Friday, April 23, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

Yup.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

Some week we mock the ‘bags. And some weeks, the ‘bags mock us. And some weeks, even the hotties are douchey. And we all start drinking.

Here’s your Friday Links:

Where do you find Douchebag? Between bitch and ho.

Large Chicks with John Mayerbag.

Some days I like to contemplate the great Kantian shift in understanding subjectivity and the limitations of human consciousness. Other times I like to contemplate Kitty Boob.

Tanning beds might be addictive. In an unrelated story, so are tasty gummi bears.

Kumar gets mugged on the way to White Castle.

Ladies and gentlemen, Timmy Gaga. From the Disney iconography to the overweight confusion of overstimulated childhood, all that is wrong with America encapsulated in one YouTube clip.

Terminal Lance, a military inspired comic strip, mocks the doucheyness of Ed Hardy. Semper Fi, good Sirs!

In Denmark, there’s a bar shaped like a rectum. Where you go to get wrecked, um. I apologize for that last joke.

Band vs. Promoter. A story of life, love and the indie music scene. Totally epic.

Great video games Hall of Fame: 1987’s Police Quest. Where Helen Hots lived fast and died young.

Okay, enough of the random links that helps me relive childhood innocence (and I’m referring, of course, to the rectum bar). Here’s what you’ve been waiting for.

Here’s what you’ve earned.

Oil Pear.

Begin “change of fluid” jokes… now.

Go forth. Go forth and celebrate. Another day of living. Another day of life. And another day of pear.

# posted by douchebag1
12:55 pm April, 23 Bagnonymous said...

Bucky?

12:56 pm April, 23 Lämp said...

**clicks on**

.

.

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I Love Oil Pear

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.

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**clicks off**

12:57 pm April, 23 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

I see Smoot is still rockin’ his scoliosis. And his douche face.

1:00 pm April, 23 Bagnonymous said...

Helen Hots needs to ease off the tanning beds.

1:01 pm April, 23 Crucial Head said...

Police Quest was pretty good. But I loved playing Space Quest on my Tandy 3000 rig.

.

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I’ll never forget Roger Wilco, the Sarien’s, and Vohaul’s Revenge.

.

.

I wonder why I never fit with the other kids in the neighborhood?

1:03 pm April, 23 Wedgie said...

I’ve been to that bar. No matter what you have to drink there, when you leave, you feel like going home and taking a shower.

And all they serve are Black & Tans.

1:05 pm April, 23 WeisenheimerBrainstorm said...

So that’s where the dipstick goes!

1:07 pm April, 23 Bagnonymous said...

Looks like Oil Pear just gave sombody a rectal Kit Kat.

.

* shudders * ..and then masturbates to picture anyway…

1:08 pm April, 23 Bagnonymous said...

^ somEbody

.

Learn to spell, dipsh!t.

1:18 pm April, 23 Anonymous said...

At the Rectal Bar:

The bouncers are Ex-Lax.

There once was a gas leak, and the whole place stunk for months.

The “EXIT” signs say “ASSHOLE”

1:20 pm April, 23 Chad Kroeger said...

I am depressed again although oil pear and a greasy hamburger may make someone happy with the /kit kat.

Have a great weekend guys and gal?

1:28 pm April, 23 UFO Destroyers said...

WIth the amount of frostbite on Oil Pear’s left hand, you’d think she’s the last survivor of the Donner Party.

Not that I wouldturn down the chance to vigorously give her the best 24 seconds of my life over the gas tank of that customized organ donation device.

1:39 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

I peed in that bar once.

1:49 pm April, 23 Chad Kroeger said...

@ Dark Sock

How do you have so much pee? And why not use a toilet more?

@Baleen

I am cooking your avatar now before it gets too warm to broil inside. Thank you.

1:51 pm April, 23 Anonymous said...

Rectum? Damn near killed em!

2:18 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

My favorites from the Rectum Bar page’s comment section:

“Bartender, one mudslide, please.”

“Now that’s a place to get shit faced!”

