Sunday, April 18, 2010

Douchebags Frolic in the Parking Lot #562

In the far off land of New Jersey, when the retirees are asleep and the construction sites have closed for the evening… the Jerzbags come out to frolic.

EDIT: Extra points for finding the DJ Bello cameo.

# posted by douchebag1
8:53 am April, 18 clam fist said...

Not so bad. I give ’em props for creativity. I think they are actually at that club, where the inside looks like the outside and the outside looks like the inside.

8:57 am April, 18 clam fist said...

By the way, peeing in a girls butt is called “a hot tub”. I couldn’t believe the girl I met was up for it and had a name for it. Damn, I love the sluts.

8:58 am April, 18 clam fist said...

First!

8:59 am April, 18 clam fist said...

Thanks Darksock. I had forgot to post first

9:03 am April, 18 El Caganer said...

The “hot tub” leads to a mess if she ain’t close to a toilet.

9:05 am April, 18 El Caganer said...

No one can claim this site isn’t educational. All this time, I thought butt peeing was a myth.

9:14 am April, 18 Wheezer said...

“EDIT: Extra points for finding the DJ Bello cameo.”

.

That means I’d possibly have to sit through the entire 3:26. The harakiri, of course, follows immediately after.

.

The question: Do I have a death wish?

9:26 am April, 18 DarkSock said...

Back in the more wholesome days of my youth we only did constructive things in parking lots after hours. Like traffic drugs, knife-fight and hustle anus for cash. Not like this horrific “frolicking” business.

9:44 am April, 18 mr.reeve said...

Proof that Bags come in all shapes and colors. That is the lamest, gayest thing I have seen since WoHo on Halloween.

9:45 am April, 18 mr.reeve said...

WeHo not WoHo. WoHo is a cheaper version of HoHos.

9:52 am April, 18 scrotum pole said...

Dude’s name is Mario.

Go figure.

9:54 am April, 18 Baron Von Goolo said...

Even a gweed with wicked moves

Hanging out with a Jersey hott,

May become a douche when the dickweed blooms

In a MickeyD’s parking lot.

.

.

Huh…gypsy curses just don’t have the oomph they did when I was a kid.

10:38 am April, 18 Mr. White said...

@darksock

We showed off our bad-ass Camaros and listened to Slayer. Then we’d go off to play “White Trash Laser Tag.” It’s like laser tag, except you don’t have the money for the real thing, so you use .22s instead. Head shots not allowed!

11:09 am April, 18 DarkSock said...

Two Guidos in a parking lot frolics

Secretly yearn for each other’s Jaw-Sticks;

They substitute their foot-working

For their craving of Man-Gherkin

And mutual 69 Ball-Licks

11:20 am April, 18 End the Haberdouchery said...

They substitute classic stoicism

For parking lot frolics and glowstickism.

With retardation aplenty,

I predict after twenty,

A future full of onanism.

11:53 am April, 18 Anon said...

How appropriate that this takes place in the handicapped spot!

11:59 am April, 18 Comex_Preacher said...

for those who haven’t seen it, here is one of the lastest vids of the many guido hate videos on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPZWWEFf83Y

12:39 pm April, 18 DarkSock said...

At the end of their McDonald’s shift

Two gweeds show their frolicking gift:

Each one throws down their dance

Like fire ants fill their pants

‘Til Momma pulls up with their lift.

1:03 pm April, 18 DarkSock said...

Behold the biggest dipshits on Earth

Cuttin’ rugs on McDonalds Turf;

They frolic and prance

With their rubber-legged dance;

Such high self-esteem…yet no Worth.

1:04 pm April, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Bobby Bratz and his ilk, Meh! Who cares?

As they flash their most worthless wares

In Islam their dead

Cut off their heads

Answering any faith’s fervent prayers

1:06 pm April, 18 DarkSock said...

And where the hell’s Captain Bringdown?

1:06 pm April, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Douchebags Frolic in the Parking Lot #562

On any Sunday there’s better things to do

Trim Granny’s toenails

Mop up granpa’s shit trails

For narry a dime or thank you

1:09 pm April, 18 Vin Douchal said...

their= they’re ^

And where the hell’s Spell Nazi?

