Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Captain This Pic

Just when you thought it was safe to go ‘bag in the water.

# posted by douchebag1
12:57 pm April, 27 Crucial Head said...

Immediately after Yung Ling’s finger was pulled, everyone within a three hundred yard radius was scalded from the waist down in boiling water.

12:58 pm April, 27 scrotum pole said...

This is why they don’t put lights inside a septic tank.

1:01 pm April, 27 Crucial Head said...

The chum bucket next to Tilikum’s holding tank was filled with a jostling horde of baitfish, slipping through the bloodied water; biting indiscriminately; ravenous and toothy, like quickened shadows awaiting their fate.

1:03 pm April, 27 Crucial Head said...

Admiral Mantitty observed the demise of his ship from the safe shallows of a neighboring reef.

1:04 pm April, 27 scrotum pole said...

Buffalo Beast takes his Corona and makes a hasty exit, upon seeing the camera.

1:05 pm April, 27 Crucial Head said...

Try as she might, Cynthia never could seem to surprise the Rear Admiral with her strap on jelly dong.

1:05 pm April, 27 douchebag1 said...

Whoops, accidentally prematurely posted the next post, but took it back off (will go up in a few hours)

I hate it when that happens. I usually try to think about baseball.

-management

1:07 pm April, 27 scrotum pole said...

DarkSock utters an evil snicker as he fires up his yellow runabout, preparing to bloddy the gulf waters with chopped choad.

1:08 pm April, 27 John McenDouche said...

This is Dog Green, this is Dog Green.

The beach is not open

We repeat: the beach is not open

1:09 pm April, 27 scrotum pole said...

DB1

, I always tell my girl the same thing.

“It will go up in a few hours.”

1:13 pm April, 27 anon said...

The chief Somali bag pirate threatens to unleash red cup mayhem direct into the water system off New Jersey.

1:15 pm April, 27 anon2 said...

God’s finger of Shame comes down from Heaven above left to shame Captain Scote and the Sirens of Havasu.

1:20 pm April, 27 jonezy said...

when the manatees were finally asked, they told us that they preferred extinction

1:22 pm April, 27 Hong Kong Douchey said...

So it WAS Capt. Steubing that lead Cruise Director Julie down that dark road.

1:24 pm April, 27 doucheintheheartoftexas said...

Life has not been good for the Captain and Tenille as they are forced to play floating septic barges to make ends meet.

1:26 pm April, 27 dondouche said...

(Red Bikini In Back) “Gee, I wonder why I have’nt seen any of the guys walk to the restroom”?

1:28 pm April, 27 doucheintheheartoftexas said...

Douche,

douche will keep us together,

think of me babe, whenever,

some sweet talking skank comes along

swinging her jugs

don’t mess around,

the axe is too strong

Just Stop (stop), ’cause I really douche you

Stop (stop), I’ll be thinking of you

Look in my ed hardy and let douche keep us together

1:28 pm April, 27 doucheintheheartoftexas said...

not proud that I know those lyrics,

nope, not proud at all…

1:33 pm April, 27 dondouche said...

“Muskrat Cove”?

1:34 pm April, 27 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Although the water was shallow enough for even the most unskilled swimmers to be safe, Tammy, ever the considerate one, brought an air mattress along for their beloved crabs.

1:34 pm April, 27 Deltus said...

When worn properly, a hat on a woman increases her sexiness by at least 1 point. Ie. a 6 becomes a 7, a 7 becomes an 8, etc.

1:36 pm April, 27 shit-stained underpants said...

Spaulding says, “Doodie!!!!!!!”

Spaulding says, “Farts, Double farts!”

Spaulding says “I want a hamburger, no a cheese burger, i want french fries…..”

Guess what DB, “You’ll get nothing and you’ll like it!”

1:39 pm April, 27 Scrotie and the Bandit said...

Judge Smails says I want the entire pool scrubbed, sterilized and disinfected!

1:42 pm April, 27 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

The all-powerful hand of Buffalo Beast appeared and struck down upon the infected masses with furious anger and retribution for befouling his favorite swimming hole with the stank of Axe and anchovies.

1:44 pm April, 27 jonezy said...

we can only hope that all the pointing fingers in this pic are directed toward gigantic falling meteors

1:49 pm April, 27 jonezy said...

after the Nair was proportionately mixed in the gigantic petri-douche, there was not a chest hair left on the male specimens

1:52 pm April, 27 Anonymous said...

what captn swarthy’s mess hall really looks like

1:56 pm April, 27 Bagnonymous said...

What’s with all the fuccen pointing?

1:56 pm April, 27 End the Haberdouchery said...

Release the Kraken: Lake Havasu

This title for the Xbox 360 puts you in the shoes of the kraken, a mythical sea monster capable of epic destruction. In this installment you are unleashed on Lake Havasu, AZ, ready to destroy anyone and anything holding a red cup or bottle of Bud Light.

2:02 pm April, 27 Crucial Head said...

Yaaarrrrgghh!

.

Here be Cap’n Beardless McGogglesworth, ready to plunder n’ pillage e’ry STD in these here yeller-waters!! Avast ye scoundrels and elder child cockks who can ne’r invoke the butt pirates code of parlay. For the Cap’n be tak’n a plank to his treasure chest at this very moment.