“So. . . are the bartenders known as “Butthole Servers?”

“No chairs in that place. Just stools.”

“I heard the place is a real dump.”

“I’ve played some real shit-holes before but this one takes the cake.”

“I prefer the bar down the street called prolapse. The decor is so much more interesting.”

“the bartender’s name is Hugh Janus”

“Sir, may I push your stool in?”

Hey these commentors are our kinda people…

2:25 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

@ Chad Kroeger 1:49 – “How do you have so much pee?

.

Go thee to the Hall of Scrote and study the Tao of Bra!! Let Bra!! show you the way….to 3-liter.

2:26 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

Bra???

2:28 pm April, 23 Mr. Bagoo said...

It would take a lot of oil to grease up that big ol’ booty … count me in!

2:30 pm April, 23 Mr. Bagoo said...

Oh, and the fat kid is destined for gayness.

2:30 pm April, 23 Scooby Douche said...

I don’t mind that Oil Pear has a tattoo on her ass.

I do mind that the tattoo is not the Scooby Douche avatar.

2:32 pm April, 23 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

I fear for Timmy’s safety in the coming years. That kid is an example of why the TV show Glee is a stain on American culture. Damn their generic covers and campy style.

In other news, Boob Kitty looks mighty comfy. Would ’twere that I were it.

2:54 pm April, 23 notadouche said...

Other Friday news. . . I’M GONNA BE A DADDY!!!!

It’s my first step in a new anti-douchebag resistance movement.

3:00 pm April, 23 scrotum pole said...

My wife called me at work and asked if I’d pick up some marigiolds at the garden center.

I did as I was instructed, but on the way home, I started having second thoughts about the ethics involved with keeping living organisms captive for the pleasure of an overweight, miserable middle-aged woman.

I stopped on the I-65 off- ramp, and gently set them free in the emergency lane.

3:11 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

@ Scrotum Pole:

I was upset with you until I realized you said “Marigold”, not “Maui Gold”.

3:56 pm April, 23 Crucial Head said...

Re: The pic at the top of the post

.

The exposed, lightly tanned, supple hint of side boob is quite impressive.

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.

.

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And the blonde with the black bikini is hott too.

3:59 pm April, 23 Crucial Head said...

Douchebag in the middle brought his mask, and Smoot’s got the meat snorkel in his pants.

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I am going to go throw up.

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Followed by some serious Friday binge drinking. Followed by more vomiting.

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Cheers everyone!

4:11 pm April, 23 massengill said...

Police Quest, Space Quest, Kings Quest, Hero Quest…Sierra Entertainment had the Quest front on lock. And they were great games, too. I only played the ’92 remake of the original Poliece Quest, though.

4:18 pm April, 23 massengill said...

Re: The pic at the top of the post

Douchebags Beyond Thunderdome

4:19 pm April, 23 massengill said...

RE: RectumBar

That place stinks.

4:40 pm April, 23 Bag That Ass Up said...

Poor Demi Moore thinks she’s still hot enough for Mayerbag.

Face still looks good, but she looks like she’s been blowing Kutcher a lot.

5:51 pm April, 23 Deltus said...

I checked, and Oil Pear is a quart low… of pee. Dark Sock, if’n you need help, lemme know, I’d pee in her butt.

Lord, how far I’ve come in just a few days.

I’d still do her like a rhesus monkey on a triple espresso.

8:57 pm April, 23 DarkSock said...

Brah???

.

Brah!!!!!!

9:08 pm April, 23 Crucial Head said...

Broooaaaahhhhh!!!!

9:36 pm April, 23 Crucial Head said...

Höly shit.

.

DB1 döne rescued the Saжûræ ScяœЋe thread.

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ŦHAT, ∏uttufucka’s… is SKILZZ!!!!1!!!1!

9:42 pm April, 23 Troy Tempest said...

MY molly coddling wombat sucks at everything including butt floss. No hope is allowed with asphalt rats. Be a miner – suck some poo for a living until better in your pants melts and you comit in the same key as the collected works of Mac Davis.

