Friday, March 19, 2010

They Like Pina Coladas

I have nothing to really add to this standard tropical Hottie/Douchey Bleethy/Fratty pic other than the fact that those drinks deserve their own show. They amuse me.

# posted by douchebag1
7:47 am March, 19 doucheywallnuts said...

Ya gotta love the guidette shooting the shocker sign.

7:48 am March, 19 Douche Assassin said...

I am back from a long mission to lower the douche ratio. It failed. Anyway, I wouldnt quite say they are douches, more like two hapless empty-headed guys taking a picture on spring break. The chick on the other hand is still a hott.

7:52 am March, 19 Baleen said...

I believe those wristbands are penetration markers.

Threat level: MAGENTA

7:56 am March, 19 Chad Kroeger said...

If those dudes are in the frat, they is in 7th year. Chicks OK and all things watermelon cup dlickably drunk. That is the Canadian spelling of lickably. Those dudes have very small heads. What is it with all the arm bands.

7:57 am March, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

At least pink short douche’s drink knows where to look.

7:57 am March, 19 Cmak said...

shouldn’t it read…Penis Colonics?

8:01 am March, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

I just lost 5 IQ points from looking at this spectacle. Whatever God-forsaken tourist trap this is, I want to make sure I avoid it like the plague. I can’t see having that much fun with your alcohol. By the time that whole concoction was made up, I’d have downed three shots and a beer. It’s all about business from where I sit. But, then again, being that miserable barfly didn’t allow much room for being amused, it was all about the cockk-punch to my liver and getting the hell out of this dimension.

Either way, part of me wants to laugh with these guys and not at them, and I don’t know why. She, on the other hand, can suck my big toe until she learns to act like a lady.

8:04 am March, 19 Baleen said...

Back at the hotel, these three whisk up a sand, semen, and vaginal discharge vinaigrette. They then toss salads.

8:05 am March, 19 ehcuodouche said...

The guy on the left looks a bit like Bra

8:08 am March, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Cmak-huhuhuhuhhhh!!!!

If you like Penis Colonics

and the smell of Porch Beef

If you dress like a fruitcake

and you’re friends with a Bleeth

If you like jerkin’ off at midnight

with a dude tan and cut

then I’m the love that you’ve looked for

I will pee in your butt

8:11 am March, 19 Crucial Head said...

Hollowed out coconut shells are the only known containers strong enough to hold DarkSock’s mangravy.

Bottoms up, lads!

*Note to self: cancel next Friday’s morning meeting so I can contribute a Haiku or two.*

8:11 am March, 19 Baleen said...

Unbenknownst to these three, Pedro, (who has been slaving over the cutting board at the cabana bar prepping these ridiculous cocktails for hours), secretly plots his conquest of bikini hott later that night with a deluge of Rohypinol and Patron.

8:16 am March, 19 Anonne Huntress said...

The drinks are full of win. The wankers in the photo, not so much. The bleeth depresses me.

8:24 am March, 19 little beaver said...

These guys are not douches. They are just doing what every guy should be doing on vacation, drinking with hott bikini clad chicks. Lighten the f*ck up. This is exactly where I want to be right now. The beach party requires sunglasses, the wrist bands are to show that you are in the all-inclusive program.

Drunk giggle hotts for all!

8:27 am March, 19 Mr. White said...

The wristbands tell you which VDs she has. Or possibly just the ones that are in active outbreak.

One of those drinks just became self-aware and will soon kill us all by launching its deadly, tiny umbrella attack on the former Soviet Union.

8:34 am March, 19 little beaver said...

Somewhat off topic, but still fitting because of the hott factor, check out the Spice Rack. Its basically a Mexican style Hooters. The beers are cheap ,two dollar Yeunglings, and the waitresses look great.

8:37 am March, 19 D.KoreshTX21 said...

i just came across this site and was wondering, is this for real? i mean are you guys serious? do you actually spend all day mocking the photos of these people, just because they are at a party and have a strange haircut? i mean at least play XBox for a change, my work colleagues call me a loser because i spend most of my free time playing my XBox360, god knows what they would say about you guys, no offense intended, maybe its just me as im a “newbie” and new at this, maybe i need to get used to this site, i dont know, but i just felt like shareing this with you.

D.KoreshTX21.

8:37 am March, 19 Mr. White said...

@medusa

When I first moved to Queens back in the day and lived in my first, crappy apartment, this rancid SLAPWHOAR who lived above me used to play Pina Colada on an almost endless loop. I used to retaliate by performing some of the original thrash tunes that my band in high school wrote, the goal of which was to play as fast and as loud as possible while screaming about various acts of violence. Our relations were strained, at best. However, your lyrics have warmed my heart on a day when it is otherwise cold and dead due to an extreme lack of TARMAL in my professional life today.

