Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Breaking: Internet Uberdouche "Nik Ritchie" fulfills Goal to Become HCwDB Crap Sandwich

Perhaps the biggest testes gargle on the internet this side of Arthur Kade, the loathsome uncreative vortex of suckage, “Nik Ritchie,” who “runs” thedirty.com, married Lorenzo Lamas’s daughter in Vegas after knowing her a week.

This fulfills Mr. Ritchie’s lifelong dream of becoming the HCwDB ubercrap sandwich his spiritual limitations long ago defined as the be all, end all, of self inscription in the pop culture babbleverse.

This odious clown has been ripping off HCwDB’s pics and concept for years. First in his old site, “Dirty Scottsdale,” and now as the gossip peddler of college catfights. Mr. Ritchie deserves every bit the inevitable crash and burn awaiting his pablum sucking lifestyle of attention whoring desperation.

No Nik, the Hollywood agencies won’t sign you. Not even if you marry z-list celebrity spawn. But keep harassing them for months with phone calls containing all your genius ideas for the next “Girls Gone Wild.”

Or your reality pitch, “How to Take a Mugshot Like a Champ”.

# posted by douchebag1
12:30 pm April, 28 Claude Douchenburg said...

Nik Richie (real name Hooman Karamian)

Wow! He is a who-man isn’t that a guy that a lady spends the nite with and then forgets not only the guys name but that the event even happened?

12:44 pm April, 28 Baleen said...

So the happy couple opted for the Michael Jordan package at their hotel. I guess the bride donned a soiled jock strap that night. Classy.

1:22 pm April, 28 Soy Bomb said...

“…not even if you marry z-list celebrity spawn.”…ZING! I love it when DB1 gets all hostile.

1:34 pm April, 28 mr.reeve said...

Karamian??? “Hey bbbrrrooooo!!!! Come to Glendale for cigarettes and yogurt soda bbrroo!!!”

Now it all makes sense. Way to go Armo Bag! Glendale California is overflowing with douche. Stay away and don’t go near it.

1:38 pm April, 28 Bagnonymous said...

Hooman? HOOMAN? Seriously f*cker, your name is Hooman!?! AAAAHHHH HAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAA

.

I bet your parents hate you. I mean, they probably hated you even before you plastered yourself over the internet.

1:50 pm April, 28 Troy Tempest said...

Married. After a week. Yeah – that’ll last.

1:56 pm April, 28 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The “Michael Jordan Package” also includes a full size jelly dong of Jordan’s package which, I’m told, both members of the wedding party enjoyed but which will ultimately lead to the demise of the marriage by oh, about this coming Monday at 3:00 in the morning when Ms. thedirty.com gets tired of Hooman bogarting the batteries.

1:58 pm April, 28 Ponderonymous said...

Ahh, this brings back fond memories. Memories of everyone regular and Anon troll-bombing the shit out of his website. It was some classy harassment.

-Ponderonymous

2:07 pm April, 28 Chad Kroeger said...

This is getting very bad. The flies are out, who the fuck is Arthur Kade, another Kardashian relative, and who is Lorenzo Lamas with the felonic daughter? And who is this Nik dude? I don’t have the will to wiki them so I give up.

I willlllllllll sleeeeeeeeeeeeep nw.

2:07 pm April, 28 Mr. Bagoo said...

Hooman Karamian is a douchebag, married to a skankbag.

Why is he important again?

2:09 pm April, 28 Anonymous said...

Übercrap sandwich, oh yes that’s our Nik

His scroteness is huge, but small is his dik

I don’t know why you married Miss Renegade

Cos I’m sure you knock boots with that choad Arthur Kade

2:10 pm April, 28 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

Übercrap sandwich, oh yes that’s our Nik

His scroteness is huge, but small is his dik

I don’t know why you married Miss Renegade

Cos I’m sure you knock boots with that choad Arthur Kade

2:38 pm April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

That dumb fucking Brit, Matt, had 25 hotties to choose from but opted for the the Lamas gal after meeting her father and realizing he was Hollywood rich.

The Bachelor Season 12 was an off year in the hott department , but c’mon, mate …

I would love to be in the room when Lorenzo Lamas meets Nik,….. ERR .. Hooman.

2:42 pm April, 28 Mr. White said...

Note to the blushing bride: You may want to do most of the driving. Hooman has a little DUI problem.

2:42 pm April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

In a related story, Rumor Willis was wed in a small ceremony at the Glendale City Hall to Baloonian Cartoonian, who runs the notpleasant.com

2:45 pm April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

In a related story, Paulina Gretzky was wed in a small ceremony by the La Crescenta Justice of the Peace to Spitoonian Fullmoonian, who runs the website, the slightlysoiled.com

2:50 pm April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

In a related story, Zoe Kravitz was wed in a raucous ceremony at the San Manuel Indian Bingo Hall to Stankpoonian Monsoonian, who runs the website, the Ishave3timesdaily.com

2:59 pm April, 28 Anonymous said...