It’s like an anal fissure without the vicodin.

10:00 pm April, 23 Wheezer said...

@notadouche, 2:54 p.m. –

.

CONGRATS! The world always needs more ‘baghunters/huntresses – maybe you’ll have twins?

.

I can imagine our buddy colt “The Dolt” Curtis will be “filin a lawsuit” regarding the not-so-commercial use of his new back tatt.

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And speaking of tattooing stuff, I’m going to stuff Oil Pear’s fine behind with my white ink injector. Or I’ll dream about it.

10:43 pm April, 23 Baleen said...

If Timmy Gaga doesn’t at least succeed as a make up artist on Broadway then there is always the priesthood. If he grows up to be a gaybag with bad taste, he’ll probably look like the middle douche in the top pic. The one with the blue frames. Either way, this poor kid’s gonna get his ass kicked repeatedly in school. Builds character.

3:55 am April, 24 Chad Kroeger said...

@Dark Sock

You were very swole Bra. Dr. Pepper and Skol Vodka don’t make me pee that much. Maybe I have to same water pills to get ripped. I’m going golfing. I will come back drunk and in a bad mood because it is snowing.

4:30 am April, 24 Euripidouche said...

a colonic walk into the rectum bar, the bartender says, you want to take a load off?

5:38 am April, 24 doucheywallnuts said...

I am compelled to comment on every steroid douche picture…On the right we have a prime example of a lazy steroid douche who thinks all you need to do is go on a cycle and let the juice do the rest. Obviously, not…So Mr. Fatty Juicy Douchey, hit the gym a few more times per week and maybe even visit the cardio section, or perhaps be a tad discrimination in your dietary choices.

6:10 am April, 24 my friends call me @$$hole said...

LCwJMB=epic

8:01 am April, 24 Chad Kroeger said...

Snow. I would like to give oil pear a supplement of my Moly Chad 50 fuel injector cleaner in a planet I like to call Huranus.

10:07 am April, 24 Deltus said...

I just took another long gander at Oil Pear, and the magic of her posterior’s visage (if you will) cleared my clogged sinuses. It’s true! There’s healing power in that butt.

3:20 pm April, 24 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Never in my life have I so badly wanted to be a kitten

Kittens get all the pussy!

Even the ones with two faces.

6:48 pm April, 24 LOL said...

Love this site!

9:00 am April, 25 Anonymoose said...

Mark of the bag?

Terminal Lance is funny. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!

9:45 am April, 25 Dave said...

Love this site!

12:39 pm April, 25 Steve L. said...

Timmy Gaga is the… Timmy Gaga of our generation. um yeah.

12:43 pm April, 25 Steve L. said...

the Large Chicks with John Mayer pic was probably taken in the Rectum Bar. just saying.

12:55 pm April, 25 Steve L. said...

also, did Cityscape Pear elope with Buffalo Beast?

Buffalo Beast, you sneaky swashbuckling bastard, you.

1:59 pm April, 25 Steve L. said...

@ Douche Howser M.D. 3:20 PM,

hey Carmen Electra actually ain’t too bad without her makeup.

4:46 pm April, 25 Simon said...

Snow. I would like to give oil pear a supplement of my Moly Chad 50 fuel injector cleaner in a planet I like to call Huranus.

7:23 pm April, 25 Eric said...

Love this site!

12:47 am April, 26 Larry said...

@ Douche Howser M.D. 3:20 PM,
hey Carmen Electra actually ain’t too bad without her makeup.

11:42 am April, 26 smoot said...

im bakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

10:52 pm April, 26 William said...

Love this site!

3:14 am April, 27 Ian said...

the Large Chicks with John Mayer pic was probably taken in the Rectum Bar. just saying.

4:31 am April, 27 Lee said...

Timmy Gaga is the… Timmy Gaga of our generation. um yeah.

5:08 pm April, 30 Tonloc said...

That’s Smoot on the right!

5:17 pm April, 30 Tonloc said...

…AND HE’S FAT!

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