Thursday, April 1, 2010

Ask DB1: Whither the Pucker?


—-
DB1,

After three years of browsing your virtual playground of douche-nozzles, one overwhelmingly perplexing question remains: why do bag and bleeth alike pucker their lips when posing for what will soon become yet another passing memory in the Hall of Scrote?

Most sincerely,

Kierkegaardouche
—-

It is a psychoanalytic response to the presentation of the collective gaze in the form of the signifier of the technological.

In other words, when confronted with the alienation of the digital image capture of the self, the body must contort to become virtual spectacle.

Without contortion, the body cannot exist in the medium of the new representations.

And also, these morons think the chicks dig it.

# posted by admin
4:13 pm April, 1 Justin said...

Hey! It's the Dominican Jon Stewart!

4:14 pm April, 1 Bagnonymous said...

I don't think I'd wither this guy's pucker. But I'd wither the hell out of these two hometown semi-hotts.

4:24 pm April, 1 creature said...

i would truly like to pucker up to far left hotts hind quartes

4:25 pm April, 1 creature said...

quartes=quarters… sheesh!

4:27 pm April, 1 clam fist said...

I've seen hotter hotts,but blondie on the far left is really doing it for me. I want to lick her in the eye until she slaps me silly.

4:42 pm April, 1 Whoop-di-douche said...

As for the kissy-pucker lips, my personal feeling is that while the general population of doofuses swallows goldfish, douchewads, when tanked, swallow kissing gouramis.

And blondes swallow their pride.

4:42 pm April, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Jose Labios de Pato demonstrates the donkey cunnilingus technique he uses in the XXX-Rated Tijuana Theatre version of Man Of La Mancha de Cumstain de Burro.

4:46 pm April, 1 scrotum pole said...

Douchebags pucker for the same reason assholes wave and clown for the camera at a baseball game.

Always interesting to see Washington Nationals or Baltimore Oriole fan holding up the "We're number one" finger, for the camera, long after their playoff hopes are in the toilet.

4:54 pm April, 1 scrotum pole said...

Chick in pink has the hand of a seventy-five year old woman, but somehow still manages to clutch that purse like an osprey clutches a trout in a windstorm.

Donnie is no slouch either. Gotta' give him props for the rare, Clear-Glass-Marlboro stranglehold.

4:54 pm April, 1 Mr. White said...

Blue dress is boobular delight. I applaud her for maintaining a winsome smile in the face of a pucker and her pink-dressed friend, whose eyes are slowly but surely moving to the sides of her head.

5:02 pm April, 1 Vin Douchal said...

KMarko at Barstool Sports hits a home run in "punched/kicked/elbowed in the dick" humor:

Hilarity

5:17 pm April, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Vin's link: ^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

And it's true. My legendary nose breaking happened at the hands of an unruly 10 year old I was babysitting. That kid was a holy terror and I haven't been able to breathe right for 24 years because of that little fucker.

I can say nothing about the pic that DB1 hasn't already said. In fact, I feel better about the whole thing now that I have a better understanding. It's still douchey, but I'm no longer perplexed.

5:38 pm April, 1 Anonymous said...

Weird how they assume the shape of their targets that much. I never looked at douches as particularly empathetic.
And, I always thought it was the chicks who were supposed to be making kissy-faces.

weird.

6:02 pm April, 1 Douche shower and shave said...

As the Mongolian desert dung roach signals it's mates with the lifting of it's hind feelers so the douche signals to other douche with similar gestures. The puckered kissy face is just one example of a gesture for douche attraction.

6:03 pm April, 1 Anonymous said...

RSS feed doesnt work, please fix it soon

6:11 pm April, 1 Bob said...

They're exercising their lips, the better to stretch around the swole cockks they will be swallowing later. And a true douche is all about the exercising in some form or another.

Get some!

6:11 pm April, 1 Bagnonymous said...

@ Mr. White, 9:54am

..not to mention that pink hott's blonde mane is slipping back off her head. If the distance from hairline to eyebrows equals eyebrows to chin, that can't be good. I'd still poke her, though

What? She's kinda cute, and probably has one of those squeaky voices. (Man, I must have some weird fetish for mutant chicks.)

6:23 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

That facial expression is known as "Sucker's Cramp".

He has it bad.

Good call on Pink's receding hair and slowly spreading eyes. Her eyes are farther apart than Pelosi and Coultier. If the continental drift of her facial features continues inexorably to the base of her skull then she will eventually look like this from head-on.

6:27 pm April, 1 MILLS said...

Ahha pinky is a plain useless bore-wife however Ms.DD on the left is bangin definately hiding some massive marshmellows under the blanket and what fags is he smokin may i ask? hah

6:36 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Here's a picture of Pink Hott's father.

6:37 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Her eyes are so far apart there's a truss between her sunglasses' lens.

6:38 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Her eyes are so far apart she has to shut one eye to drive.

what?

6:38 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Her eyes are so far apart she stays seated in her ophthalmologist's waiting room during her eye exam.

6:39 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Her eyes are so far apart she can't use door peepholes if the foyer's too small.

6:39 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Her eyes are so far apart she can only drive an AMC Pacer

6:40 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Her eyes are so far apart her favorite food is sugar cubes.

6:41 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

Here's a picture of Pink Hott's Mom

6:42 pm April, 1 DarkSock said...

I love her.

Pink Hott, I mean.

Not the Mantis.

6:58 pm April, 1 Fatness said...

Whew. I thought you had lost your head.

7:53 pm April, 1 Whoop-di-douche said...

Her eyes are so far apart, she'll morph into Dover sole.

7:55 pm April, 1 Whoop-di-douche said...

"Razzberries!"

8:02 pm April, 1 Bob said...

Her eyes are so far apart, you can't sneak up on her from any angle.

8:07 pm April, 1 El Queso said...

Now Pinky, don't you try nunna yer shenanigans! How many times have I TOLD YOU, yo Mamma has eyes in the back of her head!!!

9:48 pm April, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Tony Elfuego provides the complimentary service of sniffing each female bar patient for recent signs of sexual activity and then volunteers to vacuum up any left overs.

10:38 am April, 2 Steve L. said...

every successful businesswoman must have at least one embarrassing photo from their carefree days.

and by "successful businesswoman" i mean pink hott. i don't know what blue purse hott is, really.

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