Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Jed the Creepy Wankscrote and Penny Thank You for your Vote

To celebrate their win in the HCwDB of the Week, Jed the Creepy Wankscrote and Penny went for a swim.

Emerging from the water, they’re confirmed that the water is relatively warm today, that the current is light, and that there is no God. I will now go light a hamster on fire.

# posted by douchebag1
10:34 am April, 14 El Caganer said...

I pooped on their towels.

10:36 am April, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

DB1 why do you hate us so much as to put up this revolting spectacle again? Is it something we did? Is it something we didn’t do? Please just tell us. We’ll make it right again. Just please, please, please spare this atrocity again.

10:36 am April, 14 JedFTW said...

THERE ARE MORE of these pictures?!?!?!?! This one is worse than the first! Make it stop! Gonna wash my eyes out with bleach.

10:38 am April, 14 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

He appears to be bottomless.

Thanks. I wasn’t planning on eating for the next few weeks.

10:38 am April, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

See, you made me forget to put spare US this atrocity again. Is that why? I starting to get macular degeneration from this pic. Tunnel growing darker……

10:39 am April, 14 Ed Hardouche said...

I just gave myself a tequila eyewash, then I used wankscrotes arms as toothpicks to free 3 of Penny’s pubic hairs from my teeth. She was upset because they were the first 3 she had ever grown.

10:44 am April, 14 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

This pic scares me more than the first one. And that’s saying something. Spiegel better be careful, a weakly thrown errant frisbee could cost him his life.

10:54 am April, 14 Deltus said...

Oh good lord, he’s either flashing a GSR or his lack of discernible hips means his swim shorts/trunks fall down when wet.

This one definitely needs nuking.

10:54 am April, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Release the Kraken!

11:00 am April, 14 boatbutter said...

This is the most despicable pic I recall seeing on here. No shit, I can’t fuckin’ look at it anymore.

11:02 am April, 14 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Jed is so creepy, the undead fear him.

11:03 am April, 14 massengill said...

That dude is a Somali pirate

11:07 am April, 14 Baron Von Goolo said...

And then, they burst into flames.

11:10 am April, 14 Baron Von Goolo said...

Hmmm… I guess it was about 20 years ago that I was whacked out of my mind on ether and Peeps at that hostel in Costa Rica… could I have…? could he be…? …Naaaaaaaah!

11:10 am April, 14 Wheezer said...

Did a dip in the salt water wash off part of his arms?

.

.

Damn Jed, GET SOME hand weights and curl those bad boys on the reg. Penny could easily bench press him.

11:11 am April, 14 Baleen said...

To avoid some of the HORROR, try to focus on the cottage cheese and g-string action on the right near the water.

.

Ah shit!, it’s not working!

11:23 am April, 14 ashfish said...

At first I didn’t think this was so horrible, then I fucking scrolled down and saw the full body picture and I wanted to die. When I have nightmares of death chasing me, it has this guys face. Better tattoos though. Is the girl with him even legal? Don’t answer that, I don’t want to be liable.

I wonder how fast I could get a tribe of children to bury him in the sand with $50 and a box of popsicles. And I don’t mean the “haha you’re covered in sand!” kind of bury I mean the six feet under kind.

11:24 am April, 14 The Everpresent Anonymous said...

It’s just too bad that a stray shark wasn’t patrolling the waters when he and Penny went for their swim. I’d gladly sacrifice her in the name of getting this nightmare off the planet.

11:28 am April, 14 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

Somewhere, God weeps for giving people free will.

11:38 am April, 14 scrotum pole said...

A massive fish kill occurred shortly after this pic was taken.

That little fucker weighs about 85 pounds now that his undies are wet

Penny is obviously not too bright, and by no means a beauty, ( sure I’d bang her after she turns fifteen,) but why is she standing likea meerkat?

11:41 am April, 14 jshackel said...

something tells me that physical labor and athleticism isn’t exactly this guy’s forte’

12:14 pm April, 14 TheOneSalmon said...