2:06 pm April, 27 Bagnonymous said...

@DB1, 1:05pm:

Ya know, whenever that happens to me, I try to think about baseball, too. It only speeds things up, though. It only speeds things up

2:11 pm April, 27 Chad Kroeger or Dark Sock's Sister said...

Captain, my Captain. You are fucking gay and I am waiting for the weekly. My male horse may get peed in tonight.

2:32 pm April, 27 Doc said...

If you are DarkSock’s sister, and you live in Mississippi, then doesn’t that also make you his wife?

2:36 pm April, 27 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Ahoy polloi… where did you come from, a scotch ad?

Yo bra you got my boat?

2:40 pm April, 27 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Ahoy there! Could you chaps direct me to a policeman? Commodore Schmidlapp’s the name. Big Ben Distilleries, you know.

3:01 pm April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

Michelangelo’s lesser known masterpiece, The Creation of Chlamydia.

3:06 pm April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

Captain Spank clenched his URC with mighty resolve: to win the threesome with Quartasian Julia Stiles and the Cowgirl Mermaid, he first had to take the full measure of their sorority sister, Thunderjugs McGoon.

3:35 pm April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

The still visible fart vapors wafted skyward as Mae Lin punctuated her curse to the photographer, “You will breath your last breath, if you shoot me with this pile o’ poo!”

3:37 pm April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

All the other swimmers turned their backs and prepared to move away as the lifeguard called out, “POO in the Pool! POO in the Pool!”

3:41 pm April, 27 Douche Scroets Scrociety said...

Ladies and gents, please lock up your daughter

For Captain Ballsack has just jumped in the water

With red cup in hand and hott on his back

His bitches be bangin’ but his scroteface be wack

4:15 pm April, 27 Crucial Head said...

Victims of the oil rig explosion meandered about the oil-slicked water in a state of bewilderedment as a Coast Guard deck hand tossed out a lit match to put a quick end to their misery.

4:30 pm April, 27 Turdacious said...

Zeus dropping the kids off at the pool

4:39 pm April, 27 Turdacious said...

HMMMM, looks like its time to change the blue tablet again.

Them damn things only last about 3 weeks

4:43 pm April, 27 Chaz said...

Has anyone seen that little Kitner boy?

4:44 pm April, 27 toddjerad said...

Terminator 5, revenge of the flotation devices

5:06 pm April, 27 Horace Dangleballs said...

Away, away with fife and drum

Here we come, full of rum

Lookin’ for women who’ll peddle their bum

In the North Atlantic Squadron

5:18 pm April, 27 Stephanie said...

Sometimes….a person wishes the piranha would come north.

6:29 pm April, 27 Troy Tempest said...

They all have hemorrhoids.

6:51 pm April, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

By now, this is Lake Havapoo.

6:52 pm April, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

That may be the Captain, my friends, but she thinks he’s a Rear Admiral.

6:57 pm April, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

That weird haze in this photo is

a) water splatter on the camera lens.

b) steam heat from fresh poo.

c) the misting of Axe spray deodorant cover-up.

d) the last breath of all the underwater-life as they expire from environmental contamination.

7:14 pm April, 27 Eric said...

Sometimes….a person wishes the piranha would come north.

7:48 pm April, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!!!

8:07 pm April, 27 Mr. Bagoo said...

“Honey, the toilet is overflowing again!”

8:17 pm April, 27 End the Haberdouchery said...

Beat you to it Medusa 🙂

9:54 pm April, 27 Bill said...

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!!!

10:32 pm April, 27 Baleen said...

I think the the manatee in the background with the blue flotation device was actually taking a dump when the picture snapped. Because later that week, a lone fisherman thought he landed 150 pound brown sturgeon. He was eventually overcome by the fumes of cumin, methane, and rotting piquins. Silly fisherman.

    12:48 am April, 28 DarkSock said...

    And verily didst the fish and fowl of Lake Poobegone taste of smashed arsehole for a dozen fortnight thereafter and a rainbow sheen was evident to the eye for 7 moons hence.

1:00 am April, 28 down under douche said...

“The Creation of Poo” (Douchesis 1.26a, 2.7.)

1:01 am April, 28 Cap'n Douchebag said...

There’s a great joke in here about the Captain’s dinghy, but I’m too drunk on Natty Ice to figure it out…..

2:07 am April, 28 Euripidouche said...

illegitimate great-grandaughter of the original bambino,bebe ruth calls her shot as she is about to peg for the cycle needing only to insert a 37 inch lousiville slugger into a stage three douche, having already accomplished the stage 1,2 and 4 douches.

2:29 am April, 28 Steve L. said...

“we sunk the Titanic, bitches!”

2:30 am April, 28 Steve L. said...

for once, i wish that ghosts are real.

8:52 am April, 28 UFO Destroyers said...

New Discovery Channel feature:

Deadliest Catch – Opoolio Season

9:12 am April, 28 ehcuodouche said...

Love, and the Ubiquitous Red Cup, will keep us together.

9:13 am April, 28 ehcuodouche said...

Alternate caption: Douche it to me one more time.

2:40 pm April, 28 Douche-Bo Baggins said...

Thurston Howell the Turd

2:42 pm April, 28 Thus Spake Zaradouchestra said...

Two ho-hos and a scrotefull of douche.

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