I am now going to go beat a book designer savagely for questioning my mathematical wizardry. I dedicate this act of violence to you.

8:43 am March, 19 Baleen said...

Speaking of “lack of TARMALA” @ Koresh

8:44 am March, 19 little beaver said...

@D.Koresh

You pretty much nailed it. Welcome to Loserville, where we all live in our parent’s basement and play with ourselves all day.

8:51 am March, 19 Deltus said...

The scrotal tainted company aside, I want to drink something out of those awesome glasses. Not the swill I bet they’re drinking, though: I mean something good.

8:51 am March, 19 D.KoreshTX21 said...

@ Baleen

sorry i dont know what “lack of TARMALA” is. ??

D.KoreshTX21

8:53 am March, 19 Crucial Head said...

@little beaver,

Speak for yourself. I have my own Real Doll that I keep behind the water heater. My mom has never found it.

Masturbation is for leeewwwsers!!!!!111!

8:54 am March, 19 Southern Scrotic said...

Is it just me, or is the way her thumb bends back kinda creepy?

8:55 am March, 19 fatness said...

The middle drink swallows.

8:55 am March, 19 Baleen said...

TEETH’ ?

8:58 am March, 19 Euripidouche said...

sorry but pink swim trunks, even if the rest checks out as within reason, for the time/occasion, puts him into douche territory. i would also like to point out the multiple straw factor…even if you can, and i don’t, excuse the drinking vessel, and the refusable, and apparently customizable smiley face adornment., you really can’t excuse any more straws than strictly necessary.

mr white, i had an upstairs neighbor with tastes ranging from the beatles(the suckiest of their ouvre at that) to color me bad to criss cross, and some similar musical abominations….

for retaliation i would randomly bang my djembe, sometimes a single slap, sometimes a few seconds, occasionally an extended play…the only aforethought was that if it was startling or annoying, the assymetrical baritone beat bombings would have added psychological terror properties…my musical tastes as best as i remember ranged from hole, to tricky, to bluegrass, i like to think the irregularity of what i might play next contributed to this effort.

8:59 am March, 19 Maxim Kovalenko said...

The tribal tats on lefty, and the piss poor attempt at a faux hawk on center make them Stage 1.

The drinks though, they make me laugh like a five year old who has just gotten his first puppy. 🙂

9:05 am March, 19 Mr. White said...

@D. Koresh

Allow me to take a different tact: Your coworkers are assholes. If you want to play Xbox in your free time and that brings you happiness, then that’s what you should do. If we enjoy making comments on a humor-based website, that’s what we should do. Maybe if your coworkers found something they enjoyed, they wouldn’t be such pricks.

9:07 am March, 19 Flyteeth said...

DAVID FUCCEN KORESH!

TARMAL IS THE EWYA TO FUCCEN LIGHT AN DTHE EWAY OT FUC CEN DARKENSS! IS THE ALPAH ANDS THE FUCCEN OMEGA! IS THE SLAPWAHOR AND THE BITCHWAD! IT IS THE QWAY HOME AN DHTE WAY RTO FUCCEN SLAVATION! ASTUDY MY WEBSTIE AN DLEARN!

9:10 am March, 19 El Caganer said...

Nottadouche. Teeny weeny red bikini hott won’t be able to handle a drink that size. Hip hip hooray for spring break flings!

9:13 am March, 19 El Caganer said...

@ Crucial Head

Some of us are still saving up our allowance and aluminum recycling money for a real doll. Quit rubbing it in Mr. Money Bags.

9:16 am March, 19 Mr. White said...

@El Caganer

I made my own Real Doll out of balsa wood, rubber cement, and hair clippings from the neighborhood beauty parlor. I highly recommend the DIY approach for those us on a budget.

9:18 am March, 19 Wedgie said...

“My colleagues make fun of me for playing X Box all day.” Huh, imagine that.

Dickwad.

9:19 am March, 19 El Caganer said...

Tarmal can not be pooped on. Nope, don’t even try it.

Big mistake. Really, big mistake.

9:20 am March, 19 Wedgie said...

BTW, I only mock on this site in between my hours of Bible study, helping old ladies across the street, designing hospitals and changing diapers (mostly my own).

So suck my dick, Mr. Cult Leader.

PS: Didn’t you die in a fuccen fire a while back?

9:21 am March, 19 Crucial Head said...

@El Caganer & Mr. White,

That must be why DB1 gave me the SUPREME POWER TO DELETE COMMENTS!!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**uuurp… ffffrluprprprprshhhh… tweeet**

9:27 am March, 19 Vin Douchal said...

#1- That is not a shocker. She would need to add her ring finger to the salute.