1:10 pm April, 18 Vin Douchal said...

And where the hell’s Buffalo Beast ?

1:31 pm April, 18 Deltus said...

I was going to expound on the banality of this, the utter pointlessness of it.

But now, I cannot believe that peeing in butts not only is a real thing, but it’s called a “hot tub”. Un-fucking-believable.

I’ll just be over in the corner, weeping for the doomed fate of humanity. Nothing to see here. Carry on.

1:44 pm April, 18 DarkSock said...

Well I guess I better not tell Deltus what a “Yellow Clydesdale” is then….

2:47 pm April, 18 scrotum pole said...

To a different tune, the douche marches,

Their poor diet is heavy with starches,

Like some weasels with cholic,

These guidos do frolic,

‘Neath the light of the bright Golden Arches.

3:01 pm April, 18 Chad Kroeger said...

Did I delete that rant? Fuck.,

3:23 pm April, 18 Army of Douche-ness said...

ok, i grew up in the suburbs of boring as hell Cleveland but cant fathom that we would have ever danced in parking lots. I just dont get how this even happens.

buy some fucking skatebaords or something

3:42 pm April, 18 G said...

The only thing that would improve this video is if a drifting car lost control and wiped them out.

I can only dream…

5:05 pm April, 18 Crucial Head said...

This reminds me of the treasured lyric from the classic Joni Mitchell song Big Yellow Gas Pee, that went thusly:

“They paid a pair of guys, to put IcyHot up in their slots.

Mmmmm, na, na, na na.”

5:07 pm April, 18 Crucial Head said...

And by the way, where the hell is Douchetoevsky?

.

.

.

Or Holbrook’s Douchestershire Sauce?

5:19 pm April, 18 DarkSock said...

Where’s Pfah? I know he’s got an iPad at home…

I had an Ambien addled dream that Douche Vader and BCS came back…the thin line in the sands of time between sanity and batshit crazy is being blown hard, like an L.A. coke dealer named Big Vig in a nightclub toilet stall by a Kansas famgirl named Jenny that her parents will only see once more, with a “Y” incision between her breasts.

5:27 pm April, 18 El Queso said...

Hey, for these guys it was probably either this or green-beret their way into the old abandoned mental asylum, snort some reagent-strength Peruvian mescaline, commune with the old gods, and rewrite the victorian classics like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde at a seance with EINSTÜRZENDE NEUBAUTEN scraping the paint off the annex walls with a rusty bedframe from 1899.

… I guess this was just less effort.

Next time fellas, next time.

5:41 pm April, 18 JESSICA said...

bobby b is hot and why dont you put up a video of him getting the clubs crazy ASSHOLESSS

5:51 pm April, 18 scrotum pole said...

If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s being accused of not having an asshole.

I have a perfectly good, albeit stinky, asshole.

5:58 pm April, 18 Crucial Head said...

I’m glad you are back Jessica. It’s been a while since one of our “olde” trolls showed up.

.

.

DB1 actually tried to put up footage of Bobby Batz lightin’ da club on fiyahhh wiff his mad skillzz!!!

.

.

Unfortunately, Whitesnake confiscated all the footage.

6:40 pm April, 18 Troy Tempest said...

Damn. This is still slow and nasty. I am looking forward to getting a new computer…

I got through the video right up to where Bello shows up. Then I stopped it before my retinas turned into pools of molten lead.

6:58 pm April, 18 Steve L. said...

between DJ Bello and JESSICA, HCwDB has its next century’s worth of materials down pat. for better or worse.

wait. did DB1 already say that on Twitter? damn.

6:59 pm April, 18 Steve L. said...

yeah i got nothin’ on this lazy Sunday evening except copious amounts of drinking.

7:10 pm April, 18 DarkSock said...

Bobby Blatz can dance a jigsaw toothless. Hatterz.

7:12 pm April, 18 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

ay yi yi. not sure the extra points were worth it. that was fail on so many levels.

–VS

7:56 pm April, 18 DarkSock said...

For those of you jockeying for top gun in your local purple prose competitions: trek back to the Stackhouse update from last week. It appears The Man himself Cames To Correkt.

