Monday, March 22, 2010

Where's Tongueturd?

Somewhere in this triptych gaggle of southern real world attractive gnaw-thigh each of whom are too legit to quit, I’ve carefully hidden an annoying Fratty Tongueturd.

Look closely.

Can you find him?

# posted by douchebag1
2:19 pm March, 22 T-bone said...

No way. Guys get tongue nobs? Like… straight guys? For real?

2:26 pm March, 22 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

So Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and Lindsay Lohan walk into a bar with Miley’s retarded cousin Rufus….

2:36 pm March, 22 Chad Kroeger said...

Why pierce unless you are going to try to suck some dudes cock? And I don’t want a pierced tongue on my precious unit. My departed wife thought about it and then she was departed.Why do people do this? Why can’t my two year old daughter speak coherently? What happenened to the Kennedys. The new group are all retarded or crazy or married to Arnold.

This guy is not a douche. He is fucking retarded with a stupid thing in his face. Excuse me while I get messed up on cheap spirits, smokes, a few doobies, and a handful of clonazepam. I might squeak in a quicky with the girl next door in hope that she will find my abandoned children in the morning.

2:36 pm March, 22 Sre. R. Biscotti said...

Dude, you are, how-you-say, Gaytarded?

2:42 pm March, 22 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Wish there was more of the hott on the left.

I would like to hammer the turd’s tongue to a picket fence and leave him there for the crows to eat.

2:58 pm March, 22 Soy Bomb said...

“Whoot! Photo-op! Better stick out my tongue, thus removing any doubt that I’m a f*cking full-blown Toolbag.”

3:01 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I thinkth I seeth himth. Isth he the reatrdth withth histh tongue shticking outh?

3:03 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

His T-shirt says “All I got after blowing Arnold on the set of Terminator 3 was this lousy tongue stud”.

3:03 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Hey, why is Perez Hilton looking at me like that guys?”

3:05 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Unbeknownst to most people, Chad really could suck the chrome trailer hitch off of a Ford F-150 Matchbox truck.

3:07 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Magneto, in his infinite wisdom, has begun his campaign to lure all douchetards with tongue studs to their death.

3:08 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Tongue studs taste like burning.”

3:10 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

On an unrelated note, WTF is with the scarf? Oh, never mind, I just figured it out. It must be to wipe off all the manspunk from his shifts at the glory hole.

3:14 pm March, 22 Crucial Head said...

If someone has a better picture of Swift-alike on the left, I would gladly pay you every dollar from DB1’s savings account to email them to me… in a discrete brown paper package.

3:14 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Holy shit! The site just changed over! Am I in an alternate universe now?

3:14 pm March, 22 Crucial Head said...

Oh shit.

Are we going through another rabbit hole boss?

3:14 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I can actually see my avatar now. WOOOOHOOOOO!

3:15 pm March, 22 Crucial Head said...

Shhhh….

Be vewy vewy qwiet…

3:15 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Crucial

Holy shit again! Your avatar is Joe Strummer. My God, these new glasses work great!

3:17 pm March, 22 Crucial Head said...

Damn, Doc B.

All this time, I thought your avatar was a green M&M next to a giant pink cockk.

3:17 pm March, 22 Crucial Head said...

I only had one drink, but daggum, this buzz is hittin’ me hard.

3:19 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Houston, I know we have a problem. The front page is a bit fucked. Luanne is not the creepy guy in knew from down the hall in my dorm. Then again…

3:21 pm March, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Crucial

You were right the first time about my avatar. I called it “Self-Portrait of my Zanzibar Nights”.

3:21 pm March, 22 DarkSock said...

No one could help Chad get the engorged tick off of his tongue. That night he swore off dog balls forever.

3:24 pm March, 22 Crucial Head said...

Now that I can see DarkSock’s avatar up close, consider me afraid.

Very afraid.

3:29 pm March, 22 scrotum pole said...

Agreed, DarkSock’s avatar caused me to pee in my undies.

However, I’m liking this font far better than the “Civil War-Era Newsprint” we’ve been using.

3:39 pm March, 22 fatness said...

Shit. Who moved the island again?

3:41 pm March, 22 douchebag1 said...

