Monday, April 26, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

This week’s selection of buffet-style schroad/hott involves classic douche/boob cohabit. As such, it’s a pretty tough choice. Here’s your noms:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Crayon Gary and Simona

C.G. is a perfect illustration of hottie/douchey dialectics.

As Marx explained in his inversion of Hegelian power structures, class and societal fracture, the circulation of douchebag meaning becomes amplified when in the presence of quality boobie suckle. The tainshmeg can only define itself by that which it shmegs its taint on.

And that tatt, real or not, is uberpud.

I’m working on a theory about the act of body marking, primitivity and the split in the psyche between the real and the virtual causing a need to reinscribe the body through marking.

But that lecture is for another time. Today is the Weekly. And Crayon Gary is punch worthy, while Simona asks me softly and in a lilting voice to massage her thigh muscles with chicken fat and a soft boiled egg.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Flex Luthor and Jennifer

Flex Luthor hatches his grand scheme to capture Boobiewoman!!

Okay, enough with the comic book riff. Cuz I was a Green Arrow fan, myself.

Flex Luthor brings classic roided up Jerzbaggery. And dammit, classic Jerz poo still rankles me, even if in the age of “Jersey Shore” it seems less mockworthy than it once did.

And lets not forget Flex and Jen’s Beefy #2.

Flex and Jen used to be that classic Jerz Douche / Hot Chick combo that fueled the site.

But in an age of ear and chest scarring, giant ear holes and Jed The Creepy Wankscrote, maybe we cannot un-see this next generation of douche.

And Jennifer is delightful purity drinkable leg water.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Melanie and the Suckerfish

Melanie rounds out the third of our three quality of H.C. sides of the hottie/douchey equation with curvy aplomb.

And by curvy aplomb, I mean, well, curvy aplomb.

I would pooch. And lick. And then tap dance.

The Suckerfish is an exploding head of douchewankery.

He deserves mock for the face. The hair. The shirt. And even by looking at a pic, we all know that his feet smell like gouda.

Together, they make poo.

(Dis)honorable mention to Militia Max, who, as Wheezer so rightly puts out, features Meghan from last June’s Kitchenbag. Meghan loves her Jerz Douche beefy. Also (dis)honorable mention to the KFC Scrotal Melt Sandwich and the hilariously clueless Crowdbag.

But them’s your three.

Now I turn to you. I want you. I need you. To pee on their rug. Which tied the room together.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:11 am April, 26 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Suckerfish

The balding hair- the fugly face, that huge forehead, the pink shirt- yes he is the douche of the week

7:26 am April, 26 Chad Kroeger said...

They all have the ‘je ne sais poo’ about them. Crayon Gary looks like he is acheiving some form of self-actualization as per the genius of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Suckerfish and his possum purse toting cusin’ have only reached the stage of love and belonging. I must follow Maslow’s theory for

Flex Luthor. Flex breaths, eats, finds water, sex, sleep, and excretes, his homeostatic propensity is ambigous. And Flex Luthor is so wide he cannot get out of the bottom level of Maslow’s pyramid.

7:27 am April, 26 RAPETIME said...

I normally would want to strangle Crayon Gary with his beads for having such a shitty tattoo, which looks like a bunch of Keebler elves vomited a bag of Skittles onto his hairless chest. But he’s flying HARD on the ecstasy, and, well, I’ve been there and would have probably gotten the same stupid tattoo if there’d been someone around with the needle and ink. And I would bang the hell out of Simona, since he’s not going to be able to for a while. Been there, buddy.

So, I reluctantly have to give this week’s to Flex Luthor and Jennifer, because I want to pound his gapemouthed, overmuscled body with a four foot piece of rebar until I’m incapable of lifting it anymore, and then fuck her senseless on top of his slowly cooling corpse. I know it’s sick, but that’s how I roll.

7:32 am April, 26 Chad Kroeger said...

I was too deep in thought to mention Flex for the win.

7:35 am April, 26 Just Sayin said...

I remember Suckerfish from our school – he was in the “special” class.