#2- Look in the background. That place is Scrote Beach. Just like the nice relaxing pools in Las Vegas, beaches are now being co-opted into obnoxious noise polution generators. Just stock with a DJ, speakers on a stick and fruity $30 drinks and you have a magnet for a Grieco/Bleeth ritualistic peacocking mind fuck as the swimmin’ hole gets polluted with spilled drinks, pee, greasy man pore juices and menstrual drippings

#2a- When a serious gambler goes to Vegas, the action starts after the amateurs go to the clubs, afterhour parties or their room.

These fuckers like the ones pictured are the guys that hit “19” against a face card cause” I ain’t beaten a ’20’ yet…” completely fucking up the deck

………or slow down the stickman with their genius last second hunch to hop a “9” on the roll so the sticky has to pull the dice back while everyone glares at the mojo killing cockblocker that is rising Xenu from his sleep to clear the table with a seven

……or sit at a bar talking really loudly and ordering the latest designer shot as a perfectly fine video poker game sits unplayed when they should just get a table or a room and circle jerk up there instead of where I am itching to hit a Royal Flush.

-#2b- The pool is for recharging. After drinking whiskey and smoking cigars at a craps table until 5:30 AM one needs to eat a big breakfast and put Pink Floyd on the iPod as they sleep/melt in the 115 degree sun. A four hour drenched in sweat nap at the pool in the blazing Nevada sun is the equivalent to sleeping an entire weekend in a hyperbaric chamber. Shut up. Shut your screaming kids up, don’t blare shitty Top 40 music through faux-rock speakers and most of all, don’t place your lounge chair near mine unless you like the smell of farts and the sound of a Wooly Mammoth with a deviated septum snoring

#3- @ D Koresh 8:37 – Do have a Comic Book Guy fathead on your wall? Worst rookie post. Ever

#4- I’ll give these guys props for not opting for draught beer in a URC. If they shut the fuck up and stay off the gaming tables . Also if they are going to play Chinese Handcuffs with this tart after she barfs up her 10th cute little cocktail

#5 Google stock at $559 /share down from $585 from around the time Db1 went to Word Press. Correlation? Nahhh, jes’ sayin’. However my Ford stock, purchased at $1.84 /share last March now hovering around $14…. nice . I don’t have to go to the office today after all …

10:08 am March, 19 El Caganer said...

Wait a second. The regs can delete my comments? How will I keep track of the things that I poop on?

When did this happen and why hasn’t my retarded comments been deleted before? So many questions so little toilet paper.

What?

10:10 am March, 19 El Caganer said...

@Vin

I,too, purchased Ford at the low. Sure is a nice feeling.

10:12 am March, 19 DarkSock said...

Dammit, Medusa beat me to the lyrics parody…I was gonna do “If you like Penis Colliders”….*sulks away…*

10:15 am March, 19 DarkSock said...

Hell, Koresh, at least you get to PLAY. I have 2 Xbox 360’s, 2 PS3’s, a Wii and three flatscreens in my house and damned if I can get past my kids and wife to get 1 hour into ODST or Modern Warfare 2…so I sit in the corner and mock asswipes instead.

And if you want your ass handed to you just look up “TheDarkSock” on Xbox Live.

It’ll be my 6-year-old playing, but still…

10:18 am March, 19 DarkSock said...

Vin:

Come to Biloxi for the gaming. Stay for the mosquito-spread encephalitis.

10:26 am March, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@D.KoreshTX21 ^

No offense taken but, before you draw any conclusions about those who post to this site you might want to do a bit of exploring. I think you’ll find that the Regulars, and I include in that category the serial Anons, are highly intelligent, regular people. Regular people with butt peeing and jelly dong fetishes, but regular people all the same. Do we enjoy mocking the asshats and lusting after the hotties in the pictures DB1 provides, damn straight we do. Tends to take the edge off of a busy day at work, or perhaps relieve some of the pressure of trying to find a new job, or pay the bills, or “insert daily obligation/demand/stress here”. Me, I’m one of the lucky one’s in life. I’m a Sr. HR Manager for a profitable mining company. I pull good money. I’ve got a loving Mrs. Scrotato Head and two boys who are turing out to be non-douchebags. I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at and the pressures that come with the job can be enormous. I could spend my free time playing X-Box, in fact some times I do with my sons. But honestly, posting my screed to this site takes more brain power and is more rewarding than making the next level of COD: World at War.

You’re not a loser for playing X-box. You’re a bit anal for calling it xbox360, and odds are your work colleagues (apparently not your “work friends”) talk serious nasty shit about you when you aren’t around. But here’s the best part: none of us give a f*ck what you or your work colleagues think about us. We’re happy in who we are (though most of us would be happy being in other people, and by in I mean deeply penetrating hottie girly parts), and we have fun trashing the dregs of humanity that post ridiculous photos of themselves predicting their ultimate failure in life.