It looks as if he had an Ed Hardy shirt made as a tattoo on his entire upper torso.

12:23 pm April, 14 Bagnonymous said...

Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! Aaaaahhhhhh!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

.

* runs away from computer sreaming like a toddler *

1:03 pm April, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

After adding Jed to the ensemble cast of ABC’sLOST the show was quickly accused of jumping the shart, and never made it into the Top 10 again.

.

Although Jed would continue to get unsolicited calls from the writers of Two and a Half Men.

1:31 pm April, 14 Ponderonymous said...

I knew that I had seen this thing before.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%96tzi_the_Iceman

-Ponderonymous

2:12 pm April, 14 dbBen said...

In honor of this win, I will be giving Jed a ham sandwich, and a pair of Levi’s brand jeans. Please report to the Hostess stand to collect your prizes.

2:13 pm April, 14 Claude Douchenburg said...

Too bad the Portuguese Man of War wern’t near. They could have saved Penny and us with a good stinging.

3:20 pm April, 14 Chad Kroeger said...

WHyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! One was enough.

Are you trying to raise money for Spina Bifida, Fetal Asian Alcohol Syndrome,Tattoos Anonymous and Bring Our Teenage Runaways home from Thailand all at once.

As a concerned pervert, parent, and hatter I will donate 1 Thai dollar to your cause.

3:41 pm April, 14 Scooby Douche said...

There goes my theory that the first picture was on a dare.

3:52 pm April, 14 Whoop-di-douche said...

Remove this pic. He reminds me too much of WWII prison camp photos which someone douched-up. Seriously.

4:17 pm April, 14 Anonymous said...

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!!

4:33 pm April, 14 Horace Dangleballs said...

Thank the Lord I’m full of gin so my eyes did not combust when I saw this new and even more hideous visual Hell of Sleestak Jed and Pasty Penny.

DB1, you owe us an off-Friday ass pear for that you twisted, evil bastard!

5:08 pm April, 14 JoeDO said...

PUT THE HAT BACK ON! …NOW!!!!!

6:21 pm April, 14 Douchble Helix said...

Why you being such a ‘baghunter hatter, DB1?

6:34 pm April, 14 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

I guess you can see the tatts on a stick figure after all. This photo causes physical & emotional discomfort. I squint so hard in a futile attempt to un-see this atrocity that my head may implode.

7:04 pm April, 14 Steve said...

Ugh. And just when I was thinking “Hey, at least she’s leaning away from him.”

9:48 pm April, 14 G said...

I am surprised that the camera lasted after the first picture – and after having to look at “it” again, I think Jed is the Sleestak of the future…

10:59 pm April, 14 Steve L. said...

how many species of marine life become extinct every time these two take a swim?

11:20 pm April, 14 Scroteophobic said...

@Steve L

42.

On the plus side (in evolutionary terms) most of these are bacterial life forms and he does replace them by spontaneously mutating their horrified corpses into freakish new bugs with his douchal aura. You wondered where new variants of staphylococcus came from? Look no further…

1:11 am April, 15 Chad Kroeger said...

Fucking insomnia. I have to see this savage manorexic again. What happened to men. I just shot a moose out of season, cut it up after pulling it out of a ditch with a truck. Banged Mrs. Kroeger while she was asleep and drank a bottle of scotch. Now I have to cook for the young ones who will see this picture today to know that I will terrify any guy that comes near me. Particularly the savage anorexic paedophiles like this dude? May he never be seen again.

3:48 am April, 15 DarkSock said...

Wait, I’m confused…this is a photo of the hamster DB1 set afire, right?

10:47 am April, 15 Genital Electric said...

The camera adds 10 pounds doesn’t it? That means he’s got a BMI of -5, right?

yeesh

8:48 pm April, 17 yellow said...

did a slobbering cow lick his hair?

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