7:36 am April, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

CG looks like he’s just happy to be there and dressed like that on a dare or maybe a costume party. Flex Luthor is all that is douche and thus my choice for HCwDB of the Week.

7:40 am April, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Jersey Douche is so cliche. It’s not even mock worthy anymore. They may as well hire Jerry Lewis to host a telethon in order to raise money for a cure, because it is that sad an affliction.

I’ll go with Crayon FTW.

Simone should be enjoyed while she’s still hot, and before she plumps up like a bratwurst on the grill and starts sporting chin hair.

7:48 am April, 26 ehcuodouche said...

The crayon guy, though it looks more like a silkscreen. Simona is the only really hot one this week.

8:06 am April, 26 Deltus said...

Gotta go with Crayon Gary and Simona on this one. He isn’t just a douchestain, he’s a stain on the fabric of humanity, on my very soul. Dumb fauxhawk, mandana, Skittles beads holding what I think is an infant pacifier (SRSLY?!?!), shirtlessness and, of course, the stupidest chest tatt I’ve ever seen. Simona is beautiful island/vaguely exotic hott perfection who knows she could ask you to do anything and you would. His touching her brings me to the greatest boiling point of rage and willingness to kill. The others are good HCwDB examples, but they don’t rise to this level of pacifier-sucking poo.

Crayon Gary and Simona FTW.

8:08 am April, 26 Evil_Redheaded_Stepchild said...

I mistrust Simona’s eyebrows, and suspect they’re trying to have a secret meeting at the back of her head where her face will be none the wiser. Flex Luthor is about as wide and sturdy as his brain and his self-esteem are narrow and fragile. The Suckerfish is so douchey that even his hair is running away from the horror that is his face. Suckerfish is so douchey he makes me want to slap all straight women just on the off-chance that one of them might someday date him. I sentence Melanie to a firm and bouncy paddling for getting that close. Her safeword will be ‘Bronzer’.

Suckerfish for the weekly. Gah.

8:09 am April, 26 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Tough call but I’m going with Crayon Gary. That tatt, even if temporary, in tandem with the candy necklace, should be a potent chick repellant in a rational society.

And the ambiguously indigenous hottness of Simona will someday put men on Mars. And by put men on Mars, I mean IOB.

Crayon Gary should be put to the rack.

CG and tasty Simona FTW

8:17 am April, 26 boatbutter said...

Crayon Gary. Anyone who lets the inventors of Doodle Art puke Skittles all over his chest at least deserves to win the weekly.

8:18 am April, 26 justadouchalo said...

Flex Luthor and Jennifer for the weekly. Flex for giving us tennisball bicep, eye makeup and stupid face. Jenn for giving us ‘most expensive first date’ and a troublesomely persistent burning sensation when we urinate. To his credit, Flex appears to at least be looking at Jenn.

8:18 am April, 26 Chad Kroeger said...

Eesh mite bee a cloose 1 dis wik. Fuck Jed the Creepy Wankscrote and pis me my purpled crunk beetch.

8:19 am April, 26 End the Haberdouchery said...

I can’t summon the hate this morning. Crayon Gary looks like he’s having a great time with good company. Who am I to judge him for his mohawk, bandana, pacifier necklace, and tattoo of the 7th dharma gate?

Flex is not a douche. Overpumped, maybe, but he’s got a tough job as an elevator operator. When your fat ass steps in the box and presses a button it’s guys like him standing underneath you pushing you to the floor of your choosing. Be grateful.

I can’t make an argument why Suckerfish could possibly be a productive member of society. Suckerfish and Melanie FTW.

8:22 am April, 26 Claude Douchenburg said...

No contest. Crayon Generated Gary and Simona. A foot up for Gary and a thumbs up for Simona. And by foot up, I mean way up south of Garys taint and by thumbs up I mean both, where ever you want them my sweet Simona.

8:30 am April, 26 bigphatnotadouche said...

Crayon Gary and Simona for the weekly.

Crayon maybe a happy looking harmless douche, but he is still a douche. Simona is Hott in a dirty kind of way.

8:36 am April, 26 Baleen said...