8:13 pm April, 18 red said...

it’s just a couple of kids having fun in a parking lot.

now, show me a dude on a motorcycle with modified straight pipes, and i will guarantee the douchery will be explosive, that’s right–explosive douchery! nothing like being next to an asshole that thinks his bike has to be louder than a 747 for there personal style (yeah, blow the alleged “safety reasons”, that is a canard).

8:15 pm April, 18 red said...

i am an internet douchebag

9:16 pm April, 18 fucentarmal said...

we need to archive this and many other materials, for a ready counter, the next time the rhetoric of american exceptionalism finds its way too far into the bloodstream of our body politic.

shorter: who the fuck are we to think we are bettter than anyone when we do shit like this.

9:57 pm April, 18 Baleen said...

Jessica, I was at one of Batz’s parties at his crib and it was off the chizzain! There were five people lurking in the shadows, a neglected dog committing suicide on the back porch, jizz stains on the bathroom mirror, and a brown sleeping bag in the corner that smelled like kim chi and fecal matter.

10:01 pm April, 18 massengill said...

The parking lot dance party was a hit

So great that young Brittany taped it

And even old Bello

Shows up to say “Hello”

And his friends are meticulous ass shit

10:18 pm April, 18 massengill said...

Whenever they have the chance

Some guys just gotta dance

They flop like flounders

As they eat Quarter Pounders

They should be run through with a lance

11:11 pm April, 18 Dick O'Mass said...

Maybe these Guidos need some “Jersey Boy” therapy…….

http://theproblemwithmentoday.blogspot.com/2010/04/disturbing-trend.html

11:32 pm April, 18 Euripidouche said...

who the fuck stole my avatar?

6:10 am April, 19 you'reaslameastheyare said...

dudes on this site are surely douchebags, but the chicks aren’t hot; so I don’t really get the name. Anyway, all you dorks who make fun of these guys are just as lame as they are. Why would you want to look at other losers all day, does it make you feel better about yourselves? I could maybe see this shit website going over well with bickering 14 year olds, but unfortunately it seems to be mostly young adults commenting & posting. Go do something positive, instead of frustrating yourselves looking at people you obviously don’t like day in & day out.

6:15 am April, 19 Douchey Smurf said...

wow.

6:40 am April, 19 Scroteophobic said...

Just wow.

12:30 pm April, 19 red said...

really. wow.

12:41 pm April, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This confirms my stance on animal testing. Whatever they gave those chimps is just downright nasty.

I was hoping that was some sort of Toyota truck those guys got out of at around 2:00 minutes. You know, they kind where the accelerator gets stuck and then runs their asses over and over and over again.

Oh and you’reaslameastheyare… Go fuck yourself. I’m not 14 and I love to make fun of douches. If we don’t, who will. I know I’m a hatter and all that but if you don’t like it here go to http://www.isuckdouchesformoney.com where you belong.

1:12 pm April, 19 Whoop-di-douche said...

The eastern cottontail rabbits in my backyard are more fun to watch in the spring-mating season than these two wankers.

In my earnest opinion, the Jerzwanks were exposed to National Geographic videos of African tribal ritual dances when they were but mere elementary school students, and added a few snorted substances to their acquired routine as they reached junior high. High school and beyond brought increased testosterone effects to the brew.

What hath emerged is a kind of testicular bunny-hop, if you will……

1:27 pm April, 19 Michelle said...

This confirms my stance on animal testing. Whatever they gave those chimps is just downright nasty.

I was hoping that was some sort of Toyota truck those guys got out of at around 2:00 minutes. You know, they kind where the accelerator gets stuck and then runs their asses over and over and over again.

Oh and you’reaslameastheyare… Go fuck yourself. I’m not 14 and I love to make fun of douches. If we don’t, who will. I know I’m a hatter and all that but if you don’t like it here go to http://www.isuckdouchesformoney.com where you belong.

7:09 pm April, 20 Whoop-di-douche said...

It isn’t often that I return this late to the scene of the visual crime, but these dancing boys do remind me of the FRONTLINE episode I just watched on PBS this evening, about the Bacha Bazi “Dancing Boys of Afghanistan” in that they could well be older, used up rejects.

Well, there IS a resemblance to the vapidness of it all…

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