So maybe you should peruse the archives. There’s some damn funny shit on this site. Most of it’s mine, but some of these other Regs have managed a funny bit or two. Then, well then I suppose you’ve got some options don’t you?

10:30 am March, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Vin Douchal

If you don’t mind sharing a table with mormons in dark glasses and fake mustaches pounding the free diet Cokes, visit West Wendover Nevada. The loosest slots in Nevada.

Whores with prolapsed vaginas gotta work too.

10:42 am March, 19 Bagnonymous said...

Hitchhiker’s thumb is simply not attractive on the ladies.

11:06 am March, 19 ehcuodouche said...

@Medusa

applause…

/applause

When the song, and it’s new lyrics, is still bouncing around my brain a few hours from now, I may not be so appreciative. Run! Get to the choppah!

11:19 am March, 19 melvil duchi said...

my question is why does every drink have two straws but there are only 3 of them?

one for the pink and one for the drink

@Medusa

just brilliant. Will never hear that song the same way ever.

11:19 am March, 19 Crazed Aborigine said...

@ Scrotato Head

One of the most surreal experiences of my life was sitting in a diner in Wendover Nevada, with bible quotes and smarmy poetry cards (titles like ‘Ode to a Housewife’) on every gingham covered table, when the county sherrif came in with two 30-something tired looking women with him and sat down at the table behind me. They then began a long discussion of the perversions, drinking habits, and illegal/improbable fetishes of the current gaggle of Salt Lake City businessmen the two hookers had been servicing for the last three days. You never, ever would have thought these two were hookers if you didn’t know it, they looked like the mom’s down the street only with a few more miles on them and maybe a little vicadin habit or an abusive boyfriend in the closet. I tell you one thing, though. If half of what those ‘ladies’ said those Mormon pervs did to them or had them do was true, they fuccen A well earned their money.

This completely off topic post brought to you by the flat and lifeless tortilla of despair.

Oh, yeah, one other thing. I would be happy to teach red bikini hott the proper configuration and utilization of the ‘shocker’. Just sayin’.

12:04 pm March, 19 Euripidouche said...

i bet her distal hyperextensibility means she gives a hell of a western grip hand job.

1:08 pm March, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Medusa

For shame to stop at one chorus. Made my eyes watery with tears.

1:16 pm March, 19 Troy Tempest said...

@ Mr Koresh:

Definitely go through the older stuff.

The point of the posts to this site is that we amuse each other, at the expense of the gurgling retards in the pictures.

The important thing is to be funny. If you can’t be funny, then be insightful. Both is best, but funny is better.

This is kind of like going to a bar, only you have to supply the liquor. A couple waltzes in and we make fun of them, because they’re assholes.

In the meantime, much merriment is had.

There are some terms you’ll need to grok onto. Like any professional community we have our own lexicon.

2:25 pm March, 19 DarkSock said...

@ Mr Koresh:

I would also add to Troy’s comments:

1.) Ebony Jelly Dong

2.) Equine Rectal Micturation

3.) Ambien

4:14 pm March, 19 massengill said...

No, I don’t like piña coladas

9:18 pm March, 19 Comex_Preacher said...

now thats weird o’rama, i know beach party cocktails can look flamboyant and homo, but the hilarious “things” they are drinking out of just sums them up, they cant even drink normally, “look at me with my comical drink!”, they must have bought them from the fruity douche bar.

9:28 pm March, 19 Baleen said...

4.) Ezy-tag Dragonslayer

10:09 pm March, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

And don’t forget the black tar heroin. It’s the spur to 90% of the genius on here.

10:34 pm March, 19 Whoop-di-douche said...

For pete’s sake, at least there’s NO ubiquitous red cups here, just some coconut shells or hollowed out melons holding the drinks, which appear to be fashioned after the folk-style clay jug-heads. Sugar cube teeth, oh my!

Let’s give DB1 a round of applause for colorful originality for a change, and quitcherbitchin’.

4:54 pm March, 20 Thus Spake Zaradouchstra said...

They love pina coladas…and gettin’ jizzed in the face.

8:10 pm March, 21 Steve L. said...

the bartenders probably get paid $30+ an hour just to make those decorations. only douchebags and bleeths would pay for shit like that.

10:27 pm March, 21 Mark of the Douchebag said...

Wait, she’s a bigger douchebag then the bra’s are!

Have to give a nottadouche to these bra’s.Their shorts suck, but they’re SMILING, having a good time, and do not appear to be assholes. No punchface, no hand gestures, no tatts, no stupid attitude. They look stupid, but probably nice.

The chick, on the other hand, with the doucheface and handgesture, is a female douchebag.

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