Crayon Gary ftw because wearing baby toys around your neck is fuccen gay. Apparently the hott doesn’t seem to mind which is even more rage inducing. I’d like to put Gary in a ring with an overweight schizo menatlly retarded man boy hopped up on angel dust just to teach him a lesson.

8:44 am April, 26 Bagnonymous said...

Gary’s a harmless crayolabag, and it’s possible that Melanie might have a penis tucked under there. So I’m going with Flex & Jennifer, hoping that a weekly win will bring more pics of the lovely Jennifer.

8:47 am April, 26 massengill said...

Crayon Gary FTW

Simona is actually a Lakota Sioux tattoo artist whose given name is Dances with Twinks.

8:55 am April, 26 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

Sometimes, a mere gesture is enough to signify a massive douchebag. In a week field, without a Freddy/Brenda combo in sight, Flex’s obvious douchery is enough to get this correspondant’s vote. You know he has, without any irony, used the phrase “gun show” to describe his posing.

9:06 am April, 26 doucheous rex said...

Suckerfish deserves a yearly for that face

9:09 am April, 26 Wheezer said...

Crayon Gary’s too happy. Wouldn’t you be if Simona were teething on something of yours? OK, maybe not teething, but…..

Suckface the Twit seems like too much of a joke, too. I think they’re trying too hard, though Melanie and her curves can work it all they want.

I’m going with Flex Luthor and Jennifer FTW. All obvious “she’s my kryptonite” jokes aside, Jennifer has a classic girl-next-door look and I’d love to be stuck undressing in a phone booth with her. Flex is just a platehead musclechoad with a vacant stare for now, but his second appearance foretells his future foray into the 400’s…..and the only way he’ll be pressing that much is by pushing against his recliner.

9:15 am April, 26 dbBen said...

Crayon Gary

He uses “peace” as a way to get the hott. Hippybag I believe is the correct term. But when he got a 77% on his PHILO 130 final (UC Santa Barbara) he said it was “bullshit,” and he broke his roommate Devin’s Playstation 2 in a fit of misguided frustration.

Universalizability? Hardly my douche friend, hardly.

9:19 am April, 26 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

FLEX LUTHOR FOR THE WIN!!!

He’s the only one taking an actual chance with his life (massive steroid abuse) to be a douchebag.

9:38 am April, 26 Tony Ventresca said...

I vote for Flex Luthor, because he looks just like the cartoon douchebag that is at the bottom-right of this comments page. I also vote for Jennifer, because she’s got the look I like but will never have, and because she’s got muscle on those upper arms (no matronly arms on this one!).

9:44 am April, 26 doucheywallnuts said...

Flex Luthor for the win. I never recycle my comments, but I feel I said it best when I commented on Flex’s first appearance last week.

Flex Luthor has got it all, the steroidal glow and the concomitant Neanderthal jawline, kissy lips, douchebag accessories and a bleethy hotty that should be on the arm of any self-respecting douchebag.

9:56 am April, 26 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Melanie and the Suckerfish ftw. He looks like the fluke worm monster from the X Files episode The Host. http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q318/Monster_Master316/Other%20TV%20Monsters/Fluke-Man.jpg

9:58 am April, 26 Bag Margera said...

Crayon Gary. I don’t think grubby e-tards get enough praise on this website. And by praise I mean castration.

10:00 am April, 26 creature said...

in this life, as well as any other incarnations he may been or become, Flex is Phuctd!

ftw

10:28 am April, 26 Scroberto Baggio said...

I vote for Flex Luthor. He is truly “old-school”, which is somewhat ironic considering the fact that he is also illiterate.

10:52 am April, 26 Stackhouse Ghost said...

Flex Looooooooooooooooooooooothur.

10:58 am April, 26 Guy LaDouche said...

I have to go with Flex Luthor and Jennifer for this one…

Gary just looks like he’s having a good ol’ time at some sort of theme party…real or fake body art that could be mistaken for a 3 year old’s coloring book aside, I seriously doubt this is normal for him. Simona is deffinitely suckle worthy, but still falls to #2 in the pecking order of hottest hot of the week..

Suckerfish is just trying to be as rediculous as possible, and Melanie is just too horribly bleethed out for me to really care if she’s with el’doucheface.