You get what you pay for, people. Sorry about this. Not supposed to go live until Friday.

– management

3:42 pm March, 22 douchebag1 said...

And by you, I mean me, and by pay for, I mean being a cheapass.

3:45 pm March, 22 douchebag1 said...

Yes, 2.0. will have large Avatars as per the reg’s request. And by large Avatars, I mean boobs.

3:46 pm March, 22 Soy Bomb said...

Whelp, for what it’s worth, the sneak-preview looked pretty sweet for the 30 seconds that I saw it.

3:48 pm March, 22 Crucial Head said...

Thanks for the preview, boss.

I agree. Boobs.

4:17 pm March, 22 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

Me likey the preview, chief. One question, will Ass Pear be enlarged like the avatars? I may have to stock up on lotion and kleenex if it is.

4:22 pm March, 22 Medusa Oblongata said...

God, what a way to spoil a masterpiece. It’s like El Greco’s ‘The Assumption Of The Virgin’, with a giant turd where Mary should be.

4:35 pm March, 22 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Medusa^

I believe you mean “Assrumption of the Virgin Larry”, in which Larry, surrounded by hotts, just doesn’t get it. Which of course means he just doesn’t get it.

6:06 pm March, 22 G said...

Found the Tongueturd – next to the stale, squashed gum on the bottom of the left side hott’s 4 inch stilettos.

6:13 pm March, 22 scrotum pole said...

@ Scrotato

I believe what Medusa was reffering to was this classic masterpiece “Consumption of a Sturgeon.”

8:38 pm March, 22 Wedgie said...

Wow, surrounded by hottness and that is the face he comes up with. “I’ll just stick out my tongue and look like I’m taking a dump”. Very original, Mr. Tongue-Pierced Butt-Pirate. And by original, I mean the first guy to come up with that move was a contemporary of Herodotus. And being Greek, he also liked to get boo-foo’d.

Please go away. But leave the girls.

9:57 pm March, 22 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Scrotum Pole 6:13

Actually, what’s hilarious is that he’s eating Huachinango. So you just submitted the first ever pic to HCWDB of a guy eating red snapper. High five.

11:07 pm March, 22 Euripidouche said...

red snapper at night, boss’ delight.

red snapper at morn. marriage alright.

1:05 am March, 23 Istis Est said...

I see London

I see Rome

I see three sultry damsels to mouth my dome

1:06 am March, 23 Istis Est said...

Roses are red

Daffodils are yellow

I’ll have these girls’ vaginas squirming on my dick like DJ Bello

1:16 am March, 23 Istis Est said...

There once was a tongue turd from Venus

Who looks vaguely like Deputy Enos

Though it’s quite off the subject

I must interject

Those hotts should come sit on my penis

2:50 am March, 23 Steve L. said...

this pic has all the makings of a horror movie starring Paris Hilton.

i have no idea why i just said that.

5:25 am March, 23 boatbutter said...

Keep up the good work DB1. And by “good” I mean fiscally responsible. And let the “oo” in “good” indicate boobs.

5:46 am March, 23 Maxim Kovalenko said...

Yeah, we can see him. I just wish I could UNSEE him 🙁

5:57 am March, 23 Big Tony Ventresca said...

I’m not sure why you guys are having so much trouble using the site and seeing avatars, etc. I’m running Explorer 6.0 here and the “new” site works fine and has always worked fine. It must be some sort of reverse technological progress.

6:00 am March, 23 DarkSock said...

As the girls enjoyed a cruel laugh at his expense, Tim pondered the harsh lesson in Nail Gun Safety he’d just learned.

7:27 am March, 23 Deltus said...

A wise man once said, “When a girl gets a tongue stud, it’s because she wants to use it to suck cock. When a *guy* gets a tongue stud, it’s because he wants to use it to suck cock.”

These three hotts (and in my view, they’re hotter than your uberhott goddesses, because when comparing uberhott to realworldhott my chances of having sex with them go from absolute zero to one chance in a billion, which is still higher) are hanging out with their gay friend. And that’s not as bad as hanging out with a straightbag, because viral transmissions rates between gaybags and their hotthags is much lower. Still not zero, though.

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