Saturday, April 3, 2010

Ask DB1: Why the $#@s and *@#s?

—-
Deebs1,

Why you always adding those weird @!#$@ things to curse words? Like writing “f*ck” instead of the real thing? I mean c’mon bro, surely you’re not afraid to curse on the site. What’s the deal?

– Marco Vesputin
—-

The explanation is a silly one, M.V. HCwDB has been fighting a long, losing battle with large corporate work I.T. filters that refuse their employees the enlightenment that comes with practicing the Zen art of Hottie/Douchey mock.

Apparently HCwDB has been determined to be “non work related” in nature.

You’d think boobie lusting wasn’t the reason why most men go to work in the first place. And douchebaggery the reason most women hate their jobs.

# posted by douchebag1
11:33 am April, 3 Douchie Howser, M.D. said...

The new site kicks @$$!

12:10 pm April, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Well ╒ữçκ me in the ᧧ with a rusty toaster. Don’t you БЇזčħəş know anything?

In order to conform to regulatory requirements and good documentation practices, cross out any cocksucking mistakes with a single line.

12:15 pm April, 3 Just Sayin said...

Jesus bling sweats for your sins. How appropriate.

12:21 pm April, 3 Clam fist said...

That’s not the f*cking reason. Stackhouse, my hero, does it.

12:24 pm April, 3 ashfish said...

Holy fuck I have an account! Weeeiirrrddd. I like the new site design. Alas, everyone gets fucked over by the corporate world in one way or another, this site is no exception.

I know Jesus is all for that ‘love thy neighbor’ crap, but I’m pretty sure he’d take out a fiery sword and lay the smack down on some douchebag bitches. Particularly ones who wear shirts that make it look like they hurled on themselves. So much skeeze, and its not just coming from the one in the middle. Holy crap someone hose down those girls. At this point they’re pretty much past redemption so we might as well get a wet t-shirt contest out of it.

12:24 pm April, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

Shit Piss Cunt Fuck cocksucker Motherfucker and Tits!

Whew.

I’m gonna go pee in somebody now.

Nice cross with middle-finger combo there, Shaggy. Great, Jesus died for assholes. He’d give himself a facepalm but then he’d spike himself in the eye with a nail.

I’m going to hell.

12:33 pm April, 3 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Great job, Ms. Oblongata: You’ve soiled HCWDB’s otherwise sterling reputation with the corporate community.

Gosh darn you to heck.

12:50 pm April, 3 Troy Tempest said...

ashfish nailed it. Yeeesh – since when did puke stains become a fashion statement?

KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

12:53 pm April, 3 Troy Tempest said...

And by kill, I mean mock mercilessly. There are fates worse than death. One is to be a fucking douchebag. Another is to be a douchebag, get photographed acting like one, and then have thousands of people read about what kind of an asshat you are and mock you endlessly for all eternity or until they turn the interweb thingie off.

12:53 pm April, 3 Clam fist said...

I’d hate to see how many hours I’ve wasted on this site.

12:54 pm April, 3 Baleen said...

The inside of that limo smells of cheap tequila, cumin, and Wal Mart knock off cologne. What a fucking mess.

12:55 pm April, 3 Ohio FJ said...

This site rocks – love the new look

12:56 pm April, 3 Troy Tempest said...

Design issue – there are too many categories in the categories.

I’d hack it up. Have separate menu for Douchie Awards and then another one for tributes (ass pear laplante, future ex Mrs DB1, pumpy etc.)

1:03 pm April, 3 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

AAAAAaaaaaGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Delete! Delete! Delete1

1:05 pm April, 3 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

I’ve defaced. What’s equal on the ‘net to Seppuku?

1:15 pm April, 3 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

[…whimper.]

[curl in fetal position in corner.]

[rue for eternity web markup inadequacies.]

1:33 pm April, 3 WheezerHCwDB said...

I need a f*@kin’ avatar or I’mma fist pump the sh*t outta this mutha!

I have no clue what that means.

1:46 pm April, 3 Crucial Head said...

Right on Boss.

I’ve been looking forward to getting back stateside for over a week, just so I could see HCwDB 2.0 in all its glory.