Then there’s Flex. And heavenly Jennifer. He makes me ponder whether to commit seppuku or deliver him to the woodchipper ala Fargo. She is a lovely dish of delicate creme brule that I wouldn’t tap with a spoon for fear of destroying the perfection of its creation. I would, however, tap her with another instrument…..

10:58 am April, 26 Pumpy's Ghost said...

Flex Luther pissed on a stream once. His cocck is so wide and swole it became known as the great Colorady River allowing the Hoover Dam to create 150 trillion megawatts and the putridity of Lake Mead.

11:03 am April, 26 Douchey Smurf said...

Crayon Gary is simply an idiot…. and Suckerfish is just pathetic. The true Douche in this pile of baboon feces is Flex. He’s the stick of shit that landed right on top.

11:07 am April, 26 Rasputin's Murderers said...

Flex Luther is such a wide douchebag that the one time he left Newark to go to his cousin Vinny’s wedding to Gina in Niagara Falls N.Y. Disaster ensued. He tried to bang his cousin Jinny but his brother Timmy who is very wide stopped the encounter and when Flex fell down he created the gorge and cheesy waterfalls that resulted.

11:07 am April, 26 Douche Dastardly said...

I’m going with Crayola Gary. There is no other evidence in this photo to get the Halloween pass, so even if the tatt is fake those who imitate the douche shall be mocked just as much if not more, because they should no better.

.

And let’s talk about that tattoo. It looks like something I saw on the wall of the bathroom of a really bad Mexican restaurant where I had the misfortune of ordering the rancheros diablos and in turn made a Jackson Pollack in there toilet.

.

Or Maybe it’s the last thing a douche sees just before he dies.

.

As for Simona hands down the hottest hott of the the three and by hands down I mean

.

FWOP!

11:17 am April, 26 Ohio FJ said...

Crayon Gary FTW

11:18 am April, 26 Mr. Bagoo said...

It’s not fair to make fun of the handicapped Suckerfish, and Melanie used to be “Melvin,” and is still a fry cook at Bennigan’s.

Flex Luthor and Jennifer have been done, repeatedly. Plus, Flex has larger breasts that Jennifer, that makes me look away.

Simona wins the hott challenge by default, though her eyebrows are long and dangerous looking. Crayon Gary wins because he is an asshat.

Crayon Gary and Simona FTW.

11:26 am April, 26 Soy Bomb said...

While Crayola Gary is an annoying E-Bag who is best avoided, I can’t “hatt” on him. He seems to be having a genuine (though chemically altered) good time. Party on Gary.

The suckerfish gets an “incomplete”… there simply isn’t enough evidence to push him over this week’s winner…

Flex Luthor and Jennifer. Jennifer is wholesome whott while Flex is burnt, cut and a solid douchebag. I’ve seen his kind many a time here in South Bay, harassing helpless drunken beach hotties such as Jennifer here while I sulked in the background, shaking my head and milking another Zima. Congrats Flex! Nice hat. You suck.

11:52 am April, 26 DarkSock said...

Flex Luthor and Jennifer win by a WIDE margin.

Sumbitch is so wide he has to sleep in a cul de sac.

He’s so wide his pants have 7 zippers and the cable company makes his belts.

He’s so wide he has 3 assholes.

11:57 am April, 26 Whoop-di-douche said...

FLEX and his HOTTIE have the strength to wipe out the rest of the competition this week.

And by strength I mean exhibitionistic testosterone poo-poo making whoopie with estrogenic woo-woo.

11:58 am April, 26 DarkSock said...

Somewhat off-topic, but last month’s winner Jed’s dick just fell off. Fathers everywhere rejoice and Darwin just did a back-flip in his tomb.

.

Phlegm at 11….

12:02 pm April, 26 Düsseldouche said...

oh, i vote for jennifer

she is very attraktiv

12:08 pm April, 26 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Simona FTW and by win I mean Crayon Gary FTL. Jennifer seems to have been following Flex into the weight room, and probably spots for him.