Are we Hooman, or are we dancer?

3:12 pm April, 28 Chad Kroeger said...

If I go gay do I have to pee in a soccer players butt.

3:41 pm April, 28 Deltus said...

Don’t mince words, db1, tell us what you really think of him.

3:43 pm April, 28 Chaz Bono Kroeger said...

Since my gender reassignment and increasing ugliness I have a few comments. Am I less stupid and ugly? Is my mother more of a dirty whore? Is my brother less of a tranny? Will Montreal win the hockey game tonight? Fucking right they will.And all you clowns get a Montreal smoked meat sandwich if they win the Cup unless you are gay.

And in a related story did my dad really die hitting his head on a tree. Should I drive my shitty Toyota?

4:02 pm April, 28 Horace Dangleballs said...

Hey, Hooman…

SHAME, SHAME YOU DRUNKEN BASTARD!!!

4:12 pm April, 28 Chad Kroeger said...

@Vin Douchal

Stankpoonian FTW. I have to go watch Montreal win so they can lose to Boston.

4:13 pm April, 28 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Well, this should last until the end of the summer, at least.

.

Looks like he pressed his t-shirt at least. Classy!

4:20 pm April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Db1 should have at least sprung for the two dots over the “U” in uberdouche and ubercrap, you know, like a belated wedding present

4:22 pm April, 28 Euripidouche said...

raised by seance and asked for a quote on the hooman-lamas nuptuals, albert einstein replied ” Only two things are infinite, the universe and hooman’s stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. “

5:25 pm April, 28 doucheywallnuts said...

Isn’t “Hooman Karamian” the name of the gas station owner, played by Jackie Mason, in the movie “The Jerk?”

Oh no, that was Mr, Hartounian…Same thing, tho…

10:03 pm April, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

Well, I’d like to post the theorem that the force of attraction is transitive. Meaning, if Nik can pull said quality hott into his life, and he’s attracted to your ideas and copies them for his site, then said hott should feel blessed as you apply rare himalayan youth cream to her thighs with marshmallows blessed by the pope.

And in said sacrament, she will learn the secret of where orgasms really come form.

10:18 pm April, 28 DarkSock said...

Their first born is going to have corn imbedded in it.

.

Medical fact.

10:27 pm April, 28 DarkSock said...

A copycat Hooman who goes by “Nik Ritchie”

Hitched to a soap star’s princess quite Bitchy;

He’ll soon sit perplexed

And quite under-sexed

Pondering what’s been making his dick itchy…

10:32 pm April, 28 DarkSock said...

A who-bag marries a plaigarist Hooman;

Her twat belches spawn that’s half-human;

What’s even more sad:

Boy looks like his Dad:

A poo-sculpted Alfred E. Neuman.

12:48 am April, 29 Steve L. said...

nothing says rich and (in)famous like honeymooning at the Hard Rock.

okay cross out the “rich” part at least…

4:56 am April, 29 douche equis said...

Gee thanks DB1. I’d forgotten all about Arthur Kade. Now I have to scour my eyes with Drano again. What’s the point of his site again? I think there was, at one time, some hope on his part for snowballing Internet fame, but it looks like the snowball has melted, leaving Kade sitting in the puddle, a condition I’m thinking he isn’t unfamiliar with.

6:05 am April, 29 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

I think this gentleman is vying [sp?] for MegaSupreme Douche. A sort of douchie trinity. ‘Bag, ‘Baghead, & The ‘Bagging. Scrote Volcano attention whore. Not nice.

7:00 am April, 29 End the Haberdouchery said...

Boss, you need Nik Ritchie, open your eyes. It’s poo like him that keeps you on your toes and your quill sharp. We don’t want you resting on your laurels around here.

Beautiful rant, you made it hard to hold my bladder during this three hour teleconference.

8:39 am April, 29 DarkSock said...

Any relation to Llaemmmhaeh?

9:16 am April, 29 DarkSock said...

Nik and Wife then left from the podium Straight Away to the nickel slots.

.

Then they played Jackpot machines.

11:09 am April, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

All I can say is BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

.

And I mean that about the comments thread. About the post, I shake my head in dismay and remember why I quit drinking in the first place–To end up like Nik here would be inhoomane. Snork.

12:00 pm April, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

Is his favorite band “Hoomanstank”?

12:00 pm April, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

No, wait, I think it’s the Hooman League.

12:01 pm April, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

“Hoooooooman Riverrrrrrrrr, that Hoooooomannnnn Riverrrrrrr……”

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