I also wanted to see my wife and kids again.

But mostly just to see this site.

I look forward to getting back into the mocking groove.

Good work Jay.

Cheers!

2:02 pm April, 3 Crucial Head said...

He has the look of a douche rendered wetly incontinent by a diet of Goose, Monster drinks, Marshall Mathers and some rampant pox that has speckled its discharge all the way through his Exchange shirt.

2:16 pm April, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Rico…….Suave!

2:22 pm April, 3 G said...

Nice site layout…except the douchebags overshadow the hotts.

A job welldone, DB1! And by welldone, I mean, now you have all the time in the world to masterbate and drink PBRs

2:25 pm April, 3 Bagnonymous said...

Crucial! We’ve missed you. (In a totally non-homo way, of course.)

I’m with Clam fist on this one–it was Stackhouse who taught me how to f*cking swear on the interwebs.

Oh, and FYI, Marco Vesputin: I’d also like to think that my restraint in foul language somehow sets me apart from semi-douches who address DB1 as “Deebs1.” I’m just sayin’. You might wanna cut that shit out lest you get mocked. Oops, look at that, I just said “shit.” Shit! I did it again!

2:54 pm April, 3 Steve L. said...

@ Sergeant Scrote Stain, Wheezer, and anyone who doesn’t know how to get an avatar on HCwDB 2.0,

check the forums for the thread i just made.

2:54 pm April, 3 creature said...

can I please f#$k this dipsh&t with a splintered crucifix?

2:56 pm April, 3 Steve L. said...

by the by, f&ckity f$ck f*ck sh#tface @sshole c%cks~ckers.

yep. i’m talking about Pfah’s IT Nazis.

2:56 pm April, 3 creature said...

is the skeez on the left wearing pants?

3:05 pm April, 3 creature said...

thanks Sleve L… now I wont eat your dead!

3:24 pm April, 3 Whoop-di-douche said...

Where’s that fuccen FLYTEETH and his SLAPWHOARIN’ when we really need him? SUCCEN on TARMAL, hot damn!

3:45 pm April, 3 Euripidouche said...

the one on the left gets a nottableeth pass from me.

she at least has the good sense to cover her stretch marks for the picture.

4:49 pm April, 3 wheezer04041966 said...

Thanks Steve L – as you (and everyone else) can see in my gravatar, there is Zombie (L; R.I.P. 08-16-2008) and Bosco.

7:12 pm April, 3 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Tap, tap, tap…. is this thing working?

7:12 pm April, 3 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

OK, it is. Now how do I load my gravatar?

7:29 pm April, 3 clam fist said...

Gravatar was simple Thanks SteveL

7:33 pm April, 3 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

How about now?

8:01 pm April, 3 Flytheeth said...

@WHOOP DI FUCCNE DOUCHE

I AM EVEYR EHWERE AND NOWHERE AT THE SMWE FUCCEN TIME! TARMAL ALLOWS THIS!

8:02 pm April, 3 Flyteeth said...

AND I MISSPELLELED MY OWN FU CCEN NAME? IRONTY OR JUST STPUIDIDTY? YOU FUCCEN JUDGE SLAPHWOARDS!

8:05 pm April, 3 DarkSock said...

ArgleBargle

8:08 pm April, 3 DarkSock said...

Still have no fuccen idea how I got my avatar set up.

TARMAL?

9:56 pm April, 3 fatness said...

FUCCEN TARMAL

3:23 pm April, 4 fantagor said...

I’d like to melt down his cross into a silver bullet and pop that round in his hideous were-bag hide.

7:49 pm April, 4 Flyteeth said...

@DARODKSOCK

I TOOK IT UPON MY OWN HBAD FUCCEN SELF YOU SEND SOME TARMAL YOUR WAY TO FIX YOUR SLAPWHOAR GRAVATAR!

10:16 pm April, 4 DarkSock said...

My Gravatar IS Tarmal, silly fly. Unless you mean my old coin-op arcade game Gravitar I keep in the garage…that needs fixing. Bad vector display, and the speaker has cone rot. Much like Christina Applegate.

Too soon?

7:20 am April, 5 Deltus said...

Well fuck.

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