And Melanie? ordinarily, I adore gingers…but there’s something rather bleethy about her that I can’t quite put my finger on. Oh, wait, maybe it’s just proximity to Blowfish. Who is a loser, but not at the same level of loser as CG.

12:08 pm April, 26 Architeuthis Dux said...

Flex, on the strength of the steroids and Jennifer’s appearance of mild embarrassment of actually pointing at his chemically enhanced biceps. Also, how come all these guys are jacked from the scrotum up, but they’ve got little skinny chicken legs? The squats and power cleans to good for you jackasses?

12:11 pm April, 26 Friedouche Nietszche said...

Christ this could be a close one, im really torn, but i think it’s got to be flex FTW, lips and cancerous bicep probably swung it in the end.

12:15 pm April, 26 Chad Kroeger said...

Flex Luthor is so wide he never has to travel. He turns around.

12:31 pm April, 26 Albert Einstein Kroeger said...

Flex Luther is so wide that his anus is a Schwartzchild radius. No one will escape the event horizon and this is the reason for his hugeness. He is a black asshole. FTW.

1:29 pm April, 26 Crucial Head said...

Flex Luthor and Jennifer FTW.

.

.

He’s so wide he works part time as a concrete tilt-panel for an office building in Calabasas. In the evening he’s employed as a roof truss at the new Cowboy’s Stadium. He has to roll on the ground to get his clothes on. When he pumps weights on the bench press, he has to weld sixteen bars together and lay down on the tarmac of an aircraft carrier.

.

.

Flex Luthor does not swim – he rafts.

.

.

His favorite band is Widespread Panic.

1:36 pm April, 26 Sigmund Von Freud Kroeger said...

Flex Luthor had such an oedipal complex that he eats all dead fathers.

1:42 pm April, 26 Dark Sock's Sister said...

I want my Flex Luthor back, His cock is so wide it has an 8- lane interstate named after it. It is called the Chad-89 and does not run through any tunnels but mine.

1:42 pm April, 26 Ted said...

Gotta be Flex Luthor FTW…. All three are offensive (though Suckerfish merely descends into “Village People” nimroddery), but after a week (or three) of pure freak shows, we need a return to normalcy, the kind best represented by a steroid takin’, Ed Hardy-wearin, fist-pumpin’ Goombah such as Flex.

1:44 pm April, 26 Ted said...

Wait, did I say Suckerfish was from the Village People? I meant Crayon Gary. You knew that.

2:03 pm April, 26 Guy LaDouche said...

@Ted 1:44

Crayon Gary might be part of the Village People, but Suckerfish is THE village idiot…

Flex gets used as a blue whale’s tampon he’s so wide….

2:08 pm April, 26 Albert Eindouche said...

It has to be Flex Luthor and the lovely Jennifer FTW. “Why?” you ask. I think the more appropriate question is “Why not?”. As the world turns and we find more and more disturbing examples of scrote there will always be a place for that base, nay, let’s say elemental douche that is the Jersey Guido. He is the harbinger of all that is black and sad. And by harbinger I mean “You STD riddled, roided out, sloped forehead having douchebag!”…There, I now feel better…

2:21 pm April, 26 Chaz said...

Gary! Gary! Gary!!!

2:21 pm April, 26 Troy Tempest said...

Flex and Jenny FTW – Why? Because two wrongs don’t make a right but poo is poo and it’s all true.

.

I have no idea what that means.

2:26 pm April, 26 ruckus said...

Flex Luthor by a mile.

2:31 pm April, 26 Hong Kong Douchey said...

Flex and Jennifer FTW. You could break up concrete with that beak on Flex and his cranium wouldn’t notice the difference. There is hope for Jennifer. If she is saved now she could be the hot mom in the suburbs who loves her kids and slightly nerdy husband completely since she knows what types of ‘bags are out there.

2:50 pm April, 26 scrotum pole said...

Flex appears to have blown out blood vessels while flexing for his pic.

I give him credit for the effort.

I give Jennifer credit for her lovely smile and her fine, understated boobies.

3:11 pm April, 26 Douches Wild said...

