily change by just copying and pasting his.

11:22 am March, 12 El Caganer said...

The new comment thread program seems better. I guess I will have to get around to creating an avatar. Any tips on which type of images work best? I thought a picture of my toilet would be fitting.

11:22 am March, 12 Mr. White said...

Yeah, the security on WordPress comments is leakier than these bleeths’ weeping vulvic sores.

11:23 am March, 12 Mrs. White said...

Now I’m Mr. White’s mother.

CLEAN YOUR ROOM!

11:25 am March, 12 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Awe sheeeit. Mr. White done opened pandora’s box.

11:26 am March, 12 Troy Tempest said...

I love George Bush!!!!

11:26 am March, 12 massengill said...

What you could do is just make a bunch of bogus email accounts, set up a bunch of Gravatar accounts with the avatars of people you want to impersonate, then type in their name and the corresponding dummy email address and LET THE TROLLING BEGIN!

11:27 am March, 12 Crucial Head said...

Okay, enough fun stuff.

11:28 am March, 12 Bagnonymous said...

@ Mr. White’s multiple personalities:

Dude, that’s wack. Yet another WordPress FAIL.

I’m Bagnonymous and I approved this message.

11:29 am March, 12 Massengill said...

WordPress sucks.

Where did all the double, triple and quadruple posts go????//???

11:31 am March, 12 massengill said...

@ crucial

I just tried to copy and paste your previous post, WordPress rebuked me so:

Duplicate comment detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that!

11:40 am March, 12 Pandora said...

Stop talking about my box, damn it!

11:49 am March, 12 doucheywallnuts said...

Agent Orange is both the name of douchebag’s skin bronzer and what he uses to remove his chest hair.

12:01 pm March, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Medusa

Where can we meet up to start our tour of world destruction? These last two days have made me want to tear the spines out of the 3 fucksticks in this picture using only my teeth and a spork. If one more nimrod comes up to me and asks, “Can I talk to you about…” I’m gonna go fuccen postal. And my firearms are all at home. FTW! (I mena nothing about winning here.)

12:02 pm March, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ and I’ve lost the ability to type as well. I need a fuccen drink stat!

12:48 pm March, 12 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Huh, you can use any URL you want for that matter.

12:51 pm March, 12 Mr. White's girlfriend said...

Hell, this is fun.

Weeeeeeee!!

1:16 pm March, 12 Plinky's mom's lip fungus said...

Sniff…sniff…Anyone smell that?

4:53 pm March, 12 Crucial Head said...

As the grey, rotting flesh of Plinky’s mom hung from the mounted harpoon in the rear, Captain Gayhab prepared his steroid-enhanced Croaker and Shrimp for his next chum bucket.

5:30 pm March, 12 Crucial Head said...

The set for The Flacid and the Curious.

5:47 pm March, 12 Whoop-di-douche said...

Something with blue eyes, orange skin and orchid pink lips belongs in an Easter basket. So do those two bunnies.

10:25 pm March, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Euryale

Maybe. But you can’t fuck worth a damn, you dead fish whoreface. At least that’s what your old man said when he was plugging the hole in my neck last night from when Perseus severed my head. Yeah! I got an extra hole now, Bugsnatch, whaddaya think of that? Oh, and by the way? That ham you made for Christmas sucked BALLS!!! And your kids are brats. Fuck you, and dad told me I’m getting everything in the will.

Uh……

Oh.

Sorry, Mr. White, I didn’t know that was you…..

10:27 pm March, 12 my friends call me @$$hole said...

douche-face has been on the site before i’m almost sure, too overworked to go digging, but this ain’t his first time at the rodeo…

11:29 am March, 13 DarkSock said...

@ Mr. White:

Wait, I’m confused…are you me, or am I you, but posting while whacked out on Ambien again? Who’s Crucial?

Do I exist….?

3:23 pm March, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ El Caganer 11:22

Make sure you can see what it is if it’s teeny, you can see from those of us who have a lot going on, the image is indecipherable for the now. And I always wondered about your handle (no, your name, not your–oh, never mind)–Many words draw parallels across the romance languages, the “El” is clearly Spanish, and I can assume “Caganer” has relation to the Italian “cagare”, basically “to shit”? In that case, you can go crude or cute, depending on your mood….

7:11 pm March, 13 El Caganer said...

@Medusa

Thanks for the tip. My name is basically taken from a figurine from Catalonia. They put them in Nativity scenes there. Everyone has at least one. It basically means “the defecator”. Google my handle and you can get a better explanation.

7:22 pm March, 13 Denny DelVecchio said...

If Cornelius from Planet of the Apes had taken a turn in Velvet Goldmine.

10:20 pm March, 13 Junker said...

As requested, in the correct format.

***Slayer this is Douche_Jager, Fire Mission, Over.

***Douche_Jager, call for fire continues: My position 250m west of dance club, Over.

***Douche_Jager, call for fire continues: Direction 1650 mils, 270m, 1 x Douche, 2 x Douchette, Over.

***Douche_Jager, call for fire continues: Target marked by drifting cloud of Axe body spray, type “Wild Spice”, Over.

***Douche_Jager, call for fire continues: At my command, winchester all munitions, suppress target area, Out.

1:12 am March, 14 Steve L. said...

there can only be ONE Donkey Douche.

and i do not mean that as a compliment.

12:34 pm March, 14 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

I’ve been returning to this photo over & over trying to put some thoughts together, but the Dada ‘bag/bleeth avalanche continues to largely defy appraisal in any known language. The sheer over-the-top mystical schlock horror is mindnumbing. However, during this most recent time spent gazing into this vacuum-where-no-intelligence-can-happen has caused me to begin repeating the following mantra: “Needle-dicked bugfucker.” Not sure why. And yes, I am a bit hyphen-happy today.

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