Monday, April 5, 2010

Ask DB1: Defining Doucheosity

—-

DB1,

Merriam-Webster defines virtuosity as “great technical skill (as in the practice of a fine art).” Now I’m not claiming doucheosity to be on par with fine art, it’s the complete opposite. But when has a douchebag reached doucheosity?

You are doing the Lord’s work,

— ICEMAN

—-

When he’s this toxic a swill, wearing that creepy Christian rosary bead pud-necklace, and he’s cuddling with a bouncy Vegas gnawhottie like Melanie, then doucheosity has been achieved.

Even Brothabag Isaac Hayes, a clear scrotal vortex in his own right, finds this pudwack amusing.

# posted by admin
4:52 pm April, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

I was gonna say, are we talking about the dude on the left or the right? ‘Cause I’d say this pic is a double-donger of doucheosity.

4:53 pm April, 5 El Caganer said...

@medusa

I wasn’t sure either.

5:05 pm April, 5 scrotum pole said...

If that f*@kin’ hippie would cut his hair and button his shirt, he could get a pass.

All I can say about Shaft is:

That Shaft is a bad motha’…Hush yo’ mouth.

5:09 pm April, 5 Vin Douchal said...

That circle pointed at his neck looks like one of those laser sites on a rifle only in this case it looks like the shooter is lining up a bazooka shot.

We can only hope

Maybe later Ike is gonna bitch slap the both of them

5:16 pm April, 5 Soy Bomb said...

I’ve seen rotting corpses display more vitality than this choadwank.

5:22 pm April, 5 clam fist said...

That’s no douche. That’s a redneck. I can tell by the angry look of bewilderment and of course the flannel shirt. He works at Pep Boys. I wonder if he moonlights? He might fix the ol’ Camaro on the cheap.

5:27 pm April, 5 clam fist said...

Of course he does some work after hours. That’s why Blonde went out for drinks with him. Her car wouldn’t start and he fixed it.

I have to admire her strong sense of obligation and her sexy back.

5:30 pm April, 5 bcs said...

thats the look my dad would always give me whenever he caught me trying to pee in his prize horse

just kidding, my dad is dead

6:24 pm April, 5 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

As the SS stormed the night club, only Pedro, in pink in the background, pathetically attempted to offer a Sieg Heil, but it was too late and everyone was hoarded onto trains and sent East. Only Melanie was spared, although she was sent to a Lebensborn camp to be bred by only the finest of the Reich’s society.

.

.

*crickets*

.

.

What? Too soon?

7:01 pm April, 5 Bagnonymous said...

Is that… Chad Kroeger?

.

Oh no, sorry–my bad. It’s Matt Stafford.

8:11 pm April, 5 Whoop-di-douche said...

Blue and white plaid, blue and white stripes, these are just Duke and Butler wannabe fans in douche-drag.

9:52 pm April, 5 Dicy said...

Hipsterbags drive me crazy. I have a good friend who came to visit me last weekend. I was excited for her arrival because I would get to meet her boyfriend for the first time and she seems to really like him. I was met with a hairy skinny white kid in a plaid shirt. Are the any instances where its okay to date a hipsterbag? I mean he was kinda nice, just mostly weird and dressed ridiculously. Thoughts, hunters/huntresses?

10:53 pm April, 5 Crucial Head said...

Elroy adjusted his tripod-mounted bazooka, and once its laser-sight found a soft-focus purchase in the tender folds of his quarry’s esophagus, the trigger was released and the rest of the story is written in tiny tendrils of gray matter, arterial blood, and metallic shrapnel that was smattered uponst the adjacent walls.

10:55 pm April, 5 Crucial Head said...

“Honey, I don’t care how long you gargle with Lamont’s seed, it will not get you pregnant. So let’s stop this charade and spit it into this cup here.”

10:57 pm April, 5 Crucial Head said...

“Baby, I think it’s high time you gave President Comacho’s wig back.”

10:59 pm April, 5 Crucial Head said...

… but not before you have another swig of this thirst-mutilating Brawdo.”

11:13 pm April, 5 Baleen said...

Borthabag just eyeing his game. He knows Joe Smackbag is gonna nod out soon and then he will strike. The white bitch won’t know what hit her.

12:33 am April, 6 Steve L. said...

ghost marriages are fucking scary. but using actual human remains during a ghost marriage ceremony?

that is…

that is…

that is…

doucheosity at its finest.

1:57 am April, 6 Euripidouche said...

in the words of transcendentalist ralph quido immersion

longface whitefellow….

what the fuck!

she has the forward slumping shoulder of low self esteem…which is sexy.

5:09 am April, 6 boatbutter said...

Does the rosary make the Brothabag a Fathabag?

5:11 am April, 6 asun said...

issac? thought that cheesin’ douche was ving rhames

6:21 am April, 6 Tony Ventresca said...

Dicey @9:52:

He sounds like he’s in the grip of the “urban lumberjack” phenomenon. It’s a passing fad and hopefully (for your friend’s sake) he will move on soon.

6:42 am April, 6 Deltus said...

The “urban lumberjack” phenomenon brings a special load of bile to my throat. Actual lumberjacks could, and might, kick this douchestain’s weenie ass.

8:15 am April, 6 DarkSock said...

After a night of being relentlessly mocked, Lars swore to himself to never fall asleep in the tanning bed again with a pancake on his trachea.

8:33 am April, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Crucial 10:59

Here’s to hoping that President Camacho REALLY wants to mutilate his thirst. Then maybe he can mutilate that guy everyone knows who dealt weed in 8th grade that never made it to 9th grade that had the badass IROC-Z.

9:18 am April, 6 Deltus said...

@Bagnonymous: this isn’t a formal complaint or anything, it’s not like I own the image I use for my gravatar. The Unknown Comic ain’t exactly my intellectual property or anything. But… well, what’s with that, man?

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