Appreciating that dynamic douchehood is always mutating, always morphing in response to the flatulence of the zeitgeist, I must endorse the OG form from this crew, FLEX, a skidmark in the pants of society and Jennifer, who radiates nuanced degeneracy and a connoisseurs swivel hips. I advise the other contestants to continue an ernest quest for a quality stupor.

3:59 pm April, 26 G said...

First off, I can’t believe that Creepy Wankscrote was even worth a mention in this week’s award. He has to be included for the annual.

As for this week, have to go with Suckerfish – goes with the thought of sucker punching his lips back into the collar of his douchbag shirt. Anyone that needs his hott to hold his dick with tweezers, needs the votes.

4:14 pm April, 26 Ed Hardouche said...

Ok, despite the fact that Gary looks like someone barfed on his chest after a Skittles eating contest, we would all be this happy if we were hopped up on as many goofballs as him. Yes, his hair was washed with Selsun Douche, but he is not the Douche of the week. Sucker just looks like he is imitating the butthole he won’t get to pee in later that night, but I must say, Melanie is a very tall woman I would use like a jungle gym. I have to vote for Flex and Jen. Flex is flexing, and that is one of the biggest triggers that sets off the Douchecon 4 Alarm.There is simply no need to for him to come up with the great idea of having his hott flex so he can do it to, all conveniently while there is a camera around. I used to fuck guys like this when I was in prison!

4:41 pm April, 26 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Crayon Gary best represents existentialism in Aristotelian causality of the three nominees this week. The yellow mandanda is his telos, yet it also creates meaning for the wearer. He exemplifies the great words of Ortega y Gasset: “Yo soy yo y mi mandana amarillo,” whilst still maintaining a paradoxical cuasal relation (which came first, the yellow mandana or the douchebag?). This series of propositions is what Aristotle referred to as infinite douchegress.

.

Simona is buxom and pulchritudinous. I would volunteer to spend the rest of my life as the protagonist in a Franz Kafka novella for the chance to subsist on the fecal droppings of sewer rat from the Bedford-Stuyvesant flat Simona’s pedicurist lives in.

5:18 pm April, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

From a technical standpoint, CG has a nice tattoo. Stupid, but it’s well-executed. That being said, Gorgon Country is 100% behind Flex Luthor. From the neck up, he looks like Sylvester Stallone in full drag makeup. From the neck down he looks like a shaved bison. I pray a steroid-induced aneurysm keeps him from impregnating the lovely Jennifer, whose warm smile and firm, shapely biceps have be-slickied my undies.

5:23 pm April, 26 mr.reeve said...

My vote is for Crayon Gary and Simona.

#1 Simona is hot but she needs to be careful when she attends concerts in the California desert. Predator-Bag has been known to be looking for young hot latina girls…..aren’t we all though?

#2 Wanna-B-Bag is totally irritating. This dick wants to be a douche but won’t commit. Do it or not Crayon Gary! No one likes a half ass effort for Christ sakes!

5:37 pm April, 26 Chad Kroeger said...

I will wake with a WIDE smile in the morrow waiting to read of the win (lose) by FLEX. Then I will get swole and start crushing. And I will pray to sweet Satan that he does have an aneurysm as suggested above.

5:48 pm April, 26 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

I’m casting my vote for Flex & Jennifer despite the fact that Simona gets the nod for Hottest Hott. Flex has that uberchoad air of superiority and disdain for the hott, the smug & proud pursed lips of a truly choice ‘Bag. Flex Luthor & Jennifer FTW.

5:56 pm April, 26 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

I bet Flex is nowhere near as wide as he is thick, if you catch my drift. But he is so wide that it took Samurai Scrote nearly 11 nanoseconds to get busy with all three of his assholes and leave two burning yaks & a french horn in Jennifer’s bedroom.

6:20 pm April, 26 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Having just gotten back from a week of drinking and gambling and whoring in Vegas, (where the ‘bag virus has gotten so strong that now almost every hotel has its own in-house 24-hour tattoo shop), I’m going to vote for the old-school pud-wankery of Flex.

Also, Jennifer makes my pants happy.

6:54 pm April, 26 FattMike said...

Man, C.G. just looks too damn happy to be HCWDB. Self-medicated or no, that guy is loving life! Flex and Jennifer, +1 vote.

8:49 pm April, 26 Dicy said...

Suckerfish is too tragic to not go with FTW. Melanie isn’t so hott as she is bleeth but sometimes I like that in my HCwDB. Even if it’s not as technical with the definition as say Flex, but how many Flexes have we seen? I prefer the tragedy that Sucker brings any day.

12:29 am April, 27 Steve L. said...

you need 10 chainsaws just to completely slice off Crayon Gary’s tatts. count them. TEN chainsaws.

Crayon Gary FTW.

(do i have a streak of voting for outrageous tatt bags recently or what?)

1:57 am April, 27 douchesquire said...

it’s

2:00 am April, 27 douchesquire said...

its gotta be flex and jenni…

5:03 am April, 27 Istandouche said...

Crayon Gary seems too jolly to be dressed up like a clown in that party, plus I think his tattoos are fake, so I’ll give him a pass. With a constipated face, Flex Luthor is trying too hard to impress even a regular looking chick like Jennifer, so he gets my vote.

6:18 am April, 27 melvil duchi said...

Crayon Gary

I have nothing to add to the conversation

7:15 am April, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Suckerfish for the Weekly because douche doesn’t just come in “Meat Bi Products” and “Jalapeno Pooper” flavors, it’s also available in “Foreheadgemony”, “Slouch”, and “Colostomy Blowout”. Moderatly hott Orange Shamewow optional.

7:16 am April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

Crayon Gary is having way too good of a time and he almost qualifies for a nottadouche but the plastic candy necklace clinches it. Suckerfish, while posing with this week’s hottest hott, is hardly more than a stage 1 douche who is just mimicking the “cool dudes” he saw on Jersey Shore. Which by process of (bowel) elimination has Flex Luthor and Jennifer taking the weekly. His signifiers are minimal, the faintest tinge of orange, silly screenprinted shirt, but the “How Much Ya Bench?” douche aura is strong in this one. Can’t you just imagine this guy pointing at himself in the mirror, mid-coitus, like Patrick Bateman in American Psycho?

7:22 am April, 27 Douchelips said...

Flex Luthor and Jennifer FTW!

7:41 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Suckerfish FTW! Why? If I was ever mean enough to put an Ed Hardy/Affliction shirt on one of my ferrets, spike up some of its hair around its asshole and then watch it take a shit, I’d have an exact replica of Suckerface.

10:19 am April, 27 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The “hotts” in this weeks milieu are kind of skeezy, so I’ll go for Crayon Gary and Simona. She might be cuter with her hair down, but that tatt on Gary is pure Romper Room. That’s right: I made a 1960’s TV reference, because it’s hot in Iraq tonight and that tatt is giving me vertigo.

1:25 pm April, 27 Bob Mcadouche said...

Flex Luthor for the win.

4:48 pm April, 27 Don said...

Suckerfish for the Weekly because douche doesn’t just come in “Meat Bi Products” and “Jalapeno Pooper” flavors, it’s also available in “Foreheadgemony”, “Slouch”, and “Colostomy Blowout”. Moderatly hott Orange Shamewow optional.

6:59 pm April, 27 the motley douche said...

Gotta go with FL & J this week. The kissy lips are bad enough, but add to that the unnecessary bicep flex and that seals the deal. Look, Flex…you’re obviously in shape. Good for you and your steroid dealer. The only thing you prove by showing us is that you are complete and total douche. You deserve to be mocked to the fullest extent of our collective abilities. Once Jen wakes up from her rohypnol-induced stupor and realizes she’ll never be able to wash the spray tan stain off her hand, she’ll need a shoulder to cry on. And I will offer mine, whilst daydreaming of days past when the world was much less infected with the global scrote virus.

8:21 pm April, 27 Dex said...

I’m casting my vote for Gary and Simona.

How can you possibly sport a chest tat featuring humming birds and a purple sunrise, wear a binkie on a candy-kid necklace, and still manage to be that happy in public?

Because holy crap, Simona made frijoles. I would die six hundred and sixty six times for her frijoles.

Leave a Reply

What is 9 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)